hedgeless_horseman's nearly-annual Twelve Days of Christmas shopping list

hedgeless_horseman's picture

"Self-esteem is something of great value.  
It is strange, because others cannot give you self-esteem,
but they can steal it from you,
by doing for you what you can do for yourself."



A bit late this year, but here it is!  hedgeless_horseman's nearly-annual Twelve Days of Christmas shopping list for the ZeroHedge readers and others in your life.


1) Unconditional Love. $0

This is the one thing every person wants and needs more than anything else, especially our children.  It took me nearly two years of hard work to figure this out.  The cost may be cheap, but actually delivering the goods is certainly not easy.  The benefits are priceless.

2) Everything I Want To Do Is Illegal: War Stories from the Local Food Front,  by Joel Salatin.  $11

mrs_horseman and I love this guy.  If you haven't seen Joel in the excellent movie, Food, Inc., then do watch it.


3) Real Love and Freedom for the Soul - Eliminating the Chains of Victimhood, by Greg Baer, MD.  $25

What to get for yourself if there are people close to you that frequently play the victim. Truly, this is pretty much all of us.  

"At the root of all our anger, our feelings of separation from each other, and our problems in relationships is our belief that we have been victimized: we believe we have been hurt, slighted, or treated unfairly in some way."




4) Hellstorm: The Death Of Nazi Germany, 1944-1947, by Thomas Goodrich.  $26

This is the book to give those on your list that seem unable to understand how bad things can get on this planet, and the horrors we are all capable of as human beings.  It will shake them and wake them.  It is also a good illustration of how governments lie, and why we should not fuck with Russia.


5) Estwing American-Made Black Eagle Tomahawk. $40

Want a quality in-vehicle accessory to give the Trump Voter on your list that either lives in a gun-free-zone or doesn't carry a firearm, but who doesn't want to be the next Reginald Denny to get dragged out of his vehicle and beaten without putting up a fight?  They sell these at Home Depot...no waiting period. It fits nicely between the driver's seat and center console.  If anyone asks me, I am always on my way to a park, beach, forest, home, or someplace where I will need this tool.



6) U.S. Military Surplus GORE-TEX Bivy Cover. Like New, Genuine GORE-TEX® waterproof, breathable, sealed seams. $44

A great gift for your friends that just need to get the fuck out of the city for a weekend and figure shit out.

When I say camping out, I mean under a blanket, or maybe in a sleeping bag, on the ground, maybe with a pad, definitely not in a trailer, not in an RV, and not even in a tent.  If it rains, pull out a tarp, or at most a bivey sack.



7) Manduka Black Mat Pro Yoga Mat and Manduka eQua Mat Towel. $150

For the person on your list that needs to practice disintermediation in their health, and build self-esteem.  Manduka makes extra-long versions of both items for people over 6 feet tall.

It took me maybe 30 minutes to do all nine of the simple exercises, with the prescribed rest and meditation poses between each set.  I was suprised.  They were not difficult.   With a little instruction, I believe almost anyone can do them. 



8) The hedgeless_horseman's Revolutionary Call to Arms Complete Library of 11 Paperback Books. $175

The gift for the person on your list that thinks...

That the US Government is corrupt is not the question. They are.

The questions are;



For the life me, I do not have those answers.

THAT is the issue; what can someone do?



  • hedgeless_horseman's Revolutionary Call to Arms
  • Propaganda, by Edward Bernays. 
  • Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury. 
  • Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley 
  • The Creature from Jekyll Island: A Second Look at the Federal Reserve - 5th Edition, by G. Edward Griffin
  • 1984, by George Orwell
  • The Law, by Frédéric Bastiat.
  • The Constitution of the United States and The Bill of Rights.
  • Animal Farm, by George Orwell.
  • War is a Racket, by Smedley D. Butler.
  • On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society, by Dave Grossman.
  • Anatomy of the State, by Murray Rothbard.


9) A Series of Five Half-Day Kiteboarding Lessons.  $1,500

 What to to get for the special woman in your life, regardless if she is like Cathy, or like Amy.  If you need to take her on a vacation to a nice place to do it, then so be it.

When I think about Amy and Cathy, I cannot help but feel that this is the beginning of a trend caused, at least in part, by the fact that women now have a much higher labor force participation rate than men, meaning more stress, and a lower quality of life, especially in a recession.




