Home Depot Panics Over Millennials; Forced To Host Tutorials On Using Tape Measures, Hammering Nails

Tyler Durden's picture

As wall street analysts celebrate the coming of age of the millennial generation, a group of young people who were supposed to lead another revolutionary wave of consumerism if only they could work long enough to escape their parents' basement, retailers like Home Depot are panicked about selling into what will soon be America's largest demographic...but not for the reasons you might think. 

While avocado resellers like Whole Foods only have to worry about creating a catchy advertising campaign to attract millennials, Home Depot is in full-on panic mode after realizing that an entire generation of Americans have absolutely no clue how to use their products.  As the Wall Street Journal points out, the company has been forced to spend millions to create video tutorials and host in-store classes on how to do everything from using a tape measure to mopping a floor and hammering a nail.

Home Depot's VP of marketing admits she was originally hesitant because she thought some of their videos might be a bit too "condescending" but she quickly learned they were very necessary for our pampered millennials.

In June the company introduced a series of online workshops, including videos on how to use a tape measure and how to hide cords, that were so basic some executives worried they were condescending. “You have to start somewhere,” Mr. Decker says.


Lisa DeStefano, Home Depot vice president of marketing, initially hesitated looking over the list of proposed video lessons, chosen based on high-frequency online search queries. “Were we selling people short? Were these just too obvious?” she says she asked her team. On the tape-measure tutorial, “I said ‘come on, how many things can you say about it?’ ” Ms. DeStefano says.

And just in case you think we're joking and/or exaggerating, here is Home Depot's tape measure tutorial in all its glory:


Meanwhile, Scotts Miracle-Gro has been forced to start training classes to remind frustrated millennials, who can't seem to keep their flowers alive, that plants need sunlight to grow (apparently not a single millennial ever took biology in grade school).  Commenting on the tutorials, a defeated VP of Corporate Affairs, Jim King, admitted "these are simple things we wouldn’t have really thought to do or needed to do 15 to 20 years ago"...sorry, Mr. King this is your life now.

The Scotts Miracle-Gro Co. has started offering gardening lessons for young homeowners that cover basic tips—really, really basic—like making sure sunlight can reach plants.


“These are simple things we wouldn’t have really thought to do or needed to do 15 to 20 years ago,” says Jim King, senior vice president of corporate affairs for Scotts. “But this is a group who may not have grown up putting their hands in the dirt growing their vegetable garden in mom and dad’s backyard.”


“They grew up playing soccer, having dance recitals and playing an Xbox,” says Scott’s Mr. King. “They probably didn’t spend as much time helping mom and dad out in the yard as their predecessors or their predecessors’ predecessors.”


Companies such as Scotts, Home Depot Inc., Procter & Gamble Co. , Williams-Sonoma Inc.’s West Elm and the Sherwin-Williams Co. are hosting classes and online tutorials to teach such basic skills as how to mow the lawn, use a tape measure, mop a floor, hammer a nail and pick a paint color.

Unfortunately, at least for the Home Depots of the world, millennials now represent the largest demographic in America with 4.75 million 26 year olds roaming the streets of New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles without a clue as to how to use a tape measure.

The biggest single age cohort today in the U.S. is 26-year-olds, who number 4.8 million, according to Torsten Slok, chief international economist for Deutsche Bank . People 25, 27 and 24 follow close behind, in that order. Many are on the verge of life-defining moments such as choosing a career, buying a house and having children.


Millennials as a whole are America’s latest demographic bubble, overtaking the baby boom generation and, like them, transforming popular culture, retailing, media and lifestyles. They make up about 42% of all home buyers today, and 71% of all first-time home buyers, according to Zillow Group . Some 86% of millennial home buyers reported making at least one improvement to their home in the past year, more than any other generation, Zillow says.


While we have our doubts that it will save their business, retailers like J.C. Penney and West Elm are trying to adapt to the millennial generation by offering basic in-home services like installing televisions or hanging wall art.

J.C. Penney Co. says the group is willing to hire others for projects. The retailer has pushed into home services, including furnace and air-conditioning repair, water-treatment systems and bathroom renovations, and expanded its window-covering installation.


“They’re much more of a ‘Do-It-for-Me’ type of customer than a ‘Do-It-Yourself’ customer,” says Joe McFarland, executive vice president of J.C. Penney stores. “You don’t need a ladder or a power drill, you don’t even have to wonder if you measured your window right.”


