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Ahead Of Tomorrow's Dimon Hearing, Presenting JP Morgan's 93.5% Historical Winning Trade Perfection

Tyler Durden's picture




 

We are just about 16 hours away from Jamie Dimon's sworn testimony before the Senate Banking Committee, which even has the theatrical name: "A Breakdown in Risk Management: What Went Wrong at JPMorgan Chase?" Will anyone learn anything? Of course not: Jamie Dimon has been well-schooled in not disclosing critical trading information, and will certainly use the "proprietary position" and "more shareholder losses" excuse for any directed question asking how big the JPM CIO loss has become. Because while the hearing could have been productive, if indeed its purpose was to seek to prevent future massive losses of scale such as the suffered by the JPM prop trading unit and its hundreds of billions in CDS notional position, the last thing anyone will care about tomorrow is market efficiency and actual regulation. First and foremost: grandstanding and posturing, in the case of the politicians, and not disclosing anything, without saying too many "I don't recall"s in the case of Dimon. Which is why we have little hope to get anything out of tomorrow's formulaic 2 hours of largely meaningless droning. That said, considering we have already covered the topic of the JPM loss from a mechanistic standpoint more than any other media outlet, there is one more chart we would like to share with readers.

The reason for this chart was predicated by a small note in the latest WSJ article on who knew what and when (which came out at just the same time as the Bloomberg piece - as if the JPM CIO leaks can't decide who to dump information to so does it to both BBG and the WSJ), in which it is said that in "2010, another bad trade caught the attention of a senior finance executive who notified top J.P. Morgan executives. Joseph Bonocore, then chief financial officer of the CIO, became concerned when London-based traders lost about $300 million in a few days on a foreign exchange-options trade, without any offsetting gains to balance out the losses."

We decided to go back to the firm's 2010 filings and see what it had disclosed about its losses based on trading days reporting.

Here is what JPM reported publicly:

  • Q1 2010: zero days with any trading losses; 64 profitable trading days
  • Q2 2010: 8 trading loss days; 57 profitable days; of which the worst were 2 losses between $100-$120 MM
  • Q3 2010: zero days with any trading losses; 66 profitable trading days
  • Q4 2010: 5 trading loss days; 61 profitable days; of which worst was 1 loss day between $80-$100MM

Most importantly, in JPM's own words: "During 2010, losses were sustained on 13 days, none of which exceeded the VaR measure." Recall that this is the fudged VaR, which upon the discovery of the Iksil trade, had to be massively adjusted upward having been found to be completely meaningless and to exclude all CIO positions.

We wonder: was the CIO responsible for all of these losses, and more importantly, is the abovementioned loss captured in any of the JPM public reports? And if not, why not? More importantly, can someone explain how it is possible that a firm that over the past 9 quarters has disclosed a total of 41 days on which it has lost money trading, and 546 days on which it was profitable, or a 93.5% win rate of the total 587 days in the past 2 years and 1 quarter

All this is shown in the chart below:

To borrow a phrase from Taleb: was JPM's now mega-loss merely the non-scalable outlier event that occurs when a firm has an artificially impossible winning ratio, and uses complexity to mask the fact that it is in fact merely accumluating losses which have to be booked eventually?

Does being successful nearly all the time explicitly imply there is a time bomb in your books just waiting to be detonated? If JPM is any indication, the answer is a resounding yes.

 

* * *

Below is the breakdown of the past 9 quarters of JPM trading days from the company's own filings:

Q1 2010: Zero trading loss days: "The following histogram illustrates the daily market risk-related gains and losses for IB, CIO and Consumer Lending positions for the first three months of 2010. The chart shows that the Firm posted market risk-related gains on all 64 days in this period, with 9 days exceeding $180 million. There were no losses sustained during the three months ended March 31, 2010."

Daily IB & Other Market Risk-Related Gains (95% Confidence Level VaR) Three Months Ended March 31, 2010.

