Meanwhile, From Canada...

Tyler Durden's picture

Submitted by Jim Quinn via The Burning Platform blog,

h/t Robmu1

The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.

Canadian border residents say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists, and “green” energy proponents crossing their fields at night.

“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. “He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.

“A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Alberta border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips. When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers.

Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s.

“If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD’s, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their cell phones.

“I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?"

*  *  *

Fact or Fiction?

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HRH of Aquitaine's picture
HRH of Aquitaine (not verified) Nov 9, 2016 9:00 PM

Bottom feeders that think they are smart and want you to feed them? Take 'em Canada! Take 'em all!

Liberal's picture

As a staunch liberal, I will be moving to Mexico located in California, safely tucked away from Trump's fascist America!

Down with tyranny! I will not return until we elect a Mexican as our POTUS!

macholatte's picture

 

This is the first thing Quinn has written in two years that was worth the read.
The “Trump Effect” is already working.
Stay the course Jim. You have potential.

 

 

BobSmithers's picture

predictable, rhetorical extremist liberal

NoDebt's picture

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn"

That's freaking funny.  I hope everyone knows Jim is joking around here.  I would hate to think some poor lib was "triggered" by this micro-aggressive work of satire (no I wouldn't).

bigkahuna's picture

Perhaps Canada can make these parasites productive?

Relentless's picture

As an Albertan friend of mine posted yesterday.

"Too all those American liberals that want to move to Canada, here's a free dildo, go f**k yourselves and move soemwhere that wants you, like Europe!"

bigkahuna's picture

darn!!

well their move will require a bit more logistics then...

MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

 "he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

You forgot the payoff line! One-two punch!

wildbad's picture

is funny as all get out from the first sentence on.

if you need a /sarc switch for that you were (and are) too involved in the election.

its time for everyone to step back now and see what we done did.

my checklist looks like this:
pardon snowden, assange, manning et al
rollback obamascare
close the border to ILLEGAL stormers
stop illegal (all) wars
end the obsolete and hegemonic NATO
rollback all obama exec decisions
stop TTP and TTIP dead in their tracks
renegotiate NAFTA
institute constitutional carry everywhere (state level)
clinton foundation investigation
hillary and billary investigation
end the fed
ban GMOs
remove mandatory vaccination legislation
eliminate flouridation
glass steagal reinstatement
try bankers in courts of their peers
make collusion between government officials and private bankers illegal
remove the lobbyist revolving door in DC
full ban on government employee lobbying
end common core
defund abortion
defund DOE
...go make coffee

Chauncey Gardener's picture

It's a start. What happens on the second day in office?

wildbad's picture

howdy chauncey..love the name BTW..

If I knew I would be Alex Jones ;-)

The evildoers will not give up. I'm listening to the over-the -top propaganda on the state sponsored radio this morning in Germany. The enemy is ramping it up.

Prediction: This election was NOTHING to the chaos and strife that is coming. The weasels are cornered.

Maybe that will happen on day two.

I pray they don't kill Trump.

Kidbuck's picture

Turn the Muslims in Detroit loose on Hillary's clit. Make it a pay for view event.

IndyPat's picture

2nd that. Quinn got some chops

benb's picture

I've read the classics and I know high end literature when I see it... and this is just that.

My heart goes out to Barry Diller, Cher, and all the struggling egalitarian 'free market' billionaires from Silicon Valley. Not to even mention all the super sophisticated 'performers' in the entertainment industry that crow truth through their brainwashing.

I voted for Hillary. So, Madonna, make good on your offer. Can I please have my free blowjob now.

CaptainObvious's picture

Why do you hold such a grudge against your own dick, man?!

benb's picture

Just giving the sellout slut the opportunity to honor her commitment. I felt it was a selfless offer on my end. But yes, I'd have her mouth irradiated beforehand.

Trogdor's picture

Agreed!  Quinn does humor ... whodathunkit!?

DownWithYogaPants's picture

Was funnay.  Very funnay!  Kale chips and Perrier.  

Bet all the guys had hipster beards and thin builds.

BobSmithers's picture

Nooooooooooooooooooooo.

We don't want the lefty wingbats here, Besides, its cold, REALLY cold, and wet, REALLY wet, RAINS a lot, a LOT. Its terrible here.

Venezuela is SO much warmer, Please go there, besides, politically, its much closer to the lefty moonbats and their extreme beliefs

U4 eee aaa's picture

What the heck did we ever do to you?

FrankDrakman's picture

Saying it twice doesn't make it true. 

sleepingbeauty's picture

Ummm, no thank you. We would rather have Syrians. But thanks though. We really appreciate the offer.

Draybin Deffercon III's picture
Draybin Deffercon III (not verified) Nov 9, 2016 9:00 PM

We dont want them here in Canaduh either!

Donald J. Trump's picture

You guys elected little potato.  That's like an open invitation to these fucknuts.

HappyDeathMetal's picture

I didn't vote for him either I voted for a beaver.

stant's picture

Canada built a wall and liberals are paying for it?

Global Hunter's picture

I live in Canada, my wife told me that some women in our small town were worried that we're going to war because Trump is president (she asked me if they've seen the last 15 years) and today and my daughter's dance class another father told me "those Trump supporters are dangerous" I told him I watched a lot of videos of rallies and they seemed peaceful and positive to which he replied "yea but some of them were chanting hang obama".

So no I don't need any more libtards in my small town we're doing fine thanks.

RaceToTheBottom's picture

With all US President's, your daughters are at risk.....

Trogdor's picture

No ... actually they'd be perfectly safe with the Halfrican .... now, your sons would be a different matter entirely ....

IndyPat's picture

Really want to scare those women? Show them the South Park movie.

Wonder if Trump could work a deal where we export all our progressives and get Terrance & Philip in return?
Talk aboot the art of the deal, eh?

armageddon addahere's picture

Tell them it's the Clintonites that are rioting. Those are the people you have to worry about.

chrsn's picture

Why don't the libs head down south to their favorite land of downtrodden people?

Cult of Criminality's picture

Do not send them here

We tote real guns

They do not like that.

TRM's picture

They would have to learn a new language and that is too much work for them.

ebworthen's picture

“After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?"

Good stuff, sounds like The Onion, but please Canada - take as many as you can.

BabaLooey's picture

Fact or Fiction?

Hard to say.

E.F. Mutton's picture

Show the ones you catch the U.S. Constitution.  If they hiss and recoil in fear, shoot them.  Or at least make sure they're properly neutered.

It's the humane thing, really.

Bunga Bunga's picture

Canada building a wall too, so hurry up.

dumbStruck's picture

 " ..... and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken. "

LOL. This article is funny.

 

Lumberjack's picture

Put em all on a hockey rink!

HappyDeathMetal's picture

actually hitting top shelf from the blue line is part of the prerequisites at canadian immigration. That and falling a 6 foot diameter pine tree with an axe. the clinton voters should try mexico or europe maybe.

makinbacon's picture

Like in " Deadpool" ...your going to die by this Zamboni...in 5 minutes!

shimmy's picture

Fuck these idiots. I know this post is just some onion style humour but there is strong evidence many are indeed wanting to leave there and move to Canada. I am in Canada and I don't want any of these libtards here since they'll just start doing their bitching and moaning looking for all of us to pander ot them.

They want to emigrate somewhere? Then go emigrate to the bottom of the Pacific ocean. The world will be much better off.