Thursday Humor: Medicare Part G?

Tyler Durden's picture

Given today's vote fiasco, this seemed highly appropriate...

If you are an older senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself and need Long-Term Care, but the government says there is no Nursing Home care available for you, what do you do?


You may opt for Medicare Part G.


  • The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Part G) and one bullet.
  • You may then shoot one worthless politician.
  • This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the health care you need.
  • Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They are all covered!
  • As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now!


And, who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you they can't afford for you to go into a nursing home.  And you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it.


And now, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any more income taxes!


Is this a great country or what?



Now that you have solved your senior Long-Term Care problem, enjoy the rest of your week!

Source: Unknown

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cossack55's picture

Great freakin' plan.  I'm down


PS:  A 100 round drum mag would be better

Truther's picture

Plan XXX is already in the works.

stacking12321's picture

this was a bit redundant:

"You may then shoot one worthless politician."

they could have just said, you may then shoot one politician.

TeamDepends's picture

Breaking: Grandma Takes Out Obongodinga (turns out that was his real name)- Film At Eleven

ACP's picture

This starts happening, we may have to start opening old folks prisons.

Croesus's picture


wee-weed up's picture



Kill all the Rinos first...

Starting with McShitstain and his minnieme, Gramnesty!

Stuck on Zero's picture

Need to be pampered by the government? Claim to be a  Mddle East refugee and they'll set you upo with your own housing, allowance, phone, food, etc.

OverTheHedge's picture

One of Heinlein's books (possibly Time enough for Love), posited the idea that old people would eventually be designated as non-persons, therefore killing one would not be a crime. Obviously, we need to clear the Boomers out first, as they would never vote for that, but it could happen once the demographics and resource crises come together.

There are plenty of homeless people who commit petty crimes in cold weather, just to get some free accommodation. This is just an extension of that, but with a socially positive outcome to go with it. Top idea.

NoDebt's picture

Or we could just take away the right to vote for anyone 65 and older.  Congress could fix SS/MEdicare budget problems in 10 minutes after that.


peippe's picture

that's called Canada.

hear from oldster relatives up there, they don't want to come south because they 

have to buy special rider on ins. to visit. 

& they think they're well off, scared to travel.

Boscovius's picture

"Breaking: Grandma Takes Out Obongodindu (turns out that was his real name)- Film At Eleven"


Sonny Brakes's picture

When the time comes, don't be surprised when the folks who do opt for the G option decide to take it out on their nemeses while their at it.

J. Peasemold Gruntfuttock's picture

If the 'Truther' be known there is no need for plan anything as it's already here.

It once was frowned upon to live a 'life of crime' but now it's a 'crime of life' to be old.

The lack of political will makes end of life difficult, uncomfortable, agonising, drawn out, and emotionally and physically draining on family & friends.

Past societies and a few countries of late have dealt with this far better than we do. But I ask why do we make it so painful?

Why is the right to self determination a criminal offence leading to a desperate criminal act in repsonse?

What are the roadblocks:

- Shooting politicians is not the answer. There just aren't enough of them to go around. And even if you lined them up rank and file and used high  velocity munitions eventually you run out of enough momentum to do any damage.

- Politicians are afraid of perceived electoral backlash but will now be even more fearful of senior citizens in public. Expect new laws to be passed immediately for pensioners to be subject to intrusive 'pat downs' and on the spot cavity searches at any time. On public transport and airlines seniors will travel together in special isolated compartments that have reinforced walls, doors and bullet proof glass. Walking frames, sticks, colostomies and prosthetics will be x-rayed and stored in a secured hold until leaving the transport. Public spaces and buildings will enforce an age and stoop restriction policy; below the line you don't get to ride. Even retail outlets will shut the doors to these dangerous oldies. I can see the signs outside shopping centres now "If you chair is rocking don't bother knocking".

- Other non-violent felonies that will get you incarcerated do have some attractive benefits such as room and board for life, entertainment, education and healthcare, with the bonus that you are unlikely to be the target of 'bubba' and forced penetration as being a tight-ass all your life will make it physically impossible and the risk of losing control of 'motions' would put anyone off. But be warned that if you have a full set of dentures you may have to pay 'lip service' and swallow your pride. Dispose or secrete all assets before undertaking this venture and leave encrytpted  2-part instructions for action upon your demise. And don't forget to choose a suitable country for your crime spree as some have much better facilities than others, so get a copy of CrimLife's guide to 'Great Places to Serve Life' and pick a choice 4 or 5 star domicile.

But seriously folks we are not yet in Soylent Green territory but the right to have a comfortable retirement and ultimately end one's own life in a non-violent and painless manner at a time of one's own choosing is a debt that society owes to us for a lifetime of service.


J. Peasemold Gruntfuttock

Donald J. Trump's picture

Good plan in theory but if Granny needs to be in a nursing home, she probably won't be able to pull it off.  However, a new plan B (Buick) would probably work.  They can get their step bt step guide from Mohammed on the internet.

Chris Dakota's picture
Chris Dakota (not verified) Donald J. Trump Mar 23, 2017 8:44 PM

I know someone who died a few days ago. He had hospice care at home, after 6 months they told him "we have to leave now"

they left and he totally changed, and then died a week later.

His wife checked him into a morturary before he died!

Life has become cheap, real cheap.