 

(BAR CHART) 

Q2 2010: 8 Trading Days Losses of which 2 Days with losses between $100 and $150 MM. "The following histogram illustrates the daily market risk-related gains and losses for IB, CIO and Mortgage Banking positions for the first six months of 2010. The chart shows that the Firm posted market risk-related gains on 121 out of 129 days in this period, with 10 days exceeding $200 million. The inset graph looks at those days on which the Firm experienced losses and depicts the amount by which the 95% confidence level VaR exceeded the actual loss on each of those days. Losses were sustained on eight days during the six months ended June 30, 2010, none of which exceeded the VaR measure."

(GAINS LOSS GRAPHIC) 

Q3 2010: Zero Trading Day Losses: "The chart shows that the Firm posted market risk—related gains on 187 out of 195 days in this period, with 12 days exceeding $200 million. The inset graph looks at those days on which the Firm experienced losses and depicts the amount by which the 95% confidence-level VaR exceeded the actual loss on each of those days. During the nine months ended September 30, 2010, losses were sustained on eight days, all within the second quarter of 2010, none of which exceeded the VaR measure."

 

(BAR GRAPH)

Q4 2010: 5 Trading Day Losses. "The following histogram illustrates the daily market risk–related gains and losses for IB, CIO and Mortgage Banking positions for 2010. The chart shows that the Firm posted market risk–related gains on 248 out of 261 days in this period, with 12 days exceeding $210 million. The inset graph looks at those days on which the Firm experienced losses and depicts the amount by which the 95% confidence-level VaR exceeded the actual loss on each of those days. During 2010, losses were sustained on 13 days, none of which exceeded the VaR measure."

(GRAPH)

 

Q1 2011: Zero Trading Day Losses: "The following histogram illustrates the daily market risk—related gains and losses for IB, CIO and Mortgage Banking positions for the first three months of 2011. The chart shows that the Firm posted market risk—related gains on each of the 64 days in this period, with seven days exceeding $160 million."

(PERFORMANCE GRAPH)

Q2 2011: 2 Trading Day Losses: between $80-$100MM;  "The chart shows that the Firm posted market risk-related gains on 127 of the 129 days in this period, with four days exceeding $200 million. The inset graph looks at those days on which the Firm experienced losses and depicts the amount by which the VaR exceeded the actual loss on each of those days. Losses were sustained on two days during the six months ended June 30, 2011, none of which exceeded the VaR measure."

Q3 2011: 16 Trading Day Losses., 5 Days over $200MM "The chart shows that the Firm posted market risk related gains on 177 of the 195 days in this period, with five days exceeding $200 million. The inset graph looks at those days on which the Firm experienced losses and depicts the amount by which the VaR exceeded the actual loss on each of those days. Losses were sustained on 18 days during the nine months ended September 30, 2011, of which three days exceeded the VaR measure."

Q4 2011: 9 Trading Day Losses: "The chart shows that the Firm posted market risk related gains on 233 of the 260 days in this period, with seven days exceeding $200 million. The inset graph looks at those days on which the Firm experienced losses and depicts the amount by which the VaR exceeded the actual loss on each of those days."

 

Q1 2012: 1 Trading Day Loss:  "The chart shows that the Firm posted market risk-related gains on 64 of the 65 days in this period, with one day exceeding $200 million. The inset graph looks at those days on which the Firm experienced losses and depicts the amount by which the VaR exceeded the actual loss on each of those days."

 

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Tue, 06/12/2012 - 18:53 | 2519846 SHEEPFUKKER
SHEEPFUKKER's picture

So wait, the banksters are not doing god's work then? WTF?

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:15 | 2519895 spankthebernank
spankthebernank's picture

They are stealing in broad daylight. These hearings are utterly sickening!

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:33 | 2519921 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

JPig is wholly insolvent.  Accounting standards have been changed to meet the pigs' needs by fooling the average person into believing they provide a legitimate service and have value.  Is Cramer that dumb?

A pig knows no limits, and JPig proves its a pig by its actions.  This sucker is corrupt as hell and one day will bring down the financial system.

