Retired Russian Colonel Warns Trump: "We're Seeding The US Shoreline With Nuclear Mole Missiles"

Tyler Durden's picture

In an "Onion-sounding" article in Russian tabloid Komsomolskaya Pravda, titled "Trump-Pump-Pump And Our Big Bang", Russian military expert Viktor Baranetz, a retired colonel and former defense ministry spokesman asserted that Russia has asymmetrical responses to the increase in the U.S. military budget.

The Middle East Media Research Institute reports that, according to Baranetz, Russia is "quietly 'seeding' the U.S. shoreline with nuclear 'mole' missiles" that "dig themselves in and 'sleep' until they are given the command" to detonate.

Following are excerpts from Baranetz's article

"Our Asymmetrical Response Is Nuclear Warheads"


"The U.S. is the permanent 'world champion' in the size of its military budget – almost $600 billion, which is 10 times more than Russias. Even if we add together the military budgets of the top ten countries in the world, they would not reach the American budget! Now it turns out that even that is not enough for Donald Trump. He intends to increase defense expenditure by $54 billion. This money would be enough to maintain five Polish armies. Or 10 Ukrainian ones.


"The American public is already grumbling at Trump, who prefers guns to butter. But cunning Trump understands what his trump card is: He is 'buying' the support of the army, as well as of military industry corporations. Former Chief of the General Staff of the Russian Army Yuri Baluyevsky is certain that 'the idea to increase defense expenditure was presented to Trump by the U.S. military, who argue a lot about the power of the Russian army, realizing this is an opportunity to get new money.' But how will Moscow react to the growing military budget of the U.S.? Baluyevsky answers: 'Russia will not compete with the U.S. in defense expenditure. We are in a different weight class. For us, the main question is how to ensure Russia's defense at a lower cost. I am sure that we have already found asymmetrical responses. I don't see a big problem here.'


"What are these mysterious 'asymmetrical responses' that our politicians and generals speak about so often? Maybe it's a myth or a pretty turn of phrase? No! Our asymmetrical response is nuclear warheads that can modify their course and height so that no computer can calculate their trajectory. Or, for example, the Americans are deploying their tanks, airplanes and special forces battalions along the Russian border. And we are quietly 'seeding' the U.S. shoreline with nuclear 'mole' missiles (they dig themselves in and 'sleep' until they are given the command)




"Oh, it seems I've said too much. I should hold my tongue.


"In short, we have something to provide an 'asymmetrical' (and cheaper) response to the Americans. But if Trump has money to burn, let him spend it on weapons that the U.S. may never even need. And they say Trump is a good businessman..."

Of course, we have no way to confirm whether this is fact or fake news, but we note that Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov dismissed these claims.

In response to a journalist's question on Baranetz's article, Peskov said: "This sounds strange, to say the least, and so I would suggest that you not take newspaper reports like this seriously."

Strange indeed seems to be the new normal since Trump became President. Does make one wonder what the Russian spy ship was doing just 30 miles from America's "primary East Coast Sub base a month ago."

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Canadian Dirtlump's picture

Insain McCain is going to go Dr. Strangelove on them. How about that shit?

Smerf's picture

He will no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids!

Stainless Steel Rat's picture

Dr. Strangelove: Of course, the whole point of a Doomsday Machine is lost if you KEEP IT A SECRET! Why didn't you tell the world, eh? 
Ambassador de Sadesky[Sheepishly] It was to be announced at the Party Congress on Monday. As you know, the Premier loves surprises.

Jäger's picture

This is Russian BS just like the Israeli's Simpson Option is BS

DownWithYogaPants's picture

Finally the deep state wakes up from its 40 year long nap and realizes its schtick is an antique and covered with dust.  But never you mind!  They salvage it with some cockeyed story of secret nukes at the bottom of the sea!

GUS100CORRINA's picture

I am wondering if everyone has lost their minds? We are doing what with nuclear weapons? Seeding them along the shoreline you say? Who do we have to thank for this development? OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!! Under Obama, our allies did NOT TRUST US and our enemies did NOT FEAR US.