Home-furnishings retailer West Elm offers service packages, which start at $129, to provide plumbing and electrical work, painting, installing a television and hanging wall art and mirrors.


All that said, at least some millennials are trying to be more self-sufficient...as an example, the WSJ notes the case of 26-year-old Breanne Loes who recently borrowed her dad's power tools to craft a wooden headboard...which went really well AFTER she realized the saw blade was on backwards.

Ms. Loes enjoys do-it-yourself projects, and two summers ago built with her now-husband a wooden headboard in her parents’ garage, with help from an online tutorial, her dad, two older brothers and their tools.


The saw wasn’t working at first because the blade was backward. “That was embarrassing,” says Ms. Loes.

Congrats, Breanne, really great job...really.

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PresidentCamacho's picture

No they will organize into cardres and come to kill you and take your shit.

FixItAgainTony's picture

... the shit that doesn't involve craft, utility, or working knowledge.

PresidentCamacho's picture

Yes, dumb and hungry , quickly becomes clever and violent

2_legs_bahhhhhd's picture

A lobotomy would make you smarter.

Ajax-1's picture

I would rather have a bottle in front me as opposed to a frontal lobotomy.

Bill of Rights's picture

Retards should steer clear of all tools .....Pathetic, and these are the assholes who are to carry us into the next Century..

LawsofPhysics's picture

The majority of this generation is nearing the ultimate/final product of government intervention and a society that has continued to reward BAD/unsustainable behavior!!!

It is what it is...

"Full Faith and Credit"

Mena Arkansas's picture

The millenial marijuana growers seem to have a pretty good handle on horticulture.

Peak Finance's picture

LOLZ is because marijuana, is, you know, like literally a WEED so anyone can do it.  

Peak Finance's picture


"Sexing plants?"

you are like 10 years out of the loop

Now everything is pre-sexed and auto-flowering

Put the "pot" in a pot and just watch it grow!


2_legs_bahhhhhd's picture

Yeah, but do they know how deep to plant the Cheetos?

nomad943's picture

It became legal in Mass this past year and just as a hobby ... and its amazing how difficult it actually is to get a yield out of that weed.

Deathrips's picture

* Not a millenial.

Havent grown a "weed" plant in 20 years.  Tried this year for fun with our companies proprietary new lighting computers mostly for pharma. Got a hydro system made some teas. The guys at high times think 35% THC is good...is it? Pharmlabs requested additional samples to verify....they thought it was good too.


Problem was i didnt like it. Too strong... nor cal outdoor sativa better for me.


I think ill stick to growing food and medicinal plants.



Justin Case's picture

Make hash out of it, if it's loaded with THC.

Irate Samurai's picture

The subsidizing of higher education is not only a means to make people more dependent on the govetnment and their employers by shifting them away from entrepreneurial skills; but it is also a way for big corporations to avoid footing the bill for college education and it creates a large pool of workers to choose from, allowing them to pay less wages. 

youngman's picture

It is amazing what life is going to teach these snowflakes when the power goes out for a couple of weeks or so.....

Eyes Opened's picture

I had a young neighbour ask me recently if I could weld up a piece of farm equipment for him...

When I'd finished the welding he asked how long for the weld to dry ?? 


SaulAzzHoleSky's picture

City slicker wandered into a blacksmith shop in a rural town. He picked up a horseshoe that the smith had formed about 5 minutes earlier, and quickly dropped it.

Blacksmith said "Hot, ain't it?"

Slicker said "No, it doesn't take me long to look at a horseshoe!"

wmbz's picture

No surprise at all, I know of several snowflakes that have never mowed the lawn, would not know how to start one. Hell, most likely couldn't even use a reel push lawn mower.

Snowflakes don't need to know how, thay have people for that common serf stuff.

rf80412's picture

You're assuming most of these young people even have lawns to mow ... or had more than a sad little patch in front of the tract house they grew up in.

Emergency Ward's picture

Hell, I know a millennial that has been mowing the lawn for years and still doesn't know how to do it!

Yukon Cornholius's picture

It's funny, back in the day (80s) jobs like mowing the lawn, raking up leaves and shovelling sidewalks were for neighbourhood kids. Typically a 10 year-old's first job. In my city it's now how a lot of people pay for their avocado toast. Sad.