Why anyone would allow this firm to hold their money is beyond any rational comprehension.

 

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:44 | 2519960 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

You won't hear any of that tomorrow in the Senate, that for sure.

It'll be Comedy Hour...with a bunch of people like 87 year old Daniel Akaka of Hawaii trying to read his prepared script before he takes his morning nap and dump.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:56 | 2519977 knukles
knukles's picture

"Nap n' Dump"

The New Normal

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 22:01 | 2520166 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

We need more leniency and compassion toward banksters. 

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 07:44 | 2520830 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

I can only promise it will be quick and painless.

 

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:27 | 2520029 El Viejo
El Viejo's picture

If Corzine didn't incense 'the representatives of the people' then Dimon will have a cake walk.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 22:07 | 2520179 piceridu
piceridu's picture

...nap and dump

That has franchise written all over it...franchises available only in D.C

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 23:48 | 2520368 PiratePiggy
PiratePiggy's picture

Damn.  What am I going to do with the property in Arlington that I just bought for a new Nap'n'Dump?  I already hired contractors to remove the plumbing and put in a cesspool.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:38 | 2520047 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

"I fail to see how this is any of my business" Joe6Pax

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:07 | 2520093 Jendrzejczyk
Jendrzejczyk's picture

We Joesixpacs know what's going down.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 18:55 | 2519850 General Debility
General Debility's picture

Someone on CNBC just referred to JPMorgan as "still the prettiest girl in the neighbourhood." Humph I would love Banzai to get his crayons out. I have a great photo of a pig with lipstick and long eye-lashes.  That would just about do it!

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:35 | 2519946 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Jamie's volunteer job at the NY Fed has side benefits....info is money, bitchez !

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 23:50 | 2520373 PiratePiggy
PiratePiggy's picture

Does the pig work on-air at CNBC?

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 23:52 | 2520377 PiratePiggy
PiratePiggy's picture

Does the pig work at CNBC as on-air talent?

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 18:58 | 2519856 holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

"Does being successful nearly all the time explicitly imply there is a time bomb in your books just waiting to be detonated? If JPM is any indication, the answer is a resounding yes."

Indeed: Bring out the rest of the cockroaches such as GS, et al.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:41 | 2520050 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

And fuck modern corporate finance, if you know what I'm talking about: massaging results and commoditizing profits.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:51 | 2520068 Raynja
Raynja's picture

what the govt needs to do is make losses illegal, it would solve all these silly problems.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:10 | 2520098 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

As in baseball, if you hit a .333 lifetime average your an automatic first time eligible pick for the 'hall of fame', period!

In the casino business your even with the house, even though your losing with a .500 average? But... in the banking business, the rules state implicitly that TBTF Bank's need only show the winnings. That's right,... think of it as, 'The Babe Ruth House of Mandrake the Magician', that the 'Dimon' built'! The 'Law of TBTF's Averages' counts the slugging average plus a gratuitous 25% handicap from the 'SEC  Scorekeeper?  Who wrote this crap? Why,... Pete Rose did of course! 

jmo

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 18:59 | 2519862 youngman
youngman's picture

You do not get a big bonus with loses....winning.....even if its with bailout money...

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:25 | 2520024 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

bailout money is winning..

ROI in political puppets and your hedging at The Fed

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:00 | 2519864 TrainWreck1
TrainWreck1's picture

93.5% in a rigged market.

Guess someone figured out that 6.5% is the magic number to give up to appear legit.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:51 | 2519967 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I'd say that's the measure of difference between influence and control. They're way too greedy to give that much up willingly.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:29 | 2520033 El Viejo
El Viejo's picture

So you are sayin that the justice dept should look the winners in a rigged market???

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:51 | 2520070 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

No dude. Those fuckers destroyed all values in the market and all there is left is for their risk alchemists to transform a huge amount of risks into steady stream of profits. It is just normal that from time to time, the whole thing blows up in their faces and destroys all the profits they made.

