hedgeless_horseman's E-Z Internet Guide To Safely Buying and Then Conveniently Losing Bitcoin in a Tragic Boating Accident

hedgeless_horseman's picture

"We fear what we do not understand."

You may have read my ZeroHedge article, hedgeless_horseman's E-Z Internet Guide On How To Actually Buy Gold, and Not Just Talk About It, Bitchezzz!!!!  This past June, at the First ZeroHedge Symposium and Live Fight Club in Marfa, I learned some good information from Ken and Jonathon about disintermediation using crypto currencies during their excellent talk, "Rise of New Financial Ecosystems - How to Make it Work For You."   

Like other sympopsium attendees, after listening to the talk, I felt confident enough to return home and begin aquiring some firsthand experience with cryptocurrencies.  Now, just three months later, I bring to you, dear ZH readers, hedgeless_horseman's E-Z Internet Guide To Safely Buying and Then Conveniently Losing Bitcoin in a Tragic Boating Accident.  

It's so E-Z even an old goldbug can do it!

First, buy a Trezor Hardware Wallet.  Yes, they are probably most conveneintly available at Amazon, the go-fund-me site for Jeff Bezos' political blog known as, The Washington Post.  If you would rather not be an enabler of Jeff's propaganda, here is another site that appears to sell them in the USA:  https://cryptowalletsupply.com/  Please, let us all know in the comment section, below, if you have a better source.  

Second, while you are waiting for the Trezor to arrive in the mail...it is a piece of hardware after all...open a Coinbase account on line at: https://www.coinbase.com/

Yes, I understand that Coinbase is a fucking bank, for all intents and purposes, and I am aware of at least a few of the risks of using their service, only some of which can be easily mitigated.  I will touch on some tactics in a moment, if you keep reading.  Please, remember that this is an E-Z Internet Guide, intended to help other neophytes like me gain firsthand experience with cryptocurrencies.  Coinbase does, in fact, make it easy to buy Bitcoin, at least relative to the other online options currently available.   There are, of course, costs in addition to risks.  Expect Coinbase to charge you a fee of about $19.18 to purchase $480.82 of BTC using a Visa Debit Card.  Once again, please, let us all know in the comment section, if you have a safer, better, and/or cheaper solution.  

When setting up a Coinbase account, I discovered that I could buy Bitcoin, Ethereum, or LiteCoin using either a wire transfer, checking account, or bank card.  If I upload a photo ID, to authenticate my bank account, then I am, "rewarded," with higher weekly purchase limits.  I understand that there are probably much more secretive ways of buying Bitcoin, but why?  I learned in Marfa that, unlike gold coins, Bitcoin transactions are not anonymous, and are rather quite the opposite.  It seems to me that for BTC purchases, secure is far more important than secret.  If you disagree, then you can probably find someone on Craig's List that will sell you some BTC for cash at midnight behind the Bowling Alley.  

This is not an article about WHY you should buy bitcoin.  The main goal of this article is to spur some discussion about the practical aspects of HOW you can buy Bitcoin, safely, and then lose it in a convenient fashion.  I also hope to communicate my personal experience that the process is not insurmountable, but neither is it very convenient.  It may, however, be relatively safe, thanks mostly to the cool little gadget known as a Trezor.  


John McAfee, the computer security expert that vowed to eat his own dick on live television if BTC does not rise to $500,000 inside of three years, recommends Trezor.  

Talk about having some skin in the game.  

August 25, 2017

Excerpt from an interview with John McAfee


Interviewer: “Is there any way to secure your bitcoins once you have earned them?”


"Absolutely! I think mine are secure. But the only way to do it is offline. You can buy devices, my favorite one is Trezor and the reason is, is because your seed keys. When you first create a wallet it gives you a thing called seed keys. Its a list of words, random words. Car, shoelace, dog, cow, whatever. These are your seed keys. Randomly generated to the point that theres no way anybody could ever guess them in the right order.


… Whats nice about the Trezor device, is it has a tiny little screen that shows you the seed keys on this screen not your smart phone, not your laptop, not your desktop. But on that device. So no hacker can access them. Then once you put your bitcoin into the wallet, unplug it, bury it in the back yard, hide it under your mattress, whatever you want to do with it like it was real cash.


