Pittsburgh Carpet Salesman Speaks: "We 'Deplorables' Aren't So Bad, Once You Get To Know Us"

Tyler Durden's picture

Authored by Lou Weiss - a Pittsburg carpet salesman - via The Wall Street Journal,

If you’ve lost your bearings in Trump’s America, your conservative friend can help you find them.

Since the shocking presidential election result, many people have approached me with quizzical expressions, some with tears in their eyes. I live among the adorables, but I think like a deplorable. To them I am that most exotic creature—a conservative Republican—and they really seem to want to understand the mind-set of those who voted for Donald Trump (or, like me, weren’t heartbroken when he won). Some have felt the need to hug me as if to embrace that half of America from which they feel estranged.

I realize that as the excuses pile up for Hillary Clinton’s loss this curiosity might be fleeting, so I try my best to teach my curious grasshoppers. And since we conservatives are the biggest givers, I want to share with other adorable readers what may motivate the actions of a deplorable. Even though we may not have met, I’m happy to be that token guy you can call “my conservative friend Lou.”

You might begin by considering the effect of your nomenclature. Calling people racists, homophobes, bigots and other such labels doesn’t endear the name caller to the recipient. Try descriptors like traditional and hardworking. Better. It’s amazing, I know, but people don’t like being reduced to a negative cultural stereotype.

Now we are ready for a field trip. Rather than going on that “fact finding” trip to Cuba or Venezuela, how about a trip to Iowa or Nebraska? Too remote? Might I suggest Pittsburgh, my beloved hometown, where a five-minute drive in any direction from city limits puts you in Trump country? You can take a day trip out and return to your comfy high-rise hotel bed by evening. We even have hipster redoubts populated with Brooklyn expats. The beards, the flannel shirts and the abundance of heritage pork dishes will make you feel like you are in Appalachia even before you leave the city.

Try to find some subjects that you might discuss should you ever meet a Trump voter. Familiarize yourself with Big 12 football. You have a buddy who went to Wisconsin and a couple of friends from Michigan, so knowing the Big Ten is no big deal, but knowing that Oklahoma State is the home of the Cowboys will earn you major points. When you travel, attend a church service at least one denomination to the right of your regular church. Maybe watch or rewatch “American Sniper” rather than your usual mumblecore or IFC fare. Also don’t expect people you meet to commiserate over “Hamilton” ticket prices or know what cisgender means.

You may not know this, but deplorables are all around you—they might even be working in your own home. Deplorables know how to fix things. See that guy over there working on your leaky faucet? Ask him about his politics. The nurse in your doctor’s office? Ask her, too. Many of the people who make your life so exquisite probably disagree with you, so unless you are handy with a double-box wrench, don’t be too quick to label them Neanderthals. They know your liberal politics by the material posted on your fridge but are way too tolerant to confront you on the topic. They are also too polite to walk out on you. Car trouble? Don’t even go there.

Also: No more boycotts. Have you ever tried Chick-fil-A? Delicious! When I go to the hospital I don’t ask whether my room is on a wing donated by George Soros or David Koch. I once had a liberal customer who so abhorred my views on Israel that he passed on the excellent value that I was offering on a wool Berber broadloom carpet. He went elsewhere for a hideous synthetic knockoff.

Deplorables are people too. Their kids make them proud and drive them crazy. They eat kielbasa and even kale. Some laugh at “Seinfeld” and some like opera. Some are atheists and some go to church. Please understand that—just like you—deplorables lead lives that are mysterious and wonderful, tragic and joyful, and invariably complex.

Sometimes they have different ideas about how to solve the problems that afflict our society, but that doesn’t make them evil. As the signs at the rallies said: Love conquers hate. So show a little love to your deplorable sisters and brothers and remember that in the Midwest, while love can conquer hate, the Steelers almost always conquer the Browns.

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Thoresen's picture

Sounds just like a UKIP man.

chumbawamba's picture

This is just one branded cattle talking over the fence to another.

I am Chumbawamba.

