The Difference Between "F##k You Money" And "F##k Everybody Money"

Tyler Durden's picture

Submitted by Daniel Drew via,

Something strange happened at Google recently. Bloomberg alleges that Google paid its top level employees so much that they crossed the line into "F*** You Money" territory, prompting the employees to pack up and quit. While this intriguing turn of events may have transpired at Google and other technology companies, this would never happen on Wall Street for one reason alone: "F*** You Money" is simply not good enough for the fast money crowd. The pinnacle achievement in the investment industry is "F*** Everybody Money."

As the Wall Street Journal aptly noted in their concise chart, most people making less than $10,000 are dissatisfied with life.

As people approach the $100,000 mark, most of them are satisfied. That's why it's not terribly surprising to see stories like this one. Bloomberg reports,

"Early staffers had an unusual compensation system that awarded supersized payouts based on the project's value. In addition to cash salaries, some staffers were given bonuses and equity in the business and these awards were set aside in a special entity. After several years, Google applied a multiplier to the value of the awards and paid some or all of it out. The multiplier was based on periodic valuations of the division, the people said. A large multiplier was applied to the compensation packages in late 2015, resulting in multi-million dollar payments in some cases, according to the people familiar with the situation. One member of the team had a multiplier of 16 applied to bonuses and equity amassed over four years, one of the people said."

The whole purpose of compensation is to prevent employees from leaving. Ironically, Google's high pay caused just the opposite, turning traditional compensation theory on its head. This whole episode will be a case study for human resources departments for years. Why does high pay cease to be an incentive after a certain point? The compensation analysts apparently forgot to read the Wall Street Journal study. Most people are satisfied with "F*** You Money."

Legitimate retention efforts start at the hiring process. If you have such a valuable project, finding highly qualified people is not enough. You have to find people who are both qualified and exponentially driven by money - with no cutoff point. You need someone who isn't satisfied with "F*** You Money." What you need is someone who settles for nothing less than "F*** Everybody Money."

What is "F*** Everybody Money," and where can you find these people? Look no further.

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BabaLooey's picture

1 Million seconds = 11 days

1 Billion seconds = 32 years





Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Personally I happy with saying F##k You without being paid.

But that's just me.

NoDebt's picture

Money is only one facet of power, which is, of course, the ultimate addictive drug.  If you go ONLY with money, ignoring all else, people will quit when they have enoug to more than satisfy their desires for a lifetime.  However, Tell them they will be gods in control of everything (as the bankers have known for generations) they will work their asses off for that second billion.  And the third.  And the fourth.  They will no longer care about the money per se, they WILL care about the power that comes with it.  And that's what keeps them coming back for more.


Elco the Constitutionalist's picture
Elco the Constitutionalist (not verified) BabaLooey Feb 16, 2017 1:43 AM

32.15 years. I had to do the math myself to believe you.

Took Red Pill's picture

Since we have deficits in the trillions, a trillion seconds is 31,709 years

Mena Arkansas's picture

Perhaps money can't buy happiness, but the lack of money is a guarantee of a life of misery.

Mena Arkansas's picture

And thanks to the bankers there is more and more company everyday.

BlindMonkey's picture

Pfft.  Misery is a whore.

Paul Kersey's picture

Actually, studies have shown that only two thing are necessary for happiness and satisfaction:

1. Someone to love

2. Making more money than your neighbors

cbxer55's picture

I don't have either and I'm happy. Must be a simpleton!  ;-)

monad's picture

If you believe this why are you here? You belong on Facebook, and you deserve a nice long friendly divorce.

cbxer55's picture

Actually, Misery is a Stephen King novel and movie.  ;-)

Lorca's Novena's picture

What about the category "Fuck Off" money?  Maybe if we just give the illegals $1 mil each, they'll go back home? I thik its a great idea that hinges on 90% of them going home ,then we devalue and eventually get rid of the fiatskys... problem / solution.

BlindMonkey's picture

I figure we could offer each black $250k to give up the US papers and head to the African paradise of their choice.  Sounds like a win-win to me.

besnook's picture

fuck you money is the new american dream. it opens the door early for other dreamers who want to retire at thirty to do other things without money pressure like one guy i know who makes custom chopsticks, another who opened a custom speed shop(car engines) and a third who goes fly fishing from spring to fall.

randombraindead's picture

But the fuck eveyone money will ruin that.  They have enough money to sue the shit out of your little business, buy the stream you liked fishing on, buy the forests you liked hunting in, buy the island you liked vacationing on.

