And Now, The Dumbest Thing You Will Ever Hear

Tyler Durden's picture

In a letter sent out by Olli Rehn to the European parliament on August 9, Rehn, in attempting to defend the fact that the ECB has now become Europe's "bad bank" and is thus nothing but a political vehicle to be used and abused by Germany which is the only one that can fund the ECB's non-existent equity capital, said that this ongoing intervention is critical in "dysfunctional" markets. He also completely fabricated the claim that the bond buying program is compatible with the EU Treaty. Supposedly he was envisioning the no bailout clause in the EU treaty. And to punctuate his point, the ECB proceeded to buy Italian and Spanish bonds for the third day this week, earlier today. Yet all that is boring, bureaucratic rhetoric. Where you should prepare to have your frontal lobe turn to jelly is the following: in defending why the expanded SMP program, which may soon hit hundreds of billions in onboarded toxic bonds, Rehn said the central bank’s investments are safe because “the bonds are purchased in the secondary market at market price -- i.e. the credit risk is already factored in,” according to a response dated yesterday to a query by an EU lawmaker. We will repeat this.... because it bears repeating: there is no risk of loss to the ECB's loan portfolio because they are purchased in the open market. In other words, if you, or a central bank, or an alien from Uranus, buys something in the open market, it is a risk free transaction....


Yes, that thing gushing out of your nose is blood.

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Bobbyrib's picture

They're pretty good bullshit artist.

Gene Parmesan's picture

A good bullshit artist would be able to sell the painting they created with said feces. These bullshit artists are going to end up with a basement full of the things.

Bobbyrib's picture

The ECB is like the Fed in that it can continue to run its bullshit scheme until the majority of the people in Germany wake up to the fact that their tax dollars are going towards purchasing assets with little to no value. So in the sense that the scheme is still going, I would argue they are pretty good bullshit artist. How many countries and how many asset purchases do the German people have to fund before they say 'enough is enough'?

Manthong's picture

" bullshit scheme.. until the majority of the people ... wake up to the fact that their tax dollars are going towards...   little to no value"

Skip over a few words and you have described the situation right here, too.

BigJim's picture

Big Ange is not going to get re-elected if germany is left on the hook for this.

So either the politicians will say 'no more'... and watch Euroland implode, or they'll give the ECB the nod to print (and kick the can down the road another year or two).

Pain now... or pain later, on someone else's watch; it's pretty obvious which they'll opt for.

A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000's picture

Funny story. I actually tried to send a portrait that I made out of feces to Jennifer Aniston.


The restraining order should expire in about 6 more months.

Libertarian777's picture

No, they'll just pass a law that everyone must own a feces painting

Ethics Gradient's picture

It's worse than bullshit. Its logically incorrect.

He's buying bonds to lower the yields so that 'the market' will think the risk is lower than they otherwise would.

He's manipulating the market because he thinks it is wrong and then justifies the risk by saying the market is right.

I've run out of words.

valachus's picture


Attorney General: "Brawndo's got what plants crave." 

Secretary of Energy: "Yeah, it's got electrolytes." 

Joe: "What are electrolytes? Do you even know?" 

Secretary of State: "It's what they use to make Brawndo." 

Joe: "Yeah, but why do they use them to make Brawndo?" 

Secretary of Defense: "'Cause Brawndo's got electrolytes."



DaddyO's picture


"Bullshit Artists" doesn't begin to define them!

These talking heads haven't a clue of true economics, how business really works, unfettered by gubbamint intervention. None of them have ever had to make a payroll, do a budget, or figure out an ROI on a capital purchase, they're absolutely freakin clueless.


Sudden Debt's picture

A woman also can't get pregnant if she sits on top

Sudden Debt's picture

as long as she doesn't use any tongue...

Quintus's picture

Not sure how that would affect her chances of conception, but I'll take your word for it.

Dark Space's picture

This theory obviously requires further testing

oobrien's picture

Here's something fucking stupid.

Let's give up the ghost and listen to the Ben Bernanke Song:

We all need some entertainment sometimes.