OfAllElaboratePlans's picture
OfAllElaboratePlans (not verified) chumbawamba Jan 14, 2017 3:59 PM

If they prefer kielbasa & kale to pizza, they're DEPLORABLE

NidStyles's picture

If you aren't Alt-Right, you aren't deplorable.

balolalo's picture

THIS DEPLORABLE VS SNOWFLAKE IS literally to divide us. 

Policies and actions matter.  fuck the labels. 


hold everyone accountable.   including trump and his billionaire cabinet.  

Oldwood's picture

I believe the ones trying to divide us are those organizing massive violent protests and suggesting that martial law be imposed to stop Trump from being sworn into office.

I know it sure has fuck has DIVIDED ME.

shovelhead's picture

They're facists pretending to be Anti-facists fighting alleged Facism.

It makes sense...

In an insane kind of way.

shovelhead's picture

Why are all the Trump haters saying this now?

Most curious.

Jeffersonian Liberal's picture

If the premise is false, REJECT IT.

In the case of Clinton referring to Trump supporters as deplorable, she was projecting, as the Dems often do.

A woman who enables her husband to get away with rape and sexual assault -- strictly for her own political gain -- is deplorable.

A woman who sets up a SECRET email server in her bathroom so that it will be free from FOIA requests and then uses that server to solicit graft and bribes from major corporations and foreign nations as Sec of State and her promise to be the next POTUS is deplorable.

Voting for a candidate that is not from the Establishment Party does not make anyone deplorable. It simply indicates that they are fed up with those who truly are deplorable.

besnook's picture

good to see you are still around with your pithiness.

Oldwood's picture


Sure we know there is great manipulation going on and they are using division to do it, but that division is defined and supported by theft and force. Lets not forget that for many of us this is about retaining liberty and freedom, and THAT is NOT cattle speaking over the fence line. It is NOT empty rhetoric. 

Chumbawamba can sit on his dainty little paws and pretend it's all beneath him, but those manipulating and creating these crisis are going to use that herd of cattle to stampede OUR rights into the fucking dirt, and pretending it's all superfluous is condescending to anyone who gives a flying fuck.

The civil war was fought over principles, but in many cases it was brother against brother, cows speaking over the fence line. They murdered each other by the hundreds of thousands. If this is sustained, if truth is not spoken to power, I believe this is where we will end up again. We must acknowledge that on one side of the fence are rabid bovines, intent on simple madness. We can ignore and rationalize how they are delicate snowflakes, but they ARE intent and well supported and organized.

This agenda has been in real play since the election, the constant denigration of Trump's fitness and legitimacy to be president. One attack after another efficiently batted down by Trump, YET, the taint remains. All of this was known well before action to not have credibility....but that was not the point. It was about damaging Trump and building a false consensus that he IS unfit and illegitimate, regardless of FACT. We know it has not changed most people's minds about Trump's fitness or legitimacy, but what it has done has allowed us to question or imagine what everyone else thinks. Consensus is designed to tell us what everyone else thinks, and that is what they are trying to convince us of....that even though we may believe in Trump, EVERYONE ELSE DOES NOT. This is not simply semantics, it is to grease the skids of capitulation to depriving Trump of office....that we will simply accept it because we believe that everyone else wants it...that we are the outliers, the exception...and WRONG

Croesus's picture

@ Chumbles:

The man is a peacemaker, and I can't knock him for that. I meet plenty of liberals and snowflakes; Sure, I hate their views, but, at the end of the day...they're just trying to get through life like we are.

WE (as a whole), would not be as divided, if it weren't for the people who divide us: THEY should be the target of our hatred.

shovelhead's picture

Then you go give Rosie O'Donnell a big wet sloppy kiss as she tries to keep the duly elected President from assuming his office.

Don't forget your Kumbaya Songbook and Tibetan knit hat.

It might save your life.

Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

~"This is just one branded cattle talking over the fence to another."~

Easy there, Chumba buddy, Let me handle this.