But that happens too late, they already cashed out and the taxpayers foot the bill of saving the bankers.

Rinse... repeat...

 

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:00 | 2519868 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

Does being successful nearly all the time explicitly imply there is a time bomb in your books just waiting to be detonated? If JPM is any indication, the answer is a resounding yes.

Put another way; even when everything is rigged in their favor, even when they have unlimited amounts of free chips, even when they hold all the aces, even when they get to deal from the top, bottom, and middle  of the deck, and even when they get to see everyone else’s hand, these bumfucks still manage to figure out a way to lose now and then. And that’s what they get paid the big bucks for.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:23 | 2519911 amadeusb4
amadeusb4's picture

Some losses are necessary in every profitable company in order to game tax code.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 05:05 | 2520678 EverythingEviL
EverythingEviL's picture

It boils down to absolute pure GREED, plus all this so perfectly foretold:

2 Timothy 3:1-5

1 But know this, that in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here. 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, 3 having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, 4 betrayers, headstrong, puffed up [with pride], lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godly devotion but proving false to its power; and from these turn away.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:02 | 2519869 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

93.5%? That's pretty good, right? LOL.

Come on Jamie....keep whispering softly in our ear as you ram us all in the ass.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:03 | 2519874 PeaBird
PeaBird's picture

"Winning Trade"?

The word "win" has the implied connotation that the act was done with honour. There is no honour with cheating & fraud. In fact, I would not call these "wins" at all. They are profits, and that is all. And paper profits at that. They might as well just print it for themselves, this "win" is THAT meaningless....Oh wait, they already are printing it for themselves....End of story.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:10 | 2519886 CommunityStandard
CommunityStandard's picture

The chart is misleading.  I can have a profit of $1 every day, and lose $1,000,000,000 in just one day, and then show a chart about how I had gains in 279 out of 280 trading days, or a 99.64% win rate.  Or am I missing the point?

 

Also Tyler:

"More importantly, can someone explain how it is possible that a firm that over the past 9 quarters has disclosed a total of 41 days on which it has lost money trading, and 546 days on which it was profitable, or a 93.5% win rate of the total 587 days in the past 2 years and 1 quarter." 

is not a sentence.  "Can someone explain how ... a firm ..." does what?  I love your articles and your research, but some of these grammar issues makes it even harder to understand you.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:20 | 2519897 jcaz
jcaz's picture

Wow- so you had an 8th grade Stats class AND grammar classes too?

They clearly masks your grasp of trading-  this is JPM, you pretentious twat-  they don't deal in the tiny numbers that could prove you actually know what you're talking about;

Go back to your Cramer tapes....

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:26 | 2520028 oddjob
oddjob's picture

tapes?....beta or VHS?

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:11 | 2520099 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

Tapes are ok - steak is better.  But Mexican food gives me the shits.

 

!Viva Espana!

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:20 | 2519899 iDealMeat
iDealMeat's picture

CS, Save yourself some time..  Read the BOLD to get the gist. Look at the bottom for 5ish stars.. Then peruse the comments..

None of it is really worth wasting time on or caring about anymore.

 

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:21 | 2519908 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I don't know about you, but I'm here for the truth and for the financial education. I also love the commentary. I'm not here for grammar, spelling , and punctuation lessons.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 22:08 | 2520183 rambo1028
rambo1028's picture

Agreed! Often the comments are more educational than the OP. I have learned and laughed much since I started reading here! Thanks all for helping me understand and making me laugh even when what I learn here often makes me want to cry.... or go postal...or both...

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 08:14 | 2520884 CommunityStandard
CommunityStandard's picture

You're one of my favorite commenters here and seem to know what's going on, so maybe you can help summarize the main idea of this article. JPM has a 93% win rate, however (fill in the blank).

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:52 | 2519970 TN Jed
TN Jed's picture

I appreciate wordplay as much as the next mutant and must admit when sourcing fact, the superfluous descriptors and tangential thoughts, interspersed amongst fact, perhaps, can and will make it difficult if not downright impractical, unless you enjoy the journey as opposed to the destination and who can truly ever know when one arrives, to ever know what the fuck was said. 

