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And Now We Ramp On This Latest Non-News

Tyler Durden's picture




 

This is just getting ridiculous:

  • MERKEL SAYS BOND PURCHASING BY BAILOUT FUND A POSSIBILITY

Uhm... that whole point of the bailout fund (ESM/EFSF) is to BUY BONDS. Basically Merkel just confirmed that the whole point of the ESM, which by the way still does not exist, and whose sole purpose is to buy bonds... is to buy bonds. You can't make this up. Yes they will subordinate existing bondholders in the case of ESM, and in the case of EFSF Finland and soon Germany will demand collateral via negative pledges (as in the case of Spain - or did the market forget all about that already), but apparently that is now merely an irrelevant detail. And the EURUSD ramps on this, once again proving that nobody has any idea what is going on in the market but flashing red healines = usually good.

From the ECB itself:

 

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Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:13 | 2544079 soopy
soopy's picture

Fuckity fuck fuck

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:14 | 2544089 CreativeDestructor
CreativeDestructor's picture

this is getting tiring

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:16 | 2544107 Cursive
Cursive's picture

@CreativeDestructor

Yes, but when the wheels DO finally come off, it's going to be spectacular.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:55 | 2544216 AccreditedEYE
AccreditedEYE's picture

Market reaction is beyond logic.... everybody EXPECTED a Twist extension and was/is anybody expecting the Fed to say they will NOT be accommodative? No surprises. I agree with your "spectacular" adjective Cursive.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:17 | 2544115 bdc63
bdc63's picture

"this is getting tiring"

... getting?! ...

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:24 | 2544163 LMAO
LMAO's picture

It's like watching dry paint.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:32 | 2544203 Uber Vandal
Uber Vandal's picture

Dry Paint vs. Paint Dry

+100

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:34 | 2544208 ArkansasAngie
ArkansasAngie's picture

No it isn't.  At the end of the day you will have accomplished something ... the paint will be dry.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:52 | 2544209 Randall Cabot
Randall Cabot's picture

 

 

6-20-2012

6AM est

Ben on phone: Hello Angie?

Angela: Ja.

Ben: This is Ben.

Angela: Oh, hi Benny.

Ben: Hi. Angie, as you know I'm going to release my new scheme...errr, I mean, plan, to stimulate the economy this afternoon.

Angela: Ja.

Ben: And as you also know I can't do jack squat to really stimulate the economy...

Angela: Ja.

Ben: ...so naturally I'm going to have to talk up some mumbo jumbo about continuing Operation Twist...

Angela; Ja.

Ben: ...but when it first hits the wires the stock markets and the Euro will drop...

Angela: ...ja.

Ben: ...so I'm going to need you and Humpty to...

Angela: Who's Humpty?

Ben: Humpty van Rompuy.

Angela: Ja, ja, of course.

Ben: Right. Anyway, I'm going to need you and Humpty to wait until the Dow goes about 80 or 90 points in the red and then release a statement that things in Europe are improving or some...

Angela: Ja

Ben: ...or something like that, maybe throw in some crap about funding bond purchases or whatever and I'll coordinate that with my boys over at the PPT so we can fill in the gap and blow out the shorts and finish green, we'll have our people in the media reporting what a great plan it is and how the economy is improving because look at the stock market blah blah blah

Angela: Ja, ja got it, I'll call Humpty as soon as we hang up.

Ben: Great, talk to you soon, bye Angie.

Angela: Ja, bye Benny.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:14 | 2544091 SheepRevolution
SheepRevolution's picture

No it has been all fucked up since long time ago. Now is the time for cuming all over the place.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:40 | 2544234 I Am Not a Copp...
I Am Not a Copper Top's picture

This plan's been fucked since Jump Street

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:15 | 2544095 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I thought the money was supposed to go for unicorn rides for the kiddies.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:15 | 2544097 RacerX
RacerX's picture

Yes! Do it for the Children!

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:19 | 2544130 bdc63
bdc63's picture

or you could pull a Dimon and do it for the "veterans, retirees, orphans, and widows" ...

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:31 | 2544194 battle axe
battle axe's picture

I used to say on this website "Greece default" all the time, Now it should be "Germany, get the fuck out before it is too late" (hell, maybe it already is). 

