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America Will Have Negative Unemployment In January 2022

Tyler Durden's picture


Much has been said about the recent shifts in the US labor force: the decline in the unemployed, the flatlining number of those actually employed, but most importantly the soaring number of those who have left the labor force for good, which is where most of those who are "unemployed" end up, instead of back in the gainfully employed labor pool. We have made it all too clear why this transition is happening, which as even Goldman Sachs today agreed, is not due to the retirement of baby boomers, but due to more and more Americans finding welfare in the country's various other shadow job replacement programs such as Food Stamps and Disability Payments, and dropping out of the labor force entirely. We won't debate that here: we will merely note that the rotation out of the labor force has now become secular, and is the primary reason for the "drop" in the unemployment rate, which has declined consistently since the 10% in October 2009, during which time those employed, have risen by 3.5 million, while those not in the labor force by a massive 5.7 million. No, here we don't care about the past. Instead, we will forecast the future. And the future is so bright, whoever is president in January 2012 has go to wear shades.

Because taking current trends across all employment indicators, using 12 Month trailing averages in the changes of those employed, unemployed and dropping out the labor force, we can predict, with IMF-level precision, that at the current surge of those leaving the labor force, the US unemployment rate will hit 0.0% in December of 2021 and finally go negative, or -0.1% in January 2022. So there you have it: maybe the BLS can just fast forward us to the end of this thought experiment when everyone will be so fat they couldn't look for a job if they wanted to (recall by 2020 75% of Americans will be obese), but at least the Propaganda Times will be blasting in 24/7 red flashing headlines that, for the first time ever, America's unemployed are now somehow negative, and we can all rejoice while collecting all those welfare stamps bought on negative interest credit funded directly from the uber politburo of the USSA located in the Marriner Eccles building.

Behold America's glorious future:

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Tue, 05/08/2012 - 15:50 | 2407905 FOC 1183
FOC 1183's picture

I look forward to my time off

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 15:55 | 2407927 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

This is good, right?


America might not even exist in 2022.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:10 | 2407986 Henry Chinaski
Henry Chinaski's picture

Yes Good.  Central planners everywhere understand this.  The question is what negative interest rate is required to generate the correct level of negative unemployment that will ensure permanent economic stability and perpetuation of the status quo.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:11 | 2408003 EnglishMajor
EnglishMajor's picture

Obomney 2012, bitchez!

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:11 | 2408005 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

You have a very negative attitude.


Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:13 | 2408006 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Will Obama pay my gas & mortgage in 2022?

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:16 | 2408018 in4mayshun
in4mayshun's picture

Well yes...kinda. You'll be given a government issued cot in a FEMA center and a bicycle.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:41 | 2408104 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

The bicycle wheels will be just rims, no rubber - and the seat will be made from...human skin.  You want one with tattoos? That's extra. 

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 23:13 | 2408954 xtop23
xtop23's picture

Where is Charlton Heston when we need him.

Somebody yell to the carny pulling the throttle that I'd like to get off this ride now please k thx.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:16 | 2408020 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



A negative times a negative is a positive.

Therefore, (-1)negative * (-1)Unemployment 

=negative Unemployment 

= positive employment?

Winning the future!



Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:29 | 2408075 Joeman34
Joeman34's picture

I'm generally a fan of satire, but this post is retarded...

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:38 | 2408093 centerline
centerline's picture

Welcome to the new normal.  A firm crack to the head with a 2x4 is probably what most of us need in order fit in these days.  Or rampant brain cell carnage via the chemical of your choice.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 21:44 | 2408751 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Negative interest rates, Negative unemployment

Fuckin' positive!

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 07:15 | 2409398 BorisTheBlade
BorisTheBlade's picture

It means that IQ is trending the same way as unemployment. Bullish.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:41 | 2408100 THX 1178
THX 1178's picture

America doesn't exist TODAY.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 18:04 | 2408352 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

Depends on who and how you ask.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 20:29 | 2408622 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

America has sadly become a hollowed out structure where the facade is propped up by the military and the printing press. My fear is that if this continues for long enough, people with skills and memories of better times might not be around to give rebirth to the nation.