I thought you made a few practical points but everybody is a genius here so tough shit.  We were weened on Rushdie.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 22:46 | 2520246 VisualCSharp
VisualCSharp's picture

One time, I posted about how ZH's summaries are often laden with digressions, making them difficult to read; having to track 10 different thoughts in one sentence doesn't make for easy-to-digest information. I'm not knocking the quality of the information, just its presentation.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 00:27 | 2520436 Carl Spackler
Carl Spackler's picture

I beg to differ.

So your point is that your mind/emotions is/are not capable of multi-tasking.

Clearly, you are NOT a trader or an asset manager, because SUCH is the nature of the business.

A million things happen simultaneously across many markets around the globe, EVERY DAY, and it all has to be processed and cogently argued for a buy/sell/hold decision.

You deal with it and you move on to the next thing. Otherwise, you find a new career.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:19 | 2520015 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Are you an outcomes based community standard or just a substandard community?

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:00 | 2520081 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

In case you are still unsure, your example is exactly what Tyler is saying and what the Business Model of those financial instiutions is: collecting pennies in front of a storm. Sorry bad example: a better example would be if the storm gets stronger with every penny collected.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:18 | 2520105 Boxed Merlot
Boxed Merlot's picture

If you were as careful about math as you are about "grammer" you would have been able to read the charts and decipher the "reported" amount of "losses" as miniscule in comparison to the average "gain", yet alone the total "gain" reported and syphoned off by tptb.

 

In Short, JPM is the house and anyone that walks into the casino is worse off than if you tried to win at an Indian casino, consistently.  The politicians that will be doing the "grilling" are nothing more than slot machine technicians at best.  Besides which, when a person reads verbatim speech, rarely if ever can the passion show through until and unless the grammer suffers.

 

I apoligize for writing such a lengthy response, I didn't have time to write a shorter one.--A.Lincoln-(Ithink) 

imo.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 08:41 | 2520973 CommunityStandard
CommunityStandard's picture

Thanks for the response.  I'm open to criticism, and the importance of grammar is a debatable opinion that in the long run doesn't matter.  But I do appreciate you actually attempting to give me an answer as to the main idea of the article, instead of just pretending you knew.  When I get comments like "just read the bold and look at the charts", it is a little worrying about how much of Tyler's ideas beyond "JPM is bad" is getting across.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:18 | 2519900 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Eight out of the 22 on the Senate Banking Committee have JPM as a top five sponsor. JPM is the Chairmens #1 Sponsor and the Ranking Member has JPM as his #2 sponsor.

For context Goldman appears as one members top 5 sponsor. 

I imagine that right now some idiot Senator is getting briefed from some intern on what a "synthetic credit portfolio" is. Likely neither have a clue although betting the intern is less clueless than the Senator. 

Tomorrow each Senator will be hoping to score the sound-bite for the "hard working folks back home". Hoping that none of the "folks back home" notice who their sponsors are.

Politics in the USA is merely the practice of bribery and legalized execution of corruption. Funny because tomorrow the puppet master is on the hot seat.....good thing it is only his marionettes, doing the questioning.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:25 | 2520026 Ima anal sphincter
Ima anal sphincter's picture

+1000 Very well put.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:38 | 2520046 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

dog & pony show

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 22:46 | 2520250 Jena
Jena's picture

More like a Tijuana donkey show.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 00:01 | 2520398 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

I pity the fool who messes with donkey show. Who called me?

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:43 | 2520054 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

should Senators with a glaring conflict of interest such as JP Morgan sponsoring their campaigns not have to declare their conflicts at tomorrows Hearing?

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:43 | 2520052 Marginal Call
Marginal Call's picture

This is gonna be like the time that one Senator from Texas apologized to BP during the gulf oil spill.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 01:43 | 2520560 Kiwi Pete
Kiwi Pete's picture

But surely those with a conflict of interest have to recluse themselves from the Dimon grilling. Surely? Crickets...

