WeeKLY FaKe NeWS...

williambanzai7's picture


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MsCreant's picture

There is so much material he could easily put out a new one every week, heck every day. I'd suggest weekly just so he is not worked to death. 

McCain's erection bid in 2020, now that folks is fake news.

He ain't getting it up.

No one is going to bid on that thing on eBay or Craigslist or anywhere else.

wisehiney's picture

WB7, head of ZH CIA -

(Chief Illustrator & Artist)

How envious they must be of our talent!


monad's picture

Fiat News Network - The Coming Economic Collapse


Grandad Grumps's picture

Getting too close to the truth.

Die Weiße Rose's picture

" Steve Bannon of Breitbard, can't you do something to make this go away?"

" I'll make you my Chief Trump Strategist!"


Donald Trump is furiously denying a lawsuit’s allegations that he raped a teenage girl

at a party hosted by convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.



Muse minus Time's picture

Damn...that's one long tape worm(centipede) connection!

KR-E1017 space rift results!

Manipuflation's picture

$20 for a ZH block motorcycle patch.  Four inch by four inch patch.  Black thread and white letters that say "ZH" with a trillion stiches.  The good shit because I'm not putting garbage on my leather.  That's it and not more.  I know what I want and I know where it goes on my leather.  Right over my left chest.  I will do it no matter what anyone says because I can.

I can get a discount on orders of over $300.  If you guys have better ideas then that is great.  I can hook up a deal.

chunga's picture

In probably 25 years of following politics I have never seen anything as bizarre as this situation. Not even close.

Lumberjack's picture

I agree. They've gone totally batshit fucking insane in no uncertain terms. What the fuck are are they smoking? Were they dropped at birth? In the history of the US there has NEVER been anything like this and that in of itself is very disquieting. What makes it worse is that they have no intention of stopping this shit. 

MsCreant's picture

There is no respect, no reverence, any more. Cynicism rules the day. They will do anything and don't care that the rules of decorum were there for a reason.

It must be destroyed so that it can be rebuilt by people who know WHY there must be some decorum. They won't make and follow the rules "because we are supposed to" but because "it works better this way."

Overdrawn's picture

They know if they don't stop Trump getting into the White House, that they are going to prison.

chunga's picture

The funny thing is the "establishment" and the MSM are going to keep running with this thing even though there isn't much *real* support from rank and file from either the red team or blue team. I'm following along on DU and many either quit or got kicked for even a whiff of dissension. The stories are so fantastic and hard to believe nobody does.

Kefeer's picture

They will pay at the mid-term; especially if Trump can maintain and increase a base and motivate them.  The whole purpose of the MSM at this time is to focus anger onto Trump & company to get more turnout or their base, the leftists (commies). 

Stupid is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  Dumber is doing it on steroids.

janus's picture

Afternoon, gentlemen.

Speaking of news, a real flash from janus' recent past splashed through the cycle yesterday.  Seems Tom Barrack is running Trump's bash.  DJT, you continue to impress me.  The company a man keeps says more about him than just about anything else, and Tom Barrack is one of the best all-around guys among this world's elite financial adepts.

Just how, exactly, did the worlds of Tom Barrack and janus collide?  That, my brothers, is a question worth answering.

A couple years ago janus went out to la-la land for a lil va-ca, Topanga Canyon to be specific.  Now, the main reason for the trip was adventure; but there was also an ancillary motivation, and it involves the coolest, most magnanimous, gracious and interesting job interview to which I've ever been invited.

Okay, late one night while prowling about in my yellow cab through the wiles of Wellesley, a call came through to go and pick up at The Blue Ginger, a restaurant in Wellesley's downtown square (try the butterfish...mmmm! delish!).

My 'fair' was rather interesting; I didn't get a good look at first, all I saw was something long, blonde and lithe climb into the back-seat, followed quickly by what I presumed to be her father.  Only vaguely framing the contours of her face, and being somewhat motivated by it, I thought I'd just start up a friendly chat with my fresh-faced fare and her father.

"So, you here with your dad checking out colleges?"

