Rich Kids Duped Into Fyre Music Festival Debacle In Bahamas - All Hell Breaking Loose, Ja Rule Involved

ZeroPointNow's picture


What was set to be the opening weekend of trust-fund millennial debauchery in the Bahamas has turned into nothing short of Lord of the Flies. The Fyre Festival - organized by Ja Rule and some guy who's scammed millennials in the past was hyped by models and advertised as a boutique luxury music festival held in Exumas, Bahamas. All inclusive tickets ranging from $4,000 - $12,000 were supposed to include a chartered private flight from Miami, private luxury tents, yacht rides, and performances from Blink-182 and about two dozen other artists.

Not so much...

The "chartered flight from Miami" turned out to be severely delayed coach seats, and upon arrival shocked concert-goers were met with partially constructed USAID disaster relief tents:


"Luxury" meals:

"Secure" lockers:

And an attentive concierge booth:

Hundreds of pieces of luggage were lost in transit, though a big container truck showed up in the dark to toss bags to a mob:

Just in time for the muggings and robberies!

Reports are rolling in of burning tents and anarchy:

Phones are dying, passports are missing:

Feral dogs are roaming around:

And relationships have been destroyed:

The US embassy is reportedly involved:

Oh, and Blink 182 canceled...

Only one question remains; WHERE IS JA?


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ThrowAwayYourTV's picture

Sounds like any outdoor concert I went to when I was a kid. Lucky they had tents and a cheese samich. We would go days without food and nights just laying on the ground.

They dont make us like they used to, do they?

That being said, this was suppose to be the headline band.

No too bad!

lakecity55's picture

Wow, let's go to a Pirate Island and party!


Goldennutz's picture

Steven Stubbe is a pussy!


Man up!

truthordare's picture

TRUMP is sending 5000 marines to secure the airport and protect the innocents, (apparently they discovered vast mineral deposits in the North of the Island last week)

Totin's picture

I know, crazy right? Obama was trying to convince Trump to just send a billion dollars so the locals could handle it.

dogismycopilot's picture

Seeing the photos of Ratajowkski and that Muslim model (bella) on the Fyre promo material, I am strangely reminded by that scene in Schindler's list where Ralph Fiennes is shooting Jews while he has a naked super model in his room.


But now, models including Elsa Hosk, Emily Ratajkowski, Bella Hadid, Lais Ribeiro, Hailey Baldwin and more are being accused of participating in one of the greatest feats of false advertising to date.

dogismycopilot's picture

God this is funny. 

Internet-is-Beast's picture

This really shows America is a class based society. It's interesting watching all the proles laughing at their betters. It's like having gypsies win a football match against Etonians on their own pitch.

No different from the brits except that yanks don't have titles for their aristocrats. Perhaps it is time to change that.

DarkestbeforeDawn's picture

Tweets from one of duped by William N. Finley IV.  Enough said

Bunga Bunga's picture

Spoiled kids have to feel like a homeless just for half a day and they are immediately crying for the US Embassy to come to the rescue, too funny.

Oh Crap's picture

This oughta freak the little bastards out

Oh Crap's picture

White liberals are about the lowest hanging fruit on the tree. Wonder where the hell La Ru Paul is hiding out with that quick $250,000,000 he just walked away with. He might not be all that book smart but he sure is thieven smart. Fortunately the cost of the ticket propbably didn't cost dad or mom to much but you can bet the kids allowance took a hit. Lesson learned? Not a chance.

aloha_snakbar's picture

I think the Globalists should have kept their millenials inside when they were spraying chemtrails... these people are exactly stupid enough to swallow their own tongues...       

aloha_snakbar's picture

I guess wiggers are doublePlus dumb compared to regular millenials...

nationstates's picture

At least they are rich enough to sue the promoters

Himself's picture

The Purge will not be cheap.

RDouglas's picture

Oh fuck, I can't stop laughing. If I look at that cheese sammich again I'm going to blow a rib. I hope none of these kids get hurt, no really, mmmmm, except "I'm hiding in tent 27" boy. I hope a local knocks HIM down and pees in his butt.

Blazing in BC's picture

I hope they flew AA

Umlott von Dweiseldorff's picture

I am overwrought with ambivolence......simply overwrought.  I am a results kind of man.  History has shown me that whenever a non-caucasian gets involved,  the results were always opposite of the intention.  One of dose stoopid stooges need bring me back a Yurt.  Maybe the only thing I have to live in when they start running things.

nodhannum's picture

Did they run out of playdough and coloring books for those safe tents.  The Organizers and Ja Rule have to be laughing their asses off.

