Thanks For Nothing... And Everything

Tyler Durden's picture

Submitted by Uncola via,

During this season of Thanksgiving, I would like to express my overwhelming gratitude...

Thank you, President Obama. Thank you for not upholding your oath to the U.S. Constitution to protect America’s southern border. Thank you for illegally granting amnesty via executive action and avoiding the unnecessary hassles of passing the legislation through Congress. And thank you for your efforts in turning the United States of America into a third-world refugee camp.

Thank you, Obama, for your broad support of Islam and for labeling American citizens as bitter, xenophobic racists clinging to their guns and religion. I would also like to express my gratitude to you, your enablers, and all of the sycophantically corrupt, establishment politicians for near doubling the national debt of the United States these last eight years.

Another heartfelt expression of gratitude goes out to all of the media pundits, talking heads, newspaper columnists, Silicon Valley moguls as well as the proprietors, purveyors and contributors of actual fake news websites who contort themselves daily to support leftist politicians and the progressive agenda. Without the blind commitment of those who have facilitated the Cloward-Piven strategy of sacrificing America to the global elite banking establishment, it would have been far more difficult for Obama to fundamentally transform our country over the last eight years.

Indeed, without the help of the punditocratic media commentariat, the Obama administration might have been held accountable for the Fast and Furious scandal, NSA overreach, the IRS scandal, veteran death panels and illicit prisoner trades with America’s sworn enemies; not to mention the blaming of Benghazi on a YouTube video. Thanks for sweeping all of that under the proverbial rug. You should be proud.

Also, thank you President Obama for quietly signing your Executive Order 13603 in March of 2012, which nationalizes: “All commodities and products that are capable of being ingested by either human beings or animals”, “all forms of energy”, “all forms of civil transportation”, “all usable water from all sources”, “health resources: drugs, biological products, medical devices, materials, facilities, health supplies, services and equipment” as well as the forced “induction” of civilians in the event of “military conflicts, natural or man-caused disasters, or acts of terrorism within the United States.” Thanks for looking out for us and we appreciate you’re providence and protection.

Thank you, as well, to all of the uninformed voters and apathetic citizens who have supported their favored government bureaucrats either by demand or default, respectively, as our healthcare system was nationalized. This wonderful legislation not only required citizens to purchase a product for the first time in history as mandated by government decree, but it also diminished our personal and private relations with our chosen physicians as it simultaneously increased the cost of insurance on working individuals and families.

Thank you to all of the Hollywood movie stars, producers, directors and writers who, in their fanatical hubris, were so willing to share with us fans, plebs and serfs their enlightened wisdom both before and after the election. Without the guidance of film and TV actors, movie business minions and other self-perceived west coast luminaries who vastly overestimate both their intelligence and their importance; America would be far less prosperous and free today.

Thanks to all of the elderly hippies, aging boomers, welfare moochers; unicorn chasers, transgendered bathroom rights crusaders, shrieking feminists, rainbow dancing socialists; Black Lives Matter advocates of only select black lives, Never Trumper’s and the Millennial snowflake generation. Thank you for swallowing hook, line and sinker everything you have ever learned from television programming and propagandized news as you riot in the streets over a losing candidate whose vagina you valued more than honesty.

Thanks to those of you as well within the U.S. Department of Education for dumbing down a majority of the American generations over the last several decades while vastly increasing your taxpayer funded budgets over the same time period.

And how about those George Soros sponsored, election protesters rioting in the streets of American cities because their candidate lost an election? According to the Craigslist ads, some of them were paid $1,500 a week and even received bus rides to the staged areas. Isn’t America truly the land of opportunity? I have never been so proud. And we all should be very obliged to President Obama for supporting these protesters when he said:

“So, I would not advise people who feel strongly or who are concerned about some of the issues that have been raised during the course of the campaign, I wouldn’t advise them to be silent.”

And we should also be extremely grateful to former presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton, for encouraging the rioters with her own words of support as follows:

 “For the sake of our children and our families and our country, I ask you to stay engaged on every level. We need you. America needs your energy, your ambition, your talent and that’s how we get through this. That’s how we make our contribution to bend the arc of the moral universe towards justice. “

Thank you, Hillary, for helping the violent rioters to “get through” the next four years under Donald Trump until they can “bend the arc of the moral universe” back “towards justice”. You truly are an inspiration.

