TSA Launches "Invasive" Pat-Downs With "More Intimate Contact Than Before"

Tyler Durden's picture

As a result of a study, which found that weapons routinely make it past airport security, the TSA is introducing “more rigorous” and “comprehensive” physical inspections at airports around the country, according to Bloomberg. The security agency, which until now had the option of using five different types of physical pat-downs in the screening line, is eliminating the "options" and replacing them with a single, universal method which would involve heavier groping.

The Transportation Security Administration made the announcement to its agents this week, and in the case of Denver International Airport employees, advised employees and flight crews on Thursday that the “more rigorous” searches “will be more thorough and may involve an officer making more intimate contact than before.”

In an ominous warning, TSA spokesman Bruce Anderson told Bloomberg that "people who in the past would have gotten a pat-down that wasn’t involved will notice that the [new] pat-down is more involved." The shift from the previous, risk-based assessment on which pat-down procedure an officer should apply was phased in over the past two weeks after tests at smaller airports. In their notice, Denver airport officials said employees are subject to search at random locations: “If a pat down is required as part of the operation, badged employees will be required to comply with a TSA officer’s request to conduct a full body pat down.”

The new policy will also apply to pilots and flight attendants, classified as “known crewmembers” who generally receive less scrutiny at checkpoints. The TSA conducts occasional random searches of these employees, and airlines this week inquired as to whether their employees would be subject to more frequent pat-downs. The number of random searches for airline crews isn’t changing and will remain a “very small percentage” of the total, Anderson said. But airport employees may face more random checks.

Anyone who declines use of the TSA's existing conventional scanner screen will be subject to the new pat-down. The TSA currently screens about 2 million people daily at U.S. airports. The agency doesn’t track how many passengers are subject to pat-down searches after they pass through an imaging scanner.

The TSA has been criticized in recent years for its overall screening techniques after an internal investigation by Homeland Security in 2015 found that the TSA failed an unbelievable 95 percent of airport security tests, allowing undercover agents to successfully and repeatedly smuggle mock explosives and banned weapons through checkpoints in the country’s busiest airports. As a result, the TSA has been in desperate need of change and the physical inspection would be a good place to start.

That said, the agency has been ridiculed for years for causing delays at airports and being largely ineffective at detecting contraband. The good news is that while passengers may find the new patdown more intrusive, Anderson promised that the new screening procedure isn’t expected to increase overall airport security delays. However, “for the person who gets the pat down, it will slow them down.”

As Bloomberg adds, in December, a CNN political commentator, Angela Rye, posted an article online describing her “humiliation” during a TSA agent’s search. Rye wrote in graphic detail about the pat down of her genitals during a search at the Detroit Airport before a flight to New York.

TSA officials didn’t immediately address whether the new universal pat-down protocol will mandate touching of passenger genitals.

While the physical screening process has been a stress point for the TSA practically since its inception, the agency has tried to make travelers more comfortable by pairing them up with people of the same gender for pat-downs and also giving people the option of being inspected in a private room, however at the cost of substantial travel delays. However, as some have mused out, it still doesn’t answer one of the most confounding questions about the TSA: "Is America really any safer because some underpaid worker grabbed a pussy at the airport?"

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aloha_snakbar's picture

Sounds good to me. Ill drag out Mr Happy and they can 'search' him all they want...

1980XLS's picture

Who would want to Pat down Pelosi?

Only in a Pizza Parlor.  

mofreedom's picture

Why do I mostly get patted down by black men who rarely speka da inglsh, and why am I selected for advanced screening most times?  White guys don't touch me but with a breeze.  Wouldn't mind being patted by a Swede gal but they have better opportunties in life.  Oh well.

