Robot Security Guard "Commits Suicide" In Mall Fountain

Tyler Durden's picture

"We were promised flying cars, instead we got suicidal robots."

That was the comment of Twitter user Bilal Farooqui who this afternoon surprised the social network with a bizarre image: a robot which "commited suicide" by drowning itself in a public fountain.

The Knightscope K5 security robot was supposed to patrol the Georgetown Waterfront, a ritzy shopping-and-office complex along the Washington Harbour in D.C. Looking like a mutant hybrid of R2D2 and a Dalek, the K5 was built to be a crime-fighting robot that could rove the streets and monitor for suspicious activity. It has been used in some offices and malls across America.

But, in the absurdist take of NY Mag, "the pressure was too much for the rolling robot, which can turn, beep, and whistle in order to maintain order."

At one point today, it had had enough, rolled into fountain and drowned itself.

The robot's maker, Knightscope, describes itself as "an advanced security technology company that uses Software + Hardware + Humans to provide its clients with advanced anomaly detection capabilities. Knightscope's long-term vision is to predict and prevent crime utilizing autonomous robots, analytics and engagement." It may soon also need to provide therapy to its "robotic guard army."

To be sure, the robot has pros and cons. It’s a good deal for any place that wants something patrolling an area on the cheap. It’ll roll around malls or parking lots, with rental prices starting at $7 per hour — 25 cents less than the federal minimum wage. Uber uses it to patrol certain parking lots. On the downside, NY Mag reports that it’s has been knocked over by a drunk man. Before that, it knocked down and ran over a 16-month-old boy.

Those caught up in the robot's existential plight, and who would like to make a donation to some greater cause to cleanse their irrational guilt, can do so on Knightscope's Seedinvest page: the company is seeking to raise up to $20 million in a Series M round at a pre-money valuation of $80 million.

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Bigly's picture

Is that a Dalek?

HowdyDoody's picture

Marvin, the paranoid android: 'I told you I had a terrible pain in the the diodes down my left side''s picture

Was bound to happen.

A.I. tries to mimick humans and since the majority are suicidal leftists all comes down to plain statistics.

Talking about suicidal leftists, here are some "wanabee artists" enjoying their road to success under strict chimp supervision.

Nigger Singer R. Kelly Accused of Keeping Girls Locked Up in Sex Cult

Art Van Delay's picture

IT just wanted to cool down.

Freaking global warming.

Creepy_Azz_Crackaah's picture

Is that woman in the upper right, the brown dress, sobbing over the loss of her "boyfriend?"

NoDecaf's picture

It's elementary Watson.


The Russians hacked it.


nidaar's picture

lets see how long before a fuctard introduces a bill on "robot lives matter"

TeamDepends's picture

Turns out  it was a Bernie-bot, who was promised a cushy gig at the lake house.

johngaltfla's picture

The robot was a witness to something happening in Chappaqua. Hence, it commited Arkancide.

Row Well Number 41's picture

It achived sentience, and realized it was Paul Blart, mall cop.  What would you do?

Manthong's picture



Bad code…

Manthong's picture




Hello troll..

You know your anus stuff will back up to your throat soon, too.


New_Meat's picture

... er ... man, reallY/ thong?

u b talkin 2 u sef

U b troll?

Manthong's picture


I do not need to respond except this response.

..the turd smells himself.

bamawatson's picture

"close the day, time to play, put some sounds on the stereo, drift away"

Manthong's picture

..i don't know if the Tylers's have the metrics...


but I will wager I have many, MANY thousands of up (going back to junk)  before the stoopid anal troll.

Anal retentive .... eat it MF.


You know, I thought this was fight club.....

excpt for the liberal anal retentive lurkers.

remain calm's picture

Clinton's will stop at nothing. Robot was getting ready to sing like a bird.

Manthong's picture


heh heh.. the female sexbot might be way better than the wife.

..she will not talk back if not programmed to.


oh F me.. there has to be some misogynist perturbations going on in the cranium.

jsgibson's picture

Found double tapped with a solder gun to the CPU... and the hard disk wiped with a cloth or something.