If a nuclear exchange of any kind was ever initiated, the US "BOOMER" fleet (Ballistic missile submarines) would probably be called into service. May it never be because it would be the end unless GOD intervened to stop it.

Jim Sampson's picture

I guess we know why that Russian ship was spotted off the coast a week or two ago.

Thought Processor's picture



They're called sleepers.  They've been around for a long time.  


Nuclear ones though are kinda risky in that the can be found and retrieved by others.  And no one wants to lose a nuc.  


But it's a good bet they exist none the less.   Only question is where.  

Gold...Bitches's picture

Does make one wonder what the Russian spy ship was doing just 30 miles from America's "primary East Coast Sub base a month ago."


Oh, I don't know, maybe spying?  Sometimes a spy ship is just a spy ship.

jcaz's picture

Oh Vik- silly boy- if you HAD dropped in the sleepers,  my grandpa woulda come across them with his metal detector by now,  or my uncle who searches ever square inch of the Atlantic shore every month for shipwrecks woulda tripped over them by now-

But nice lob into the shitstorm that purports to be our "intelligence" agencies- can't say I wouldn't do the same if I were in your shoes- must be funny as hell to watch the libtards freak out.....

Creative_Destruct's picture

To: Viktor Baranetz,

Dear Colonel,

Enclosed please find your check in payment for "Operation Salty Mole"

Very well done. Paranoia spread. Justification for demonizing Russia maintained. Mission accomplished. 


The Deep State

Shemp 4 Victory's picture

THIS is the work of the legendary Russian Troll Factory®.

Coming up with a story guaranteed to make Vichy DC froth and steam: negligible cost.

Getting a retired "expert" to plant the meme: minimal cost.

Wild goose chase by the whole Vichy DC Military/"Intelligence"/"Security" Complex to develop the most expensive high-tech "solution" to the latest existential threat du jour: at least $5 trillion over ten years.

War fags like John McCain and Lindsey Graham stroking out from paroxysmal and obsessive rage: priceless.

stizazz's picture

They don't want to tell you that the jewish neocons are behind this Russian conflict.

Mano-A-Mano's picture


xythras's picture

Maybe this "fired" colonel is worried Trump might give in to exiled crook Khodorkovsky ideas:

Khodorkovsky’s Dream of Power: Trump Could Help Russia Drive Putin From Power


Lots of crazy Russians out there

jeff montanye's picture

a happier and more likely hope is that when putin and trump finally spend some quality time together, vlad explains who khod is and what he did and why he is where he is (switzerland) and where his compatriots are (jail, israel) and why.

and maybe trump, on his own or with assistance, starts to realize, or, better, more profoundly understands, why the neocons and neolibs are not his friends and why they didn't and will never support him.  

impeach him?  yes.  assassinate him?  you betcha.

de3de8's picture

Guy had to have had a little too much of the Good stuff as so preposterous on so many fronts. They did this without us knowing? The boosters are so powerful to propell through how much water depth? Containment systems are leak proof at such depths? Power source and communication system robustness for triggering? Many others of course.

BeanusCountus's picture

If you dont mess with them a little, they don't respect you. Just my opinion.

Zero Point's picture

Tsunami bombs. Like what took out Fukushima.

ATPCommish's picture

Maybe why the great barrier reef is dying? Ask xythras he's prob gotta spam link about somewhere.. Cept he blames it on the joos

aurum4040's picture

Let me tell you something...the Russians have absolutely no respect for Americans. They could give two fucks. If I was Russian, I wouldnt respect the US either. They are not stupid people - they are not going to attack anyone unless there is clear and present danger in their homeland - a mindset we should have maintained. They know damn well as do we that, at present, the Russian military is superior to the US and everyone else for that matter. With far less 'money' they have better technology, newer nukes, better missle defense, EMP weaponry, smarter computer scientists, they buy gold, newer tanks, better jets, better subs, their psyche is 10 times tougher than the toughest American soldier. Yeah, I said it and its true. Who lost 30 million people in WW2 and still made it to Berlin first? The Russians. Hell our hoorah BS is from the Prussians just like our training fundamentals. They pretend to have respect for US but they dont have any respect nor do they fear the US. They play the long game and are winning. And who just said fuck you to the US in Syria? The Russians - they dont give a fuck and they know, at the end of the day, if we attack them, they will win, hands down. They do not fear death nor famine nor economic collapse nor do their citizens. The US is made up of 98% complete panzi crap that would piss their pants if they had to deal with what Russians lives through. 