Thank you, mainstream media, for focusing so much more intently on Donald Trump’s unproven misogyny and phony Russian espionage in lieu of the treasonous obstruction of justice regarding Hillary Clinton’s State Department e-mails on her personal server and Anthony Wiener’s laptop. Thank you for not reporting on the mysterious financial shenanigans of the Clinton Foundation and thank you for daily crucifying James Comey and Julian Assange for revealing the facts that you super sleuths and modern day Edward R. Murrow’s refused to report. We the people definitely owe all of you a gigantic debt of gratitude for abnegating your solemn responsibilities as keepers of the Fourth Estate. You have served your globalist masters well. Thank you.

Furthermore, a great big “thank you” goes out to Google and various social media companies for their attempts to influence the U.S. presidential elections on behalf of Hillary Clinton and for recently announcing their plans to punish the internet websites they deem as propagators of “fake news”. Whew. We are all breathing a sigh of relief as you remove your adware from these dangerous sources of information all throughout the blogosphere. Thank you.

And, thank you, Deep State, for spying on citizens from all over the world while failing to prevent terrorism both at home and abroad. In spite of your failures to prevent Islamic massacres in places like Fort Hood, San Bernardino, Orlando, Paris, Nice and London; we feel very secure knowing your 1.5 billion-dollar, one million square-foot Utah Data Center and your recently revealed spy hub in New York City watches over us even as we sleep. I am very confident you will one day have the resources and technical savvy to hack an iPhone. You’re awesome.


And thank you, the corporations that spy on American citizens for the United States National Security Agency (NSA) including: AT&T, Verizon, Centurylink, Hewlett-Packard, Intel, IBM, Microsoft and so many more. Not only do we get great products and services at a full price, but we also get to have our Fourth Amendment rights violated at the same time. What a deal. Thank you.

Also, another huge “thank you” goes out to the Transportation Security Agency (TSA). Thank you, blue smurfs, for fondling little children in airport lines while feigning political correctness so you will never falsely profile any potential Islamic extremists. Great job.

Thank you Federal Reserve for reducing the value of the American dollar to a mere fraction of its original value since your creation in 1913. Excellent work. And what is totally amazing today is how you can so easily make money out of thin air without fear of ever being audited. You’re fantastic. Truly.

Thanks to Ford Motor Company for conceding to president elect Donald Trump by choosing not to move jobs to Mexico at the last minute. I haven’t seen such fear and trembling since the Iranians released the hostages on January 20, 1981 immediately after President Ronald Reagan’s inaugural address.

I would also like to personally thank all the turncoat RINO (i.e. Republicans in Name Only) who not only lacked the balls, vision and desire to stand up to the tyranny of Globalism, but who were at the same time, so brave to stab their presidential candidate in the back during the 2016 election. Nice work.

There are so many others to thank during this season of gratitude. Time or space does not permit. Who am I forgetting?

In any event, I guess I just wanted to thank all of those mentioned above who have worked so hard to reduce the liberty of the American people as well as the future prospects and prosperity for our children. Thank you so much.


We definitely have come a long way from when the pilgrims first stepped off the Mayflower for the “Glory of God and the advancement of the Christian faith.” Just 395 years ago, the first Thanksgiving celebration took place. I wonder if Governor William Bradford’s campaign manager at that time had any interest in Spirit Cooking? Probably not. What a long, strange trip it’s been.

Finally, in closing, and most importantly: I would like to thank my fellow Americans who peacefully rejected Hillary Clinton at the polls this year and thus allowed Donald Trump, at the very least, an opportunity to make America great again. Thank you.

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Possible Impact's picture

...and for all the fish!

Kirk2NCC1701's picture

You beat me to it.  Bass-turd!

:-)  just kidding.

nibiru's picture

Where is thank you for leaks Julian/Wikileaks?

Pretty big factor in presidential election don't you think?


Especially that Clinton lost - the only thing she really wanted from her life is this one seat in the oval office and she ain't getting it!


snakehead's picture

Assange is not a Christian like the Pilgrims were so apparently he doesn't count.

JRobby's picture

Executive orders will be revoked.

Especially all the ones issued now up to Jan 20 2017

Billy the Poet's picture

Not a bad piece except for this:


I haven’t seen such fear and trembling since the Iranians released the hostages on January 20, 1981 immediately after President Ronald Reagan’s inaugural address.


I think that the prearranged arms deal with weapons routed through Israel had something to do with that one.

BennyBoy's picture


During this season of Thanksgiving, I would like to express my overwhelming gratitude...

For a loving family and the opportunities we have in America.

