Give Thanks For Turkey-flation

Tyler Durden's picture


As we near Thanksgiving Day, investors have many things for which to be thankful; from a global bull market in equities, led partly by a strong resurgence in corporate earnings, to very few signs of a recession starting over the next 12-18 months. There are a few near-term catalysts we’re watching, but there are also many longer-term positive signs. And since we’ve already talked a lot about how 2017 has so far been one of the strongest and least volatile bull markets ever, today we’ll change gears and talk turkey!

In honor of everyone’s favorite Thanksgiving Day bird, did you know that the size of your average turkey has grown substantially over the past 50 years?

That’s right: the average turkey was 17 pounds in 1960 and was more than 30 pounds last year.

Per Ryan Detrick, Senior Market Strategist,

“Although this is purely spurious and in no way should you ever invest based on it, you have to smile when you compare the average size of turkeys in the U.S. to the S&P 500 Index.


Both have moved steadily higher over the decades, suggesting investors and Thanksgiving dinner lovers alike have many things to be thankful for this year.”

To everyone from the LPL Research team, have a great Thanksgiving!

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SaintInix's picture

Haha, crazy.

They do realize there's a bunch of water in those Turkeys, right? Just like chickens.

~Edit~ First!

tmosley's picture

I don't think they inject the live turkeys with water.

I do think they breed frankenbirds to get those weights up, though.

two hoots's picture

No, they inject the packaging the bird come in which means you pay the same for water as you do the meat.  

JimmyJones's picture

You cannot inject a bird to that level to make it more than double its weight, at best you can add 10% weight and that is really pushing it.  If you have ever tried to flavor inject meat you would know this.  The birds are bigger, the breads grow quicker.  I know this because I raise poultry and am into this.  There aren't franken birds on the market yet.  The chickens that are mistakenly refered to as franken birds are these.  check it out and learn something.  There is a lot of BS on this subject by the Vegan crowd.

Private farmers and Universities have spend alot of time and money doing selective breeding over many years and this is the result.  A bird that is basically defenseless and grows quickly and is Delicious.

SaintInix's picture

To be clear, a lot of that weight change is selective breeding, and growth hormones.

The water is just a little bonus on the bottom line. I don't disagree that over 10% weight is pretty impossible... Doubling the weight with water wouldn't work, there just isn't enough muscle to contain that much water.

But a 10% bump is still a big deal to the bottom line for each turkey.

JimmyJones's picture

I can't speak to the industrial guys (mega producers) but with chickens its not really worth the time and effort to use growth hormones on the birds, the Cornish X breed doesn't need them, they grow quick.  Read the article I posted above.

. . . _ _ _ . . .'s picture

Almost all meat is injected with water. Want proof? Freeze a roast, thaw it and see how much water ends up in the package. 17 meat tampons are not enough!

JimmyJones's picture

What you present isn't proof. That is  because of ice crystals forming and penetrating the cell membranes during the freezing process, once the membrane is pierced the cells guts (mostly water) escape when thawed.  If you can freeze things fast enough this issue is overcome because the crystallization process cannot happen fast enough and the state change from liquid to solid occurs without the crystallization.  This is why "flash frozen" foods are superior in quality to regularly frozen foods.

youngman's picture

And that is why at my Steak restaurant way back when I never sold frozen meat....when the cells break down it has that grainy texture....not good in my book

SaintInix's picture

They inject the dead bird, on the packing line, like with chickens, to bump the weight and the price.

Would be pretty dumb to inject them while living.

After they are dressed and ready to be wrapped, they jab this big ass needle into them and pump some water into the breast, and any other significant area of muscle that can hold the water.

I mean, why wouldn't they? It's extra money, for something pretty much free, just a little water.

JimmyJones's picture

It also improves the moistness of the meat when cooked. at 2 bucks a pound I would rather have moist meat.  #moist

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

As we near Thanksgiving Day, investors have many things for which to be thankful; from a global bull market in equities, led partly by a strong resurgence in corporate earnings....

Rolling on the floor laughing out loud.

Do you think (debt fueled) stock buy backs might have something to do with this?