Giant Meteor's picture

Meh, can't argue with a man who is right ..

AKB0048Fan's picture

Most of the Bible is a crock of shit that is NOT the word of God... according to Deuteronomy 18: 20-22.

It plainly says how to recognize that which is NOT the word of God: the prophecy must come true within the lifespan of the prophet. If the prophet dies without their prophecy having come true, then that is PROOF that it was not the word of God. It clearly says this. has spoken it presumptuously, presume to speak, means exactly the same thing; surely that prophet shall die.

Nevertheless, most of what follows Deuteronomy in the Bible is false prophesy from false prophets who died without their prophesies ever coming true, and Deuteronomy clearly states that it is not the word of God.

20 But the prophet who presumes to speak a word in My name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or who speaks in the name of other gods, surely that prophet shall die.’

21 And if you say in your heart, ‘How shall we know the word which the Lord has not spoken?’

22 when a prophet speaks in the name of the Lord, if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the Lord hath not spoken; the prophet hath spoken it presumptuously; thou shalt not be afraid of him.

I am merely posting an effective anti-spam measure that will likely put an end to the "Biblicism Institute" {LOL} spamming once and for all. He should be moving on to greener pastures soon.

Giant Meteor's picture

Heard about a guy recently who pulled up one of those Sea Mole Nukes recently in a scallop boat drag net. He is the captain of said boat and ..

Shit wait, that was actually a left over barrel of mustard gas, you know, all rusted out and shit. Seems the good captain tried to give it the ole "heave hoe" to get rid of the oozing pustule, stat, and being a little over zealous got the shit on himself. Bad burn, three weeks in the hospital.

Thats some spooky shit right there ..

But, my understanding is, it gives good tangy flavor to the little sea creatures, you know, found on the plates and fine dining resturants all over the world. Bon Appétit !

pro tip, between you and me I'd stay with the Old Bay, and warm melted butter ...

Yog Soggoth's picture

There is a WW2 sub off Venice, Florida. My friend was about to dive it when gov. got on the radio and told him to leave the area immediately. I suspect it was a friendly fire incident, or possibly an Axis boat that got that close before being detected and the wartime propaganda team did not want it known for moral. It would make for an interesting salvage and documentary. Heck the artifacts could be worth a fortune.

BlindMonkey's picture

"But nice lob into the shitstorm that purports to be our "intelligence" agencies- can't say I wouldn't do the same if I were in your shoes- must be funny as hell to watch the libtards freak out....."


Asymetrical response indeed....KEK  


How  much do you think MIC will spend to find the mole bombs?

Chris Dakota's picture

Sounds like horseshit to me.


Okienomics's picture

Don't know about your grandpa, but the eyes in the sky see all and the Navy can mop up any so-called hidden assets under-sea.  Nope, this is another fine example of jawboning.  Seems to be a lot of that going on these days.

Stuck on Zero's picture

Our Southern border is wide open and millions of little biological timebombs are crossing it into U.S. territiry everyday. Why worry about the Ruskies?

Thorny Xi's picture

Millions a day. Moron. Wanna make $7000 a week being a moron?

BlindMonkey's picture

Are the immigrants the bio time bombs or are the immigrants' cooties the timebombs???



How is that 7k a week scam working out for ya?

keep the bastards honest's picture

It was never a 'spy ship" thats just juvenile response.

