CNN Offers Citizens of Hawaii Advice on How to Survive a Nuclear Attack

The_Real_Fly's picture

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Following up on last night's broadcast from deep within a nuclear fallout shelter, CNN doubled down on their fear mongering today -- offering advice to the citizens of Hawaii on how to survive on a nuclear attack.

Here are the important bullet points.

Hawaii is the first US state to prepare for nuclear attack from N. Korea.
Everyone CNN spoke to in Hawaii assumed that in the event of a nuclear attack, they'd all die. THIS IS NOT TRUE (fake news).
N. Korea possesses a nuclear bomb like the one we dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki -- 1940s grade garbage.
Tens of thousand of people die on the initial impact, but many more died of radiation poisoning.
CNN reports Hawaiians have 15 minutes to 'take over' for nuclear impact, should N. Korea launch a missile towards them.
Seek shelter and find out where your local nuclear bunker is located. Oh, and have 2 weeks worth of supplies to survive the nuclear holocaust.

Utterly absurd.

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EnragedUSMCExpat's picture

Terrorism, mass-murder, treason, sedition.

CNN fake news is the enemy of America and all Americans.

QIG's picture

CNN is such an ass.


How to they keep going. With absolutely NOTHING to offer, how do they get the money to pay the script readers?

1033eruth's picture

I've been told recently, that they make more money in "carriage" fees than advertising.  They get paid somehow because their coverage is in some type of forced bundling for cable subscribers.  

EnragedUSMCExpat's picture

They don't.  Disgustingly obese, illiterate Dinduettes like Sidner work for food.  One can imagine what that massive token ape smells like, unable to reach below it's waist for at least the last decade.

CNN fake news is barely holding on, note the huge amount of airtime advertisements now paid for by third world shithole governments - "in association with." 

It's only a matter of time before CNN fake news bites the dust, returning their whores to the same street corners they were plucked from and the faggots and pedophiles like Cooper and Quest back to permanent public restroom employment.



yellowsub's picture

Taking back your islands can do it too.   

GodSpeed_00's picture

This shit is starting to get scary.

are we there yet's picture

The more time Kim has, the more he will prepare bio, chem, or nuclear attack plans and contingencies. Perhaps his goal is to have a heroic (in his mind) death with a high body count.

logicalman's picture

He's less likely to be 'Saddammed' or 'Ghadafied' if he has nukes.

Seems totally rational to me.


medium giraffe's picture

reminds me of the time when we all died of ebola.

Deplorable's picture

Theres a thought, perhaps we should sneak some ebola into NK and let them deal with it on their own.

silverer's picture

Fuck CNN. Instead of making everyone in Hawaii shit their pants, maybe they should have told the truth for the last 30 years and helped their audience have a solid, truthful dialog with their government. If that had happened, the US wouldn't be where it is today.

Ajax_USB_Port_Repair_Service_'s picture

When I was in US Navy Boot Camp, we had training on 'What to do in a Nuclear Attack." The gist of it was 'take a shower to wash away the radiation and then you're good to go'. Yes Sir! Company Commander Sir!

Downtoolong's picture


Do you really think any of these CNN chicken-shits would put themselves in harms way to help someone else?


They’re probably broadcasting from a basement set in Atlanta with a backdrop made up to look like Hawaii.


helloimjohnnycat's picture

Yeah.  Same act CNN " pulled " ( pun intended ) with Jew Yoke after 9-11

And who among us will ever forget the I-beam remnant that burned for days & days.

detached.amusement's picture

yeah, one of those relatively few I beams that did not turn to dust that day

GunnyG's picture

I'd rather Tubby hit in order of preference:

1. DC (but only if our founding documents survive.)
2. Seattle
3. Portland
4. SF
5. LA

If he misses those and hits Chi-Congo or Filthadelphia, it is still a win. 

Cynicles II's picture

West coast, the wind blows East, will screw up far more than an Eastern strike.


silverer's picture

You didn't say, but maybe you meant Californicate?

helloimjohnnycat's picture

Obviously, you've never been to Houston.

roadhazard's picture

My money sez NK can't hit an Hawaiian island. They might go that far but they will only hit water. Guam too.

aloha_snakbar's picture

With any luck the Kenyan mulatto faggot will be there when it happens...

GunnyG's picture

Since the Kenyan faggot is on Tahiti, maybe Tubby will miss and hit Tahiti in between Reggie Love topping Barky Obama.

pparalegal's picture

Amazing what one guy with a bad haircut can do to the world. Give credit whare credit is due. Orwell's chicken little media thought police. 