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:14 | 2544082 CreativeDestructor
CreativeDestructor's picture

fuck it dude, let's go bowlin'

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:22 | 2544152 derek_vineyard
derek_vineyard's picture

can't.....................the pot might boil right when we take our eyes off it

though this never ending bull shit is soooooooooo monotonous

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:14 | 2544084 SHEEPFUKKER
SHEEPFUKKER's picture

Merkel opens pie hole after Fed statement......Bernanke presser right after Merkel.  Who are the real muppets here?

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:15 | 2544100 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Its the effin media thats spinning all these ridiculous shit these days....and guess who runs the Media? Jbags

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:16 | 2544106 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Now, if we can only get a glimpse of whose arm is up their ass...

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:21 | 2544151 bigwavedave
bigwavedave's picture

"co-ordinated intervention"

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:33 | 2544206 derek_vineyard
derek_vineyard's picture

un-cooridanted intervention would be fine for markets too

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:13 | 2544086 Conman
Conman's picture

Thats just noise. Once fat boys get back from steak lunch at delmonicos they will start to offload some bloated stocks to muppets.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:14 | 2544087 Kreditanstalt
Kreditanstalt's picture

Since when does gold ramp on hopium?  EVERYTHING is correlated...i watch only the S&P now...this is beyond ludicrous...

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:14 | 2544090 westboundnup
westboundnup's picture

Mark my words, we will finish in the red today.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:20 | 2544139 bdc63
bdc63's picture

I'll do that one better ... we are going to end at the lows of the day ...

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:26 | 2544722 msjimmied
msjimmied's picture

Damn. You called it! 

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:14 | 2544092 kaa1016
kaa1016's picture

I hate these people. Hate is a strong word and that's exactly why I say I hate these people....

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:15 | 2544093 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

This makes me want to buy CMG

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:15 | 2544099 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Tyler man...you are the king of the LOLOLOLOL!  What a hoot.  You couldn't drag me away from ZH.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:15 | 2544101 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

Hahahahaha!

Markets. You mean "casinos".

Those who are still playing this game should be committed.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:15 | 2544102 Ted Baker
Ted Baker's picture

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS:- ESM WILL BUY BONDS ISSUE EURO COMMON BONDS OF SHORT MATURITY BUT PLEDGED BY GOLD...TIME TO BUY GOLD 

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:16 | 2544103 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

  • OBAMA SAYS KILLING FOREIGNERS BY PENTAGON A POSSIBILITY

 

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:17 | 2544111 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

  • BERNANKE SAYS MONEY PRINTING BY CENTRAL BANK A POSSIBILITY
Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:18 | 2544124 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

  • HOLLANDE SAYS WEALTH REDISTRIBUTION BY SOCIALISTS A POSSIBILITY
Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:20 | 2544135 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

  • DIMON SAYS BANKS LOSING BETS NOT A POSSIBILITY
Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:21 | 2544148 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture
  • MOON HITS JPM MAIN OFFICE
Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:28 | 2544177 Troll Magnet
Troll Magnet's picture

TROLL MAGNET SAYS LOTS OF WEED EQUAL LOTS OF GOOD TIMES A POSSIBILITY

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:40 | 2544233 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

summer rally lasts til summer!

robo_T predicts 4th of july fireworks display!

but maybe when benzelbub speaks blythe will cover and the hover will fade til sweet sue is maid no more...

the anti-stolper on the EUR/USD has been the correct call for a week ++

here's the whiplash to prove it:  INO.com Markets - Chart for U.S $ INDEX (NYBOT:DX)

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:52 | 2544287 CuttingEdge
CuttingEdge's picture

Merkel Says (sotto voce): When will those Greeks finally get the message and fuck off from this €utopian paradise I have helped engineer. Err, and the Portugese, Irish, Spanish, Italians, Cypriots....they can piss off, as well. Spongers, the lot of 'em.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:26 | 2544161 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

  • ISDA SAYS SAME BANKS WRITING CDS ALSO DETERMINING PAYOUT A POSSIBILITY 
Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:25 | 2544168 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

 

 