Sudden Debt's picture

I've already heard rumors of these Uranusains Aliens buying bonds but never found any real information.... AND NOW THAT IT'S ON THE INTERNET IT MUST BE TRUE!



cossack55's picture

Is not an alien from Uranus actually Turd Ferguson?

Sophist Economicus's picture

I just told all aliens from myanus to stop buying these bonds. I suggest you do the same, lest you loose a boatful of money!

Mike2756's picture

But they can't possibly go any lower! He sez so.

Miss Expectations's picture

Uranus jokes aside, a casual study of alien civilizations all over the world indicates that their interest was GOLD (and perhaps Mercury).

old naughty's picture

but but but...aren't those  empty Chinese houses waiting for them?

Damn, hard landing!

chump666's picture

ECB are idoits, their unrealized losses are nose bleeding.  

gonna be some brutal volatility today...

MsCreant's picture

You got pregnant, didn't you?

MarketTruth's picture

He is only "a little pregnant".

snowball777's picture

Doit a small piece of money; a trifling sum; a small part of anything; a bit; a jot—Johnson, 1755.

And an a trifling sum made by Steve Jobs.

oogs66's picture

they need to hire some people with market experience, instead of more arrogant politicians, economists, and lawyers.

Sudden Debt's picture

they need to hire some people with market experience

Goldman Sachs?


BlackSea's picture

The man said people, not hienas...

old naughty's picture

why not?

Set them us as silos, so the left hand fighting the right hand.

Some scene.

Cdad's picture

Yes, that thing gushing out of your nose is blood.'s my coffee.  Dammit Tyler...

Pay Day Today's picture

I hope that the "EU lawmaker" reading those comments choked as well. Otherwise its just the blind leading the blind off the toxic sovereign debt cliff.

oogs66's picture

more likely he did a fist pump and said 'told you so you dumb f**ken speculators' in whatever language he or she likes to gloat in

orangedrinkandchips's picture

I was told you either PAY out the nose or BLEED out of it....take a pick

alexwest's picture

well, I guess Olli Rehn missed risk free trade of life time ..
buying ABX index in the end of 2007 year.


Debtless's picture

I wouldn't buy anything coming out of uranus these days. It's all crap.

Ignatius J Reilly's picture

Between Tyler and Sudden Debt, I now have to go home and change my clothes.  Hilarious.

a redhead, brunnette and a blonde are all in the same delivery room.  The redhead says, "i just know I'm going to have a girl because I was on top when we conceived."

the brunette says, "and I know I'm going to have a boy because he was ontop."

The blonde starts sobbing.

"I'm think I'm going to have puppies!", she cried.

Ignatius J Reilly's picture

My appologies.


For the record, I've been reading ZH for years.  You are one of my favorites from the old days.  I can suffer no worse injury than one I cause to you.


I hope that you will forgive me.

Ignatius J Reilly's picture

Wow, I'm an idiot.  That's hilarious.  How did i miss that?

terranstyler's picture

It's pretty simple, Rehn believes in market efficiency. This is why all risk is priced in and interest rates are fair. Wait a minute...

whirlybird rules's picture

Why should the lunatic stop talking shit?  They have been doing it since Greece went down the first time.  Whenever Tricket bestows his assurances, THE MARKETS RALLY:////     The Europeans love their European investments.  Many middle class Europeans (I'm talkin' farmers, small business owners, mid level professionals)  know the value of the US dollar to the Euro BUT THEY ARE NOT WATCHING THE SWISSIE TO THE DOLLAR.  Meanwhile, the EU captains and queens will do ANYTHING to keep their cushy jobs, go to their lovely hotels, and drink the '82 Mouton Rothschild.  (Merk truly loves it when Sark kisses her ass:)   As evidenced by Olli's assessment, they are not capable of finding real jobs.  They are rats > expert scavangers - no brains.   Meanwhile, the Chinese hold down the dollar and thereby diminish trade flow between the US and Europe. The Chinese get the added bonus of seeing the US sink into a black hole...  they're excited!!!  Ok, so it's costing them some money.  What?  like the US doesn't spend mega bucks spreading influence via the military?     PS- whirlybird by some definitions is the bird that flies in ever decreasing concentric circles eventually to fly up its own asshole and dissapear..