10) Bike Friday Tikit folding bike.  $2,900

For the loved one that is always getting sick and injured from being overweight, or is just tired of bombing brown people to steal their oil, and wants to do something about it, TODAY, that will also improve his personal financial situation.



11) A SIG Sauer Piston-Driven Rifle with Everything To Defend Your Freedom. $4759

For the person, maybe even you, that Wants To Secure a Free State and Become A Rifleman Without Joining the US Military.


  • 1 SIG Sauer SIG516 Patrol. $1,650
  • 1 Trijicon 4x32 ACOG, Dual Illuminated Red Chevron .223 Ballistic Reticle w/ TA51 Flattop Mount. $1,277
  • 1 Dueck Defense Rapid Transition Sight™ with Trijicon Night Sights – Set (Front & Rear). $300
  • 1 Urban ERT Urban-Sentry Two Point/ One Point Hybrid Sling. $50
  • 1 Streamlight TLR-2 laser and visible white light. $260
  • 1 Blue Force Gear Ten-Speed M4 Chest Rig. $78
  • 1 First Spear 5.56 Fight Strap Bandoleer. $84
  • 20 Magpul PMAG P30 Gen M3 30-Round Magazines. $300 
  • 2000 rounds of 5.56 PPU M193 55gr. FMJ Ammo In Sealed Battle Packs. $716  


The good news is that there are newer rifles that blend the reliability of the AK's gas piston with the accuracy and lighter weight of the AR, and do so in a design that was meant to accommodate either 5.56 or 7.62 from its inception. 



12) Immersive, scenario based, tactical live fire and force on force training. $1,142

For the American on your list that already has a quality rifle, knows how to use it, and wants to learn to fight on a team.



Tactical classes specialize in the teaching of combat proven, adapted, legitimate light infantry tactics, techniques and procedures. Training is informed by a background and experience in SOF/elite forces, and additionally by close protection / paramilitary contracting work.




Merry Christmas!


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MOLONAABE's picture

Outstanding HH...

monad's picture

Well, I offered your gear to my girl and she laughed. Her ax is quite a bit shorter than yours, but her 30 gage is better than good. Her dad taught her to shoot. She embarasses me at 200 yards. Maybe she doesn't want to kite sail because she was a nurse in Nam. Wise enough to clear your brain, boy. So honorable she won't take her benefits. After Nam she never watched tv either, which is how I found her.

Practice. Practice. Practice.


Alananda's picture

Thank you, HH, your list a gift I shall treasure! Wife and I work on #1 and apply what Mr. Salatin (#2) suggests daily. Sparing wife, I have read almost all the recommended books (#'s 4 and 8) and would myself recommend the daunting master work and perspective of Michael Hoffman, Judaism Discovered. As for extreme exercise and guns, at my age, I shall pass, though I respect, admire, and encourage all who can -- GO FOR IT!

A very blessed Christmas to you, HH, to your wife, and to all the ZH truthers "out there". May Light, Peace, and Joy be our hearts' content, always! Alan

Pinche Caballero's picture

Merry Christmas, everybody, and God bless you all.

I just got a puppy as my next, new, faithful companion. A real beauty.

Am having coffee right now, and am fixing to go put some deer in the freezer.

I have above and beyond what any poor kid growing up might have hoped for.

Thank you, ZHs, for all you have taught me. I am the better for it.

Manipuflation's picture

Do you want to know what is really cool?  Motorcycles are cool.  I don't care what brand.  I have ridden 100+ different motorcycles in my life.  I have been to a lot of car shows and airplane shows.  I can't go to a motorcycle show.  Someone is always going to have some bike way cooler than me.  But that is not my issue.  I need to ride alone.  My wife does not understand why her taught her to ride a Harley if I won't ride with her.  The neighbors with bikes whom with I have made good friends and even fixed on their bikes I won't ride with very far.  I can't do it.

I grew up riding some junk and I was always alone.  I just don't do well with other riders near me.  I can't take the safety aspect of groups.  I am anything but safe because 100+ mph is what I want to be doing.  That is life to me.  It does not matter if it is a Honda or a Harley and I own both.  

I think I am missing out though as alt-right libertarian.  I do love shit like this.  Maybe I should I lighten up?  

These bikes are pretty cool.  I love the go pro babes too.  Those are women who ride in their own way.  That is cool.  I might ride by them and wave.    