LowerSlowerDelaware_LSD's picture
LowerSlowerDelaware_LSD (not verified) mofreedom Mar 3, 2017 7:11 PM

Huma Danger and Hillary(!) are applying to be female pat down implementers...

philipat's picture

What a farce this has all become. It clearly has nothing to do with security and everything to do with conditioning the sheeple to accept ever more egregious breaches of Constitutional rights. All "for your safety", of course.

kavlar's picture
kavlar (not verified) froze25 Mar 3, 2017 8:56 PM

We've got Israel which did 9/11 to thank for this crap.


erkme73's picture

2010.  The year I quit my traveling job in protest of the TSA.  Have not set foot on a plane since them.  Burn the whole f-ing thing to the ground.

Dabooda's picture

Have some fun, guys: Nest time you enter the screening gate

1. Opt out.

2. Tell the screeners you self-identify as female, and DEMAND a female groper . . . er, screener.

3. Channel Meg Ryan's performance from "When Harry Met Sally." (oh my GOD, YES! YES!)

The only drawback might be if they manage to find a  screener for you who is also biologically male, but self-identifies as female . . .

TheReplacement's picture

That's a helluva closer right there.

prime american's picture
prime american (not verified) TheReplacement Mar 4, 2017 3:47 AM

I'm making over $7k a month working part time. I kept hearing other people tell me how much money they can make online so I decided to look into it. Well, it was all true and has totally changed my life. This is what I do... http://bit.ly/2jdTzrM

Erek's picture

Why not just replace TSA with Chester the Molester? He will do this same shit for only a shiny penny.

Sanity Bear's picture

when they touch in that special spot

whisper "I love you"

and start moaning softly

TeamDepends's picture

Might as well check the prostate while you're up there, Chester. And how is Ms. Molester these days?

bh2's picture

Who knows, TSA may soon offer a free hand job for only a modest additional fee.

Socratic Dog's picture

It was interesting that the CNN reporter started her diatribe about having her cunt touched (link in the article) with "of course, we all want to be safe".

That's the problem right there.  Are these fucking clowns really so stupid they don't see it?  You want to be safe?  Take a handgun on board then.  If you don't like that option, spread your legs.

Dugald's picture


Every body come feelup feelup......

liverdiefree's picture

If you possessed a functioning brain your posts might be better - or not.

Ragnor789's picture

South Park's impersonation of the TSA is spot on. All we can do is laugh.

knukles's picture

Whoa whoa whoa hold the boat ...
Wasn't this kinda stufff supposed to get less stringent under the Doanld?  You know, deport the illegals and leave me the fuck alone?

This is not working out the way a whole lotta people been hopin' for....

Have we been had?

MisterMousePotato's picture

When I see things like rapturous blond chick above, I actually start to wonder if the white privilege people are onto something.

Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

So, lets see.  We give the TSA Precheck/Global Entry chick the vagina grope---who is a citizen, but we can't close the border to people that we have no fucking clue who they are, what they represent, or who they might kill---I bet they don't even get grabbed by the pussy in their "entrance interview".  Ya, that sounds about right.

She should have screamed "YOU'RE PULLING OUT MY TAMPON!!!"

On a side note, she has probably voted for and supported every single instance of Granny Vagina Groping, and Let in anyone/everyone from the Middle East no questions asked policy.  You got what you forced down everyone else's throat lady.

Stuck on Zero's picture

Several studies have shown that hot blondes get patted down more often than Middle Eastern males. It's one of the perks of being a TSA inspector.

tmosley's picture

We did not vote for Trump in order to make the already overly intrusive security theater into a fucking porno.

Fire whoever came up with this shit.

PT's picture

May as well ask a labrador if he has eaten enough food.
May as well ask a drag racer if his car has enough power.
Mas as well ask a woman if she has enough shoes.

The more you give, the more they take.  This shit does NOT stop voluntarily. 

BTW, how much screening is done on the illegal immigrants?

Lost My Shorts's picture

Illegal immigrants are screened by their coyotes for full payment.  The screening is very tough, don't worry.