Oh Crap's picture

All the way to da bank Bro!!!!!

cheech_wizard's picture

One final observation... Are those government cheese slices on that white bread?

Standard Disclaimer:

gmj's picture

Try to imagine the staff and the facilities where those lunches were made.

mtanimal's picture

I'm with the guy who seized the bar. That guy is getting anything he wants if he can defend it. Save the grain alcohol and empty bottles and bribe some big guys to stand watch. Offer to protect the chicks... the hot ones anyway.

TePikoElPozo's picture

"Does anyone know how to make weapons"

you mean... like, a rape whistle??

nodhannum's picture

Let me see?  Perhaps one of those Swedish "please don't rape me bracelets" or a "coexist" bracelet.  That should do it.

Sanity Bear's picture

Give your money to the tatted-up negro, what could go wrong?

Downtoolong's picture


$12,000 for a ticket to a porta-potty and shit on a shingle for dinner.


It would only be funnier if they had to enlist in the Marines to get back home.




AKKadian's picture

The rich globalist will lose, because their kids are Fucking morons. YOU LOSE GLOBALISTS.!!!

Mr.Danglemeat's picture

I was stuck in a Cat.5 Hurricane. We were taken by our host resort to a walled, private Catholic School in the center of Cancun. There's no power and no running water but the complex had two Olympic sized swimming pools aha!... Our back-up supply of Potable water!

After two days of sweltering, steam-bath humidity I took her ladyship into the bathroom and showed her how to take a bucket bath. When we came out, a lot of our fellow refugees were astounded by our freshness and within fifteen minutes, after dozens of baths and shampoos, both of the swimming pools were no longer potable..just murky grey water guaranteed to give you the shits.

  We don't go on vacations where there are lots of Americans anymore....because they're fucking stupid and stupidity kills.

Lostinfortwalton's picture

There are the same people whose parents pay $60,000 a year for them to go to Harvard, Yale, Princeton....after said parents have kicked in a few million to the alumni fund to get them accepted. This scam is small change.

GestaltNine's picture

lmao at the cheese sandwich omfg that's the best 

death2Tyrant-asauras's picture

does anyone know how to make weapons?


best line of the whole damn fiasco.


there seems to be little warmth of feelings  for the victims.

asscannon101's picture

A good reply would have been, 'Yes. Do you know how to field-dress and cook a human?'

Wahooo's picture

That person just became a conservative.


If you want something fucked up put a liberal dem in charge. If you want something completly fucked up put a nigger in charge. Its quite entertaining to witness the outcome. #winning. :)

thunderchief's picture

Yep.  Making idiots pay money to experience their future impoverishment. 

Anyone for a medieval youth based torture festival? 


Spine of Ruprecht's picture

Welcome, Democrat!  What a heritage you bring!

gdpetti's picture

Guess this doesn't matter much or I'd know who this Ja Rule person is.... is it a rapper? Who else would have a name like that other than that big fat character in Star Wars?


Just another dumb theiving ass nigger.

doomchild's picture

Are there people more fucked up and brain dead than Millenials ?

ableman28's picture

Is it too late to get tickets?

Incorporated by inference's picture

Bring our boys and girls home! Turn the Carl Vinson group around. That puts them in the Bahamas in 6-8 wks. This rescue may be the highlight of t bags first 100 days.
He may have to shoot Bill Clinton down. I heard he's fling in aid already.

. . . _ _ _ . . .'s picture

Rich kids getting USAid tents.


loub215's picture

when will these dweebs learn... Just cause you have it, doesn't mean you get to keep it! Lack of common sense is Darwin's greatest weapon...

. . . _ _ _ . . .'s picture


"Common sense" might be a misnomer. I really don't think "sense" is that common a thing at all.

Head_Shots_Work's picture

...and only a dumbass wouldn't have his passport underneath his balls at all times in a situation like this. And yes - I can make weapons at about any time and about out of anything - so how do I contact that poor fuck? ha ha ha.

Head_Shots_Work's picture

Gee - my heart bleeds for the fucks. I think I'm going to hold a Symbolic Hunger Strike. Oh- i'm hungry - so it's over.