What the eff are you talking about?!? I'm more deplorable, sexist, mysoginistic, raciss, and..., and..., well, bad-ass as the next middle-American. Get to know me, my ass! I'm everything you stand against, even if you don't stand against it! I resent you and the leftist brain-turd you rode in on, you sycophantic numb-skulled fuckwit!

There, sorted that one out, eh? /s

He is Chumbawamba.


peddling-fiction's picture

We are commendable if we are to accept a label.

The libtards are the deplorable communists.

Please understand that the use of this term is derogatory and we should not apply it to ourselves.

BabaLooey's picture

Fuck the libtards.

I have no use for them.

I had to sit back and suck it up for the last 8 years.

Their turn.

I've simply shunned, boycotted and banned the fucks from my ife.

My long time friend (libturd) friend finally called me last week.

Told her this: "IF...we go forward, it is with the understanding that YOU will clearly look BACKWARD and see - CLEARLY - what Soetero has wrought. I do not mind criticism of Trump - WHERE IT'S WARRANTED - but this sharting, bitching and false-labeling of him I WILL NOT TOLERATE".

Those are my terms. Take 'em or leave 'em."

We'll see if she can adult-up. 


cowdiddly's picture

Exactly. And, I am going to be one Hell raising, protesting, sign waving, organizing, bitchin and obstructing MOFO the next time one of theirs wins an election. Bank on it.

Never again will it be just accepted.

Oldwood's picture

We must first acknowledge that they have already successfully "categorized" most of us as the REAL threat. We are the right wing constitutional loving, gun toting conservative extremist that they have been continuously warning America (and the rest of the world) as the NUMBER ONE threat to America.

Secondly we must recognize that those dependent upon this corrupt system will fight to the death to preserve it, not because they are convinced that they are in the right, but because they realize it is ALL they have and are desperate to preserve it. THEY ARE DEPENDENT and this makes them understand that they are on the hindmost tit and if they lose that, there is NOTHING. Not only are they afforded the idle time to march,protest and destroy, but they are encouraged to do so with the implicit understanding that there will be no consequences for it, and if they FAIL, they have NO OTHER RECOURSE. For conservatives, for people who have some notion of independence and self sufficiency, we do not share this desperation. Instead we concentrate on minimizing our losses, fighting to keep what we have, which seldom represents the same level of desperation, much less desperation of the dependent left. And understand also that this dependency is NOT just limited to the poor as there are MANY very wealthy dependents at the top of the food chain as well who are equally desperate to stay on the take, KNOWING that if this system of fraud, corruption and theft is destroyed, they will likely be destroyed with it. SO they are funding and organizing this effort to STOP TRUMP.

We are faced with a choice...as always, and will likely lose much more before we truly fight back. We, like our opposition, must believe we have nothing left to lose, before we are willing to put it all on the line.

fbazzrea's picture

MANY very wealthy dependents at the top of the food chain as well who are equally desperate to stay on the take

moreso, more to lose, especially, ego.

We, like our opposition, must believe we have nothing left to lose, before we are willing to put it all on the line.

i suspect that day is coming soon at the current acceleration rate of events.

great post! 


Dancing Disraeli's picture

Don't hold your breath.  This split is only going to accelerate.

BabaLooey's picture

Good I say.

Let it split.

The libtards can take Taxifornia, Oralgon, and Washerton.

Fat gals have to wear FartPaks - no exceptions. Governor Moonbeam sayz so.

The libtards in the East will have to moooooooooove West.

Trump builds a wall to keep them out. 

Automatically shot if they dare to scale it.

Call it "Libtarnation"

Oldwood's picture

If Trump is denied office, TEXAS WILL secede.

N2OJoe's picture

This country was founded on our principles not theirs. Therefore, we'll take America and they can take a hike.

I propose this: Deport the libturds FIRST, then the illegals second. It's obvious which is more of a threat to our lives and freedom.

Oldwood's picture

Good luck with California and the North East. They ARE Zombieland. We will only defeat them by allowing them to starve and rot. They know it and we know it.

Duc888's picture



"Good luck with California and the North East. They ARE Zombieland." 