But to keep the wallet on any intelligent device (referring to online wallets) whether its your laptop, desktop or any mobile device is insane, it will get stolen.”


Once your Trezor arrives, make sure that the Trezor's secure packaging is intact, then follow the instructions that come with it.  They will walk you through setting up a Trezor Wallet on the internet, and your Trezor hardware device.  

After you have completed these instructions, and hidden both paper copies of your list of seed key code words, read this article about how and why to, "Hide Your TREZOR Wallets with Multiple Passphrases."  Hidden Trezor wallets are the technological equivalent of losing your gold in a boating accident.  Good luck proving I didn't.

In the age when security services might detain you until you decrypt your hard drive, or border guards might threaten to deny you entry until you reveal your phone’s PIN, it is only a matter of time before the state authorities discover what Bitcoin hardware wallets are (maybe they did already). When they do, what can stop them from forcing you to unlock and reveal your wallet?



This is not only limited to governments though, look at the classic $5 wrench example...


With this or a similar set up you are now able to produce a decoy wallet under duress or during government controls. Since there is no way to prove that there is any wallet beyond the ones that you have admitted to, the “attacker” will have to be satisfied with the revealed ones.


Also, for national security purposes, you have unlocked and “decrypted” your device and therefore you have fully complied with the security control.


Pro Tip


When crossing borders (or even during daily usage), you can always turn Passphrase Encryption off and on repeatedly. If you turn it off, the passphrase-protected wallets will not be deleted, but the passphrase input form will disappear from the GUI. This creates an illusion that passphrases were never used in the first place?—?one cannot accuse you of having hidden wallets. When needed, turn the feature back on and use your passphrases as usual.





Next, buy some Bitcoin in your Coinbase account, then send it to your Trazor wallet.  You can generate a new receive address for your Trazor each time, to at least try to fuck with the crypto-transaction tracking software being used by the revenuers.  

Last, but not least, consider the benefits of dollar cost averaging, which is buying the same dollar amount of BTC every week, month, or quarter, to lower your average purchase price in a rising market, and therefore increase your rate of return.  I described this proven strategy in the article about buying gold coins, and it works the same for BTC.

If you do happen to lose your Trezor in a boating accident, you can always recover your Bitcoin by using your list of seed code words.  No SCUBA gear required!

Peace, prosperity, love, and liberty!


Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
maxblockm's picture

Link your Coinbase to GDAX free, fast, and easy.

If you do limit buy/sell orders,

then you will PAY NO FEES.


Dragon HAwk's picture

Some guy broke into my house,  looked around and left a 10 spot on the table.


Mango327's picture

Great article. It is quite clear however, that no amount of reasoned discourse and explanation will suffice to appease the DOOM-TWATS whose prime occupation in life is to sit in their nuclear bunkers surrounded by gold bars and ammunition while commenting on ZH and waiting for the inevitable end of the world. Everything's a scam to the infantile.

Woah. 'infantile' is an anagram for Le Antifa.... Coincidence?

bshirley1968's picture

"It seems to me that for BTC purchases, secure is far more important than secret."

Is it just me or does that sound a lot like "trading freedom for security"?

What's all the bullshit about security?  Do you people think there is some fool proof way to keep the crooks from taking everything you have....if they want it bad enough?  They will just take you.  Why the fuck do you think they need your piss ant money when they can just print more?

You people are being duped once again by the "Hope of more money".  It's not about the money!  For the love of sanity, please get your head out of your asses!  It's about CONTROL!

Hey, I know, let's get everyone using a super algo called Block Chain.  That way we can track EVERY transaction they make, it will remove the need for cash,  there will be no anonymity,  and when someone does or says something we don't like, we'll just freeze their digital currency.  

Right!  And just how do you expect to get everyone to go along with that plan?  

Easy, dumbass.  Just make it so they think they are making more money and they will volunteer.  

Hell, give them more money.  We can print all you need.

