America's 'Fake' Stability & Boobs On Credit

Tyler Durden's picture

Authored by Jim Quinn via The Burning Platform blog,

Do you ever hear something so startlingly mind numbingly ridiculous you realize it must be a sign things have gotten so fucked up something has got to give?

As I was driving to work yesterday morning on the Schuylkill Expressway a commercial comes on the radio from a plastic surgeon advertising for anyone looking for a better set of boobs. I had never heard a plastic surgeon commercial before, so I thought that was unusual. But, that wasn’t the best part. This plastic surgeon was offering no money down 18 month interest free financing on your new boobs.

I wonder if they are moving boobs with subprime debt the same way the auto companies have used subprime debt to move cars. Of course, when a deadbeat defaults on an auto loan the car is easily repossessed. What happens when a bimbo defaults on her boob loan? How narrow minded of me.

What happens when some dude who wants to be a bimbo defaults on his/her loan? I guess it was just a matter of time before breast enhancement met debt enhancement in this warped world of materialism, narcissism, financialization, and delusions.

Now that revolving credit has reached a new all-time high of $1 trillion and total consumer debt outstanding has exceeded it’s 2008 peak at $12.8 trillion, the Fed has completed its job of helping the average American again in-debt themselves up to their eyeballs. This is considered a success story in this twisted, perverted, bizarro world we call America today. The solution to an epic debt induced global financial catastrophe caused by Federal Reserve easy money, Wall Street fraud, and Washington DC corruption has been to increase global debt by 50% since 2007, with virtually all of it created by central bankers and the governments they control.

In what demented Ivy League educated academic mind would piling $68 trillion more debt on the backs of taxpayers as a cure for a disease caused by the initial $149 trillion of debt be considered rational and sustainable? It’s like having pancreatic cancer and trying to cure it with a self inflicted gunshot. And no one seems to care about or even notice the coming reset when this mass debt induced hysteria of delusion turns into the biggest financial collapse in the history of mankind.

This entire ponzi scheme edifice of debt is nothing but a confidence game. When people begin to realize they can’t repay their own debts, start to understand their governments will never honor their debt based promises, and realize central bankers are nothing more than pretend wizards behind a curtain, the confidence will evaporate in an instant and a collapse which will make 2008/2009 look like a walk in the park will ensue. That’s when civil and global war will engulf the world and teach people real lessons about the real world.

The boobs on credit commercial I heard this week is just another example of Wall Street and their Deep State crony co-conspirators completing their scheme to financialize every aspect of our lives and entrap us in chains of debt, beholden to these modern day Wall Street slave owners. When you see the record number of retail bankruptcies and store closings happening when GDP is supposedly rising by 3% and witness with your own two eyes the number of vacant storefronts and restaurants across our great land of materialism, you might wonder why revolving credit card debt is at a new all-time high.

The answer is Wall Street has successfully financialized virtually every aspect of our day to day lives. Consumer and taxpayer transactions which required cash or check ten years ago can now be paid with a credit card. You can pay your IRS bill with a credit card. You can pay your real estate taxes with a credit card. You can pay your utilities with a credit card. You can pay your school tuition with a credit card. You can pay your rent with a credit card. You can “buy” furniture and appliances without paying for seven years. And guess what? That’s what millions of average Americans are doing. In addition, they are driving “rented” $35,000 automobiles on seven year nothing down payment plans.

This massive debt induced fraud of a recovery gives the appearance of normalcy and stability. The stock market is at all-time highs is used as the narrative of central banker success. We’ve experienced extremely low volatility as the central bankers around the world have coordinated their money printing/debt creating schemes to purposely elevate financial markets to give the masses confidence that all is well. Anyone with critical thinking skills knows all is not well. The longer this fake stability is maintained the greater the collapse. Success breeds disregard for the possibility of catastrophe.

So you can call me the boy who cried wolf, but our Minsky Moment is approaching.

Sometimes they do ring a bell at the top.

In this case they are shaking fake boobs at the top.

“Stability leads to instability. The more stable things become and the longer things are stable, the more unstable they will be when the crisis hits.”Hyman Minsky

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yomutti2's picture

Well at least a good pair of knockers generates a revenue stream.


Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Can someone please explain to me why you can show every part of the boob except the nipple?


The Alarmist's picture

And why you can show a man's nipple.

philipat's picture

Shit, that's something new for Wall Street to collateralize. Perhaps tranches (By cup size) of Collateralized Boob Obligations (CBO's)?

Automatic Choke's picture

I don't even NEED to read any comments to know that my friends here will be at their best.     Let me pour a drink before scanning on from here.  Cheers!

38BWD22's picture

We are so cooked...

NFL getting low attendance.

Retail bankruptcies out the wazoo.

Bad debts all over the world.


HockeyFool's picture

This author talks about big boobs as if he doesn't like them.

What a sick fuck.

Haitian Snackout's picture

I think that is called a Forward Swap.

Haitian Snackout's picture

Heh, sure! unless they leak, then that would be a Total Return Swap.


Just what we all need - a legion of fake tits that get finally paid off by the wearer when they are hanging down around her kneecaps. 

NurseRatched's picture

The author is way behind the times here.  GE Credit started CareCredit - a subsidiary for cosmetic procedures exclusively - over a dozen yerars ago. 

Millions of procedures - Botox, fillers, liposuction ,laser procedures, breast augmentations, eyelid surgeris, face lifts - have been financed by CareCredit.  The zero interest means that the doctor gets paid about 85% of the transaction - the 15% cut was taken by CareCredit.

The author is way late to this party.  His ignorance of a basic financing staple of the medical/cosmetic industry is no real cause for alarm.

TheReplacement's picture

CareCredit is not exclusively for cosmetics.  Sometimes you need an accident fixed and you don't have a spare $2K at the moment.  The beauty is:

Pay with CareCredit > Make payments with a points card > Send one check to the points card.

You pay zero interest and get points for your trouble. 

Used for boobs on the otherhand... it PAINS me to say they just aren't worth it.

Clycntct's picture

Sew if you want to look under the covers a little deeper on this particular issue.

The origins of Consumer Finance?

Got The Wrong No's picture

Fake boobs don't sag, everything around them does. 

nightwish's picture

Bernie Sanders! I knew it.

Thanks toto

HockeyFool's picture

Its called Rock in a Sock.

swamp's picture


The bolted on tits will remain high.

The skin around them will be to the knee caps.

When every soccer mom used her house as an ATM to get boobs and a Louis Vuitton I stopped using LV right then.

defender1be's picture

You mean, paid off by the user.

Tiwin's picture

It would be a world where DDD is a better investment grade than AA

Too much man 

My head is gonna explode.

The Alarmist's picture

How about Collateralised Breast Optimisation Obligation Bundles ... C-BOOBs.

Laowei Gweilo's picture

false equivalence


cuz male nipples don't cause females to get raging erections and act like stupid horny monkeys lol =p



funthea's picture

And even worse, Howard Stern had a guy on his show years back who got a boob job for some strange reason. It aired on "E". They showed his new boobs, but now covered his nipples that they would have otherwise shown before his boob job.

The mental masturbation required to wrap your head around this logic is astounding.

Mufasa Dali's picture

Can Banzai put a MAN's nipple on a WOMAN's breast pic, and it will be OK to post on ZeroHedge?

Twee Surgeon's picture

Possibly because the Nip can Indicate Arousal would be my best guess. I think they (whoever 'they' are) have most women convinced that most men think Bigger is better when it comes to Boobs. I've never felt that way personally. If there was such a thing as a Boob Buffet (all you can eat.), you would find me in the Beach Volleyball/athletic section.Nothing wrong with big boobs at all but Perky little ones certainly grab my attention more than the vast spherical sacks of recent fashion.