"Cool it there, cowboy.  She's only 13!"

janus being janus, I tend to make fathers very nervous when in near proximity to their daughters...but, truth is, they shouldn't fret -- janus is one of the good guys...or at least I try to be:


anyway, this dude was one cool cat.  I could readily tell that his barking belied a profound comprehension of human psychology layered over with a thick coat of wit.  Having deduced from the inflection of the accusation and discerning from it something wise, janus didn't so much apologize for the misunderstanding as rationalize his behavior; and, in the end, coyly blaming the father for letting her out of the house in the first place.  

I've said it before and I'll say it again; it is criminally negligent to permit teenager girls to wander about freely in society.  God, in all of his inscrutable cruelty, hath made teenage girls into something so enticing and obscenely alluring that it quite literally beggars the belief.  But behave we must, gentlemen.  John-law says it's a sin; and so tis, i reckon.


I'll condense the rest of our conversation with a brief summary:

This cool-cat and father a girl fresh from her batmitzvah just so happened to work for Colony Capital.  And in the course of our conversation, he was rather impressed with some of my opinions and my person generally.  He gave me his card and asked that I contact him.

This cool-cat had no idea what he was in for.  Expecting that he'd expect janus to send him something formal, self-flattering and bullet-pointed, janus set about to test the powers of magic.  I ended up sending this principal at Colony Capital (perhaps the world's largest real-estate hedge-fund) several chapters of my early first draft.  Daft, I know.

I'm crazy, but I'm no fool.  I understood that this man represented a radically positive change in my life.  Direction.  Real Opportunity. Hope.  Life changing possibility, to say the least.  And still, with all my silliness, this dude stuck by me for some reason.  Kept responding to me...a nobody...me, a piece of flotsam floating in the breeze...still rather angry with the world around me...making that very plain to see...but still, this gentleman insisted on looking past the outer caricature janus was projecting and discerned something wise and special in me; as goes with the reciprocity of souls.  

It quite literally moved me.  I was so touched to've experienced real human kindness when I'd at that point seen so little of it.  It's a gesture I will NEVER-EVER forget; and seek to do much of the same in my future.  All this kindness from a person like this?  Matriculated through DB and Goldman; now a principal at Colony...and he's sticking with me?  In spite of the fact that I'm being ornery?

Again, guys, this was the closest I'd ever come to abandoning the mission.  I'd sealed myself off from all normal human sympathies and fixed my gaze on an objective -- a singular course and objective, and I was not going to be dissuaded nor distracted from it.

Nevertheless, about mid-point through my Topanga adventure, I drive a 1964 Toyota Landcruiser into downtown Santa Monica for an interview that would serve as a symbolic crossroads in my experience.  

They weren't really interested in my story; but they'd just started a division to invest in media content acquisitions.  Long & short of it is, janus was asked to come up with -- practically invent -- a position-description defining how my relevant aptitudes related to this content acquisition wheelhouse.

Absolutely unbelievable...but it's oh-so true, gentlemen.

This meant I could make my sons proud.  I could live the good life on the so-cal coast trolling for hidden-gems of creativity worth purchasing.  This was truly the chance of a lifetime.

But the issue of morality came creeping into my cogitations.  For it was that every time I considered the implications of this job and what it meant, my thoughts would inevitably skew to how and in what way this all served my objectives as a writer.  And for me, it's like Christ said, "a man cannot serve two masters; for he will come to hate the one and love the other."  And, my friends, this is an elemental truth of the human condition.  

Now, seeing how I was so moved by all this unimaginable graciousness, I couldn't in good conscious submit to serve a man who'd made such a truly righteous gesture; knowing in my heart-of-hearts that his interests would be subordinate to my ongoing project.  Such would be flatly immoral.  

I never got back to Colony.  I thought they'd think I was a total nut and that my explanation wouldn't make any sense.  I was not doing right by my family by forcing them through unnecessary privation...the rational man just couldn't understand.  But, you see, janus has read Kant, Christ, Shakespeare & Plato; and I think they'd all with me agree: janus did the right thing.  Will he be vindicated in his assault on pure reason?  Only time will tell.

For the time being, I hope this somehow gets to Mr. Barrack.  I hope he understands...something tells me he does.  I also want to humbly thank his unusually gifted principal...showing kindness to a nobody goes a long way in this universe.  Most especially, I think Mr. Barrack, Trump, Hemingway, Sinatra, and endless others understand something about this life of ours.  Without getting into too much detail, I'll say that it has something to do with that big brass ring -- if you cling to it with all you got, there's no where else to grasp.

