Does America Need An Imbecile Tax?

Tyler Durden's picture

Authored by Eric Peters via,

Grown-ups used to appreciate being treated as grown-ups, especially by other grown-ups. How is it that today’s grown-ups demand that they be treated like not-too-bright children?

This manifests all over but one obvious area is new cars. The latest example being what Nissan just announced it will be installing in at least one of its 2018 models – the Pathfinder SUV – and probably, inevitably, the rest, too:

“Rear Door Alert.”

Its purpose? To remind Moo or Duh (or both of them, together) that Baby Finster is strapped into his seat back there and not to forget and leave him to roast like a pork loin while they go shopping for a new sail fawn.

This is apparently necessary to “tackle the problem of children dying of heat stroke in vehicles.” Expect the Feds to make this the next mandatory saaaaaaaaaafety feature you’ll have to buy along with your next new car, whether you have kids or not.

Back-up cameras were made mandatory for exactly the same reason. A handful of adult imbeciles backed-up over babies – who were left on the ground behind a parked car and forgotten about until  . . . squish. The parents of the squished could not, apparently, be expected to account for their kids before driving off or even to use their mirrors. Solution? As always. Everyone must be presumed a moron, no matter their age or their personal conduct (including whether they have run over a tot or not) and albatrossed with another piece of electronic centrifugal bumblepuppy that makes noise and annoys and also costs.

Call it the Imbecile Tax – which is to be levied upon all, imbecile or not.    

Does it not make your teeth ache?

There is even an outfit devoted to pushing this – and it probably provides full-time paid gigs for a small army of professional Moos who, in a better time, would have found an outlet as substitute librarians.

And what is the extent of this crisis? It must be extensive, given the existence of a national organization to combat it and a new annoyance certain to be mandated as an electronic prophylactic.

Thousands, surely.


How about 29.

That is the number of toasted tots, nationally, so far this year, according to Over the past 20 years, the total is 730. Which works out to about 36 per year out of a nation of 310 or so million people, of whom several million are tots.

Cleft palate is a greater menace and yet no one speaks urgently of it. Probably more fingers get jammed in closing car doors in a month than broiled babies in a year.

No doubt, there will soon be as well, with paid staff, lobbyists – and soon thereafter – a federal mandate that car doors be fitted with a soft-closing mechanism or some kind of object detection gadget that prevents their being slammed shut if a finger or some such is in the way.

Such a thing already exists, in fact. Many SmooVees have rear liftgates that cannot simply be heaved open or slammed shut. You push a button and then – accompanied by a chime – the liftgate oh-so-gradually raises (or closes) itself. It feels like it takes a geological epoch for this process to complete.

Most new cars will insolently turn down the volume of the radio whenever the car’s gear selector is put into Reverse. Some won’t let you reverse at all, if a door happens to be open (which is sometimes necessary, in order to see what might be behind you, in order to not run over it).

Put a laptop on the otherwise unoccupied passenger seat and the seat belt safety buzzer will go nuts until you either buckle up the laptop (or bag of groceries) or put them on the floor.

It is apparently too much to expect people to occasionally check something as critical to the safe operation of their car as the air pressure in each tire. Solution? Fit all cars with notoriously inaccurate electronic tire pressure monitors. This way, they can say it’s not their fault when they wreck due to a near-flat tire that the sensor didn’t sense.

The culture has gone moonbat. Idiocracy as policy.

Whenever anyone gets hurt – especially if it’s a child, children having become the secularized Western world equivalent of a sacred bull in India  – the first reaction is not to ask whether the responsible adults were the cause – having not acted as adults or responsibly – but whether some law can be passed or gadget imposed on everyone, in the manner of spraying DDT on crops.

The startling thing is – from what can be divined via the public reaction – few people seem to object to this. Despite the grossly insulting nature of the thing and leaving aside the cost. It was not too very long ago that adults got mad when talked down to. There was an expectation that a grown-up had a right to be treated as a grown-up and not like an idiot child – at least until he gave reason to be so treated.

Today, grown-ups beg to be treated like idiot children. Want – apparently – to be parented.

Why are such people even allowed to have children? Is it not the logical end-of-the-road? If a person cannot be trusted to remember what he did with his kid – to not leave the kid to roast to death in the back of the fambly SmooVee – shouldn’t this person have been sterilized to prevent such tragedies from even being possible?

Probably, it will come to that.

Spaying and neutering are, arguably, the ultimate “safety” measures.

