Russia's April 1 Voicemail: "Press 2 For Services Of Russian Hackers, Press 3 For Election Interference"

Tyler Durden's picture

With the Russian election hacking scandal having gone from the merely strange, to the bizarre, to the ironic, to the McCarthyist, and most recently, jumping the patently absurd shark - as of last night, anyone who is against Hillary is "influenced by Russia" according to a former Clinton advisor - Russia decided to have some fun at the expense of US paranoia.

On Saturday, the ministry posted the following audio file of the "new" automated telephone switchboard message for Russian embassies.

"You have reached the Russian embassy, your call is very important to us. To arrange a call from a Russian diplomat to your political opponent, press 1. To use the services of Russian hackers press 2. To request election interference, press 3 and wait until the next election campaign. Please note that all calls are recorded for quality improvement and training purposes."

And just to make it clear, it is April 1: as AP observes for the countless spy agencies, and congressional committees still trying to explain how Moscow subliminally influenced millions of Americans to vote for Trump instead of Hillary, a ministry officer confirmed that the post was a joke.

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Truther's picture

This is fucking hilarious.... Go Putin.

yovatti's picture
yovatti (not verified) Truther Apr 1, 2017 9:19 AM

Well, the Russians actually are scumbags, so it's not really that funny.

corporatewhore's picture

Mr. Schumer, is that you?

Truther's picture

Actually, a hillary cunt.

Chris Dakota's picture
Chris Dakota (not verified) Truther Apr 1, 2017 9:34 AM

Press #4 for pissing hooker dossier

Belrev's picture

Here is the English part of the answering machine message

MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

Does the Russian government think this is a joke?? This is NOT a joke! Russian hacking is an act of war, which warrants a nuclear response! There is overwhelming pubic support for nuclear war with Russia. The only people who don’t want it are Russian agents and fake news journalists!

Timeless Wisdom From Pop Culture Icons

City_Of_Champyinz's picture

Fuck you and fuck your dinky ass spam website. You really are annoying and provide nothing but idiocy.

kavlar's picture

"You have reached the Russian embassy, your call is very important to us. To arrange a call from a Jewish neocon to brainwash you against us, press 1. To use the services of Israeli hackers pretending to be Russians, press 2. To request Syrian interference and piss the Israelis, press 3."

Mano-A-Mano's picture
Mano-A-Mano (not verified) stizazz Apr 1, 2017 10:29 PM

If Russia did not interfere in Syria, the Jewish neocons would not have been so pissed at him.






Lorca's Novena's picture

I 100% whole heartily agree MDB! There is NO place for jokes in times like these. The fake news media has rights too and I'll be damned if a foreign country makes this a laughing matter! The CIA controlled news outlets have worked very hard at undermining our liberties and they deserve respect dammit!! Ready the launch codes NOW and lets burn the whole effing thing down.

City_Of_Champyinz's picture

One dumbfuck agreeing with himself. Classic.

DFCtomm's picture

Considering the nature of this article MDB and anyone else wishing to engage in some cynical satire in the comments is more appropriate than your bellyaching.

City_Of_Champyinz's picture

Why you consider that link spamming dreck to be worthwhile is beyond me.  It is garbage.

espirit's picture

Controlled opposition, honeypot, limited hangout, spincter relief valve.

Need I say moar?


Ok, don't twist your panties so tight - we're in this for the long game.

buttmint's picture

...take that penis outta your ass before addressing ZHers King MDrainBamaged!

CurveBall's picture

Wow, someone had a full bowl of frosted retard this morning. I think you should go spend a night with some spent fuel rods and report back in the morning. Dumb ass...

ebear's picture

"When one dog barks at nothing, a dozen will bark with him."

I'm starting to like these Ukrainian proverbs.  Gonna use them more often I think.

Debt-Is-Not-Money's picture

Pubic response???????????

Whata dick!