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:19 | 2519904 phat ho
phat ho's picture

"OOO-ooooo-hhhhhhhhhh Aaaannn-dy; don't be too hard on the boy"  Floyd - Andy Griffith show

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:23 | 2519912 Cupid Stunt
Cupid Stunt's picture

Dimon Corzine Dimon Corzine. Same shit different day.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:32 | 2520036 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

Yep same shit indeed ...maybe the Committee could ask Dimon while he's there where he 'parked' stolen client funds from the MFG heist

coz the wet blanket of a Trustee sure as hell isn't making any effort in that direction

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:24 | 2519917 NemoDeNovo
NemoDeNovo's picture

FU Dimon!!!!!!

Karma is a BITCH, bithcez

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:13 | 2520009 ProtectiveFather
ProtectiveFather's picture

Are you Spanish? Nice theta on the classic ZH sentence ender.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:25 | 2519920 muppet investor
muppet investor's picture

16 hours ??!!..
Better call Jon Corzine...just in case something goes wrong...

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:28 | 2519926 junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

Preview of tomorrow's hearing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5j2F4VcBmeo

At least 3 congressmen will cry...

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:30 | 2519936 Hubbs
Hubbs's picture

Losses on 6.5% of the trades? These smell like increments of unprocessed London whale shit that JPM has to dispose of. 

If you can be 93.5 % sucessful, then you can be essentially be 100%, unless of course you got to hide a big screw up.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:31 | 2519940 jumblies
jumblies's picture

I wonder how many other big banks also have such high win rates? And if so who are the losers and why haven't they figured out that doing a deal with JPM means you're 93.5% likely to lose your shirt?

 

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:40 | 2519954 Rainman
Rainman's picture

wtf you think these pigmen are doing with free money from the fed...makin loans//??? Sheeeet !

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:43 | 2519958 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

I can barely be bothered to comment, other than Dimon, you're a cunt.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:43 | 2519959 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

Exactly what does a "sworn testimony" mean to a devil worshiper?

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:22 | 2520019 knukles
knukles's picture

Sworn Testimony:  (n), as in the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth that you better listen to or your ass is grass.  example;

 

"Goddammit, Senator, I swear to fucking God that I'll have that asshole's fucking entrails hanging as a butler bell call cord in my Viennese castle along the Danube when I find out who let this shit out of the fucking bag.  That slimy little cocksucker will be eviscerated in Satan's Own Sacrifice in the middle of Times Square right after I take care of your newest round of campaign contributions which'll be buried as next years trading losses, so do not fucking demean me in front of the public you little prick or those photos of you taking it up the ass while huffing amyl nitrite in the Bohemian Grove will be front and fucking center on every front page from the NY Times to the Enquirer.  Do you fucking understand me, now?"

 

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 23:43 | 2520352 rambo1028
rambo1028's picture

Exactly

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:56 | 2519965 BlueStreet
BlueStreet's picture

93.5%, maybe Jamie really can see the future.

 

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:50 | 2519966 boooyaaaah
boooyaaaah's picture

Lest's ask Allen to ask the ZH question

There has to be one tough SOB left in Congress

 

Maybe Allen

If not him, we need to Keep looking

How bout Markopolis

The truth is a huge boulder in the pathway to hell

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/im-just-getting-started-allen-west-releases-epic-new-ad/

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:05 | 2519993 booboo
booboo's picture

Fuck allen west, he's a truncoat sob draped in camo that voted for NDAA

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:42 | 2520144 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

and the one guy who actually could have stopped it from becoming law you give a pass. That guy being the one who signed it into law on Christmas eve. Yeah that guy.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:15 | 2520010 ProtectiveFather
ProtectiveFather's picture

-1 for sourcing GB.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 19:59 | 2519981 SILVERGEDDON
SILVERGEDDON's picture

Wire a polygraph to an electric fencing charger, wired to Jamie's nuts. Every time he lies, full fencing voltage gets applied to his nuts. Let's see if he lives until the end of hour one on that game plan. Hell, let's see if he makes it through the first five minutes without shitting his pants and projectile vomiting.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:06 | 2519994 Xrated
Xrated's picture

Tyler, watch your back.