And so, Mr. Barrack, I wish you God's richest blessings; and I hope you held on to that special principal.  Speaking of which, if my math is correct, that long, lithe cutie-pie of a california-girl must be about 17 these days...now, somebody tell me, is that moral or legal or both or neither?


I tell ya what, Mr. Barrack, you wanna enliven that little soiree, janus is just the ingredient to spice things up...I'm the cayenne of every social gumbo.  As you may-well know, fun is sorta my forte.

Thanks again, my friend.  Janus gives you his solemn word that he will pay it forward.  What you did for me gave me great hope; and it's a debt I'll never fully remit.

Reverently & respectfully,







mary mary's picture

Never heard Lana Del Rey before.  Thanks.  She rocks hard.

mary mary's picture

Thanks.  Wow.  On some songs her singing reminds me of Kate Bush.  But huskier and lower (more soprano).  Perfect pitch.

I am thankful to be living in the historical time period during which, I think, the most great music was created - ever.

Fan: Alison Krauss, Ani DiFranco, Billie Holiday, Bonnie Raitt, Candy Givens, the Carter Sisters, Diana Krall, Diana Ross, Eva Cassidy, Elizabeth Fraser, Emmylou Harris, Johnette Napolitano, Lucinda Williams, Joan Osborne, Joni Mitchell, Judy Garland, Juliana Hatfield, Kate Bush, Loreena McKennitt, Najma, Natalie Dessay, Patsy Cline, Peggy Lee, Rickie Lee Jones, Shawn Colvin, Sheryl Crowe, Stacey Kent, Susannah McCorkle, Tori Amos, many more.

Muse minus Time's picture

Janus riding the prism in His Grace!   Lightening hit right outside my window last night; SNAP..wow..BOOM..I love HIS Glory Trail..Amen    (today is my 64th whoooo hoooo!)   

25th BD, back on a 747 L-4 Seat at take-off out of Fiumicino I witnessed this phenomena rolling down aisle! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ball_lightning 

Nothing is by coincidence- https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-coincidence.html



janus's picture

BIG-TIME Happy Birthday, my brother!

here's a special dedication to it:


Here's to Godspeed, health & long-life,


Kefeer's picture

Grace To You (GTY)

Live for Eternity - Paul Washer

God bless!!  You need it!!

T.Gracchus's picture

What a lot of fucking twaddle.

It is really sad to see that ZH has just become a sounding board for geriatric paedophiles, who just believe that sharing their sad unrequited lust for children somehow makes it ok. THE KID YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT WAS THIRTEEN- A CHILD!

Anyone who talks about themselves in the third party is clearly a narcissist, and your self-reverential drivel only enforces that conclusion. If you changed your name to alefantis and made some 'pizza' refererences we would all know you by your deeds. But you attempt to make yourself seem important, thus encouraging us to overlook your obvious perversion.

I cannot even begin to understand what made you want to share your masturbatory musings with a wider public.

Lorca's Novena's picture

Lighten up Francis... janus writes some of the best stuff around.

MsCreant's picture

Not much of that was about the girl.

The age of legal consent varies from state to state, and country to country. That means it is arbitrary.

If I had a 13 year old girl, I do not want Janus molesting her. But I don't mind his honesty if he is attracted to her. I was a terror at those ages. I worked it hard, still do when it makes sense and I can. I feel for men responding to nature, and then told they are evil. Janus has it right. The rule of law says no. But it does not hurt to acknowledge the attraction. Far more toxic to deny it and have it spill out in fucked up ways. 

Drink in her looks, breathe in her fresh scent, say hi, and walk on. That is the best I think can be asked of most men with young attractive girls. You can validate her attractiveness without being a predator. That, is a gentleman.

janus's picture


i just read your words afresh; and i do believe I blushed.  I'm drinking, sure, but, well, ahem, and, again, who-da-fuck are U?  

U are starting to seriously intrigue me.

please, unless you lust for a mind-fuck like you couldn't've possibly fathomed, don't pen lines like that to janus.  I might just start to find you.  

Seriously...I watch you, too.  Don't do that to me again.  It's totally improper.  DO NOT AGAIN REVEAL YOURSELF TO ME!!! 

i am fragile.

you are so lucky/unlucky i'm not in your immediate presence. 

you've known janus for quite a while; and then you say things like that?!?  bad-bad girl! 

you need a spankin!




janus's picture

Dearest MsCreant,

Always a divine pleasure brushing up against you in the aether of the interwebs.