PrivetHedge's picture

Hawaii is already under nuclear attack from Fukushima.

The sealife is dying.

Hugh G. Rection's picture

The shit running into the drainages in Honolulu and the sunscreen being washed off tourist skin is causing more damage in Hawaii then Fukushima. At least for now.

Alohakid's picture

I've heard that too, from those who don't live or fish here.

I do both, it's irrefutably false.

silverer's picture

The Japanese are amazing. Years ago they predicted Godzilla. We have now arrived.

Bay of Pigs's picture

Please provide some proof. I've heard the same shit from Synders blog about the Pacific NW for years with no scientific data to support such claims.

ali-ali-al-qomfri's picture

15 minutes;......brah, nobody moves that fast in Hawaii.

concrete basements; nobody has basements, post and pier construction maybe slab on grade. (ya can't dig into blue rock much).

2 weeks of food; nobody has that either, you been grocery shopping in Hawaii?



Bay of Pigs's picture

All true. But to think the US military doesn't have the capability to shoot down ANY missile coming out of NK is absurd. They wouldn't make it past a few hundred miles.

CNN jumps the shark once again. Fear mongering 101.

silverer's picture

I haven't seen proof. Remember the scuds? Many got through. Just fire off enough of anything and something will stick.

estebanDido's picture

What if they fire 50 rockets and one with the nuke, better be lucky.

MsCreant's picture

Dear Bay, 

You are probably right. I hope you are prepped anyway. People fuck up, dishonest characters let things happen (Pearl Harbor, dear one, they knew that was coming and let it happen). And you should be prepped for a lil SHTF situation anyway. It is common sense. I'll bet you are and you did not need to hear from me.

estebanDido's picture

Hawaii exit now.

spanish inquisition's picture

Pretty sure that Hawaii is being attacked by radiation from Fukishima right now.

blindfaith's picture



yea, well, Fuckerberg and Killison  don't care, they are above the rest of society.


CNN can not be anymore SMARMY and 'base' and insulting the to leftists and still get away with it.  No wait, yes they can.

Why don't these leftists realize they are being made a fool of by this ATT owned cable channel?  Why don't these leftists realize they are being trained to be Marxist?  If the left does not understand what happened to the ones NOT CHOSEN' then God help them.  Just ask the Russians, Chinese, the Venezuelans, how it work out for them. 

Bay of Pigs's picture

I snorkel all the time and have never seen so many healthy looking schools of fish. Lots of turtles, rays, dolphins, whales too. I see no evidence of what you are claiming.

lie_to_me's picture

Rethink if you see Mothra.

yarpos's picture

they dont want no steeeenking real world observations, they want to create their own way to measure reality and provide no ratonal basis for exagerated claims.   Gee where have I heard that before?

Bay of Pigs's picture

Thank you. I've yet to see any valid data to support the "sea life is dying" mantra made by some people. Is it a concern? Yes, of course. But if things were really that bad, how could anyone hide it? It's preposterous.

hxc's picture

Anecdotal. Bring a waterproof geiger counter next time

crazytechnician's picture

If you look again what you are seeing is a single organism , they may all look fine but they are all fused together.

izzee's picture

On Tuesday night MSNBC's Brian Williams bluntly told his panel on the channel's flagship prime time program, The 11th Hour, that "our job tonight actually is scare people to death" over North Korea.

not to be outdone....back in the early days Before Psycotherapy, there was a medical cure for this kind of stuff.
But you CANNOT attack Paradise...Surfing Paradise

Them's War Words....that imp prob can't Surf....(Charlie Don't Surf--The CLASH - that last war)

Robert Trip's picture

Great Grandpa was in Nagasaki after the bomb went off.

Former human beings were just shadows melted into the sidewalks and stairwells.

The "survivors" suffered horribly.

Great Grandpa's advice for confronting a nuclear attack is to simply walk outside and meet your Maker.

logicalman's picture

A guy my dad used to work with was in Nagaski about a week after it was nuked.

He said the thing that got to him the most was the realization that where he was standing used to be a city.

The fact that it ceased to exist in a fraction of a second, he said, was beyond belief.

I used to live close to the end of what was the longest runway in Europe for a long time. Burtonwood airfield was build to land B29s during WW2 and was still a US base into the 1990s. I knew that if there was a nuke attack I wouldn't feel a thing as I'd be vapourized instantly. Seemed like the best option.

If there's a nuke attack, put your head between your knees and kiss your arse goodbye!


blindfaith's picture



I have a new respect for you.  You must have come around that being left is not right.

Robert Trip's picture

Don't look at the flash and stay under your desk.

You will be fine.