Manipuflation's picture

If you have the money then you will want some of these tools.  This is not the garbage you find at the big box stores.  S-K Tools are the best out there.  S-K tools are NOT cheap and they don't care if they sell them to you or not.  I have the guns...SA and such.  I have a set of S-K wrenches as well.  I use the S-K tools more than I use the guns.  Snap-on is good, MAC is good but they are not S-K. 

I love good guns but I love good tools even more.   


Oldwood's picture

Good tools bring great joy and there is nothing better for the brain than using them. I've had a lot of motorcycles as well and they can bring a lot of joy....and sorrow. I've built custom Harleys but came to love the Italians.  my last marriage of 23 years ago managed to convince me life is more precious. Still wonder though. One great therapy i have found is as shop called Crashed Toys near me. They auction off insurance motorcycle wrecks. Get to see some really nice machines....and the aftermath. Sobering. Be safe in your pleasures and Merry Christmas to all.

Manipuflation's picture

When it comes to being self reliant you will need one of these flaring tools.  Anything from brakes on your woodhauler truck to making any line connection, you will need it.  The chinee shit just does not cut it(or flare it) with this type of tool.  You need the best you can get or you will leak.  Get yourself some connectors too.




That said, buy up some decent 10 mm wrenches.  You will need them no matter what happens.

HedgeJunkie's picture

Merry Chirstmas Zero Hedgers.

CheapBastard's picture

I really learn alot from your articles, HH. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

cro_maat's picture

HH - great list as always. I try to employ #1 with my family and friends as much as I can. #5 looks awesome. I have always bought Estwings for hammering shit whether it is a nail, a toe or a finder ;)

My one nitpick is #7 the yoga mat. If you want flexibility with cardio and a great skill set to go along with the sig then I would recommend judo and BJJ. I started back into judo in February timeframe this year. Since July I have lost 30 lbs. I now know 20 great throws that I can exucute on all body types, about 12 chokes and about 20 joint locking techniques that are truly diabolic. The best part is that both judo and BJJ emphasize live round practice so when you are assaulted on the subway your body already knows what to do and has been honed by several black belts. The untrained thug never sees it coming.  The best benefit of any martial art is that the training is based on honor and respect. Along with #1 on your list this is what we need to put back into American politcs and business - HONOR.

Reaper's picture

The most valuable cost the least.

oldguyonBMXbike's picture

"Including the gift for the person that thinks that the US Gov is corrupt and asks, WHAT CAN THE AVERAGE CITIZEN DO ABOUT IT?"


Did you hear that?  Santa is bring a sack of nuts for all the eunuchs!

willwork4food's picture

Great ideas HH. I wish you Mrs. H and all your family the best Christmas and New Year!

King Tut's picture
King Tut (not verified) Dec 16, 2016 10:01 PM

Hellstorm is a reason not to fuck with Russia? I think the book just proves that Russians are scummy fucks

nmewn's picture

I'm on a Zepplin kick tonight so, this goes out to all the neurotic, disillusioned, scared, disappointed, dazed & confused Hillary special snowflakes out there...


...from me to you, "Will your tongue wag so much when I send you the bill?"

Go fuck yourselves.

Regards! ;-)

TeaClipper's picture

And on the 13th day of Christmas George Soros's PR people came and scrubbed this blog clean

GreatUncle's picture

Thanks HH, merry xmas.

God knows what 2017, but figure with that kind of outlook you will never have a problem.


Upland27's picture

Merry Christmas brothers.

ebworthen's picture

Thanks HH.

I especially like #1 Unconditional Love, and #5 the Estwing Tomahawk, is that o.k.?  ;-)

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to You and the Mrs.

GreatUncle's picture

I like the #1, a good place to start to clear out the shit in this world.

Doppelganger71's picture

Merry Christmas, Merry Merry Christmas, from your K-Mart (R)(C)(TM) Christmas Store............................

uncle_vito's picture

That  sig516 with everything will have so much ammunition and so many full magazines that you will not be able to carry it all.    I propose going the sniper route and keep holed up at your house/bunker.   Shoot an M1A in .308 with scope.

Oldwood's picture

M1A EBR. Hell of a gun, but still pretty heavy, especially with a large scope and bipod. Definitely not something to fight your way through the brush with....but I still love it.

Upland27's picture

Or maybe a pistol caliber carbine for ammo interchangeability with a choice sidearm.