Thank you.  That is preceisely what I was trying to convey in my little anecdote -- layered with a few separate but related themes.  

I'll say this much, you just confirmed some things I've always suspected about you.  It's a good/bad thing you're married, and especially to a man for whom I have great respect.  Otherwise, well, it just so happens that janus can bring out that little thing you mention in the right kinda girl...Spin that naughty/nice dynamic into a blur of bliss!

You are something else, MsCreant...and I do my best to keep my distance -- out of respect for you know who.  But, since this is but the aether of interwebia, I've a little dedication for ya before I slip out into the dark:


sweet dreams,

janus ;)

Kefeer's picture

While your observation may be correct and you hostility may even be justified, but you can state the issue without the superlatives because there is a righteous anger and an unrighteous expression of that anger. 

IOW - state what you do know and take the higher road if you are a Christian - if not, then carry on.

The very twisted part of "janus" is in the perversion of God's word, which means he/she is just adding the weight of sin to themselves or fattening themselves for the day of slaughter/judgment.

janus's picture

i can only answer your question by stating that I do not use my given name...janus is an avatar...he has some relationship to me, but isn't 'me' -- maybe a mirror-image, so to speak.


janus's picture

my dear boy.  you're being rather aggressive with janus -- not really the healthiest posture to project at yours truly.  but i'm going to be gentle with you; for I know you're intent is good and decent.

I don't know what reality you're living in, but Nature & God formed teenage girls in the flower of their beauty as a nearly irresistible thing for robust and virile men.  King David, on his deathbed, was warmed and kept vital by the nude flesh of a 14 year old girl.  And yet, King David was a man after God's Own Heart.

Now, I understand & agree with the rule of law -- both practically and philosophically.  But human nature being what it is, and janus being oh-so human, I've here endeavored to explore those issues that are at variance with natural impulse and morality -- at least seemingly, and where exactly those principals intersect, in due consideration of morality.

It may shock you to learn that most of what you understand as moral is purely arbitrary.  I hate to break that to you, but it's true.  Most of what you know as right and wrong have been fabricated to sate your own subsumed god-complex...but you're far too simple to understand all that...so don't fret about it. 

The spirit & the flesh, my friend.  Tis a struggle never fully reconciled; nor should it be -- we learn through the tension of its instruction.  Perhaps you're far more pious than janus.  I happen to doubt it.  You see, I face REAL temptation on the reg, and always turn away.  I'm 41 and I look 28...and a very handsome 28 at that.  I'm not a narcissist; I'm just what I am, have to come to terms with that; understand that some will always hate it, and don't really give a flying fuck.  I'm always wondering what is and what is not right; what constitutes morality?  What are its most weighted components?  What is happiness?  Where is balance.  

Life is a mystery, you sanctimonious twit.  Any man who hasn't probed his inner being is not worth addressing; but in your case I've done it anyways.  I'm sure I'll pay a price for spraying pearls before you swine.  And even though you cannot appreciate it, you're welcome.

The thing about life's Mystery is that it must be investigated but never challenged:


Truth is, it's YOU who's playin god.  you just don't get it.

Naturally, I pity you.



Kefeer's picture

What religions "denomination" under some guise of Christianity do you belong?

janus's picture

religions and demoniations are garbage.  the thing that separates True Christianity from all other faiths is that it's not a religion; it's a person, His name is Jesus; you either have him or you do not.

no liturgy, catechism, program nor regimine will santify you before the gaze of a Holy GOD...you must have An Advocate in propitiation. 

The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom...and GOD is The Mystery -- but the search after It is all that matters...everything else in this life is incidental.


