And Now We Ramp On This Latest Non-News

Tyler Durden's picture

This is just getting ridiculous:

  • MERKEL SAYS BOND PURCHASING BY BAILOUT FUND A POSSIBILITY

Uhm... that whole point of the bailout fund (ESM/EFSF) is to BUY BONDS. Basically Merkel just confirmed that the whole point of the ESM, which by the way still does not exist, and whose sole purpose is to buy bonds... is to buy bonds. You can't make this up. Yes they will subordinate existing bondholders in the case of ESM, and in the case of EFSF Finland and soon Germany will demand collateral via negative pledges (as in the case of Spain - or did the market forget all about that already), but apparently that is now merely an irrelevant detail. And the EURUSD ramps on this, once again proving that nobody has any idea what is going on in the market but flashing red healines = usually good.

From the ECB itself:

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soopy's picture

Fuckity fuck fuck

Cursive's picture

@CreativeDestructor

Yes, but when the wheels DO finally come off, it's going to be spectacular.

AccreditedEYE's picture

Market reaction is beyond logic.... everybody EXPECTED a Twist extension and was/is anybody expecting the Fed to say they will NOT be accommodative? No surprises. I agree with your "spectacular" adjective Cursive.

bdc63's picture

"this is getting tiring"

... getting?! ...

LMAO's picture

It's like watching dry paint.

Uber Vandal's picture

Dry Paint vs. Paint Dry

+100

ArkansasAngie's picture

No it isn't.  At the end of the day you will have accomplished something ... the paint will be dry.

Randall Cabot's picture

 

 

6-20-2012

6AM est

Ben on phone: Hello Angie?

Angela: Ja.

Ben: This is Ben.

Angela: Oh, hi Benny.

Ben: Hi. Angie, as you know I'm going to release my new scheme...errr, I mean, plan, to stimulate the economy this afternoon.

Angela: Ja.

Ben: And as you also know I can't do jack squat to really stimulate the economy...

Angela: Ja.

Ben: ...so naturally I'm going to have to talk up some mumbo jumbo about continuing Operation Twist...

Angela; Ja.

Ben: ...but when it first hits the wires the stock markets and the Euro will drop...

Angela: ...ja.

Ben: ...so I'm going to need you and Humpty to...

Angela: Who's Humpty?

Ben: Humpty van Rompuy.

Angela: Ja, ja, of course.

Ben: Right. Anyway, I'm going to need you and Humpty to wait until the Dow goes about 80 or 90 points in the red and then release a statement that things in Europe are improving or some...

Angela: Ja

Ben: ...or something like that, maybe throw in some crap about funding bond purchases or whatever and I'll coordinate that with my boys over at the PPT so we can fill in the gap and blow out the shorts and finish green, we'll have our people in the media reporting what a great plan it is and how the economy is improving because look at the stock market blah blah blah

Angela: Ja, ja got it, I'll call Humpty as soon as we hang up.

Ben: Great, talk to you soon, bye Angie.

Angela: Ja, bye Benny.

SheepRevolution's picture

No it has been all fucked up since long time ago. Now is the time for cuming all over the place.

I Am Not a Copper Top's picture

This plan's been fucked since Jump Street

NotApplicable's picture

I thought the money was supposed to go for unicorn rides for the kiddies.

RacerX's picture

Yes! Do it for the Children!

bdc63's picture

or you could pull a Dimon and do it for the "veterans, retirees, orphans, and widows" ...

battle axe's picture

I used to say on this website "Greece default" all the time, Now it should be "Germany, get the fuck out before it is too late" (hell, maybe it already is). 

CreativeDestructor's picture

fuck it dude, let's go bowlin'

derek_vineyard's picture

can't.....................the pot might boil right when we take our eyes off it

though this never ending bull shit is soooooooooo monotonous

SHEEPFUKKER's picture

Merkel opens pie hole after Fed statement......Bernanke presser right after Merkel.  Who are the real muppets here?

Divided States of America's picture

Its the effin media thats spinning all these ridiculous shit these days....and guess who runs the Media? Jbags

NotApplicable's picture

Now, if we can only get a glimpse of whose arm is up their ass...

bigwavedave's picture

"co-ordinated intervention"

derek_vineyard's picture

un-cooridanted intervention would be fine for markets too

Conman's picture

Thats just noise. Once fat boys get back from steak lunch at delmonicos they will start to offload some bloated stocks to muppets.