As a side note, this article bummed me out since I thought my life satisfaction was so much higher as a result of the wisdom gained from growing old.

chiquita's picture

Yeah like that shit Zuckerberg trying to take over all that land in Hawaii and suing the locals to keep them off "his" property.  Sometimes too much money is exactly that.  It sort of depends on who has it and what they do with it.  Think Soros and the other ilk that have decided the best use of their F-everyone money is to fund civil disobedience at their political whims rather than use that money towards whatever liberal good deed causes or creating productive jobs for real people.  The idle rich are dangerous people.

Dr. Venkman's picture

TLDR: wall street attracts sociopaths.

CRM114's picture

It not only attracts them, it won't hire anyone else.

I Write Code's picture

I've met a couple of ex-Googlers who I presume walked away with 8 to 9 figure jackpots, simply because they were there at the right time and were moderately competent.  Walk away with $20m in cash and stock, and, well, they'd only be embarassed by later employees if they stayed, and frankly they might depress later employees by clogging up the senior ranks.  Still, I'm happy to hear it, too many Silicon Valley "successes" do NOT pay out to any but the promoters and VCs.

BlindMonkey's picture

I hate to be a nay sayer here but I've not met a moderately competent googler.  Those fuckers are sharp.

ElTerco's picture

Who is dumb enough to work for someone else after they have $5 million in the bank? It's not worth the hassle.

Muad'Grumps's picture

But is your 5 mil hedged? What is cash now at this point in monetary history? Tbills? Apple?

If those retired Gogglerati are not postioned right the next few years...they will be crawling back for their ole jobs again.

scintillator9's picture

5 million US dollars at this point in time may sound great now, but at some point in the near future, it may be the equivalent of $10K.

Think of what $20 could buy just 20 years ago, and extrapolate from there, or, think of how quickly that nest egg could be consumed in a nursing home when at this point in time, it costs at least $10K per MONTH to be domiciled there.

Assets are fine, it is cash flow (lack thereof) that usually gets one in trouble.

ed31337's picture

You were on the right track, but somehow got lost on the way to the destination. $5M today is great, but at some point in the near future, may be equivalent of $10K. THEREFORE, it makes sense to quit working right now and spend all your time spending down that money as it is worth a lot TODAY, rather than continue working and saving up more which will be eroding away as fast as you earn it.

Nursing homes are for the little people who aren't thinking big.

Perhaps these rich ex-Google guys are going to go get themselves young, foreign (if necessary), brides and build themselves an off-grid homestead that can sustain them well into the future, regardless of how worthless money becomes. Or perhaps they've got plans to build their own businesses beyond Google, which would be another way to sustain themselves into the future. 

I wouldn't worry about these guys' cash flow. Chances are they have just enough stock options to maintain sufficient cash flows through dividends alone. The only way they'll be crawling back to their old jobs is if Google starts failing in their absence and they need to get the gravy train flowing again.

amusedobserver's picture

Scintillator9, if you crank it up to 10, you will realize that you could invest $5 million in AT&T stock, which, as I write this, is currently paying a dividend of 4.8%.  That comes out to $240,000 per year, or $20,000 per MONTH.  You could not only afford a nursing home, but also have gourmet meals catered in, and have your own pimped-out wheelchair for cruising the hallways.


As for thinking what $20 would buy in the past, I did that recently when I found a $20 bill in a little piggy bank I put there back around 1975 or so.  Back then $20 would pay for you and a date to go to the movies, with drinks, popcorn and candy bars, and then go out for a hamburger and shake afterwards--and still have a little bit left!  Last week, $20 didn't even cover my wife and I seeing a matinee (we brought in our own candy bar).


If I had put 20 silver dollars in that bank, they would be worth about $300 now, and I could party like it was 1975 once again.

ElTerco's picture

...and those qualified dividends are taxed at 15%, unlike income that is taxed at 50% (Federal, state, social security and other taxes). Again, continuing work is just not worth the hassle.'s picture

My number was significantly less than that.  

If you are careful w/ your money you can say fuck you and walk away and sleep in every morning.

cbxer55's picture

I sleep in every morning. I just have to work nights to do so. Works for me.

Krungle's picture

Professional athletes. Then again, many of them are dumb enough to make 9 figures by the age of 30 and be broke by 40...

randombraindead's picture

Your work is not like their Work or their work.  Plus, maybe they go there to spend time with their friends.  I imagine life loses some of its meaning when you slink away in your prime and live amongst the masses.

ElTerco's picture

It is easier to have friends without work since there is more free time. Also, my life has a lot more meaning now than when I had to focus all my time on bureaucratic minutiae that blocked real progress on work.