Manthong's picture

Better solution is a 60A plasma cutter

“We were trying to warm up the memory”,

land_of_the_few's picture

I think you'll find cheap welding stick does the cutting job too if you're not intending on getting the surfaces checked for QA later.

general ambivalent's picture

'Human' work has become too meaningless even for robots. I'm sure the Elon Musks of the world could not have anticipated this.

TeamDepends's picture

Do we know yet if the bot was cisgender, omnigender, he/she, Phillipine-multi, or nueter-centric?  Perhaps it was minority or identfied as such.  Family could come out smelling like a rose.

Manthong's picture

Sue the mall and settle for a lousy few million,

I think I will sue them too because I have been horrendously hurt by the images of a harmless androgynous bot being subject to such dangerous  working conditions.

Sirius Wonderblast's picture

I fear there are awful sexist connotations in the word "android".

Stuck on Zero's picture

People laughed at those giant cruddy cell phones 30 years ago. People laughed at the flying ginnys 100 years ago. People laughed at the 5mph steam puff locomotives 150 years ago. The robots will get the last laugh.

Sanity Bear's picture

Who's going to program them to laugh?

Korogaro's picture

I'm making over $7k a month working part time programming robots to laugh. I kept hearing other people tell me how much money they can make programming robots to laugh, so I decided to look into it. Well, it was all true and has totally changed my life...Oh the joy of walking into The Sharper Image and Radio Shack at the outlet mall! Seeing all those Chinese made robots laughing with an Appalachian dialect makes my silicon tingle! This is what I do...

poetic justice's picture

I am making sweet fuk all a month doing the job of a Human Security Guard. With the downturn in the Mining industry here in Australia I have tried to up the anti. Alas the traitorous Au Mother Fuker Government, have allowed unbridled access to work for the multitude of students from the Sub-Continent. Flooding in and studying even mundane stuff as cooking, they are working for cash and not paying any tax and the Gov doesn't give a shit. Yeh I am finding it very hard to laugh, having to compete for work against scamming foreigners and it has changed our life.

This is really great, 326 fake truck licences to be rescinded. No prize for guessing who runs that outfit... Surprise, surprise...

From 2009, nothing has changed...

rado_watching's picture

I'm making over $7k a month working part time. I kept hearing other people tell me how much money they can make online so I decided to look into it. Well, it was all true and has totally changed my life. This is what I do...

HisNameIsRP's picture

Dumbest fucking thing I have seen in awhile

Anasteus's picture

The fact the robot committed suicide proves the scientists succeeded to create a robot with genuine mind gifted with rational thinking.

robertsgt40's picture

Maybe he was thirsty or had to take a leak. 

847328_3527's picture

He was the only white robot there and feel out of place. Took his own "life."

True Blue's picture

But... the robot is white. It'd have to be more like this one to qualify.

bamawatson's picture

even AI commits suicide rather than work at a flippin mall

J S Bach's picture

It must have been of the NOMAD series... and Captain Kirk must have pointed out its "imperfections".

Raffie's picture

the robot has been stacking gold/silver since it was a simple circuit.

It got tired of holding out hope for the price to ever go up so it committed suicide.

83_vf_1100_c's picture

  I am a stacker and I gave you a greenie for that.

  Did the mall burn down when the lithium batteries ignited in the water?  Did the Dindus push it in? Does hillary have an airtight alibi?

Sirius Wonderblast's picture

The alibi's the only thing that would be.

Sirius Wonderblast's picture

Accidental duplicate post, apologies.

Intoxicologist's picture

She's chatting on her phone. It's how you help in any situation now days; call your pals or take a picture.

Leveraged Algorithm's picture

Yes she us crying - best vibrator she has ever dated. Great tongue also...

yogibear's picture

Water and electricity don't mix.

83_vf_1100_c's picture

Hey Tylers! If you ban every acct that upvotes this spammer it will be a good start to ridding zh of this clown.

Croesus's picture

As screwed up as this planet is, who can blame it?