Inside 'The 13' - The Most Luxurious Hotel Ever Built

Tyler Durden's picture

Dubai and Macau are currently locked in a war of outrageously opulent hotels, and Macau recently tossed a Fabergé grenade in the form of The 13, a luxury hotel featuring 200 rooms, each of which over $7 million is being spent on. As The Independent reports, ‘Room’ doesn’t really do it justice and ‘suite’ isn’t customary in Macau parlance, each room is a ‘villa’, apparently, and the largest - Villa de Stephen (named after the man behind the hotel, Stephen Hung) - is 30,000 square foot. To give you a sense of scale in similarly absurd terms, that’s the same size as Mark Wahlberg’s entire Beverly Hills mansion.

The “entry-level” villa, if you can call it that, will be the Villa du Comte, which comes with the following:

- 24-hour butler service

 

- Your own private elevator that opens directly into the suite

 

- A roman bath that fits 6 to 8, situated betwixt neo-classical columns under a vaulted baroque ceiling and crystal chandelier and which can be covered over with a retractable marble floor

 

- Rain shower and electric bidet toilet (also situated in the stained-glass bathroom)

 

- King-size, velvet-canopied bed with gilded headboard

 

- ‘Diamond Series Furniture' (I don’t even know what that means)

 

- Arrivals and departures in a bespoke Rolls-Royce Phantom

The hotel, described as a 'gateway to the refined and remarkable' is expected to be opening its presumably solid gold doors summer 2017, with room prices yet to be announced.

“This was a labour of love,” Mr. Hung commented. “The team and I put every ounce of creativity and passion we had into this project to ensure every detail was perfect. Our guests, I believe, will find the result truly remarkable and beyond anything they have previously experienced.”

*  *  *

So to compete with a nation that is suffering from the economic woes of a prolonged low oil price environment, someone in another nation whose economy is creaking to a halt from a credit-fueled orgy of malinvestment, had the bright idea to build the world's most expensive, crazy, hotel ever... well, at least that wealth will trickle down, right?

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RogerMud's picture

gee, is the wifi free?

Tallest Skil's picture

Wi-Fi is $20 a night and is slower than dial-up, which is $19.99.

ufos8mycow's picture

I've stolen TVs out of better motels than this.

back to basics's picture

Come on Tylers, ffs this is a new low for ZH. This is British tabloid reporting at its worse, not something which is be found on a financial website that prides itself of standing out from main stream media fluff reporting. 

Slow day of news in the world of finance? Then post fewer articles and accept fewer clicks. Or doesn't this fit into the new business model? 

Automatic Choke's picture

wifi is free, and there is a downloadable app for wifi bidet control.

Haus-Targaryen's picture

Looking forward to Hillary renting out the entire place to cram in her entourage. 

SimplePrinciple's picture

That would be via the Clinton Foundation, of course.  When charity is calling, nothing can be too lavish.

HowdyDoody's picture

That's a spectacular collection of the most garishly ugly stuff man can make.

 

Nexus789's picture

You're right. The deluded  muppets that put it together think classy.

Took Red Pill's picture

I wonder if you can book it on Priceline.com?

TahoeBilly2012's picture

File under "things I can live without"

Allen_H's picture

Scouting the next heist, lots of valuables there.

It looks fucking fag anyway. And the masonic tiling is a give away to its patrons.

sunshineguerilla's picture

didnt which colour to pick so decided to go with all of them

BTFDemocracy's picture

For me, this is a report that society as a whole has lost it's way and we are on the edge of collapse.

Usually, these crazies are built right before everything falls apart.

HenryKissingerChurchill's picture

let them eat cake moments, more and more

skyscrapper index

ExplodingEntropy's picture

TYLER ISNT REAL! HE HAS BEEN A FIGMENT OF IMAGINATION THIS WHOLE TIME.

So dont go beating your self up

TrajanOptimus's picture

Quit whining. Nothing worse than a whiney bitch first thing in the AM.

Blackfox's picture

It had the numbers 13 and 7 in I guess :p

Badsamm's picture

What do the hookers look like

HedgeJunkie's picture

Dunno, they're all wrapped in Burkas.  It's kind of like the 'fishing game' we played as kids...throw a 'hook' over a blanket and pull back a prize...or a pig in a poke.

Al Gophilia's picture

If they're anything like the decore, then they would be some ugly gargoyles. That's a room I couldn't sleep in. Wouldn't want to wake up in the middle of a bad trip!

HedgeJunkie's picture

So, in a muslim country, free booze on the table is ok or a trap?