SaintInix's picture

Oh, to be sure.

This stock buyback thing is a huge red flag that Corps are just leeches, sucking the lifeblood out of the country while handing out Golden Parachutes and never seeing a day of jail time for the fraud they commit.

Loose lending, allowing for those at the top to essentially take out loans for whatever, at almost no interest...

Then that capital looks for 'return' and gets stuffed into any and every scheme that can make a buck. Legality be damned, because money protects itself.

It's the same old story, we are stealing from our future to fund the excess of our upper class and the idea that they deserve to have more than everyone else. They earned it after all, through inheritance, bribes, kickbacks, extortion, blackmail, threats and government bullies paid to shut the competition down.

I'm on the same page CD, I've been watching it play out for years now.

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Weren't stock buybacks illegal at one point because they were considered a form of corporate stock manipulation?

SaintInix's picture

You know, I don't know, but it sounds like it makes sense. At least in a common sense sort of way, possibly the rule was thrown out back during the golden age of de-regulation?

I'll have to do some searches on that... I've only been around a little over 30 years, so before the early 90s, I didn't pay much attention.

Guess they were...(The link below is about allowing Shareholders to vote on buybacks, but the first paragraph states that the law was tossed in 1982)

adr's picture

In November 2016, Goldman Sachs’ chief equity strategist David Kostin estimated that, in 2017, S&P 500 companies will spend $780 billion on buybacks?—?a new record.

Three quarters of a trillion dollars spent on nothing but inflating major shareholder wealth.

And they wonder why innovation and the productive economy is dead.

Gods's picture

The rooster will come home. 

small axe's picture

the modern turkey can no longer fly or breed -- it's walking extinction event

however, you may grope a turkey breast without fear of repercussion.

thank you

two hoots's picture

And many that eat them can no longer run or jump.     Breed, maybe.... but they can grope themselves? 

BandGap's picture

You better talk to the hundreds living on my property. During the winter they roost in the tree branches together, to save heat. It is quite a sight to watch them drop out of the tree when the sun comes up.

The also fly over my neighbors 10' fence to eat the blueberries. They are not great at it, but the can get off the ground a bit, same with chickens.

The breeding ritual is something to behold, all from my basement window.

Arnold's picture

After many years of chasing the Toms, with nothing to show for it, I came out of the woods at noon as required.
I leaned the shot gun up against the car and toddled off across the road to smell and water the flowers.
I scared up a huge Tom from under a rosebush, that went to flying.

I was in awe, it was like watching a Jumbo Jet taking off.

tmosley's picture

They are also so stupid that they will drown in the rain.

Totally serious here. A friend of mine had some experience with that. Stoped fucking with them after that.

ThrowAwayYourTV's picture

Ever hunted Turkey? If you ever tried you would change your mind about how clever they are.

tmosley's picture

The difference between wild and domesticated turkeys is vast.

shovelhead's picture

The difference is that domestic turkeys don't laugh at you when they see you coming.

youngman's picture

and in a thunderstorm they panic...and smother themselves

ThrowAwayYourTV's picture

Pump em full of growth hormones baby! Then wonder why their 12 year old daughter weighs 300 pounds and has a set of tits like a 25 year old.

SaintInix's picture

Not just Turkey, there's the beef, chicken, antibiotics in farm-raised seafood...

Radiation and Mercury in the rest of the seafood...

It's a god damned miracle we aren't all Cronenburg mutants already.

two hoots's picture

There is also a direct correlation between turkey inflation and human inflation for the same period.

nmewn's picture

What am l thankful for this year?

Hillary will President of the United States. 

Ever  ;-)

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

OK, now you jinxed it.

Big time.

nmewn's picture

lol...I heard even her dog won't allow her to pet him  ;-)

Pigeon's picture

Their last dog was Arkanicided. Oh sure, they SAY the dog ran out into the street in Chappaqua and got hit by a car. But are you believing that? Not me. 

Bastiat's picture

The dog knew too much and grumbled in its sleep.