Kefeer's picture

Then act like the Master and quit bringing reproach on His name!  That is what you are doing.

mary mary's picture

Please relax. Nobility is not keeping yourself from thinking lustful thoughts.  Nobility is keeping yourself from ACTING ON lustful thoughts.  Noone can control what comes into his mind. Everyone can control what his hands and mouth do.  Both men and women have active fantasy lives, but responsible men and women merely joke about them, instead of acting out, which means, instead of actually doing things which cause someone else pain and suffering.  And, furthermore, that's why noone can live without humor.  Humor is the pressure-relief valve. Thank you, Father Sarducci.  Thank you, Mel Brooks.  Thank you, Jerry Lewis, etc., etc., etc.

mary mary's picture

Jimmy Carter.  Maybe, IMHO, the most honest USA President since Kennedy, and he admitted being attracted to some beautiful women.  What man isn't?

janus's picture

I KNOW for a fact that I am not.

your pastor is he whose hands are soiled in that foul racket.

the answers you are seeking represent a level of thinking, humility and brutal honesty that most are ill-suited to.  the path is very narrow, my brother.

seek & ye shall find; knock and it will be opened unto you.

but here's the thing, the seeking and the finding are not done by fiat.  years and years and years of blood, sweat & tears litter that journery; and it must be undertaken with a pure and altruistic heart.

loving your neighbor as yourself means first learning to love yourself; for how else can we learn of the love needed by our neighbor?  Now, the salient question is: where is the line separating vanity and self-love?  Am I vain for being aware of certain God-given gifts?  Are you angry at Tiger Woods if he says he's the world's greatest golfer?  Does that make him vain or sane?  

I happen to have gifts this world seems to favor; how I utilize them to God's Glory is my own business.  You are free to believe whatsoever you like, but I'm speaking from the heart.  

Here's what I've known of men who broadcast a familiar and socially sanctioned piety: they are typically rotten to their very core.  malevolent. spiteful, wrathful, selfish, judgemental, controlling, coveteous, full of malice, minds devising wicked imaginations, saturated with secret sins...tell me i'm wrong.  they are white-washed tombstones -- pristine on the outside, death and decay interred therein.

again, tell me i'm wrong.

does my candor unnerve you?

and if so, you need to ask yourself why that is...not janus.



centerline's picture

Really enjoyed reading this.  Thanks Janus.

Skiprrrdog's picture

I went to High School with bat boy...

ChanceIs's picture

"Golden Shower" is the word of the day - most searched - over on Urban Dictionary:


This story must be getting a lot of "visibility."

Being from the city, I learned about Golden Showers when I was oh....say...ten years old.  Now the irredemable deploarbles in fly over country probably haven't been exposed.  If it is the deplorables searching the term, the dems might have a lot (more) to worry about.

Speaking about deplorables, I missed getting a ticket to the original DeploraBall.  However there is a new one organizing near me.  But it is a gay DeploraBall.  I don't think I can go.  But good for them anyway:


Withdrawn Sanction's picture

I remember a guy I knew receiving one while being seated in a Barcolounger...one w/electrical massage motors, plugged in and running.  I guess he was counting on it being a defibrillator should the need have arisen

Canadian Dirtlump's picture

I got the unredacted report and apparently trump required all women in his presence to wear arabian goggles because he had just finished with a new spray tan.



ChanceIs's picture

Arabian goggles!!!!  Who thinks this chit up??

Oh oh.  THis didn't take long:

Hitler finds out about Trump's golden showers...


Norma Lacy's picture

As seen on TEEVEEE!!!   Awesome Mr. Bonzai.   sign me up for a Tshirt......  some how some where....

Manipuflation's picture

It's OK that you stole that idea from me.  I love what you did with it William.  Remember that immigrant's children matter as long as they have brown skin.  My white daughter didn't like comment much... and she is female.... and so... she won't forget.  

That is my daughter and I am not sorry. 

Yen Cross's picture

    LMAO, that was great Billy. You made my day.


Hard to imagine the Left could stoop any lower

than spreading fake news regarding Trump's

penchant for golden showers. However, with just

9 days to go before his inauguration, who knows.

Maybe we just pretend it’s just a movie, maybe we can

even enjoy it. Or maybe not.

BlueSceptic's picture

How fickle this world. Remember when McCain was the darling of the right-wingers - when he selected Palin as Veep. I wonder how long it'll take for them to turn on Trump.

cheech_wizard's picture

I remember McCain as one of the Keating Five...


Standard Disclaimer: Just waiting for that bald egg-like protuberance sprouting from the neck of John McCain to explode like a scene from "Scanners"...

Withdrawn Sanction's picture

He was.  I also seem to remember some hub-bub about him f-ing over his fellow inmates in Viet Nam.  It came out and was quickly hushed up when he was the designated GOP whipping boy for POTUS.  

McStain is absolute filth.