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Manthong's picture


“Does America Need An Imbecile Tax?”

OMG… no…

The bankers would be put out of business

Looney's picture


Does America Need An Imbecile Tax?

No taxation without representation…

Well, we already have 530 (out of 535) imbeciles in Congress, so at least the “representation” part is covered.  ;-)


toady's picture

So who sells these alarms to the car companies? What stocks do I buy? (Rubs hands together while sneering evily....)

Stuck on Zero's picture

We gave women the right to vote and they are. We are becoming a Nanny state.

Alfred's picture

Looney, you crack me up...

Future Jim's picture

It's a pretty obvious confluence of events:

  • TV is 24/7 propaganda that the smartest, most attractive, most competent, and most noble are: government, then the experts, then the media, then rich people, then ordinary people, then anti-establishment types.
  • Chemicals in our environment (i.e. consumer products, food, air, water) are reducing testosterone and are thus making men more obedient, submissive, and conformist.
  • They are jealous that we can drive around anywhere, anytime, in fun-to-drive cars while they can't go anywhere without bodyguards, they have to sit in the back seat of their cars, and they have to worry about lawsuits if they drive.
  • They are conditioning us to be controlled like animals in a zoo, which is not that much further from where we are now.


but ... Eric Peters didn't mention any of that ...

MozartIII's picture

"The bankers would be put out of business"

 You forgot the politicians!

unsafe-space-time's picture

There need to be mass sterilizations. Anyone bellow 120 IQ. Anyone bellow 9 on attractiveness scale. Anyone with genetic defects.  All females 9 and above need to be in breeding camps having >10 babies each. This needs to be done for at least 5 generations or humans will be extinct and suffer for the rest of time.

lasvegaspersona's picture

Dude have you ever had kids?...Even a 10 won't stay that way after you'd knocked her up a few times. Trust me you had better have more than '10' on your mind if you are planning a family.

yomutti2's picture

Hey, the fact is people forget the kids sometimes. Anybody could do it under the right circumstances. 

It's hard to see the harm in having an alarm to prevent that.


ipso_facto's picture

'It's hard to see the harm in having an alarm to prevent that.'

How about an alarm to avoid wearing mismatched socks?

ReturnOfDaMac's picture

Excellent idea for a uni-corn company.  Thanks!

Stuck on Zero's picture

Safety features, alarms, warnings, etc. all come with a cost.  Cost comes with lives lost. The right balance is attained by excellent system engineering ... something that government is incapable of doing.

divingengineer's picture

Driven by customers, not "activists".

Kidbuck's picture

They could build cars with back windows you can actually see the ground in back of the car out of. But, why the fuck can't the idiot alarms just options for the idiots that want them or after market add ons?

shovelhead's picture

The only thing Govt. can engineer is how it can steal your money.

lasvegaspersona's picture

The number one problem with alarms is 'false positive'. The alarm goes off but there is no problem.

Is is why no one buys car alarms anymore. It is expensive, annoying and results in alarms being turned off or ignored.

ffs this even happens at nuclear power plants and on airlines.

Antifaschistische's picture

Can we have an application process for having a child?   I'm okay if we set the bar pretty low.....but a mother who has had serious addition problems having her fourth kid is a SERIOUS problem.   She's a ward of the state...the kids are wards...look at the MILLIONS we will spend in tax dollars on this ONE situation.    When does the maddness end?

waspwench's picture

Never been able to understand why everyone gets so upset about eugenics.....

J Jason Djfmam's picture

So how are poor math skills related to being a poor parent?

MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

a mother who has had serious addition problems having her fourth kid is a SERIOUS problem

Common-core math for the children...Problem solved </sarc>

Snaffew's picture

how about an alarm to prevent idiots from having children in the first place...better yet, a competency test based on psychological and financial attributes to prevent children from  being born into entitlement programs and/or wildly inadequate parenting.

Kidbuck's picture

How about marketing the alarms as late, late term abortion preventers.

waspwench's picture

So how about folks who have children purchase an alarm - perhaps something could be attached to those kiddy seats they use - and those of us who do not have children could avoid having to pay for something we don't need.


lasvegaspersona's picture

My mom would look after the smallest kid....everyone else was expected to either have a job or look after the one younger than them. She rarely counted to see if we all made it back to the car.