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 07:06 | 2409389 BorisTheBlade
BorisTheBlade's picture

America is first and foremost an idea and it still exists, just geographically shifted outside of the United States borders. Current system is a shell with different substance.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:12 | 2408004 1100-TACTICAL-12
1100-TACTICAL-12's picture

Our children are so blessed.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:50 | 2408129 Agent P
Agent P's picture

I remember the first time I was blessed, I was 16 years old.  It was great.  I blessed a lot after that, often multiple times a day.  Fast forward many years and now I'm married, so unfortunately I rarely get blessed anymore.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 15:55 | 2407931 illyia
illyia's picture

I wonder how many of our "power elites" read this site...


Tue, 05/08/2012 - 15:56 | 2407933 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

WE, are the power elite!

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:12 | 2408009 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

Power elites don't read.  They hire muppets to do that.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 15:56 | 2407934 CrimsonAvenger
CrimsonAvenger's picture

Can't we just take all those obese people and give them jobs as taste testers? Seems like a win-win.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:00 | 2407951 t_kAyk
t_kAyk's picture

It's all pink(slime) in the middle... 

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:45 | 2408116 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

soylent green

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:01 | 2407935 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

"IMF-level precision" ...lol

IS the what DSK used in NY?

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 15:58 | 2407943 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Both of my clones are worried about the retirement age getting raised.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 15:59 | 2407946 semperfi
semperfi's picture

Funded also by Buffet (Warren, not Jimmy, just in case there was confusion).  I'm all for that - if Warren wants to raise his own taxes to pay for this stuff, I'm all over that - he can then pay for my stuff - in fact Warren, you don't need to wait for the Feds to change the tax law, you can just send me a check directly right now and cut out the middle-man. 

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:10 | 2407990 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Dear Uncle Warren,


The financial crisis has hit me quite hard. I am now nearly broke and I hoped you may be able to help out. I am not uncivilized and haven't bought any gold(wink.wink). I think a small check for somewhere's around $5 miliion would do the trick. I promise to stop collecting disability(wink.wink) and other government programs if you can lend a brother a helping hand.


your friend and admirer(wink.wink)

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:21 | 2408046 semperfi
semperfi's picture

I can see Warren and one of his kids have voted. 

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:01 | 2407950 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture



Oh, and Silver, Bitchez.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:04 | 2407961 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

The truth should always be bullish.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:00 | 2407952 midgetrannyporn
midgetrannyporn's picture

If everyone is obese then everyone can get on disability. Problem solved.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:03 | 2407955 The Fonz...befo...
The Fonz...before shark jump's picture

Dystopia bitchez

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:03 | 2407958 Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture


Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:03 | 2407959 world_debt_slave
Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:03 | 2407962 Alcoholic Nativ...
Alcoholic Native American's picture

What exactly do these unemployed people do all day?

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:04 | 2407966 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

play games on their Ipads

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:04 | 2407968 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture


Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:08 | 2407977 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

Stalk people on Facebook...

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:10 | 2407994 economessed
economessed's picture

Post video clips of their cats?

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:14 | 2408014 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Get drunk & collect scalps...

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:16 | 2408028 semperfi
semperfi's picture

fund raise for democrats

Wed, 05/09/2012 - 07:22 | 2409406 BorisTheBlade
BorisTheBlade's picture

All of the above.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:04 | 2407963 Let them eat iPads
Let them eat iPads's picture

1. Collect food stamps

2. Get fat and go on disability

3. Profit!

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:04 | 2407964 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

Can we just call them the "NUMS" Non-Unemployed Muppets?  We're getting lots of NUMBs here in Southern California.  They live under bridges, on benches, in bushes, palm thickets, and in old vans parked along the roads.  Obama's policies are guaranteed to make you NUMB!


Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:06 | 2407974 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture


Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:05 | 2407969 adr
adr's picture

Well when somewhere around 30 million people can actually produce everything a few billion people need, you might just have a problem.

Coming very soon just about the only winning play will be to go long on granite.

Tue, 05/08/2012 - 16:08 | 2407976 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

Wobots, lots and lots of wobots.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!