The Big Short 2.0: BlackRock's Consumer Asset-Backed Securities ETF

Tyler Durden's picture

Submitted by Daniel Drew via,

Scanning the horizon for the next big short has become the ultimate pastime for doomsday investors who relish the twisted pleasure of profiting from others' losses. While some recent "big shorts" have worked out rather well, such as department store ABS, other big shorts have been downright disastrous, such as David Stockman's bubble call of Amazon in January 2016. Rightly so, he lamented Amazon's 985 P/E ratio, but nonetheless, here we are 18 months later with another $140 billion added to Amazon's market capitalization.

In the hunt for the next big score, where can the humble short seller turn next? Look no further. BlackRock has announced their intention to form the iShares Consumer Asset-Backed Securities ETF, which will invest in notes supported by consumer loans, such as student debt and credit cards. If approved, it will be the first ETF that holds asset-backed securities.

One chart shows exactly why BlackRock has decided now is the opportune time to start repackaging student loans into ETFs:

Nonrevolving Consumer Loans

From the collateralized debt obligations of 2008 to present day ETFs that track anthropology student loans, we have come full circle. In 2008, it was Lehman that blew up. In 2017, the toxic securities won't be confined to an investment bank. They will be inside the portfolios of all the passive indexers, coaxed on by the likes of Warren Buffett, reminding them that indexing is the key to a prosperous future, despite the fact that 96% of stocks lose.

Even more ironically, these passive indexers may unwittingly assume the role of "passive pimp," as the dividends from these student loan ETFs will most likely be funded from the only significant source of income college students have: sugar daddies.

Sugar Babies

MTV brought us "Pimp My Ride," and now BlackRock presents "Pimp My ETF," complete with tricked out dividends from the sugar babies of the next generation.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Vlad the Inhaler's picture

I hope they have options on this, I will be loading up on those otm puts.

JRobby's picture
Consumer Asset-Backed Securities ETF

Because finance is complicated you stupid cucks! Moody's - S & P weigh in with the platinum standard (These are opinions)

Mercury's picture

Symbol: STY   (Sold To You)

Jim Sampson's picture

This is it folks, grab the popcorn!

knukles's picture

This could just be the classic skullfucking moment.
Repackaging the worst of the worst to sell to the best and smartest.

Fucking Awesome

This takes some balls.
Seriously sociopathic balls

JRobby's picture

They have tall towers full of them!

Big Brother's picture

Based on those pictures, I'm going to load up on atm puts ;)

SeuMadruga's picture

Nah ! Physical cash'll still remain amongst us for a while. Those withdrawal machines'll continue to be usefull for a couple more decades....    ;-)

Rainman's picture

Titties, beer and toxic securities .... life is good !

Gamma735's picture

Where is my sugar baby?

Funn3r's picture

I'm right here honey, what's your IBAN?

youngman's picture

If you could tell what the student loans are paying for as in a could make some easy majors...easy money to short...African lesbian studies...easy short money..

Fish Gone Bad's picture

 Next will be the 3X leveraged ETF.

ThirdWorldNut's picture

Totally unrelated to the article, but have to share. Bloomberg story

"men's restrooms in [Google's]  San Francisco offices have menstruation products to accommodate men who have periods"

Atleast some good news today, three cheers for that </sarc>

Ben A Drill's picture

Watch the movie Plastic Ocean and it won't seem so far fetched.

83_vf_1100_c's picture

  Can you imagine the horror of being a hetero white male having to drag ass out of bed every morning to go to work at Google? I'd rather be a lawyer or a banker. At least they don't pretend not to be carnivores.

  Men who menstruate. That be some Biblical shit right there.

ThirdWorldNut's picture

Its the onslaught of LGBTQIAPK

Being normal is a crime. How dare you not bleed!

Cordeezy's picture

I am sure this gets approved but will probably be big short 3.0. This might save the market from the next crash while leading it to an even bigger crash down the road

eduard khil's picture

Click bait got me

Ben A Drill's picture

How do you get dividends on a short? Don't they know the stock market won't go down or can't go down because of all the pension funds?

Who needs a sugar baby when you can watch pornhub for free?

If black rock thinks that student loans are going to be bailed out by the taxpayer, then I'm going to max out all my credit cards and buy gold and silver, platinum and file bankruptcy and go fishing......capsize, file a insurance claim on my boat and claim a total loss on my personal belongings.

wcvarones's picture

That shit's going to be very hard to borrow.

Erwin643's picture

If it becomes a no-brainer like shorting UVXY: Sweet!!!

Cabal Watch's picture

"If approved, it will be the first ETF that holds asset-backed securities."

Let me fix that for you ...

If approved, it will be the first ETF that is backed by a bag of day old dog shit.

AllStarInvestor's picture

...and more specifically fraudulent day old dog shit

khakuda's picture

Must. Find. Bagholder.

83_vf_1100_c's picture

  I have garage shelves full of consumer assets. How many of those ETF things can I get for that?'s picture

The only question is will they get approval before the "BIG BANG".

The Old Man's picture

Desperate measures for desperate times!


And of course pension funds will be eating this stuff up because they "know" better. 


I logged back in for this one. 


But first I had to stop laughing hysterically. 


We are now on top of a boatload of shit fellas! Get out while you can! We've hit the end! 


The Old Man

AllStarInvestor's picture

Awesome. We've finally created the perfect circle of individual investor destruction with Larry Fink in the middle - this is evil.