You people think it is an oligarchy,  cleptocracy, facist, whatever world now?  Just wait til that system is in full force.  You will be told how many republic credits you get to put in your digital wallet each month.

What a bunch of dollar whores this country has become.

tangent's picture

I can't believe McAfee is that convinced about Bitcoin. This is beyond stupid. Cryptocurrencies MUST have the capability of transacting at least 1,000 transactions per second to be a global consumer currency accepted most places. It took Bitcoin a massive debate to go from 3 to perhaps 10 transactions per second in the next few months. Yes cyptocurrency might have a market cap 100 times what it is now in three years, but rest assured that market cap won't be going to Bitcoin if it doens't get it shit together and support side-chaining or another extreme volume tech. It will go to Ethereum and others that will support the needed volume. Meanwhile Dash is the only one I know of that supports instant transactions, though through a somewhat questionable method.

Setarcos's picture

On a long enough timeline the survival rate for all cryptos drops to zero.

How long is long enough?  Well until widespread and prolonged power cuts, with some teaser events now being played out in Florida and Texas, but let's say that electricity supplies are not a major issue any time soon.

How long is the dollar going to survive as the global reserve currency?  A growing concensus is: not long.  Cryptos such as bitcoin are priced in U$D right.  The dollar will, sooner or later, go to zero.  Question: how much then will bitcoin be worth?

jin187's picture

That's easy. If the dollar is worth nothing, then all cryptos will be worth infinity dollars.

DjangoCat's picture

Bitcoin is also priced in gold, EUR, Yuan, ETH, DASH etc, etc.  The dollar price will go to the moon as the USD crashes.  

What does that mean? Not much.

mianne's picture

Unless Bitcoin becomes universal and as long as it remains a sophisticated currency for a limited group of experts, it is bound to fail and the winners will be the first users that were clever enough to sell their cryptocurrencies on time, after their big rise and before the abyssal fall . The last buyers will lose everything . Clever hackers can become billionaires as no sophisticated "Trezor" can avoid being cracked by clever hackers in the long run . The problem is the same for every currency, every asset, every fake value based on collective subjective feelings .


Rhal's picture

Currently all cryptos will slowly be lost as holders die. The thing needed is some sort of family account or device so your kids will inherit your crypto if you die.

I haven't seen a solution to that yet. I wouldn't want a webpage with all the familys seeds on it. It may work to have all the family seeds in a safty deposit box. That is accesible at will execution, but everyone would need to trust the keeper of the key.

Maybe an exchange will accept your DNA as your crypto seed. Inheritable on death of owner.

This is a crack in the system that big banks may try to squeeze into. They may offer to hold your crypto seeds on the same terms as todays crap currency. Of course this restores all the things we hate about the current system like taxation, confiscation, ect.. Next they would say you don't own it.

We'll have to weigh the options once the current bank clean up or crash.

tangent's picture

I've been mulling this over and my recent idea is to give my relatives a "to be opened only upon death" letter. Whatever you do, don't give your passwords to a lawyer! They are just as untrustworthy as your relatives! I guess if you do have a lawyer you can give him half the passwords, and a couple other relatives the other half. I have not thought about it much because I didn't have substantial Bitcoin until now. Lost Bitcoin is surely a major issue.

mianne's picture

You are right . Most of crypto holders are young people who do not think they will die . Even a useless soft metal such as gold, as all the fake values based on subjective feelings, can crash in the next survival crisis , more than a mere financial crisis .  

joego1's picture

For people that love bitcoin all you need to have in your posession is a public key (A bunch of numbers) and a private key (another bunch of numbers). You don't need a fucking Trevor wallet. The fine print is that you need functioning electricity, (see Texas, Florida- aka need gas go Trevor Wallet?), internet- (and a Bunch of miner monkeys making space on the the digital ledger ((For YOU!, mining in Mongolia where electricity is cheap due to coal!))- mostly making electricity to power mines from coal- yep!!). Yoru bitcoin will never fucking be redeemed in the doom porndom of the future- which may be now.

Sokhmate's picture

Should it not be a tragic EMP accident?

maxblockm's picture

EMP will not affect crypocurrencies.

The blockchain ledger is distributed worldwide.