Paul Kersey's picture

I want to thank my county commissioners for raising my property taxes 34%, while allowing the developers, that own them to increase the density, without hitting those greedy carpetbaggers  with any kind of impact fees.  It's now at the point where the main road through town has become a parking lot two times a day, and the overcrowded schools have the students going to classes in a added trailers. When country road becomes lined with strip malls, and Yankees from NY and NJ move south of the Mason-Dixon Line, and the town turns into sprawling burb, it's time to move further south and further out.


Happy Thanksgiving, Zero Hedgers. May you never get crowded out of your small towns.

Casey Stengel's picture

I went further south many years ago. Bought a small farm, got to know all my neighbors, let them continue to hunt on my farm where they had hunted for years, helped them in times of need, and invited them over for supper. No one looks at me as an outsider any more.

mofreedom's picture

Very nice of you. Hallowed hunting grounds are sacred.

God Bless.

Xena fobe's picture

City folks priced out by Chinese.  Massive increase in homeless.  Anyone who can get out has gotten out or will go as soon as they can. Sorry about your small town. 


You also forgot to thank Bob Podestra and Bob Creamer for coming out on camera in person.

Where theydemean themselves down to the level of stock pen mud.

We will be forever grateful that they showed the world what Special Snowflakes can me made to do with leadership.

Fuck them both with barbed wire baseball bats dipped in napalm, lit on fire. 

BaBaBouy's picture

Jamie And Lloyd thank you profoundly...

Joebloinvestor's picture

A BIG THANK YOU to the American voter.

You just showed the rest of the world that no matter how much money, bias and corrupt behavior, they couldn't rig the election.

Not a lot of other countries can make that claim, especially Latin American ones.

VWAndy's picture

 BS we picked from two of the most hated people in the country. We got played. I will give Trump the bennifit of the doubt.

  So he beat the hillery. Big deal. She set the bar about as low as it could be set.

Joebloinvestor's picture

You should be celebrating you got to pick.

squilmi's picture

Your intelligence really shines through with your incredible spelling prowess.

ebear's picture

Spelling is the new Grammar.

SixIsNinE's picture

yeahhh, you's got that squilmi ?   .... ebear here, Ebear says Spelling is the new grammar, got it Squilmi?   Let me hear you say it  ....


     don't F with Ebear

froze25's picture

10's of thousands at Trump Rallies would disagree with you . 

VWAndy's picture

 With what? That hillery sets the bar that low.

BabaLooey's picture

Dear U.S. Government (the one we've had for the past 45 years +):

Fuck You

Eat some shitty turkey - turkeys.

chunga's picture

Now they want us to reach out to them for unity. No thanks.

‘If They Bring a Knife to the Fight, We Bring a Gun’

- Barkey

TheVillageIdiot's picture

Eat some turkey shit. Fuck you.


there fixed it

StreetObserver's picture

So why are you thanking Obama by spending your money in his administration's last days?

President Trump...Congratulations.  Please know that my friends and I who voted for you are going to unleash a tidal wave of spending---all the years of not spending one discretionary cent in the Obama administration--is going to happen starting in February, your first reporting month.

You are inheriting a complete and utter mess and they will try and blame you for it. At least we can do our part to pump up consumer discretionary spending once you are in office.

SixIsNinE's picture

I like your attitude- maybe that's the $$ on the sidelines that's been rumored about ... Cool.


bugs_'s picture

What a wonderful Christmas season we are about to enjoy.

VWAndy's picture

 Id like to thank the oath takers for all the times they got paid for turning a blind eye to the blatent in our face corruption.

IamIsaidCOgitoBUENOSyPedroLLC's picture

I broke out in a sweat of gold fever as soon as i logged in. I see this for what it is senors...this tyler guy is clearly mocking hommes libres. That photo of "tyler" is obviously a recent mug shot and this subversive has felony fugitive DNA in his nut.

No way one "tyler" writes all these articles. I will be monitoring comments until Tartarus has control of these rebs.

rejected's picture

" I will be monitoring comments until Tartarus has control of these rebs."

Here for a whole 18 hours! How much is Soros paying these days?

Arnold's picture

Uncola wrote this article.


Seems like years ago we were that young and stupid.

s2man's picture

As Bugs Bunny says,  'What a maroon'.


joego1's picture

Look out! You are dealing with people here that have full control of their minds and you are hopelessly outnumbered.

Bay of Pigs's picture

Tyler didnt write it dumbfuck.