Don Pancho's picture

LOL the first guy with yellow shirt green hat...you're doing it wrong...and not very tacticool either...

1.  squsare up and you're a smaller target...the way you look, you're whole side will get lit up...

2.  by suaring up in the prone, you absorb the recoil better and more efficiently...The way you look all the recoil is going between your bicep and shoulderblade.

3.  you're not gonna hit much using your thumb as a front sight.

4. your lower chest rig is way too loose and whatever the heck that long thing is sticking down your backside is gonna get snagged up on something...

5. what the heck is over your ears?..

But don't mind me...I'm just a dumb guy who drove trucks in the war cause I thought it would be easy...

PS - NEVER pull a pin on a grenade INSIDE the vehicle...

LowerSlowerDelaware_LSD's picture
LowerSlowerDelaware_LSD (not verified) Dec 16, 2016 7:55 PM

Bike Fridays are amazing bikes. I have a Pocket Rocket and a Pocket GNU (mountain bike with a front shock - no longer made but incredible bike). I've ridden quite a bit of the Pacific Coast Highway, towing the suitcase trailer behind with gear, multiple times, the Florida Keys (short - only 100 miles end to end - ride Northeast to Southwest due to the prevailing heavy wind), Colorado Rockies, New York, and more on them. Check as regular luggage then ride out of the airport on it with your gear in the hard side suitcase turned trailer.

And yoga (Power Yoga) works wonders. But $150 for a mat?!?!? Come on. At that price it should be bulletproof as well.

Sedaeng's picture

#12 is not that expensive really considering other available gun courses ive looked at.

#4 is what gets me, the deeper I dwelve into the [alternative] history the more I think I identify with the ideals of a historic National Socialist leaning. 


#TheGreatestStoryNeverTold  is a pretty impressive video

Xploregon's picture

YO! HH! Fine and timely list of not just "stocking stuffers" but, dynamic, kinetic life style paths also. Due to a couple of clues I deducted from your article (and my finely tuned skills of investigation and deduction) can I assume you and I live within the same general hood? (see avitar).

Golden Rule's picture

For number 12 here is another option.  I've been training here for 4 years.  Excellent instructors and 2 locations, Missouri and Florida. 


ali-ali-al-qomfri's picture

always appreciate the HedglessHorseman's lists. thx.

MontgomeryScott's picture

RE: #11 and #12...

Does a SIG MPX and a 2-day 'Practical Rifle' training course at Front Sight Firearms qualify? Actually, I took the Oly Arms down (something about illegally-short rifles, or 'just-a-pistol'); and decided to do the course 'open-sight' (all the fancy add-on shit WON'T WORK if there are no BATTERIES).

I'd be stocking up on PHYZ, AND food, AND ammo, AND potable water (which are noticably ABSENT from H.H.'s list). I'd skip the frigging Yoga mat (Yoga is for PUSSIES), BUT #6 LOOKS GOOD (survival clothing).

#1, #2, and #4 don't look too bad.

FOR NOW, I'd skip the 'para-sailing' 'Scuba-In-Aruba' shit (#9) until; well; until the whole 'CONUS IN FLUX' thing works out. The chances of catching "Legionairres' Disease" on the foreign-run CRUISE SHIPS on the way down to the BVI is only getting WORSE, you know.




Oldwood's picture

Suppressed mpx with shortened barrel, folding shockwave blade "brace" (avoids the tax stamp issue) and a Sig romeo 4c red dot co-witness site with a solar panel auto-on 50,000 battery life, is my nightstand gun and with an 800 lumen weapon light, it is wonderful. The shortened barrel lowers the velocity to subsonic for standard 119 grain ammo and keeps most of the suppressor inside the hand guard. Silent but deadly, but very accurate so lethality is a choice, not an unintended consequence, without any over penetration as a bonus.

7thGenMO's picture

Agree that the 9mm carbine should be considered for those inclined to join the AR Club.  It has a range out to about 100 meters.  Many AR's are marketed with red dot scopes, which limits them to about 100 meters anyway.  For those on a budget, made in USA Hi-Point makes a fairly reliable 9mm carbine for about $300.

Kudos to H-H for going with a gas-piston version and a 4X optic to increase range.  However, I wonder whether the suggested ammo has been tested with the SIG Patrol.  M193 (55-grain) is the original weight for the M16 with 20 inch barrel with 1:12 twist, while the barrel of the SIG Patrol is 16 inch with 1:7 twist, indicating an affinity for 62-grain M855 or similar.

