Scorpion Stings Passenger On United Flight

Tyler Durden's picture

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse for United Airlines, this happens.

According to Travel and Leisure, Richard and Linda Bell were on a United Airlines flight home from Houston to Calgary on Sunday, after spending two weeks on vacation in Mexico. And while they were not violently deplaned out of yet another overbooked airplane, a just as traumatic ordeal took place when a scorpion fell from the overhead compartment and on to Richard.

They didn’t immediately recognize the honey-colored, 1.5-inch animal until a passenger sitting next to them pointed out that it was probably a scorpion.

That's when things got even more confusing: according to T&L instead of promptly discarding the toxic animal, Richard took the scorpion from his hair and dropped it onto his tray. Then, predictably when he picked it up again, the animal stung him. Bell told Global News Canada that it “felt like a wasp sting.” Luckily, someone showed some common sense when another passenger took the scorpion, stomped it on the ground and then threw the remains in the toilet.

It is unclear how the scorpion got onto the flight, although the most likely scenario is that it snuck onboard inside someone’s luggage. United Airlines is investigating the incident.


This is not the first time a scorpion had made its way onto the cabin and bit a passenger. In 2015, an Alaska Airlines flight was forced to return to its origin airport in Los Angeles after a woman onboard was stung by a scorpion. The woman declined medical attention upon arrival.

Here's the punchline: upon landing in Calgary, emergency personnel came onboard the plane to examine Richard at which point he may have made the single biggest mistake in his life: "He showed no sign of distress, according to an EMS spokesperson, and declined medical attention."

That particular choice of words likely prevented Richard from becoming richer by several million dollars, something the infamous David Dao of "drag and drop" fame is eagerly looking forward to with his lawsuit of United Airlines.

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froze25's picture

Wow, you can't make this shit up, or can you.....fake news?

Jim Sampson's picture

Stick a fork in United...  it's done.

E.F. Mutton's picture

And in the cargo hold, dogs and cats were living together.  This is the end.  It's the Airline Apocalpyse.

duo's picture

There's a video where United left a cat and a dog out in the sun on the tarmac for 3 hours and nearly killed the dog. United wouldn't pay for the vet bill unless an NDA was signed. Nobody at United gives a shit about anyone or anything.

Latina Lover's picture


It just gets better and better.... I can imagine the new UA memes, LOLOLOL!

Just waiting for a picture of Putin stinging Trumps ass...We fly United...

NoDebt's picture

" instead of promptly discarding the toxic animal, Richard took the scorpion from his hair and dropped it onto his tray. Then, predictably when he picked it up again, the animal stung him."

Life is hard.  It's even harder when you're stupid.


Shitonya Serfs's picture

United...the gift that keeps on giving.

Temporalist's picture

United's official response was:

"At least it wasn't the bear...again..."

fx's picture

Too bad they had dragged the doctor out before take-off.

jcaz's picture

Somebody call Samuel L Jackson, I smell a sequel......

TeamDepends's picture

Scorpions On The Damn Plane Bitchez

beemasters's picture

Next, the media army will publish articles attacking the gay, drug pushing scorpion.

Bastiat's picture

David Dao, 69, suffered a concussion, broken nose and damaged sinuses and lost two front teeth when he was dragged off a flight Sunday to make room for United personnel, lawyer Thomas Demetrio said.

assistedliving's picture

it was McCain before the sun rises

Richard Chesler's picture

Scorpions, for when our thugs don't beat the shit out of you.

Fly the friendly skies.


JuliaS's picture

Computer made an unbiased decision to randomly place scorpions in the overhead compartments.

J S Bach's picture

"He showed no sign of distress, according to an EMS spokesperson, and declined medical attention."

Whadyaknow... there are actually a few honest people with souls still left in the world.  Kudos to this guy for being a mature adult in a world of greedy children.

Trogdor's picture

Cry Havoc! and let slip the scorpions of United! ... or something like that ....

PrayingMantis's picture


... I heard that UA treats their scorpions better than their passengers ...


Ghost of Porky's picture

I ain't sittin on no muthaf%##in' plane with no muthaf%##in' scorpion.

NoDebt's picture

Ok, ok, ok...

It's just a little pin prick

There'll be no more AAAAAH AAAAH AAAAAH!