These Mafia types will snuff you out if your not careful.

Get a bodyguard. Just saying...

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:36 | 2520136 GNWT
GNWT's picture

Damn dude, was thinking the same thing

And don't get on a plane with Max Keiser, et al.

Decided not to vote ever the night they killed RFK.

Lesson of the 60's, if he can make a difference he will die.

This shit started decades or more ago, ain't nothing new.

G

Stay liquid my friends...

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:06 | 2519997 Hubbs
Hubbs's picture

Losses on 6.5% of the trades? These smell like increments of unprocessed London whale shit that JPM has to dispose of. 

If you can be 93.5 % sucessful, then you can be essentially  100%, unless of course you have to hide a big screw up.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:37 | 2520043 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

my local worthless utility regulator mandates 95% service reliability

as nobody collects the data other than the utility they can at will drive a horse, coaches and double-decker bus through that 5% rat hole and nobody is any the wiser

The Law looks good on paper, in practice it stinks

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:07 | 2520000 booboo
booboo's picture

Keep voting amerika and when you do remember you are consenting to the ass raping that will commence withing hours of them swearing on a bible to not cornhole you.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:07 | 2520001 chump666
chump666's picture

F*ck JPmorgan and that disease Dimon.  You greedy disgusting a-holes.

Anyway you'll go down in history for setting off the derivative meltdown that the Fed is covertly covering up (there you go conspiracy theory...but most probably true).

 

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:16 | 2520011 Convolved Man
Convolved Man's picture

TBTF crime and punishment mashup.

 

Put him in the comfy chair...

Bailiff, whack his pee-pee!

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:28 | 2520032 The Heart
The Heart's picture

Blah blah blah... meanwhile...we got a war to start.

Stay tuned for your average normal commercial false flag event any day now to blame on Syria, or some one.

And look who's coming to dinner!

Russia prepares army for Syrian deployment

http://www.wsws.org/articles/2012/jun2012/rusy-j12.shtml

.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:43 | 2520053 MFL8240
MFL8240's picture

Here is what JPM reported publicly:

  • Q1 2010: zero days with any trading losses; 64 profitable trading days
  • Q2 2010: 8 trading loss days; 57 profitable days; of which the worst were 2 losses between $100-$120 MM
  • Q3 2010: zero days with any trading losses; 66 profitable trading days
  • Q4 2010: 5 trading loss days; 61 profitable days; of which worst was 1 loss day between $80-$100MM

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE THE BANKS IN BED WITH BEN BERNANKE!  THIS IS A FUCKING CLOWN SHOW.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:09 | 2520096 chump666
chump666's picture

...and PIMCO knows that the Fed will buy-up MBS's soon.

Forget em all.  Point is, JPmorgan has set off the derivative timebomb.  The Fed is printing into ALL markets, from ECB swaps, repo's, op twists in all configurations, USD printing etc etc etc

Won't matter, the CDS (Insurance) bubble connected to the bond bubble is about to go.  The CB's of the world will be lost in a panic and despair.  Nothing on earth will stop the doomsday trade

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:46 | 2520059 working class dog
working class dog's picture

Hey Ron Paul, get them spurs on Partner and ride the wild poney Jamie Dimon,

Yeeh Ha!

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 20:49 | 2520064 Hedgetard55
Hedgetard55's picture

So, they have been counting their gains and hiding the losses? Just like Hillary! in Cattlegate.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:00 | 2520080 unununium
unununium's picture

Transcript you will never see:

Mr. Dimon -

 - What is the gross notional value of all INTEREST RATE SWAPS to which your companies and their subsidiaries, off-balance-sheet vehicles etc. are a party?