Angelo Misterioso's picture

like the matt damon clip - +1000

Condition 1SQ's picture

Well, I hope these people realize how lucky they got.  If people knew google would take off like it did, most of those OG googlers wouldn't have been able to make it past the first round of interviews.  Right place, right time.

Reginald Blome's picture

I'm from the Bay Area and know quite a few moderately competent (by valley standards) "right place right time jackpot" people. Very arbitrary, for each of them there are a ton of equal/better people who are still chugging along. 

Because of the insane cost of living, even a salary of 200+k is not a pleasant place to be financially. Old school buddy just bought a modest $1.4m 3br/2ba an hour commute from his work, $5k/mo interest only mortgage and $2k/mo property tax!

There's a reason I'm FROM the bay area :)

RAT005's picture

Interesting to see real numbers.  Funny thing about $200k/yr. If the cost of living in an expensive place is $100k/yr, there's still another $100k to be comfortable.

Does bring a little reality check to how much BC money is going down the collective drain on the vast population of expensive staff that often never achieve anything viable.

DaveA's picture

Silicon Valley is a great place to sleep in a shipping container for a few years while amassing a nest egg that will allow you to retire someplace with nice scenery, low cost of living, and attractive, sweet, available women.

Few single women can afford to live in Silicon Valley, and those who can are insufferable femcunts. When every social event is a 100-to-1 sausage fest, paying men more money just enables them to move away sooner.

ed31337's picture

You've hit the nail on the head! Tech work like this is brutal. Long hours, no women, high cost of living, etc. But do it right and maybe, just maybe, you can get out to retire into a better life before you're old and just about dead. 

Living in a shipping container is a good idea, but it doesn't go far enough in my opinion. You still have to pay for a place to park it on, pay for utilities, etc.

If I had to do it again, I'd get me a van to live in while working at one of these high pay/high cost of living places. Cut my expenses to the bone while living on the fringe and just work like mad saving up everything as fast as possible. Strap a solar panel on the roof for electricity. Shower at the company provided gym (or personaly funded gym if the company doesn't have one -- it'll still be cheaper than paying utilities). Make use of free WiFi hot spots. Don't even bother with utilities, property taxes, rent, etc. Save every penny of that $200K/yr you can.

Given the huge number of hours these types of people put into work, it's not likely they'll be spending much time "at home" anyway. Suffer through it all for a few years and then GTFO!!! ;-)

DaveA's picture

Now all you need is a way to time-shift that Silicon-Valley income into later years when you'll have a wife, a few kids, and be in a much lower tax bracket. The IRS wants you to stay a celibate wage slave forever!

general ambivalent's picture

Fuck everyone, pay everyone.

NoYouAreAnAsshole's picture

Studies have shown that 51% of the US population makes $30k or less a year.  This "study" is attempting to say that 45% of those making $30k a year or less are "very satisfied?"  What a load of crap. 

Americans making that little in a year are miserable fucks that likely contemplate offing themselves at least once a day.  Think about it. 

$30k a year is just $2500 a month.  Take away $500 a monthy for the cost of forced social security, medicare and likely a company health care plan or worse ovomitcare and that leaves just $2000 for the month.  Just rent averages, for the most modest of housing, $800 plus a month including utilities.  A car payment including upkeep and fuel is easily $300 a month.  That leaves $900 or $225 a week for everything else including food, clothing, insurance and entertainment with zero left over for investment.  If that were for just one person, yeah it would be a shithole way to live, but doable.  Likely, however, that "princely sum" is for a least a spouse and throw in a couple of kids and the walls aren't just closing in, but collasping all around. 

So, this "study" sounds like from one of those elitist fucks making up stuff after looking at his asswipe.   

cbxer55's picture

NoIAmAnAsshat  ;-)

Don't know who the asshat is who downvoted you (wasn't me). Probably the cat looking at his asswipe. Because what you say is the truth. I, as a single guy, could not live very well on $30,000 a year. Ratty tatty clothing, lots of Ramen noodles for sure. Yeah, life would suck big time. If I were to go from where I am to that level, I would off myself in short order. Life would be pure misery.

Silver Savior's picture

It's not that hard to live off of if you are anti consumer like I am and have low bills. I work retail and buy a whole lot of precious metals and that makes me very happy and I somehow maintain a 401k too. 

Iconoclast's picture

Maybe ok if you're single, don't go out, own fuck all other than a few ounces of silver that you polish each night in front of your old Sony crt tv, never travel abroad, never date, never upgrade...