There's picture

We have developed a SERVICE economy.  -Bend over and I will service you- 

Learning of doing anything out of a tight range of what it takes to make a living is too much trouble.

They expect everyone to do thins for them. Consequently they pay others to do what they could do themselves and have no idea exactly what kind of Servicing they are getting.

Sanity Bear's picture

I honestly didn't know the case length trick. That will save me a headache or two and was worth the minute I spent to watch that.

Far from being mockable, that video is exactly the kind of information-dense entry-level educational material that should be being produced. Bravo to Home Depot.

RagaMuffin's picture

Pleasantly suprised Breanne was not maimed, but it does raise the question who put the blade in for her, her dad or one of her brothers.....

Peak Finance's picture

Who needs those pesky DADS when you have Youtube and Home Depot stepping in to help! 

Blazing in BC's picture

Who needs those pesky DADS...Afro-American kids?

nmewn's picture

lol...gen-x daddies didn't teach their sons how to read a tape measure or pound a nail.

Those people are so fucking screwed up, no wonder they want open borders  ;-) 

espirit's picture

My 29 yo son still holds it against me that his buddies dad had to explain in 30 seconds or less how an automobile worked, when he was much younger.

I had given him the adult book 'How Things Work'.

If he'd been paying attention, I could have taught him A/C thru Welding so now he gets to figure it out on his own.

He does well at 'shooting' faults in environmental and electrical systems on jet aircraft though.

shovelhead's picture

I used to have my son out with me working on the car and bike and his eyes would glaze over because he wanted to play shoot em up with his friends.

Now that he pays for stuff himself I get a lot of phonecalls.

Justin Case's picture

I was 8 yrs old when I was getting under the hood. I check the rad and washer fluids, adjusted the idle mixture. By 10 I had a mini bike, Honda MiniTrail was driving the car solo at 12. By 14 I was driving my parents around.

Won the high school automotive scholarship. Went on to get certified as a millwright. Love mechanical stuff. Built my own engines, blew one up street racing.Owned a red 70 Chevelle SS 454, 1970 429 Torino, 69 Buick 430 Riviera. Lotta fun back then. Bought motorcycle 1200cc sport bike, they was quicker 10 sec quarters 170mph top end. Cops were no issue to run.
I fix anything in the house, electrical, HVAC, plumbing, painting drywall, cementing, stove fridge, computers, name it. I have $30,000.00 worth of Snap-On Tools over the years.

Now we just have a bunch of tools out of school that don't know which end of the hammer to hold.

Falconsixone's picture

All to busy watching mommy and daddy do everything for them because mommy and daddy cared and ended up raising kids that didn't care because everything was done for them. 

Akzed's picture

“This is a hammer. It solves every problem.”

Falconsixone's picture

That and a can of gas and a match.

ssgredux's picture

But make sure to wrap it in duct tape first!

Cardinal Fang's picture

'If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

Agent P's picture

As my father likes to say, "When all you have is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail."

whatamaroon's picture

And it that doesn't solve the problem 'Get a bigger Hammer!'

Justin Case's picture

We say,"don't force it, get a bigger hammer"

Justin Case's picture

When they have a hammer everything looks like a nail.

kahplunk's picture

Come on guys like they wont figure it out. I am a gen x they said the same crap about us. I can build a house if need be now.

LawsofPhysics's picture

yes, but it is always about averages...

Look at what has happened to the "average" intelligence etc.

The laws of Nature and physics have a funny way of thinning the fucking herd from time to time and there really isn't a damn thing to stop it.

ThorAss's picture

There's an app for that. Mind you millenials prefer scanning their own groceries. That's, like, doing it for yourself, like.

Justin Case's picture

scanning their own groceries?
Those are the advanced ones? I thought they only go as far as the fridge.

rf80412's picture

They're still assuming too much about Millennials owning houses that they can actually do home improvement work on.

I doubt the average landlord is keen on their tenants taking matters into their own hands.

Blazing in BC's picture

4.75 million 26 year olds roaming the streets of New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles without a clue as to how to use a tape measure....

Oh they know how to use it, just not for its intended purpose.

TRN's picture

What’s a tape measure? Ha, ha, ha!