Akmed, I'm out of whiskey and beer.  Please run down to the nearest liquor store to resupply me.

 

AND AUTOPLAY IS A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS!

3rdWorldTrillionaire's picture

Macau is Muslim? Damn, where have I been.... /s

Oldwood's picture

Garish and obscene comes to mind.

Lurk Skywatcher's picture

We can only hope the plumbing is leaded and the syphilis flows as freely as the child prostitutes.

whatswhat1@yahoo.com's picture

I can be such an uppity slave sometimes.

HowdyDoody's picture

On the plus side, you do get to spit in their soup.

 

NoPension's picture

Looks like the set of a horror movie. WTF?

Captain Chlamydia's picture

Just before Rome's fall, extravagant luxeries were commonplace. Ergo, down with the spiral....

Oldwood's picture

People who actually work to acquire wealth would NEVER spend it so obscenely. That requires the thieves and lottery winners who enjoy wallowing in their spoils.

dubaibubble's picture

sure they would, the Chinese are the most obscene spenders of all 

 

nothing can to be too tacky

Christophe2's picture

The cunning Chinese system also only allows 'success' through abuse and fraud, so the wealthy Chinese are all parasites TOO, didntcha know?

Hence, the loot they steal ALSO isn't used for anything good, but instead gets wasted on garbage like this hotel.  Just like they do in London and New York.

are we there yet's picture

You can't buy class. It would be entertaining to see what sort of clients stay there.

Dr. Bonzo's picture

You can't buy class. It would be entertaining to see what sort of clients stay there.

Developed for newly rich Chinese peasants by other newly rich Chinese peasants. You have to remember what nouveau riche in Asia do with their wealth. Basically, most of them invest heavily in gouging everyone's eyes out with nauseating displays of egregious excess. That's what dirt poor peasants do when they strike it rich. Their frail bruised egos yearn to shake off generations of perceived humilation by flaunting their newfound fortunes. Their way of proving their genetic superiority. Those rooms weren't designed to be lived in. They were designed to be selfied.

ExplodingEntropy's picture

I have enjoyed your comments more than the story twice.

Dr. Bonzo's picture

Best thing going in Macau are still the Portuguese restaurants hidden away from the masses of mainland peasants. Venetian in Taipa is worth the trip just to ogle the gynormous casino floor. Something like 24 football fields of mainland peasants elbow to elbow playing baccarat. The commies only allow Macau to exist because it's probably the single biggest laundromat of commie cadre cash.

The principle reason I like Macau it serves as a perfect juxtaposition to Hong Kong. Macau is the perfect example that culture matters. Basically the Portuguese sat on one side of the Pearl River Delta, the Brits on the other. The Portuguese had the cultural advantage of having colonized Macau earlier. Didn't matter. The Portuguese didn't really do shit with Macau while Hong Kong became one of the largest financial centers in the world within 100 years. When I found Macau way way back in the 1990s it was a complete and total mosquito infested shit stain. There were a handful of Hong Kong-owned casinos and those were full of triad-types. I remember one casino I walked into I was the only white guy in the building. Taipa as such wasn't even developed. It was rice fields. There wasn't shit to do in Macau, I think I left after 2 hours. Macau's next iteration was of course when ole Adelson convinced the commies to be their go-to laundromat for ill gotten cash and the Americans entered. The rest is history. Macau owes its existence to the commies, who chased a few hundred thousand peasants into the place, Hong Kong tycoons who were trying to skirt Hong Kong gambling restrictions, and the Americans. The Portuguese sat on the place for nearly 400 years and the only thing they did was open up a few good restaurants. SMH....... Culture matters. Culture is the difference between satellite technology, Ford F trucks, the Colt M1911 and living in a fucking yurt or a clay brick shack in the year 2016. Culture fucking matters.

walküre's picture

Great piece! Europe is being invaded by savage druged out hordes who never escaped yurtdom. They will trash the place accordingly.

vologogo's picture

Mr. Bozo, the Portuguese empire was lost and withered long before you took your first stroll through Macau, in no small part because of their longstanding alliance with Great Britain. The culture between the British and Portuguese elite is not as different as you'd think; although the British did ultimately achieve "more" in their employment of colonies toward their monetary objectives, you must admit that the Portuguese were far more efficient in the outright robbing and dumping of theirs. To either party, neither method is superior. Just two different perspectives on life. Imagine a billionaire calling the millionaire lazy. Whatever wealth flowed down to the Hong Kongese or Macanese peoples was purely incidental.