44magnum's picture

Yep , it went on sale on Sept 11 2001. Been flying off the shelves ever since.

aloha_snakbar's picture

If you are smart, you will use a large cal and go for a head shot, maybe with two standing next to each other. Two Dodo's, one stone... WINNING!

divingengineer's picture

Now that is a payroll tax I'd gladly pay.

indygo55's picture

Nah! A well placed 22 long will do the trick. Granny won't need ear protection either. And while you're at it give her a few more rounds cuz these mutherfuckers tend to gather in groups and she can do the work of many. Go for it granny!


skinwalker's picture

I know this is satire, but consider something.

They could give the elderly a gun with the stipulation that they use it on themselves. This saves the state a fortune.

I'm sure some in high places are very interested in such a plan.

NoDebt's picture

Or we could just tell them it's their time to walk out on an ice floe.


LN's picture

We are already there.

How did the party go?


francissba's picture

Goddamittt!!!!!  This cheap-ass lousy fucking government gives me one fucking bullet!!! ARE YOU SHITTING ME!!

 Jesus H Fucking Christ, are you fucking kidding?

I paid millions in taxes to these motherfuckers and all I get is one lousy bullet.

What do I look like?  Barney fUCKING Fife

I want a 6 barrel 5.56 mini gun with 20 fully loaded 5,000 round ammo cans  set on 100 rounds per minute cyclical rate..  

That's what I call a good start.  That's what I call a fucking Plan G.  

Hells Bells, I'll even pop for the ammo.  I got at least that much in my bedroom closet.  

Just set me up, point in the direction of a boat load of politicians, maybe like the DNC convention and I'll take care of the rest.

Problem solved

What's even better is I get 3 hots and a cot in Pelican Bay Super Max with the most bad ass creds in the whole fucking joint

Rant off

thepozz's picture

OMG you made me laugh so

New_Meat's picture

Can't shoot worth shit, huh?

Theremustbeanotherway's picture

It's NWO standard issue. Let's just say that the bullet is for no one else. It probably comes with "loving" advice on removing your dentures first, the best placement of the barrel of the gun in the mouth and oher useful tips!!      

francis scott falseflag's picture


Sorry.  We wouldn't want you to take the janitor with you.



francis scott falseflag's picture


Part G ==  the grave

Nobodys Home's picture

Big fuck. I wake up every morning. Then I say the same thing. Shit!

francis scott falseflag's picture


Yep,  The only excitement I have to look forward to is getting conned out of my savings.


That takes your mind off of the superflous.

ebworthen's picture

More real than any politician would admit; and it doesn't need to be a law, it will be enforced by the citizenry.

If I'm 75 and they won't give me medical care why wouldn't I go out and take some of the S.O.B.'s with me?

francis scott falseflag's picture


Deep State welcomes every opportunity for two birds to pass away with one stone.


The more the merrier.  And the cheaper.

Nobodys Home's picture

Alm wirf you!...sorry, my teeth were a little out of whack. Over!

peippe's picture

between the Parkinson's & the glaucoma, 

most people at 75 can't hit the side of a barn, 

much less the strength to pull a double-action trigger.

Mentaliusanything's picture

I'm 63 and with a special swiss made progressive rifled 4 foot long barrelled rifle can take out a small watermelon at 1000 yards. No scope, Every damn time. Fullbore Belmont QLD Australia. Yes you can have a gun down here.

aloha_snakbar's picture

They should add an incentive/bonus plan for high value targets. Say you luck out and manage to get Barky Soweeto, you not only get prison, but you also get say 500K added to your account at the prison commissary!

cowdiddly's picture

If grannys gonna pop a cap in some politicians screw Part G/

Give her Part C-- a Claymore Mine.

LN's picture

I have Medicare Part G +.  Keep pushing.


LetThemEatRand's picture

This is very funny, but it also says everything we need to know about what's wrong with our society that we're apparently just fine with feeding/housing/giving medical care to violent felons via tax dollars, but not some poor old lady who can't eat thanks to Fed zero interest rates.  And we're also fine apparently with constantly expanding the laws that land you in prison, despite the cost.

Maybe we should start calling prison an "entitlement program", and some Red Teamers will wake up.

gmrpeabody's picture

I can't believe I keep agreeing with LetThenEatRand...

LetThemEatRand's picture

If you agree with me for more than four hours, call your doctor.  Then again don't, because the visit won't come close to hitting your Obamacare deductible so you'll be out of pocket.

serotonindumptruck's picture

Line 'em up. Preferably blindfolded and facing an open ditch.

shovelhead's picture

I told my wife if something happens to her I'm not going to hang around and cook for myself because it's a pain in the ass.

I was thinking to go in a bank, shoot the place up a little and watch them all shit themselves to catch the 3 hots and a cot express.

But I like this idea so much better...

Nobodys Home's picture

I like your original plan better...except Think Big! Shoot up the eccles building! They pay the politicians.

christiangustafson's picture

Seniors should look into the Big House Plan proposed by policy wonk Phil Hendrie several years ago:

Oldwood's picture

Better yet just claim Islam, and you might not even have to serve hard time. Maybe one of those minimum security campuses with art classes.

Wilcox1's picture

Now that was funny, and might even be possible in a more perfect world. But the more likely truth is Medicare Part S: Starvation while you Shit yourself to fucking death because you can't get outta bed.