· DRAGHI SAYS DUMPING SHIT ON TAXPAYER AND PRINTING FREE TOILET PAPER A POSSIBILITY

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:32 | 2544193 falak pema
falak pema's picture

correction : absolute necessity, France has obligation to bring down its budget deficit from 5.5% to 4.5 %, and needs to urgently find 10-15 B euros relative to projected fiscal earnings this year. How will he get it, by increasing taxes further or cutting back expenditures is the question? And this could increase during the year as the growth could be 0% instead of .7% budgeted. And...next year budget deficit has to hit 3% as promised. Going from 4.5% to 3% requires another 20 B next year! In all in 2012-2013 the french budget deficit has to shrink by 40-50B euros. AS government sector is 45% of GDP...it is bigtime painful. Our consumer expenditure could shrink in 2013 and this is a BIG part of GDP in France.  

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:12 | 2544387 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

orthodox debt slavery feudalism anyone? 

must. keep. checks. in. mail.

but first:  a word from our chairsatan;  will he speak of the actual job of the FED perhaps? and how well the FED is doing especially with all the shitheaded banksters involved?  only one dissenter and it sure as hell wasn't slewie...

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:18 | 2544123 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

 

  • OBAMA SAYS THEY REALLY NEEDED KILLING
  • Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:30 | 2544195 francis_sawyer
    francis_sawyer's picture

     OBAMA WINS 2ND PEACE PRIZE FOR SAYING THAT THEY REALLY NEEDED KILLING

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:32 | 2544199 francis_sawyer
    francis_sawyer's picture

     THERE'S A SALE AT PENNEY'S

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:16 | 2544104 disabledvet
    disabledvet's picture

    I'm just throwing this out there but seems to me this is what needed to be done with Greece by Ms Merkel three years ago. Now Greece is a trillion dollar problem, Spain is a trillion dollar problem and Italy is a "problem so big it is now known to God." Anywho sure "Crack for New York Banks" is always welcome but I agree it's hard to see going forward how this puts the interest rate genie back in the bottle.

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:20 | 2544110 VonManstein
    VonManstein's picture

    dollar bonds = toilet paper.. if benny wont buy them then no one will wont them!

    backfiring on the Ben.. its obvious that bonds have fallen to yeilds anticipating bens buying.. and so now they know he isnt buying surely they will dump before the next person does?

    or is this wishfull thinking here?

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:18 | 2544118 BlandJoe24
    BlandJoe24's picture

    Can Bernake present radically different policies at the 2:30 press conference than were in the 12:30 Fed announcment?  Has this ever happened before? 

    Wondering if it's possible a bigger qe program will be presented at the press conference than was in the announcement...

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:39 | 2544184 bdc63
    bdc63's picture

    I'm sure one of his audience plants -- I mean 'independant journalists' (*cough* Steve Liesman *cough*) -- will ask him 'under what conditions would you consider a QE3?' ... that will allow him to say whatever he wants without having to have all that pesky agreement from the other members of the FOMC.

    What I would LOVE to know is did they take a vote on QE3 in the meeting, and who were the dissenters?

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:18 | 2544122 asteroids
    asteroids's picture

    Unless you actually have videotape of Angela talking, assume it's a lie.

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:20 | 2544138 NotApplicable
    NotApplicable's picture

    Actually, anytime I see her talking, I assume it's a lie.

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:32 | 2544197 dracos_ghost
    dracos_ghost's picture

    Merkel is a pussy ... I think.

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:18 | 2544128 Boilermaker
    Boilermaker's picture

    Breaking news: Cubs say this may be 'The Year'. If not , next year a real possibility also.

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:19 | 2544133 monopoly
    monopoly's picture

    This is all so absurd. Nobody, nobody knew this would happen. :)

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:20 | 2544134 mirac
    mirac's picture

    ESM doesn't yet exist?  I did not know this.  You mean there is still no solution for Greece and Spain and Italy?

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:20 | 2544137 DrDinkus
    DrDinkus's picture

    does anybody else refresh the ZH homepage 25-30 times a day? where would we be without the tylers..

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:23 | 2544159 Boilermaker
    Boilermaker's picture

    I wish an app for the iPhone could be developed.