Hey bone head, go back and take a good look HERE



Look at "Trumps America"  Pay particular attention to HOW MANY COUNTIES in the North East did NOT vote for Clinton.  Get your misinformed, biased head screwed on straight.

And that map is not even 100% accurate, they have NH ALL WRONG (county by county)

Oldwood's picture

California is a state that is DOMINATED by leftists. Please do explain of their liberties regarding firearms and immigration. And please DO tell us how their taxes go to support so many conservative agendas. I have friends in Norther CA and they feel abandoned in their own state. They can legislate in their own counties and municipalities, but as we see with the Feds, many if not most of those actions are ultimately controlled by the State....like how their lakes and streams are managed...and DRAINED.

If California is to change, it will need to change itself....and unfortunately it seems to be going the opposite direction.

The NE is little different. NH has been a more independent state but still finds itself largely dominated by leftist policies. No place is uniform in it's makeup, but it sure seems that regardless of complexion, liberals always dominate even when a minority. Conservatives will HAVE to stand up or be run over.

Good luck

Duc888's picture



"NH has been a more independent state but still finds itself largely dominated by leftist policies"




WTF?  Decent firearm laws?  No mandatory Helmet laws?  and the ONLY fucking state with NO mandatory auto insurance laws?




newdoobie's picture

If CA splits who will maintain the highways in N. CA?


fbazzrea's picture

If Trump is denied office, TEXAS WILL secede.

i suspect Oklahoma would be right behind Texas. maybe Sooner. (;

goddammoron's picture

Lighten up, Trumptard.  Your boy has plenty to prove.  He won against an opponent who openly endorsed BLM.  How much dumber could she have been. Who else could we have voted for?  There was no good choice.  But there was a clear choice.

BabaLooey's picture

No shit Fuckley.

Trump was a "good choice". 

However, you're so bollixed up with your brain being scrambled from decades of fuckery by the MSM, you would not know a good choice if it came up and whacked your pee-pee with a weedeater.

Just sit back and let him work - which he will.

Oldwood's picture

The Democrats CHOSE Hillary, warts and all.

Republican CHOSE Trump.

Even and especially in times of desperation, we are left with the choice of lesser evils. Trump IS my lesser evil and as such I will support him until I cannot. Apathy only feeds defeat. If you can't choose sides, you have already lost.

Son of Loki's picture

Ask any hard working middle class American about life and you most likely will find they are a "Deplorable."

Also watch someone walk into the restroom; if they are a Deplorable man they will know it. If a Deplorable woman, they know it too. They will not have to stand and wonder what they are or look at their birth certificate.

For the despicables, go to the FSA offices or open the front page of the newpaper---see that thug who shot someone? He is most likely a despicable. Same with TV celebs and Wall Street Bankers as well as anyone in the military contract business who have been supplying deadly weapons to blow people apart for HIllary, McShame and Obama. Those are all most likely despicable Hillary supporters.

besnook's picture

boy is this guy optimistic. do you really expect a party that has whined incessantly about how unfair the unfairness of life is for 3 generations now will somehow flip to become a reasonable solutions based entity. absolutley not. the democrats embraced the jewish victimhood message. they won't realize the life span for victimhood sympathy is very short ending with polite but ignoring ears and even outright disgust of a loser woe is me meme.

trump brought out all the people who are tired of people whining about a problem but not offering any solutions except to label the perceived victimizers as anti semites, bigots, crazy and mean. the democrats had better repent by offering the preferred candidate of the people of their party or they will find that offering up another cunt for potus will surely end the party once and for all.

this doesn't exclude the republicans from this issue. they were just smart enough to concede the party has changed and eventually let trump proceed even if some of them were willing to lose with trump to preserve the status quo.

SWRichmond's picture

Ever been on the tubine deck at a power station?  Can you name ANY of the equipment found there?  Do you have any idea where your electricity actually comes from, how many people worked, and continue to work, to bring you this absolute miracle of modern society each and every second of each and every day?  How many people still die doing it?