But you may feel a little sick


Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Maybe in Canada insects are more friendly and personable. Where I am scorpions, black widows and rattlesnakes are just a way of life. My first day here were we cleaning out a utility shed and our neighbor was helping us. Lifting up some debris, I uncovered a juvenile rattler. My neighbor, nonplussed, pulled out her .357 and shot it. I was a bit taken aback and noticed my kids high tailed it into the house. I was staring at the large smoking hole in my shed floor, my ears ringing and she smiled at me " Welcome to the country!"


fishpoem's picture

Was this in Texas by any chance? Anyone who uses a .357 to kill a "juvenile rattler" is a complete fucking idiot! I've killed plenty with rocks and a pocket knife. They die easy - and are pretty good eating.

Yog Soggoth's picture

I grew up with the really big ones in the Everglades and we never killed them at all unless we wanted the skin or for food. They won't attack you unless you get to close, and they warn you ahead of time. Water moccosins on the other hand will pursue and attack.

Golden Showers's picture

I've eaten one. It's also badass to simply nail them to your front door.

FrankDrakman's picture

One of the great things about the Great White North is we have very few poisonous creatures. There are some snakes, but I'm not aware of any poisonous bugs that are frequently found here. 

Now, nuisance bugs - we have those. Go hiking in the woods in August in some places without strong repellent, and the black flies will pick the flesh off your bones. 

rosiescenario's picture

Overkill.....just use a shovel....thats what real country folks would do...not a 357 mag.

detached.amusement's picture

did she say here, hold my beer first....or was it with one hand while taking a sip


Golden Showers's picture

I place the diamondbacks we get in a bucket and walk them down the dirt towards NASA and let them go.

I've killed two. Hate to hurt the snake clan. It's the little rattlesnakes... they don't know how much poison to give so they give it all. Still there is the occasional bull snake. Saw a 5-footer on my porch and gave it a little petting. Saw a striped coachwhip that scared the shit out of me because it lunged at me from a few feet away. They have good vision.

Rattlesnakes are like New Yorkers. They tell you to fuck off if you get too close. Just don't do yardwork with earphones on. You'll step on one.

We get lots of scorpions here too. They shine under blacklight these ones.

Thinking about getting a mongoose though. Having a .38 with shot rounds is good for them snakes, but I just use a couple of sticks and a bucket. It's kind of fun!

Fucking tarantulas too! The SW is fucking awesome.

dogsandhoney2's picture

didn't mention gila monsters or javelinas.


Nobody For President's picture

Affirmative, No Debt.

Used to have a fair number of scorpions around the homestead until I cleaned up the old, rotten oak logs laying about - left when the place was logged for the fir in the 1950's. You really have to provoke them before they will sting you - my motto was live and let live. Only got stung once reaching under the lid on the spring box and put part of my hand on one hidden on the lid edge - about like a wasp sting - hurts but tolerable. Taught my kids to recognize and leave alone - that one sting has been the only one on the place for 45 years...

Scorpion Trivia: After a mama scorpion gives birth to a bunch (20?-50? - lot of the tiny fuckers) of baby scorpions, which are white, she carries then around on her back for awhile - interesting sight.

illuminatus's picture

Right and then he's too stupid to recognize that he could bring massive suit for the horror that just happened to him. It really is true.. There is no cure for stupid. And ' nice guys finish last'.

dogsandhoney2's picture

gots less ethics than a dog.


GunnerySgtHartman's picture

The only thing United gives a sh*t about is United ... passengers?  who cares about them?

edotabin's picture

Let's not kid ourselves, people are morons and nobody gives a shit about anything. This is what happns after years of dumbing down the population and giving the vast majority of them crappy dead end jobs.

nyse's picture

The hits keep coming. I thought the United memes were done. Nope - they're just getting started.

Yukon Cornholius's picture

My favourite Scorpions hit was Rock You Like A Hurricane.

RiverRoad's picture

The scorpion wanted the guy's seat for Pete's sake.  Sheesh, all the guy had to do was get up and MOVE.

Good Morning passengers.  Welcome to Gestapo by the seat of your pants.

Chupacabra-322's picture

@ JIm,

The only thing that can Save Face with United is to kick TSA, their Naked Body Scanners & Grouping Pedo's out of its Terminals.

Naa, never going to happen.

Forward to Fascism.


Will someone get these motherfukking scorpions off this motherfukking plane?


-Samuel L.

Mr. Schmilkies's picture

Scorpions on a Plane.  Just doesn't sound right.

sgt_doom's picture


Beaten to it again!


Mr Pink's picture

Relax's just United's new Reaccommodation Procedure

HRClinton's picture

Seems like a shark is trying to take over UAL, by first whacking them and their stock. 

Does not sound kosher.