Only a worldwide wipe will erase the blockchain.

joego1's picture

The Pirates show up at your door on the Harley's and you say- Hide the Trazor wallet Trevor!

DjangoCat's picture

Trevor trips on the step and the Trezor flips out of his hand and lands at the pirate's feet. 

"Not my fault, Nigel"

Nobodys Home's picture

You can acquire all the bits and new pieces you want (I wish I understood bitcoin when it was 10 bucks. I would have converted my immense profits to gold.) I'll still take phizz in my hand. It's heavy but the heft is comforting.

cheech_wizard's picture

and it can double as a "wrench" to beat the shit out of the guy who won't give up his Bitcoin password...


joego1's picture

When the SHTF you can eat that little piece of shit.

the question's picture

thank you for posting this

GreatUncle's picture

Bitcoin occurred because of the current state of the economy, will she collapse or will she not?

Think many have figured out it could and probably will go either way at some point but what do you do before it all out crashes or like pigs can fly ever made honest again? You get bitcoin and all other cryptos to fill a niche of uncertainty in the current unstable economic climate.

Now if the economy truly collapses, bitcoin will have no worth like everything else because it has no hard asset backing it.

If the economy should miraculously become viable again (means losing all the debt) then who would need bitcoin?

Can you see both sides of the argument of bitcoin being worhless or not when the reality is it is a hedge bet when the system wants to collapse but cannot because of the manipulations of all the CB's combined together. We should really call it

"the schroedinger coin"

a measure of the life or death of the CB controlled economy.

koan's picture

Yeah not like hardware is going to have some "magical" Chinese code on it either.
I'm not sure taking the hardware advice of guy that offered to eat his own cock is such a great idea either.

Sure use coinbase to buy it, transfer to blockchain.com, then export to paper wallet.

There you go, safe as houses, your unhackable pace of paper.

ali-ali-al-qomfri's picture

Boatcoin, we could have something here.......

Clock Crasher's picture

If the 150 Billion dollars invested in crypto currencies, equivalent to 3,000 tonnes of gold,  went into physical Gold we wouldn't be having this conversation.  That aside, thanks for the article.  I'm tempted to stick with $7 shares of First Majestic. 

tangent's picture

Market cap is not the actual value invested. Usually the investment is less than half the market value, and certainly Bitcoin is less than a quarter of that. I don't think there is even a way to find out for any stock or crypto in most cases?

Crawdaddy's picture

Pour some concrete into dents made in the ground by these words. If nothing else to show future generations we were not all chumps because HH memorializes with these well crafted words:

available at Amazon, the go-fund-me site for Jeff Bezos' political blog known as The Washington Post.

Nailed it.

Shadow Govt, CIA funded Jeff Bezos and his never-made-a-profit-but-who-gives-a-hoot-they-are-the-future-and-have-the-magic-beans-so-don't-question-you-honky-mofos.


Belerophon's picture

Well, at least I thought the tragic boating accident bit was quite funny. :)

Mustafa Kemal's picture

Excellent article HH. I would only add that I like Ledger Nano s for the same reasons. About $60 easy to use and holds multiple currencies, including access to MyEtherWallet to store ERC20 tokens. 

There is a security concern that I am dealing with now. How does the IRS not know the private keys of every Trezor or Ledger sold and who they were sold to? Im thinking maybe buying an expensive one, in person,  and then transfer from the one I bought from the company.

Also, I mentioned above, check out CryptoSteel. costs about $60 and you put little metal letters in a case all lined up to read your seed. Then you dont have to worry about fire,water, or blunt impact. Throw it in your  ammo can with your Au. That way not only do I have a hardware wallet, I have a tough representation of the seed that I dont have to store in a safe deposit box.

Thanks brother



De Wilde Weldoener's picture

The IRS does not have the private keys of your hardware wallet because you buy it empty.
When you first setup the device the keys are generated on device using a hardware random number generator combined with some randomness supplied by your computer.