SoDamnMad's picture

All you people line up hours early to get groped. I just pay Akmed, the baggage handler, $50 to take my box with "alledged" food that can't go through customs but actually has Semtex,pistols and ammunition through the catacombs of the terminal and bypasses all that TSA shit. 

Hey, is that an AK I see hidden in the panty line of your butt?  Gotta check this out  a bit further cause you Never Know. 

BabaLooey's picture



I supported you.................and NOW this - FROM THOUSANDS STANDING AROUND?

Fire someone - pronto~

(And to the "you've been had" fuck commenters - see? Us "Trumpians" DON'T  lemming along like Soeteros' bitchez DID FOR THE LAST EIGHT GODAMN YEARS......)

................AND SO WHAT THE FUCK DONALD?

flaunt's picture

Yeah sounds about right in Twilight Zone America. TZA would be a much more appropriate acronym for this most disgusting of alphabet-soup agencies.

Nobody For President's picture

Hey, don't knock my favorite ETF short...

ConnectingTheDots's picture

I am still trying to figure out why the blond in the picture is smiling.

mkhs's picture

It is probable staged since she is form-fitting attire, or she tipped $10 for the "happy ending."

DollarMenu's picture

This shit coud be stopped dead if every one would just sit on their asses for a few weeks.

But, each flight that every passengertakes is so vitally important, they would probeble go so far as to have blood draws and give hair samples before they even thought about the word "invasive".

Forget rights, it's because of those damn terrorists that we demand to be imprisioned.

Have not been on an airplane since Chhertov's scanners were installed.


PT's picture

For the rest of them, how much will you take before you start with the sexual harrassment lawsuits?  But I guess that will only result in mandatory "consent" forms being condition of buying a ticket.

mkkby's picture

Look how much that hot blond is enjoying being groped by the white-haired old lesbo.  If you are loney, the airport is the new pickup spot.

Why fight it?  I'm not ashamed of my body.  Go to the airport in a speedo and flip flops with no shirt.  Better yet, a bath robe with nothing underneath.  After you go thru security you can change into your mormon uniform, if that's what you like.

Shed Boy's picture

"Have we been had?" Short answer: YES! Long answer: YES! Honestly, anybody who has watched how politics work in the last 30 years would have known we were had, one way or the other, before even heading to the voting booth. Politics = status quo.

logicalman's picture

If you voted, you've been had.

Yog Soggoth's picture

I think the guy who came up with this is probably already under investigation in pedogate along with a whole lot of the employees.

Twee Surgeon's picture

Perhaps it has more to do with Identifying the people that will turn on the Constitution for a paycheck. In the long run ?

A poetic pointing tool from above. These are the ones that sold their neighbors.....

I suspect that names and addresses are being researched and taken and put on lists by more than just the Government ?

The Popular groundswell indicates that many clever and quiet people are very concerned and are acting upon it.

The Internet..........They did not expect it and they were not prepared to keep the Illusion going.

Very inconvenient for them, it is.


Giant Meteor's picture

I'm not downvoting you because his theory is correct. His comment however, was far from the usual delusional, and that alone is worthy of unusual consideration.

Good God man, have you been paying attention?

Delusional, it's  whats for dinner!

"In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king!"

Hell for all I know, Twee might inherit the earth,

Now THATS delusional ...

zeronetwork's picture

All this pat-down, taking shoes off and removing belts is nothing but shaking American public's pride down.


Don'tCallMeShirley's picture

"What a farce this has all become. It clearly has nothing to do with security and everything to do with conditioning the sheeple to accept ever more egregious breaches of Constitutional rights. All "for your safety", of course."

This times 100.

Boygoy's picture

Ritual humiliation is the order of the day for us iProles in the Empire of Lies.

Bobrsta's picture

Yep, and we accept it completely. We no longer deserve the freedom that our forefathers bled for.

ne14truth's picture

You my friend are correct, security theater, don't yell fire.