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:25 | 2544165 HelluvaEngineer
    HelluvaEngineer's picture

    It's called "The Twitter"

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:25 | 2544169 BlandJoe24
    BlandJoe24's picture

    AND the ZH twitter feed even more often (has more frequent updates and other info not on the website) (you don't have to have a twitter account to read it.):   

    https://twitter.com/#!/zerohedge

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:25 | 2544171 CommunityStandard
    CommunityStandard's picture

    Only 25-30 times?

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:27 | 2544179 Dr. Engali
    Dr. Engali's picture

    25 or 30? Shit I can't keep track of how often I refresh the page. Sometimes the posts come so fast I can't keep up. But I wouldn't have it any other way,the Hedge is an addiction.

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:41 | 2544236 DrDinkus
    DrDinkus's picture

    now that i think about it its probably closer to 40 times..  :)

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:20 | 2544144 falak pema
    falak pema's picture

    the only true question is what does this do to Germany's risk/return profile. Is it very negative or mildly negative. Who else backs up the ESM? And what is the bond buying envelope. Are we talking 800B or more?

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:23 | 2544156 financial apoca...
    financial apocalyptic contagion's picture

    all hail merkel!

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:23 | 2544158 SDRII
    SDRII's picture

    bernanke just spotted on water street screaming row harder

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:36 | 2544162 VonManstein
    VonManstein's picture

    MAYBE A SHIFT TO REALITY NOT ANYTHING TO DO WITH MERKEL,  THINK ITS ANYTHING TO DO WITH MERKEL!

    AS ZH HAS STATED THE MARKET NOW KNOWS THAT WITHOUT BEN BONDS ARE WORTHLESS AND SO MAYBE NOW HE IS ABSCENT THEY ARE TAKING ACTION

    ONLY BEN MOVES THEM MARKET, OR IN THIS CASE, LACK OF BEN

    2:15 next

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:25 | 2544167 LawsofPhysics
    LawsofPhysics's picture

    The timing of the Fed announcement is always intentional.

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:27 | 2544173 unionbroker
    unionbroker's picture

    Hate to think what would happen if Merkel was taking a dump or heaven forbid getting laid when they needed a quote to bounce the market

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:30 | 2544186 John Law Lives
    John Law Lives's picture

    Amazing how The Machine feeds the rumor mill in such a timely fashion to pump the markets.  In the absence of any true value-added global leadership, The Machine simply pumps...

    Maybe there is an exclusive iApp that tells world "leaders" that the markets need a pump-inducing quote...

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:32 | 2544200 Eurodollar
    Eurodollar's picture

    I actually used to think bankers and money managers in general were more intelligent than average Joe's. I am not so sure anymore. Have they all become mathematical quantifying geeks with no sense of what is going on in the real world? Looks like it to me.

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:34 | 2544204 semperfi
    semperfi's picture

      

     

     

    if (rumorON == true)
    {
       printf("MERKEL SAYS BOND PURCHASING A POSSIBILITY"\n);
    }
    else if (rumorON == false)
    {
       printf("MERKEL SAYS NEIN TO BOND PURCHASING"\n);
    }
    else
    {
       /* default action */
       ctrl-p;
    }

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:39 | 2544223 HelluvaEngineer
    HelluvaEngineer's picture

     

     

     

    for(;;)

    {

    if (_overtQe)

    {

         print();

    }

    else

    {

        print();

    }

    }

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:38 | 2544226 Mr Lennon Hendrix
    Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

    Bernankenstein forced her hand.  This is epic hot potato.  The US waits for Europe to implode, Europe waits for the US to implode, China waits for either/or.  What a fucking joke this is.

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:57 | 2544309 semperfi
    semperfi's picture

    Its the game that is played cuz its the game that's gotta be played cuz its the only game that can be played cuz they got nothin else. 

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:38 | 2544228 risk.averse
    risk.averse's picture

    just heard an advert for Russian vodka on Bloomberg Radio...FINALLY!...advice we can all really use...your choice...drink it or cocktails a-la Molotov!! More useful than gold!! Why aren't there vodka futures??

