The Difference Between "F##k You Money" And "F##k Everybody Money"

Tyler Durden's picture

Submitted by Daniel Drew via Dark-Bid.com,

Something strange happened at Google recently. Bloomberg alleges that Google paid its top level employees so much that they crossed the line into "F*** You Money" territory, prompting the employees to pack up and quit. While this intriguing turn of events may have transpired at Google and other technology companies, this would never happen on Wall Street for one reason alone: "F*** You Money" is simply not good enough for the fast money crowd. The pinnacle achievement in the investment industry is "F*** Everybody Money."

As the Wall Street Journal aptly noted in their concise chart, most people making less than $10,000 are dissatisfied with life.

As people approach the $100,000 mark, most of them are satisfied. That's why it's not terribly surprising to see stories like this one. Bloomberg reports,

"Early staffers had an unusual compensation system that awarded supersized payouts based on the project's value. In addition to cash salaries, some staffers were given bonuses and equity in the business and these awards were set aside in a special entity. After several years, Google applied a multiplier to the value of the awards and paid some or all of it out. The multiplier was based on periodic valuations of the division, the people said. A large multiplier was applied to the compensation packages in late 2015, resulting in multi-million dollar payments in some cases, according to the people familiar with the situation. One member of the team had a multiplier of 16 applied to bonuses and equity amassed over four years, one of the people said."

The whole purpose of compensation is to prevent employees from leaving. Ironically, Google's high pay caused just the opposite, turning traditional compensation theory on its head. This whole episode will be a case study for human resources departments for years. Why does high pay cease to be an incentive after a certain point? The compensation analysts apparently forgot to read the Wall Street Journal study. Most people are satisfied with "F*** You Money."

Legitimate retention efforts start at the hiring process. If you have such a valuable project, finding highly qualified people is not enough. You have to find people who are both qualified and exponentially driven by money - with no cutoff point. You need someone who isn't satisfied with "F*** You Money." What you need is someone who settles for nothing less than "F*** Everybody Money."

What is "F*** Everybody Money," and where can you find these people? Look no further.

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Cole The Bar's picture

After taxes, I bring home roughly 35k a year. I live comfortably for a 26 year old. Drive a sports car. Eat what I want. Own pm and have a nice 401k already going. Going to buy a house in about 1.5 years.

What the hell are you guys doing wrong? You're all so angry and stressed.

Iconoclast's picture

Your anecdotes are not data. He stated he could easily live off 35 grand, I don't even want to try, have no intention of trying to live off such a small amount. And the average USA household income is circa 50 grand which in real terms hasn't budged for 30+ years.

Oh and you're not buying a house in 1.5 years, you're taking on a massive debt assuming you stack up, to buy a temporary wooden shack, the staple build of the American house build industry.

Cole The Bar's picture

The point of my anecdotes was to provide an alternative view of the ~30k figure. just my 2 cents!  Guess im represented farther up in that graph you guys :)

Iconoclast's picture

Your salary is nothing, you're the Precariat, sadly you don't realise it.

Silver Savior's picture

Actually I am not single, hate to travel and don't want to upgrade to the junk they make these days.

Silver Savior's picture

30k is about the best you can do anymore. Even getting to that is hard. I made it to 32k and have lower than average bills I am quite happy because I buy a whole lot of silver to hedge against this poor excuse for an economy.

Joe Wazzzz's picture

Just a few thoughts. You may have to pan the gold out of this stuff. The secret to happiness is not how much money you make but whether you live within your means. Debt is responsible for 90% of the evil in this world. It appears from the chart that most people can live more comfortably within their means if they are making more money which you would think would be common sense, but it isn't. Debt addiction is not restricted to any particular class. Wealth has other purposes.

Put simply, money buys necessities first, then niceties and after that it buys people, their labor, ideas and their loyalties. You can see the evil progression. So when people ask how much is enough, the answer is, it's enough when you own everything and everybody. Problem is, if you overpay the people you are buying, they start to buy their own people and then you have competition and wars.

chief's picture

dont get the fuck you package thing, surely the thing to get after a fuck you package is another bigger fuck you package?

anyhow google is smart enough to know if they dont pay the correct people the correct amount, whether it's fuck you amount or not, those people will turn round and say fuck you and google will become yahoo.

if you are yahoo and you decide instead of paying or promoting people, the cheaper option is to screw them, then yahoo will become altavista.

if you are altavista and you decide the only way out is cheating and stealing other people's IP, then go fuck yourself...

its a very slippery road to shit...

Iconoclast's picture

According to a recent Forbes article 69% of American adults have less than a grand savings. Clsoe on 50% can't lay their hands on 400 dollars right now without borrowing. There's your American Dream right there.

The Secret Shame of Middle-Class Americans. Nearly half of Americans would have trouble finding $400 to pay for an emergency.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/05/my-secret-shame/476...