 - Who are the largest counterparties and instruments? 

 - Are you "hedging" those IR swaps by buying the underlying instruments, e.g. United States Treasury securities?

 - What, in your estimation, has been the market impact of your purchasing that quantity of Treasuries as "hedges"?

 ** Does that not equate to working in concert with the Treasury to suppress longer-term interest rates, far in excess of publicized QE, QE-Lite, Operation Twist, etc. programs?

 - What is the amout of commissions your companies (subsidiaries, ad nauseuem) have earned on this official business in the past 3 months? In the past 12 months?

 - Any particular plan for ever unwinding any of it?

Thank you and good day sir.

 

 

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:33 | 2520128 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

OR, "congressmen, inside the folders I passed out to each of you are hot stock picks you're gonna love-- along with my printed statement, of course."

"Thank you for your time, Mr D. This committee appreciates your largesse."

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:06 | 2520092 Catullus
Catullus's picture

Is this hearing even remotely necessary? Why doesn't he just say "no" to the request? It's not like the subpoena him

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:32 | 2520101 q99x2
q99x2's picture

CNBC: 'On the economic front, investors will be watching the monthly producer price index and the retail sales numbers at 8:30 am ET.'

What is this crap?

Economic front: That's where past exchange transactions meet future demand for cartons of Tide.

Investors: That must refer to those narly computer algos.

Monthly producer price index: And thats a graph of fraudulent numbers related to Chinese manufacturing.

Then they throw that graph out and replace it with one matched to an upcoming Bernanke speech and present the PPI at 8:30am ET.

So I guess what the meaningful element of the PPI report is is that 8:30am ET arrives at 8:30am ET.


Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:23 | 2520116 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

So he's getting a fair trial, and then what?

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:27 | 2520121 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Yeah. He needs a trial. They'll give him the same BJ they gave Corzine, who's still roaming like a balth-salt zombie.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:57 | 2520162 toomanyfakecons...
toomanyfakeconservatives's picture

Applause and a promotion no doubt.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:42 | 2520142 JuicedGamma
JuicedGamma's picture

In 2009 Ge Capital was fined for cooking the books in 2002.

No doubt Dimon is retired by 2020 or so when the govt gets around to doing squat about the obvious manipulation of trading results and thus book cooking that is going on here.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:45 | 2520151 gimli
gimli's picture

Let us all pray for the Dimon Gaffe tomorrow

so Jon Stewart can exploit the hell out of it.......

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-june-11-2012/democalypse-2012---th...

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 21:46 | 2520152 loveyajimbo
loveyajimbo's picture

Is this where Gensler and Shapiro leave their chairs to sit with Dimon?  After all, they have been paid well by him for years... Hey, Jamie, tell us all about that monster silver short... is that like... er... a legit hedge, sort of like the one you just puked up $40 Billion on?

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 22:07 | 2520177 newengland
newengland's picture

The best thing about the Fight Club is that it is tough, timely, accurate and indefatigable...even if some of the comment section is offensive.

Reality. Some may ignore reality, but reality will not ignore them. 

Jamie 'Diamond' ;-)

You had better make sure your paperwork is in order to verify your statements.

Tue, 06/12/2012 - 23:46 | 2520362 ultraticum
ultraticum's picture

Congressional Inquisitor for The People:  "That stellar trading record sure looks like 'hedging' to me.  And I yield my time to the Chairman."

 . . . . after the meeting, a lifetime contract is won as a consultant/lobbyist for the Morgue.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 01:48 | 2520569 Kiwi Pete
Kiwi Pete's picture

So on which day did they lose the $2billion?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 01:58 | 2520580 Ted Baker
Ted Baker's picture

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS:- LOSSES OVER 10BILLION USD MINIMUM SO FAR AND COUNTING

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 09:07 | 2521093 Mudja
Mudja's picture

In the accountancy department of JPM, they decide what the trading day result will be by spinning a Wheel of Fortune.

Now please excuse me, I'm about to watch Whale Wars!

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