Other than on a school field trip, ever been in the engineering spaces of a factory?  Factory floor?  Machine shop?  Mine?  Abbatoir?  FARM?  Ever actually touched an animal other than a pet or at a petting zoo?  Ever killed anything for consumption?  Ever grown any food?

We have created for them a world in which it is possible for them to live, and hate us at the same time.  That was a mistake.  We have to turn off their power and water, and stop feeding them.

BabaLooey's picture

Take Glenn Close.

That ditz was protesting a nuke plant back in the 80's.

All the press were pissing their pants over GLENN CLOSE - Hollywhack "star" there to protest this plant.

When one, brave soul asked her where the rural population - who relied on that very same nuke plant - would get their electricity from - she backed away from the podium, walked over to a light switch, clicked it and said "here".

Some in the room laughed, but all were shocked as to HOW FUCKING CLUELESS THIS DUMB BITCH WAS.

(and yes.....Close said Trump's presidency was "frightening").....

duo's picture

Let them block the roads and see how fast the food runs out. Idiots-

besnook's picture

i actually met some lon gislanders in the 70s who had never seen a cow until they went to college in a rural area. i grew up overseas as a military brat and had crisscrossed the usa a coupla times and i have always felt that the limited perspective of most people would limit their view of what life really is. in hindsight, i am right. both parties are guilty of trying to push too narrow perspectives but most of the populace have no perspective to question it.

we knew it would not change with the cunt. all we have with trump is hope that it will change.

waspwench's picture

I had a laugh, but there is some truth in this. The libtards live in a bubble.

The idea that we could bring the country to a standstill and hold them to ransom by withholding services is not without merit. Hey, it could work. And what could they do about it? They are unarmed. They exist from one grocery store trip to another. They tend to live in city centres which would be the first places to descend into bloody mayhem. They would be starving, shivering and at the mercy of the ghetto gangbangers in less than a week.

FrankDrakman's picture

How easy would it be to do that to Manhattan? Block 7 bridges and two tunnels. Then watch the fun. 

SWRichmond's picture

They are unarmed. They exist from one grocery store trip to another. They tend to live in city centres which would be the first places to descend into bloody mayhem. They would be starving, shivering and at the mercy of the ghetto gangbangers in less than a week.

That is my entire point.  Their situation provides its own corrective action. They won't need to worry about who goes into which bathroom, because, as none of them has anything to eat or drink, none will need to use the bathroom.

shovelhead's picture

Oh yeah?

Well how do you think you could live without a double mocha latte or a TCBY yogurt?

We could turn off your iPhone charging access.

So there.

tarabel's picture


I do, since I built power plants back when they were still doing such things in America.

I was working on #2 and would walk underneath the power lines coming off of #1 every morning and afternoon. The noise crackling out of them was astounding and made you worry about microwaving your brain twice a day. I always wore my hard hat out to the parking lot. Every little bit helps.

Oldwood's picture

It is sad that we all know how this ends. We can hope and work for less destructive solutions, but increasingly it looks like they will not pull back from an ever increasing dependency and required fraud and theft.

Ayn Rand defined the rules. I hope humanity can survive another reaffirmation of conservative values, as there is no future in progressive ones, except for a very few...which is WHY they are doing this. Do we really think they want to live in a world of deplorables? Do we not know how those who did not submit ended up in all other totalitarian systems? 

For most conservatives, our response is to retreat, to seek our island of self sufficiency and independence, and for many this has worked. But we know this will not be allowed to persist if progressives have their way. Increasingly there IS no escape, alternatives are shrinking by the day. If Trump does not succeed, we are done. Left with very bad choices....inevitably capitulation or violence.

photonsoflight's picture

If Trump is denied the oval office  that will be so easy to do. They haven't the manpower to guard it all. I remember when the blacks in South Africa were fighting apartheid. That was a technique they would use. Read a major article after911 stating how expensive it would be to defend it all in the U.S. Just think what a knowledgeable man with a hacksaw or file could do.

Mroex's picture

+100 Damn well written!!