Mysterious Soviet Buoy Washes Up On Florida Beach

Tyler Durden's picture

If you think this sounds like the plot of a cold-war era spy flick, well, you’re not wrong…

A mysterious 12-foot Soviet buoy washed ashore on Dania Beach in southern Florida following Hurricane Irma, the Sun Sentinel reports, mystifying authorities who have struggled to explain where it came from, or how it ended up in Florida.

Their best guess: The buoy was knocked loose by Irma and floated the 350 miles from Cuba to Florida.

As the Sun Sentinel notes, the buoy looks like it belongs in a James Bond movie. “?????????????? ????” - which the Library of Congress says is Russian for Hydrometrical Service of the USSR - is painted in black on its side.

The first word is an abbreviation for “Gidrometricheskaia,” which means “water-measuring,” like an instrument that measures water temperature, movement and depth, he said. Some Russian-language experts translate it as “Hydrometeorological,” referring to a branch of meteorology involving the study of water in the atmosphere.

Workers at Dr. Von D. Mizell-Eula Johnson State Park pulled the buoy off the beach just days after Hurricane Irma swept through town. It almost immediately drew the attention of the Coast Guard, which tried to seize the buoy from the park.

According to the Sun Sentinel, Bill Moore, the park’s maintenance mechanic, spotted the buoy at the same time as the Coast Guard. He told the paper that his first thought was “You don’t find that too often.”

Officials from an administrative Coast Guard building located right next to the park tried to seize the buoy, but Moore retrieved it before they could take it. The buoy was too heavy to budge, so Moore tied a rope around it and with a skid-steer loader dragged it up the embankment and then brought it to the office’s parking lot.

“They tried to confiscate it.”

Robert Molleda, a meteorologist with the National Weather Service, said the buoy could have come from Cuba, given the geographical proximity.

“In Irma, the storm came from the south-southeast. And in a storm like that, something could get dislodged,” he said. “It could go adrift and easily wind up in Florida.”

Since the buoy showed up, strange things have been happening at the park, according to one employee. At one point, a group of men claiming to work for the Navy investigative team came to inspect the buoy and offered to haul it away, but never returned.

“I said, ‘leave your business card,’” but the men left — without leaving a card — and haven’t returned.

We expect that it will be appended to the Russia collusion narrative by Monday.

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Billy the Poet's picture

How do they know it's a buoy? Did they ask its gender?

Zero Point's picture

It's Trump's dead letter drop. Ask CNN.

El Oregonian's picture

I wonder if Seth Rich's body was encased in it? But then again, the DNC had the keys to the bouy Padlock...

Stuck on Zero's picture

America has been attacked by the evil Russian Putin Czar. Fortunately our powerful military has repulsed the invaders.

Urban Roman's picture

It saw an ad for Russian gulls on ZeroHedge and decided to come over and check 'em out.

TheReplacement's picture

All very funny stuff.


By the looks of it, it has not been in the water very long at all.

Four chan's picture

send it back tied to michael moore. who on an aside is said to be an ammature bouy himself.  

MozartIII's picture

It's a manly Russian Phallic symbol.

Juggernaut x2's picture

Putin rowed it across the Atlantic.

07564111's picture

Secret Russian weather manipulation device.

hurricanesRus <|;>

Manthong's picture


They can’t fool me.

The CIA was going to paint “Trump - Putin Direct -- Secret Relay Station 1"  in Cyrillic on the outside of that thing.


Ignatius's picture

It translates to, "Election Theft 3."

The question then is, who were the other two?

bonin006's picture

It could be NK H Bomb. Kim is just waiting for us to move it to a richer target before detonation.

Ignatius's picture

They just keep perfecting their delivery systems, and right in our face, too.

OK, we need 5,000,000 men with rifles to answer this afront.  Are you with me?


TheReplacement's picture

Absolutely!  We'll be right behind you.  Go ahead, don't wait up.  We'll catch up as soon as we can.

MozartIII's picture

No way, it's Putin. He rode a Great White shark (no shirt) and carried it on his shoulder!

ebear's picture

Close.  It's a warning.

The word Buoy (Boi) in Russian means fight or battle.

Remember the nuclear torpedo story from about a year ago?

Russians are really angry.  We have pissed off the wrong people.

HRClinton's picture

It's a Voting Buoy.

Another example of Russian interference in our demoncracy.

Tallest Skil's picture

Da, comrade. Is just weather balloon. Please for to be returning it to rightful owner. To open would be insult to both our countries. Also ignore radio frequency it puts out. Is sounding balloon; track for to locate by vessels.

Arnold's picture

The Gulls are all flocking towards it.

Katos's picture

It's only 90 miles from Cuba to Florida!

MozartIII's picture

We've been Buoyed by the Russians. Have they checked it for Cankles emails??

guru69's picture

got a stutter, boy?

chunga's picture

That must be a secret sonic beam ray device that also doubles as an election tamperer.

Hut! Hut! HIKE!

Proctologist's picture

It’s because the Russians were trying to change the tide in Florida, or whatever the Hitlery loving morons on CNN want it to be.....

Yog Soggoth's picture

And sends beams into ambassadors minds.

djsmps's picture

I got some sort of pro-Trump ad featuring a buoy in my facebook timeline.


Swamp Yankee's picture

I think Boris can confirm that it is designed to keep one's vodka cool while fishing for tuner fish.

1stepcloser's picture

Boris: is not suppository for big Russian bear

ciscokid's picture

That's what was causing the sonic attracts;)

shankster's picture

Not surprising in the fooked up southeast part of the sanctuary state of Big Hait fl.

Thordoom's picture

This Russian spys will stop at nothing. Time for new sanctions

_ConanTheLibertarian_'s picture

So are they going to return it?

zeroboris's picture

“?????????????? ????”

Russian letters are so scary that the site engine doesn't dare to render them.

Animal Mother's picture

They might be a secret Russia code phrase intented to set off all the voting machines hacked during the election. Any day now I expect to see one of those ballot counters rolling down Main Street running people over while playing the old Soviet National Anthem on a loudspeaker. 

Blankone's picture

"which the Library of Congress says is Russian for Hydrometrical Service of the USSR - is painted in black on its side."

It looks to me that like it is painted a very visable red and white on it's side. The bottom that is pointed down looks to be black as is very top that points up. But it is painted to be noticed/seen so it can be avoided.

Capn Mike's picture

The great '60's satire "The Russians are Coming! The Russians are Coming!" was a clever spoof of Russiaphobia. It starred (wait for it) CARL REINER! Meathead's father!!! I guess meathead's never watched his dad's movies.

just the tip's picture

are the park rangers getting headaches and feeling nauseous?