Dilluminati's picture

I'm already sick of the holidays and it isn't here.  I'm serving no alcohol this Thursday and not doing any politcal discussions with the family.  Here is your turkey, here is the sides.. don't worry I'll clean up, now go the fuck home!

nmewn's picture

I'm gonna seek out that idiot bimbo my nephew married, hand her a cup of hot cocoa and strike up a conversation about her favorite subject a couple years back..."healthcare".

I even bought a brand new onesie for the occasion ;-)

Dilluminati's picture

Oh fuck.. I want to go to Charlottesville and have thanksgiving with Ian, not a have a beer, not mention the costs of healthcare which was supposed to be free!!!!!!!

Ian Dixon, who left his full-time job in 2016 to pursue an app-development business, did so because the ACA guaranteed that he could still have quality coverage for his young family, he said.


But when the 38-year-old Charlottesville husband and father of a 3- and a 1-year-old went to re-enroll this month, his only choice for coverage would cost him more than $3,000 a month for his family of four, which amounted to an increase of more than 300 percent over the $900 he paid the year before. And this is for the second-cheapest option, with a deductible of $9,200.

Yes thanksgiving with Ian mentioning the costs of ACA would ruin his dinner.  he would start vommiting like he was dining at Chipolte, fluids quirting from his ass like a scene out of the exorcist.. do not do.. be politically correct.. my that cranberry sauce shit that looks like a can tastes wondeful, please sir can I have moaar???

I'm all Oliver Twist and thankful I have anything left over at all.. 

Arnold's picture

Wild Turkey is always appropriate.
I go with the quick knockout when with family.

Dilluminati's picture

Trader Joes wine in the same stuffy high priced bottle we rinsed out and saved from years before..

css1971's picture

Missing all the fun. Spike the wine, get em so drunk they can't walk. Video the antics. Blackmail later.

shovelhead's picture

Last year my son's gorgeous girlfriend got drunk for the very first time because Wifey and her sister decided to get loose and were refilling her glass.

She gave me a big sloppy kiss on the cheek and said how happy she was that she loved her boyfriends parents so much.

Put a little tear in my eye.

I told my son if he doesn't make her my daugher in law soon I'm gonna punch his lights out. Now that he has his career going I'm hoping this year might be the one.

Dilluminati's picture

At the hatchery's they keep killing the baby turkeys with teeth as their genetics frankenbird scheme evolves, they tried mixing em but the ones with teeth went cannibal.

css1971's picture

..... um.... what hormones are they feeding those birds?

And do they make you grow breasts?

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I grow my breasts naturally.


ThanksIwillHaveAnother's picture

Turkeys in USA cannot be injected with hormones.   Just let 'em eat a lot of glyphosate-laden corn and wheat product.

Dilluminati's picture
Brother Stabbed With Kitchen Knife Amid Argument Over Thanksgiving Dinner Guests: Police

Season's Beatings my fellow ZH's

Have a happy thanksgiving and if you get unhappy consider a gun.

buzzsaw99's picture

mutant manboobs bitchez.

FORD_FIESTA's picture

Yes, that time of year to give thanks,,,,,,,thanks for Good Beer and Cheap Chinese Hookers!   Or is that Cheap Beer and Good Chinese Hookers?

Anyway, Thank the Maker, Hillary is not President.

Oh, and be sure to Boycott any and all NFL Bullshit this weekend.

Consuelo's picture



"...from a global bull market in equities, led partly by a strong resurgence in corporate earnings, to very few signs of a recession starting over the next 12-18 months."


Your textbook 'Jeffrey Saut' retort on the economy since 2012.   Oddly enough, they've been right - but for all the wrong reasons.   The beauty of being cock-sure one might say.

all-priced-in's picture

We like the smaller turkeys better,  the 30 + pound birds will dry out some before they are fully cooked.


I am cooking two 12 1/2 pound turkeys this year. They go into the brine at 7:00 PM today - into the oven at 8:30 AM Thursday - on the table around 12:30 - 1:00.


One isn't enough for 14 people and I want some leftover breast for our traditional turkey sandwich & pumpkin pie meal later in the day.