Journalists Drink Too Much, Are Dumber Than Average, Study Finds

Tyler Durden's picture

A recent scientific study just proved something that viewers of CNN have probably suspected for years: Journalists' brains function at a lower level than the rest of the population. 

A study conducted by neuroscientist Tara Swift and the London Press Club determined that "the highest functions of journalists brains were operating at a lower level than the average population, due to dehydration, self-medicating, and fueling their brains with caffeine and high-sugar foods"

"However, the pressures of the job are not affecting journalists ability to endure and bounce back from adversity in the long term, due to a belief that their work has meaning," according to a press release from the London Press Club.

Journalists' brains show a lower level of executive function - that is, the ability of the brain to regulate emotions, suppress biases, switch between tasks, solve complex problems and think flexibly and creatively -  than the average person because to their heavy drinking, and caffeine consumption. They also eat too many high-sugar foods, and don't devote enough time to mindfulness.  

Dr Swart recruited 31 journalists from across the industry to participate in the study. Participants were required to record their eating and drinking habits, answer a brain profile questionaire, take blood tests, and wear heart-rate variability monitors. 

The study was initially launched to examine how journalists manage to "survive and thrive" while managing such high levels of occupational stress. "Journalism," the press release notes, "is one of many industries under an increasing amount of pressure in the digital age. Low pay, frequent deadlines, and high levels of accountability all contribute to high reported stress levels."

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moorewasthebestbond's picture

FIRST BITZHES!!!!!!!!!!!!


Nobody drinks or chows steroids like COPS!

remain calm's picture

Tapper brain has tapped out

Manthong's picture

That is exactly why I have not watched broadcast or cable TV and not purchased a newspaper or magazine for about 7 years now. I have pretty much given up on terrestrial talk radio now, too.

Ten bucks says the pic above was taken in London.


NoDebt's picture

How much brain fuction do you really need to report the approved propogandist narrative?  "Here are today's talking points, put some words around this, have it on my desk by 5:00."



cheka's picture

exactly.  the central control room writes it and distributes it to cnn, fox, abc, cbs, nyt, wapo, etc...

peddling-fiction's picture

The booze is to numb your senses and ethics.

4 wheel drift's picture

what ethics ?


these chimpanzees have no idea how to spell the word, let alone practice what it means

as for the boozing... is to forget they are retards...  

journalism: the practice of intelectual prostitution

meta-trader's picture

you can add an extra 1500/USD week after week in your income just working on the internet for a couple of hours each day... check this link...

el buitre's picture

I hear from reliable sources that computers are writing much of the newz.

Ex-Oligarch's picture

It was a memo by an unnamed person, read over the phone by an anonymous source.  Describe it as an "official account", the rubes will eat it up. 

-- NY Times

Dugald's picture


Ok but can you get central control to greatly improve their grammar and spelling....truly it stinks

barysenter's picture

No post-primary training required to wear 5# pancake makeup, sit upright and keep the Wodgers happy.

Al Bondiga's picture

Exactly. To call these propaganda copy writers "journalists" is an insult to the profession. Though, I'm not sure there's much of the profession left.
H. L. Mencken they ain't. Just a whole lotta stupid.

4 wheel drift's picture


to compare these low-class shit pedlers to mencken is an insult in itself to HL


SDShack's picture

"Ron Burgundy will read anything that is put on that Teleprompter. And when I say anything, I mean ANYTHING."

moorewasthebestbond's picture

Indeed, all of the conservative radio jocks are just fake conservatives when you listen closely.

Von Berger's picture

Right outside the "city golf club " St. Paul's.

froze25's picture

Accountability? This is a joke right? My  anonymous sources....

AnarchistRex's picture

I was about to comment on that point too -- "and high levels of accountability"  -- yeah right, almost no accountabilty to the truth, perhaps to their employers agenda, but nothing beyond.

nmewn's picture

I'll see your Jake Tapper and raise you a Dan Rather pearl inlaid .45 pistol while droning on about gun control ;-)

knukles's picture

Well all's I can tell y'all is that when I graduated from the U Missouri School of Journalism, I could feel my IQ go way up!