Also, in full disclosure, I'm not much of an AR fan after M16 training - getting the gas tube clean is a pain, and the upper can work loose over time.  The .22 caliber round (yes! - 5.56mm = .22 caliber) gets to the target quickly, but I understand that troops in Iraq and areas requiring greater range/knockdown have found the need to frequently rely on 7.62x51. 

As a result of this comment, I realize I may be opening a can of worms with the AR Club. ;)


hedgeless_horseman's picture

As a result of this comment, I realize I may be opening a can of worms with the AR Club. ;)

Apparently, you didn't read the linked article:


The can of worms with the AR Club is already open.

Oldwood's picture

ARs have a significant religious following for sure. I'm more inclined to the 7.62x51 for outdoor shooting. Recently migrating to bullpup versions, which while not having a big following in the US, are pretty popular in other parts of the world. I prefer suppressors when possible and bullpups make that an easy choice without going to the SBR tax stamp, plus keeping a longer barrel in the proccess. K&M M17s 308 is due any day and the Desert tech MDR 308 is preordered but am starting to question if I will ever see it ( I have a problem with patience). With any luck they will all be theoretical defense systems and never receive the test. And we never go wrong with Trijicon.

7thGenMO's picture

Both appear to be very nice rifles after a brief visit to their websites.  If you're going with a 16 inch barrel option, you may want to try Hornady Superperformance 150gr SST.  A close friend of mine says it gives near match-grade accuracy but with a much flatter trajectory, even from a shorter barrel. 

YHC-FTSE's picture

Phew. That's quite a list. I can (just about) afford #1 right now but will work on the rest. :)

I was once told that one of the keys to happiness was learning not to compare oneself to others, since it provokes all the negative emotions of envy, jealousy, victimhood, inferiority, etc. So I genuinely hope that those who can afford such gifts make good use of their money and those who can't will happily plan to budget for them next year. Merry Christmas and as HH already mentioned, unconditional love is a priceless gift.

Skateboarder's picture

The only person you should be comparing yourself to is you from yesterday.

GreatUncle's picture

More powerful than all the rest combined.

Citxmech's picture

Another option is to live the life you want to live.  

I, for instance, wouldn't want to trade places with any single person I know.

VWAndy's picture

 The drywall hammer is not a weapon but a tool so its legal to keep in your car.

LithiumWarsWAKEUP's picture

Hmm...   I'm somewhat fond of the fencing pliers. Never know when you have to fix a fence to keep the cows in.

MagicHandPuppet's picture

Thank you for this, @hedgeless_horseman!  Just what I needed!

East Indian's picture

number 12.


We need these skills.

And we need to ensure we dont have to use these skills.

And the best way is to let our rulers know that we have these skills. 

GreatUncle's picture

Up until 50 years ago those skills were considered fucking normal. :-)


Unconditional love is a great start to the list. 

Top marks for the bivy cover and the tomahawk.

Trade the Sig off with all kit for ten DPMS AR's and have the whole neighborhood watching your six instead.

Tell the wife and daughter you wanted to buy them kite board lessons, but settled for another pallet of ammo instead. They will understand, and love you more for your common sense approach to life.

To you and all who congregate here on the Hedge, I wish you Peace, Good Health, Happiness, and Prosperity.

May we all walk that path in the years to come.  

El Vaquero's picture

HH, another one that I found that won't break the bank, and is handy as all get-out is CRKT's Minimalist series of knives.  You'll see them and say "Gee, that thing is small," but for every day use, they're fantastic, and they are extremely fast to pull out.  It comes with a hard sheath that can either be worn around your neck or can slip onto your belt.  It goes right up against your belt buckle and is horizontal to the ground, rather than perpendicular.  When my shirt is not tucked in, I can have my hand on a knife's grip and it looks like my hand is partially in my pocket.  It also beats the crap out of having to fish around in my pocket for a pocket knife.  It comes in three shapes:  A straight edge, a mini-bowie and a mini-tanto.  They run around $25, give or take.  They also make a bigger knife in the straight edge shape.  I think it's called the S.P.E.W. 


Even if they're a bit small for shanking people, they're incredibly handy, and a small knife can do a lot of damage if the person you're going after doesn't know that you have it until it is stuck inside them. 




Under "More Views:" you can see a picture of the sheath to better understand what I am talking about.