Just Rus sailing by. Probably on the  way to Antartica. England had Rus ships sailing past and went troppo.. sent out ships to follow and held its breathe too long. Childish. 

auricle's picture

Coincidence how the Russian propaganda comes minutes after the Snowden2 revelations. The boogey man is out there and we are here to protect you. Blah Blah Blah. 

Idaho potato head's picture

Same thing the US fleet is doing in the Black sea?

Falling Down's picture

Juat remember, though. We're the crazy ones. When I make comments to people about where ISIS came from, I get the usual canned response, about me being some "kook" who follows Alex Jones. Alex Jones is right at lesst some, if not most of the time. 

I get most of my international news here at ZH.


Vigilante's picture

I wonder what kind of spying that is?

Scouring the coast with their binoculars, 1700's style?


Lore's picture

MEMRI has a stinking reputation for FAKE NEWS, in my experience. Disappointing, that ZH wastes time on flights of propagandistic fancy. Next.

Tiger Rocks Dale's picture

What is noteworthy is the Quality of the propaganda in generalPublic opinion is quickly becoming irrelevant if the tool you measure it with is the quality and believability of the propaganda. It's like they don't even give a shit anymore, take CNN/WAPO/NYtimes an example.

Shemp 4 Victory's picture

One of the most shocking events in this new century is the decrease in quality of propaganda.

Check everything you want but propagandists must come with new drivel, drivel you can believe in.

Giant Meteor's picture

A salient point.

"They" don't deserve anyones fear or paranoia. What they deserve is naming, shaming, mocking, laughter and scorn laden ridicule. Not saying there isn't danger in that, cuz "they" don't LIKE, NOT being taken seriously, nor being publicly humiliated. It tends to make "them" upset and angry.

Upset and emotional human beings do all manner of stupid things. It is well documented. It is self defeating. And that is the object of the exercise. Let them defeat, themselves, with their own bullshit. Their ridiculous and obvious lies.

Laughing and ridiculing may be the very best defense / offense at the present time. Better certainly than loose talk regarding taking up arms and shit like that. More effective, less "collateral" damage.

I mean why "make THEIR day?" Why give them their rationalizations and "justification."

Not saying that watering the tree of liberty doesn't have its time and its place, it does, but that is a "last resort" and is nothing to bandy carelessly about or to take lightly.

"Telling truth, in an empire of lies, is a treasonous act."

Let us remember the fine tradition of Cato, Brutus , and Centinel, who writes:

"It is a maxim that a government ought to be cautious not to govern overmuch, for, when the cord of power is drawn too tight, it generally proves its destruction. The impracticability of complying with the requisitions of Congress has lessened the sense of obligation and duty in the people and thus weakened the ties of the Union; the opinion of power in a free government is much more efficacious than the exercise of it; it requires the maturity of time and repeated practice to give due energy and certainty to the operations of government." 

Creative_Destruct's picture

MEMRI quoting from a friggin' RUSSIAN TABLOID..... if there is a bottom in credibility, that's it...

BarnacleBill's picture

MEMRI is a Mossad operation, surely. Therefore, Israeli fake news.

Nona Yobiznes's picture

Bingo! MEMRI is an Israeli propaganda outlet. This story has less credibility than their racial colonies in the West Bank.

Galahad Threepwood's picture

3/11 coming soon top the Pacific north west.  


I was wondering how they were giong to blame the Russians

Vigilante's picture

How do you know MEMRI is unreliable?

You speak Arabic?

All they do is translate TV clips from various dune-coons who froth at the mouth against Israel/infidels

evoila's picture

Putin is laughing his ass off right now eating popcorn and watching Mr. Bean in Rat Race, except that he has had Uncle Sam's head imposed on it.

zebra77a's picture

This has been going on for a LONG time:




Dr Beter Files (Location of Underwater Soviet Nuclear Missiles)


Luckily the seals did not hold and the warheads were disabled under the water. The Fleet Dive Unit in Victoria discovered one by accident on a recreational dive. Then Trudeau had the Soviets remove their warhead that was sitting under the water in Georgia Straits..