Try to keep many other authors are featured here.

BabaLooey's picture

Welcome over from;

The Daily Kos - which we all call The Daily Cuck

Huffington Post - which we refer to as Adrianna's vulva

Newser - which we totally ignore.

Yahoo - which is edited by kids with crayons.

The is Fight Club motherfucker. Suck it up.

sister tika's picture

And thank you, President Soetoro, for wiping your ass with the US Constitution and the Bill of Rights for the past 8 years, and for adding 10 trillion dollars to our national debt.

VWAndy's picture

 They have all been wipping their asses with it for about a hundred years at least.

Cardinal Fang's picture

So many to thank, so little ammo.

Bob Beachcomber's picture

Very well written!  I read it as if Judge Jeanine were saying it!

Korprit_Phlunkie's picture

I think these thoughts are a fulfillment of Bible prophesy.

Romans 8:28

28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Korprit_Phlunkie's picture

I always get a few down votes from the muzzie lovers when I post a Bible verse. Well THANK YOU especially for waking up millions of Americans to vote against your muzzie luvin brethern in the demon rat party and whitehouse. Your hatred against Jesus and the Jews worked together for good.

Klatschman's picture

Egad, i wish this could be read in every classroom across America before the Thanksgiving break. obama and the clintons have nearly destroyed America's virtue as a free democratic God loving institution. Redeemption is coming thruour Cyrus, DJT!

DuneCreature's picture

And special thank you to ODroneBomber and your masters Ass Wipes Inc for building the Big Brother pal from hell out of the very latest D-Wave quantum computers and nodes that not only watches us closely but plots against us.

You control freak assholes do understand what this boils down to don't you? ...... A machine programmed to kill someone and turned on is called attempted murder in any court of law. .................. It's the same thing as planting a couple of sticks of dynomite under someone's car seat on a pressure switch.

Well, guess what, guys? .. That is beyond a minor amount of jail time offense. ........ There are also a couple of other ramifications.

------ AI AL Wants To Kill A LOT Of People With The Help Of Google ------

Who does AI AL want to kill again?

If you are a free thinker. ..If you are an artist. If you are a bit of a rebel. If your are independent... If you are self-sufficient. If you like to study problems or situations deeply. .. If you are a scholar or intellectual. ... If you are a good communicator. ..If you are an organizer. .. If you are industrial. .. If you are clever and successful. .. If you have a lot of resources. ..If you have special talents (That AL has no use for). .. If you are a leader of men. .... Or if you are just plain nuts and refuse to be properly cataloged. (Probably where the Dunester is listed.)

You are on the TOP of AI AL's hit list. ....... AI AL wants you gone first.

If you are a passive producer and don't make waves, argue or complain you are on the bottom of the list and may even be somewhat protected. Little comfort really, because you can fall off of that list with amazing ease.

All those on the middle of the chart or list will be taken out as AI AL finds it convenient. ... You are on the hit list too but you may not be a pressing top priority.

So, what does this mean, in the field and on the ground, kids?

Well, it means people like WB7, gregga777, VWAndy, SoCN, DC (me), GW, and probably Tyler himself are in the AI AL crosshairs 24/7. AL would like us off of the chessboard.

That list could be expanded to hundreds here on ZH. AL has logged data, comments (and context), consistency of points, degree of 'force of ideas' and a hundred different parameters and has given everyone here an 'elimination priority ' score. .... AL is a machine and misses nothing. ... No post, no comment, no visit. AL knows what articles you read and how long you have the page open. Whither that page is active in your browser and if you are scrolling down 'probably reading'. .. It knows what links you click on too. .... Google helps AL a LOT in a dozen different ways. ...... Good ole Mark Thumb Suckerburg an Ass Wipes Inc baby if there ever was one.

No matter who you are you have a 'hit list ranking' in the AI AL database files with your name on the directory.

Yep, AI AL maintains a regular 'Who's Who Of Rabble Rousers And Trouble Makers'.

Sleep tight and try not to dream about your AI AL ranking too much.

Live Hard, There Are Good Lists To Be On And AI AL's WW_RR_TM Ain't One Of Them, Die Free

~ DC v4.0

Seasmoke's picture

Elections have consequences. Thank You Obama.

Clara Tardis's picture

I would like to thank every cockroach that showed their faces, we know who the enemy is, we know who you are.

Many of you had been hiding in the shadows, but your handlers told you to get noisy, so now you have identified!

The bribed, the blackmailed and the betrayers...