Don't forget that it was the Portuguese explorers who sparked the Age of Discovery, by venturing into the outer reaches of the world as Europeans knew it at the time, developing the necessary technologies and relationships for what became the the first and last true worldwide empire. It's the reason "Europeans" are on top today(whether they find themseleves in the Old World or New World).

Dr. Bonzo's picture

The culture between the British and Portuguese elite is not as different as you'd think...

Lol. That's certainly up for debate.....

To either party, neither method is superior. Just two different perspectives on life.

Sniff sniff. I smell a bout of cultural relativism coming on. What I wrote is... culture matters. THAT is not only not the same as suggesting cultures are just different, it's suggesting cultural differences have a quantitative and qualitative effect. Those differences matter.

The culture between the British and Portuguese elite is not as different as you'd think

You have it exactly backwards. The cultural differences were sufficient for the British to create a cultural legacy that has impacted the modern era, while the Portuguese, *cough* Age of Discovery ends in a Macau back alley in Taipa with really really good grilled chicken. I love grilled chicken, but I gotta admit, I love common law more.

 

 

vologogo's picture

I understand what you're saying, and agree in part, although for the point you're trying to make, the comparison is simplistic and almost useless. The value the Portuguese placed on Macau is different than that placed on Hong Kong by the British. The initial state, the objectives, and the situations faced across the two empires were different. It might make more sense to compare the before and after of British rule in their Caribbean colonies, or the before and after of Portuguese rule in their African or Indian colonies.  

What I'm saying, Dr. Bozo, is that you're obviously not a student of colonial era history or have any Mediterranean blood. I'm sure both cultures could learn something from the other, although I agree that as a commoner, I prefer the British institutions over the Portuguese. If ever I win the lottery however...

Dr. Bonzo's picture

I understand what you're saying, and agree in part, although for the point you're trying to make, the comparison is simplistic and almost useless.

Lol. Actually, I don't really think you get what I'm trying to say. At all. The comparison is complex and highly relevant. I like how your conclusions run exactly contrary where they should. Which suggests you really don't get it. Take gun powder. Invented by the Chinese. The elaborate utilitarian purposes of gun powder were not explored in China. To their detriment. Culture is so complex and interlayered the implications of cultural nuance aren't even appreciated by most people. You're a perfect example.

What I'm saying, Dr. Bozo, is that you're obviously not a student of colonial era history or have any Mediterranean blood.

Hahaha... not only am I an astute student of history, I apparently know what to do with my study of history. As to the Mediterranean blood, what does that have to do with the price of tea in China? Feeling pride for your tribe is cheap. Must be one of the cheapest emotions out there. Maybe a more rational and bit more dispassionate self-evaluation would have yielded different results for the great era of Portuguese exploration. It didn't appear to ever dawn on the Portuguese that, while they were able to land right on the target, after all, the mouth of the Pearl River Delta controlled the greatest commercial waters for 2000 years, but the Portuguese did.... nothing. See? Culture matters. Portugal, wonderful language, splendid culture, great explorers and fantastic grilled chicken. And it's not enough.

 

vologogo's picture

Lol. Well Mr. Bozo, what can I say... you've won. Your astute disection of culture's impact on colonial vestiges is astounding, and your conclusions always hit the target "where they should". I am a simple village doofus, can I go home now?

 

If only you were there to impart your knowledge to the Portuguese of the time... You could have been crowned and revered as King Bozo.

Dr. Bonzo's picture

If only you were there to impart your knowledge to the Portuguese of the time...

I'm available to impart my opinions to the Portuguese of the present. They seem to need it more than their dead ancestors. Plus, any good excuse for Portuguese grilled chicken with some ice cold sangria. Fuck it, I'm getting on the Macau ferry right now. I'll see ya @ A Petisqueira in Taipa village.

 

 

KennyW's picture

Interior design is in bad taste.

Infield_Fly's picture
Infield_Fly (not verified) Sep 14, 2016 3:15 AM

Who gives a shit???

Xscream's picture

checked......not listed on kayak yet  s/

Wile-E-Coyote's picture

Who did the interior design, Barbara Cartland?

Do they give out dark sunglasses at reception and antiepileptic drugs; FFS. 

The decor is so fucking busy the room appears to be moving.

Chris Dakota's picture
Chris Dakota (not verified) Sep 14, 2016 4:04 AM

It's revolting.

The rich are the worst people on earth.

Here in this life everything is inverted, the more you live with eyes wide open the more you witness that.

Arrest Hillary's picture

If the rich didn't build new houses .... there would be no affordable housing for the poooor ?