Kreditanstalt's picture

Since when does gold ramp on hopium?  EVERYTHING is correlated...i watch only the S&P now...this is beyond ludicrous...

westboundnup's picture

Mark my words, we will finish in the red today.

bdc63's picture

I'll do that one better ... we are going to end at the lows of the day ...

kaa1016's picture

I hate these people. Hate is a strong word and that's exactly why I say I hate these people....

HelluvaEngineer's picture

This makes me want to buy CMG

Cdad's picture

Tyler man...you are the king of the LOLOLOLOL!  What a hoot.  You couldn't drag me away from ZH.

Tsar Pointless's picture

Hahahahaha!

Markets. You mean "casinos".

Those who are still playing this game should be committed.

Ted Baker's picture

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS:- ESM WILL BUY BONDS ISSUE EURO COMMON BONDS OF SHORT MATURITY BUT PLEDGED BY GOLD...TIME TO BUY GOLD 

hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

  • OBAMA SAYS KILLING FOREIGNERS BY PENTAGON A POSSIBILITY

 

hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

  • BERNANKE SAYS MONEY PRINTING BY CENTRAL BANK A POSSIBILITY
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

  • HOLLANDE SAYS WEALTH REDISTRIBUTION BY SOCIALISTS A POSSIBILITY
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

  • DIMON SAYS BANKS LOSING BETS NOT A POSSIBILITY
Troll Magnet's picture

TROLL MAGNET SAYS LOTS OF WEED EQUAL LOTS OF GOOD TIMES A POSSIBILITY

slewie the pi-rat's picture

summer rally lasts til summer!

robo_T predicts 4th of july fireworks display!

but maybe when benzelbub speaks blythe will cover and the hover will fade til sweet sue is maid no more...

the anti-stolper on the EUR/USD has been the correct call for a week ++

here's the whiplash to prove it:  INO.com Markets - Chart for U.S $ INDEX (NYBOT:DX)

CuttingEdge's picture

Merkel Says (sotto voce): When will those Greeks finally get the message and fuck off from this €utopian paradise I have helped engineer. Err, and the Portugese, Irish, Spanish, Italians, Cypriots....they can piss off, as well. Spongers, the lot of 'em.

hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

  • ISDA SAYS SAME BANKS WRITING CDS ALSO DETERMINING PAYOUT A POSSIBILITY 
Bunga Bunga's picture

 

 

· DRAGHI SAYS DUMPING SHIT ON TAXPAYER AND PRINTING FREE TOILET PAPER A POSSIBILITY

falak pema's picture

correction : absolute necessity, France has obligation to bring down its budget deficit from 5.5% to 4.5 %, and needs to urgently find 10-15 B euros relative to projected fiscal earnings this year. How will he get it, by increasing taxes further or cutting back expenditures is the question? And this could increase during the year as the growth could be 0% instead of .7% budgeted. And...next year budget deficit has to hit 3% as promised. Going from 4.5% to 3% requires another 20 B next year! In all in 2012-2013 the french budget deficit has to shrink by 40-50B euros. AS government sector is 45% of GDP...it is bigtime painful. Our consumer expenditure could shrink in 2013 and this is a BIG part of GDP in France.  

slewie the pi-rat's picture

orthodox debt slavery feudalism anyone? 

must. keep. checks. in. mail.

but first:  a word from our chairsatan;  will he speak of the actual job of the FED perhaps? and how well the FED is doing especially with all the shitheaded banksters involved?  only one dissenter and it sure as hell wasn't slewie...

NotApplicable's picture

 

  • OBAMA SAYS THEY REALLY NEEDED KILLING
  • francis_sawyer's picture

     OBAMA WINS 2ND PEACE PRIZE FOR SAYING THAT THEY REALLY NEEDED KILLING

    disabledvet's picture

    I'm just throwing this out there but seems to me this is what needed to be done with Greece by Ms Merkel three years ago. Now Greece is a trillion dollar problem, Spain is a trillion dollar problem and Italy is a "problem so big it is now known to God." Anywho sure "Crack for New York Banks" is always welcome but I agree it's hard to see going forward how this puts the interest rate genie back in the bottle.

    VonManstein's picture

    dollar bonds = toilet paper.. if benny wont buy them then no one will wont them!

    backfiring on the Ben.. its obvious that bonds have fallen to yeilds anticipating bens buying.. and so now they know he isnt buying surely they will dump before the next person does?

    or is this wishfull thinking here?

    BlandJoe24's picture

    Can Bernake present radically different policies at the 2:30 press conference than were in the 12:30 Fed announcment?  Has this ever happened before? 

    Wondering if it's possible a bigger qe program will be presented at the press conference than was in the announcement...