Koba the Dread's picture

Yes it is a joke and it's hillariously funny. You, on the other hand, are a joke and not funny at all.

Truther's picture


------>Putin: A true statesman

------>Obama: Your BFF

Pure Evil's picture

You meant,

------>Obama: Your FFF



(Fist Fuck Forever)

Truther's picture

Maybe, if they are then you're a liberal pimp.

holdbuysell's picture

This is genius. An April Fool's joke at the expense of the US Government by calling out it's ridiculousness with this hyperbole. This shows just how little respect these countries have for the US government:

Zero Point Zero.

Lumberjack's picture

You really looked inside the Prince Albert can????

Chet Ricco's picture

What does Russia do that the U.S. doesn't? Spy on it's people? Engage in state sponsored assassination? Invade sovereign nations? Oh, I know what makes you angry! They don't allow homos access to children. Yeah, only scumbags keep their children safe. S/

i poop pink ice cream's picture

Good question. Part of the answer may be that the Russians don't eat genetically modified (GMO) food.

Koba the Dread's picture

Perhaps Russia doesn't spy on its own people. Perhaps it doesn't engage in state-sponsored assassination. It certainly doesn't invade sovereign nations! As to the first two accusations, you don't know at all what Russia does. All you have to go on are the words of lying politicians and lying media whores.

11b40's picture

How many Russians do you know? I know quite a few Americans scumbags, several Asian scumbags, and some scumbag Jews who have cheated me in commissions disproportionately more than any other race or Nationality over several decades of experience. I also know some truly fine Americans, Asians, and Jews.
Russians are largely white Orthodox Christians. Is that why you call them all scumbags?

The central planners's picture

Press #4 for the invasion of an insignificant 3rd world country.

Shemp 4 Victory's picture


Press #4 for the invasion of an insignificant 3rd world country.

Sorry, wrong number... you dialed the State Department. Have a cookie.

BarkingCat's picture

You need to give him a double eye poke with that.

MFL5591's picture

You have never been to Russia or the Ukraine and have no idea what the fuck you are even talking about.  Must also like McCain? 

TheLastTrump's picture

False dichotomy. Sorry, but you threw it out there. Not liking Russia does not equate to liking McCain.



luckylogger's picture

Well, the Russians actually are scumbags, But it is very funny and I do hope some of the tin foil hatted mainstream dems are good enough to get a good laugh out of it. hahhahahhahhahahha

ebear's picture

Pilot to bombardier: Approaching target.

N0TME's picture

That's fake news and you're the REAL scumbag.

Razor_Edge's picture

Give that poor starving man a potato.

Gavrikon's picture

Proud to be your 150th downvote.

Have you considered suicide as a path to self improvement?

bookofenoch's picture

Hahaha! I'm 157th!! Never seen such a dogpile, even on fonestar.

Jack Oliver's picture

I'm # 161 'yofatty' !!

Your 'down votes' would indicate that TPTB have little chance of swaying public opinion in favour of a war with Russia !

Thank You !

SoilMyselfRotten's picture

Press #4 if you need to know how to defend despot regimes against liberating forces

CuttingEdge's picture

Pressing #4 would redirect you to Langley, Virginia, methinks.

booboo's picture

"Liberating Force" So that's what you believe it's called when your government arms, trains and supports Radical Islamist nuts in invading a foreign country. Or for that matter sends our troops into a sovereign state without a proclamation of war. You are totally sold out bond slave to that criminal narrative and the very war criminals spreading Democrazy one dead civilian at a time, what a fucking TOOL.

TheLastTrump's picture

Actually, Assad and his Daddy are MURDEROUS DICTATORS but you refuse to see that because you don't want to.


So many of you leftist faux libertarian jackholes are internally dishonest. Something doesn't fit into your life view? IGNORE IT.


This doesn't mean that I agree with what the US has been doing, because pretty much everything Obama did was tainted with the AMERICA LAST rationale.