Mustafa Kemal's picture

De Wilde, I do know that is supposed to be the way it works, but these days I am always a bit suspicious. The packaging looks a bit too much like Apple

Infnordz's picture

I got a Ledger Nano S because it looked better, because it is more portable, can by used with OTG Android mobile, supports lots of crypto, and looks like it has a better isolated auth.

hedgeless_horseman's picture


I'm no mathematician, but the probablility of losing the Trezor and both paper copies of my seed codes seems pretty remote. 

If I lose just the seed codes, I can regenerate a new set with the Trezor, anywhere in the world.  If I lose the Trezor, I can generate the wallet and contents with either copy of the seed codes, anywhere in the world.

It seems pretty bomb proof to me, but what do I know?

Mustafa Kemal's picture

"I'm no mathematician, but the probablility of losing the Trezor and both paper copies of my seed codes seems pretty remote. "

Yes indeed, your math is good and I think your method works. Here we have a bit too much chaos, and I have seen how things change over 30 years, on our little ranchito for it, so I like my little chunk of steel.

Greenspazm's picture

"Trezor" rhymes with "back door". No coincidence, I would estimate.

ejmoosa's picture

Buying bitcoins every week in a rising market will actually raise your average cost, and not lower it. 

Dollar cost averaging needs to have some down periods as well for your purchases to lower your average cost.  You mention that in the other article, but you specifically reference a rising market here.

No one would complain, however if it was always rising.


cheech_wizard's picture

Except one should never dollar cost average... sucker's strategy.

What if the stock goes to ZERO? (and if you think that has never happened, I have a bridge to sell you.)



Sabibaby's picture

I would do it with gold silver and bitcoin or anything else you want to put your money into. 

maxz23's picture

well this was not a boat accident!

aloha_snakbar's picture

Only one Bitcon article today? Someone should go check on Tyler... make sure he is okay...

Bastiat's picture

I don't trust them because of their funny accents.

The Divided Stoopids of DuhMerica's picture

OLD NEWS! The idiot author of the article is JUST NOW figuring that shit out??? Fucking moron. Now go and buy some more on Coinbase dumbass! Lol

hedgeless_horseman's picture


Once again, please, let us all know in the comment section, if you have a safer, better, and/or cheaper solution.


Lucretius's picture

Hey HH,

 great to see some new content! You asked so I'll share. Check out James Corbett at  www.corbettreport.com  and search his site for articles on crypto currencies. He is a great resource and a like minded individual, him and James Evan Pilato at www.mediamonarchy.com

 While I have zero experience with cryptos, I recall that Corbett was giving away one $ equivalent of cryptos in order to get people to explore alt currencies, all you had to do was generate a wallet! Though I did not take him up, I still think that was a most generous offer from a man who simply wants the world to grow the hell up and act like adults!

 Still lamenting my inability to attend Marfa (only a 5 hour drive for me!), any plans for next year??? I'll be there early with reservations! My best to you and yours! ( sorry to see the abuse from the bottom feeders that have infested this place)

Peace, Lucretius.

hedgeless_horseman's picture


...any plans for next year???

We're working on it.

nevadan's picture

HH, I have an ACH set up with my bank that cost $7.45 for a $500 send to Coinbase, fwiw.  The downside is it takes 4-5 business days to get credit for the transaction but it locks in at the time/price that I initiate the transaction.  Quite a bit cheaper than a CC.  Shapeshift is the biggest ripoff I've encountered to date.  Their fees are through the roof, but they are convenient and a little less risk of a operator error that might lose your coins when trying to change Bitcoin into something else.

tion's picture

Yay, nice article mister Horseman.  As for me, I would take a dark alley over Coinbase any day, for my own ends I'd like the hold the strongest hand possible if it comes down to discovery, but I understand that dark allies are not so accessible and far away for some, and some are not so concerned with the jurisdiction issues that could potentially come with using a bank account to buy from an exchange. Often, any sort of user agreement can involve an excercise of privilege and volunteering for things you don't realize.

Sabibaby's picture

Coinbase is nice because you can still put money in without ID -although it's a smaller amount and isn't instant (the price locks in at time of purchase) I don't know of other exchanges that allow that. Kraken, Bitstamp, GDAX (Coinbase parent) are others you just need to furnish ID.