Boobs on Credit is no different than the Merc, Porsche or Audi on credit. It's the honey trap that keeps the girl interesting to the boss or Joe millionaire while their looks are holding up for 15 to 20 years of Nubile potential. Some lady's benefit Massively from having their Conk snipped, some Wax in the lips and a little facial bone restructuring to turn them into absolutely fabulous Betty's. Then they find some wealthy sucker and they pop out a flock of children that look like Henry Kissinger at 90. Genetic fraud at it's finest outside of the Cuckoos nest. I'm not mocking Plastic Surgery at all, but turning the Hunchback of Notradame into Kim Bassinger should require some disclosure in a Pre-Nup before an unfortunate Conception.


Overfed's picture

Well, yaknow what they say: "Once you've seen one pair of boobs, you want to see all of them." When it comes to boobs, I like 'em all (almost all).

Twee Surgeon's picture

Well you just have not seen enough Tit's yet. I have seen some Tit's of older lady's and you would not sleep at night for a month. More in accidental situations than the old Tube top trickery. They have a Use by Date on the bottom if you care to look.

radio man's picture

Yeah, without nipples boobs are pointless.

Pernicious Gold Phallusy's picture

I'm a guy, and I garden shirtless in my front yard all the time. Have never been arrested for that.

unsafe-space-time's picture

Because men who have mommy issues find comfort in large tits. 

Promethus's picture

Women's nipples ate too titillating. 

The Alarmist's picture

Hookers get better looking when the economy sucks ... just sayin'.

philipat's picture

Did you mean the economy looks better when Hookers suck?

radio man's picture

Not the case during the Weimar Republic. Both the economy and daughters of aristocrats sucked over night. Want a credit card millionaires princess? Silver-gold ratio 76+. Hedge accordingly. 

JuliaS's picture

“Danny, if they lay off any more people, I’m gonna be out on the street sucking dicks for a living. I got nothing else. I’m serious.”

A hooker doesn’t have that same safety net. Hookers are already out there sucking dicks. Here is a hooker jugging a cock behind a dumpster right now. And she’s staring up at your office building thinking: “If they lay off any more people, more people gonna be out here sucking dicks! It’s gonna be a buyer’s market."

- Doug Stanhope

Moe Howard's picture

Basic supply and demand. History tells us the more civilization breaks down, the cheaper pussy becomes, until the end state, pussy is free.

Pernicious Gold Phallusy's picture

That's only the display. Sucking technique can lead to a long-term business arrangement.

SickDollar's picture

Welcome to the BIZZARRO WORLD and they call  that PROGRESS in Muricah

Mustafa Kemal's picture

Subprime boobjob  debt collapse?

Are we in a boob bubble?

radio man's picture

Boobs notwithstanding, this story has legs....have you ever posted something wishing...

kenny500c's picture

Collapse has already started, it begins with unsecured credit card debt, check the numbers, banks will have to reserve for this, previously they reduced reserves which were added to earnings. 

Angry White Guy's picture

Most women in America don't need boobs, they DO need lipo.  Let's get that credit program rolling.

Automatic Choke's picture

(special discount if you do both....just sort of a re-arrangement....)


OliverAnd's picture

Have you seen those with tattoos that do lipo when they age?  Its worse than those that do tattoos at a young age and then donate their bodies for science... trust me in medical school some of those cadavers had some weird drawings.   You my friend are absolutely right! 

Angry White Guy's picture

What has happened to 'women' in this country is absolutely fucking depressing.

Moe Howard's picture

Beyond amazing. I have seen some beautiful young women displaying hideous tattoos, they will be monsters by 30.

Moving and Grooving's picture

Guys too, but you're right. Not thinking about the future has drawbacks. It's the sort of randomness of many tattoed people. They have a beautiful butterfly or flower here, and a crude, blue-ink prison tat of Che over there, and florid script all over that part, so over-wrought that it's unreadable, and that's assuming it's even English. Incomprehensible to me.


I often remember a quote that said 'Freckles are about as attractive as Yaws (a disfiguring spirochete infection of the skin)'. Tattoos remind me of that, often simply disfiguring. Studs, pins, buttons in ear and nose lobes, etc fall in the same category. I'm for personal freedom and expression, I just find most of the body enhancements people pay giant bucks for hideous too.


And don't get me started about horns and deliberate scarring. They are repulsive and say bad things about people's state of mind, IMHO.




Long tat removal.