83_vf_1100_c's picture

I hurt my back trying to find the gd backup alarm noisemaker to remove it. It is buried far up in there somewhere presumably so you can't unplug it. I find the distraction of all these warning bells/buzzers/beeps to be so distracting that they that they cause me to not pay attention to my driving. Added cost for all that shit, $100s no doubt.

cheeseheader's picture

Practically one death a day now in PHX.  That is, if they survive a parent's driving the wrong way on the interstate drunk.

Sudden Debt's picture

I've never forgotten my kids.

It's called parenting.

The problem is that those idiots are so bussy with themselves and that they don't give a fuck about other people that it also reflects to their children.


It's like all the killing, rape, destruction that America does to the rest of the world.

Americans think is funny and normal and that's why it's all comming home.

More ape then man...

flacorps's picture

The idiocy may skip a generation. Shouldn't the poor kids have a chance?

Manthong's picture


Geez… they always deserve a chance…

But that is not the way the NEA, and their clients think….


If you have kids in the system, you must listen to this.....

only a little over 2 min....

I do not have kids, so I should not GAF....

.....but I do care for yours.

Akzed's picture

Well the cat's outa the bag now.

iamerican4's picture

Upon "death" we just go back to God for "recycle," so perhaps best to leave the bad karma with the unloving, uncaring, inattentive, "distracted" "parent."

JimBobJenkins's picture

Went to a customers house the other day, I'm an HVAC tech. The air filter had merged with the evap coil and was completely matted. Told him it would be $400.00 to un-sweat the coil and clean it. He then preceded to tell me that price was astronomical and I was to do it for half that price or he call my boss and the BBB.

You can't fix or help stupid.

Manthong's picture

I am an engineer.

That is the reason I took the air filters out long ago.

Love that dirty water... and air.

I now have 30 years on my Bryant +90 HVAC.

but OK, in fairness that was not an unrealistic price for that kind of job.


but the missus bitches about the extra vacuuming.



chunga's picture

I find that changing filters when they start looking dirty works too. A-coils work better when they're clean. ;-)

Manthong's picture



interesting story...

lubing the blower is a bitch in these things...

there are two ports on the motor and getting to that second one requires muscle and gymnastics I do not do anymoar.

I just took a 6" inch hole saw  to the lower side near the evap pump, cut an access hole,  and then cut an 8 inch sealed square of 18 ga steel for a cover ... 

Geez.. you would think these manufacturers would figure that out.

divingengineer's picture

Gotta go with Chunga on this one. Saves your gear, and your ducts can harbor pathogens much easier when they are dirty.

Manthong's picture


When I was a kid I breathed in all kinds of bacteria, pathogens , spores, and whatever….

Still do.

..ain't dead yet and have more years than the mean human.

Manthong's picture


Of course now, with Obama’s Somalian TB, it is a different story… but no Somali's are allowed anywhere near my property. who did Hussein put in school with your kids?


cheeseheader's picture

When I was a kid, ate a lot of bugs and dirt.  Never get sick.  Now though, having said that, will probably get Valley Fever....

Pernicious Gold Phallusy's picture

I've wondered about that. Does the filter do anything to protect the equipment, or does it just prevent dust and pet hair from getting blown back into the house? Would it make sense to have a more porous filter at the intakes inside the house, just for pet hair, rather than having to go outside to the air handler?

El Crusty's picture

The filter does both. Removes hair and dust from the air and it keeps the evaporator core clean. When the a/c is running water will condense on the evap core just like it will on the side of an ice cold beer bottle on a hot day. Now throw fine dust and hair at that wet evap core and you get a nice muddy mess that is an absolute bitch to clean and it will eventually clog and not allow any air at all to go through it.
I'm an auto mechanic and I've seen this happen several times on cars and trucks. On most cars and trucks there is no way to get in there and clean it- usually have to pull the dash pull the hvac housing and take the hvac housing apart just to even get access to the evap core- usually costs around $1000 to have that done. That's one of the main reasons why manufacturers started adding cabin air filters to automotive hvac systems

People will otherwise keep running the ac with the evap core clogged and it eventually burns up the blower motor or the compressor.

daveO's picture

True. I bought a used car very cheap because of this problem being created by cigarette smoke. The fan was even clogged up with tar.

daveO's picture

True. I've bought a used car very cheap because of this problem being created by cigarette smoke. The fan was even clogged up with tar.

BustainMovealota's picture

I'm not so sure.   I bet he did get a discount from the boss.  That was the end goal. 

swizzlefoot's picture

thought that fat baby man was Mark Karpelès for a sec