ACP's picture

All you have to do is turn on the TV to figure this one out.

NurseRatched's picture

The study only covered employed journalists - the cream of the crop. As a group, they are about as inept as those who study Colonial Transgender Poetry in Ivy League schools.

UselessEater's picture

I figured it covered employed journos...but forgot to test before they were employed 'cause the few I've met did not need booze or other stuff to dull their senses and capacity. They were naturally inclined to chase whatever their boss wanted them to chase - a seriously defective character pursues his bosses truth for all of humanity.


DavidC's picture


And 31 journalists. That's a comprehensive analysis.


booboo's picture

works for me but at least I will stick up for Glenn Greenwald and Laura Poitras, they are smarter than your average .Gov spook

Dave Thomas's picture

I'll just leave this here:

P.S. Diane Sawyer has a tiny little triggerfish mouth lol.

Mr. Universe's picture

Perhaps the Hawaiian triggerfish, also known as a Humuhumunukunukuapua`a which means "little brown fish who grunts like a pig".

Blue Balls's picture

Sociology, phycology, journalism.  They have always been the degrees for politically correct flunkies.

auricle's picture

Being a whore isn't easy. 

Bigly's picture

This still does not explain the total implosion of integrity, morals and ability to sniff out obvious stories.

WTFRLY's picture

FACTS. Especially in the blogosphere

Ex-Oligarch's picture

Sniff this out.

How to be a mainstream journalist:
1. Receive press release.
2. Make minor changes.
3. Publish article.

1. Write oped piece.
2. Submit to news editor.
3. Publish article.

Or (especially lately):

1. Make stuff up.
2. Publish article.

Or (bonus option for the super lazy, meaning virtually everyone):
1. Read published article.
2. Rewrite article
3. Publish.

booboo's picture

A journalist, an idiot and a whore walk into to bar and the bartender says Mr Tapper, whata ya have.

HardAssets's picture

The very dumbest students were those in the Education Dept.
Later some of them get 'Masters and 'Doctors' Education degrees and actually think it signifies some kind of accomplishment.

Well, they did help dumb down the population.

NoPension's picture

Reading your post, and Cornell West is on with Maher.

That clown needs a circus. What an act.

vealparm's picture

Education majors, Psych majors and Journalism majors are the dumbest fucks walking aroung any college campus.......lowest IQ and lowest SAT scores.

TeraByte's picture

I served twenty years in the trade before jumping out and started doing something more constructive. I could write a book of my experience, but it would be too depressive, so I prefer to suppress the memories. An intellectual decline, which we witness today is even worse than those days. There have been just some odd individuals in the trade, who deserve an appreciation for their honest try to act as "neutral" communicators. The rest is for everybody to witness on daily basis.

Darktarra's picture

This is REAL NEWS!   Liberalism [IS] a mental disorder!   -  Michael Savage! 

mofreedom's picture

Guilt being a liar and/or a pederass will lead one to substance abuse in order to forget the abomination afoot.

zhandax's picture

"due to dehydration, self-medicating, and fueling their brains with caffeine"

Why doesn't it have the same effect on bond traders?

knukles's picture

Because bond traders ain't got brains.  Makes us scarce.

. . . _ _ _ . . .'s picture

Tapper thinks 'Mexican' is a race.

But he's got nothing on Michael Shermer.

Is that the violent alcoholic Arwa Damon passed out on that table? (Nah it's just some girl from Bristol.)

SoDamnMad's picture

Wolf Blitzkreig was seriously affected by SCUD missiles in the 1991 Gulf War. No data on subsequent ingestion of fluids.

Von Berger's picture

SFB Tapper ......a journalist?

Everybodys All American's picture

I don't know if this study is true but I can say that some of the shall I say not so with it intellectually people I knew in college were in journalism school.

BigFatUglyBubble's picture

Nobody drinks or chows steroids like COPS!

My childhood friend, who introduced me to alcohol and pot for the first time, went on to become a NYC Detective.  He did shit loads of coke (some of which was probably confiscated from people he was busting) and roids for a while, then he got into heroin and now he's dead.  The End.