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:44 | 2544245 skepticCarl
    skepticCarl's picture

    Why the surprise that the U.S. market continues it's rally?  Have we not learned to BTFD yet?

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:43 | 2544249 Plausible Denia...
    Plausible Deniability's picture

    Anyone else getting tired of being short this market? Honestly, I'm contemplating a total conversion to the Keynesian religion and just buying all of Jim Cramers, and the rest of the dumb shits on CNBC's, stock picks. So, the market sells of nearly 10% from the highs on bad ecomic news (or the realization of fact) and Europes cluster fuck. We gain more than half of it back in the face of more bad economic news, in the hope of a new Fed print program. Said program doesn't come and we rally?? I got nothing left.

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:08 | 2544361 Village Smithy
    Village Smithy's picture

    You are in a difficult place. You are intelligent and can reason, therefore you find it only rational to believe the market will go down, as it will eventually. Also you come here to ZH everyday and read hundreds of consenting opinions, making it still harder to accept that the market could churn ever higher. Just remember that every individual like you or I who want to short the market based on what we see as indisputable facts is up against an army of Wall Street long only managers, a media that owes its' existance to them, every over-indebted central bank from every over-indebted nation, and all of them having at their disposal billions of dollars of free money through their ridiculous ZIRP. My advice to you if you must short, due to principles, is to short only on a day trading basis and don't stay in a postion for more than about 10-15 minutes because that is about the limit before the propaganda army steps in and begins their highly profitable short squeezing routine. Good luck!

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:24 | 2544467 Plausible Denia...
    Plausible Deniability's picture

    Sound advice sir! Closely mirrors what we have been doing. Difficult spot to be in. Can't, in good faith get long this market (except a very few exceptions). Still, clients getting squirmy as we underperform in these rips higher. They have seemingly already forgotten all the dough we saved them when we went nearly 100% cash in summer of 07. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of stocks that I would like to be long. I just want them at a hell of a lot lower levels due to what I see coming. All these arguments about how undervalued stocks are right now crack me up. Have you taken a hard look at P/E's? The average may be low but thats because there is such a huge divergence between company's. For God sake McDonalds has been floating around a 20 P/E. Granted, FPE is lower, but still. JNJ near 20 as well!! Meanwhile, company's keep cutting guidance and analysts keep pointing to FPE and low valuations?? It's amazing

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:45 | 2544263 Village Smithy
    Village Smithy's picture

    At these levels there is no serious money to be made in equities, PMs, etc. The only real big gains will come from buying when blood is in the street. The PTB know this, they have been practicing it for centuries and so it is only a matter of time until they tip the first domino.

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:46 | 2544265 SmoothCoolSmoke
    SmoothCoolSmoke's picture

    Pissonme has already started it,  "Fed has laid the groundwork for QE in August".  Will this shit NEVER END ?!?!?!?!

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 13:53 | 2544290 vincent
    vincent's picture

     MBS's on rentals. Gonna be a big market. The banks are saved.

     

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:07 | 2544355 The Age of Usef...
    The Age of Useful Idiots's picture

    Here is a comment from the Telegraph which explains all this perfectly:

    "How can I explain it ?

    The ESM doesn't exist.

    There is greater circumstantial evidence of the existence of the Loch Ness Monster and the Abominable Snowman. Not even Germany has signed the fiskalpakt yet, so apportioning its funds to anyone is the equivalent of calling upon King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table for assistance.

    If the EU requires the services of mythical entities they really are in deep doo doo - but we never doubted it.

    EUR 500bn from the Valkyries or the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Someone's enjoyed rather too many Tequila Sunrises."

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:20 | 2544436 dcb
    dcb's picture

    note every time rally falters they do a rumor!!!

    now i'm not chasing anymore. because this is silly. how about we go back towards the weekly low and then bounce over the strong resistance line like it should trade if it wasn't for stupid algos

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:25 | 2544471 robertocarlos
    robertocarlos's picture

    That commie is going to fold.

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:57 | 2544588 1000924014093
    1000924014093's picture

    MERKEL SAYS BOND PURCHASING BY  BOND PURCHASING FUND A POSSIBILITY

    /ftfy

    Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:03 | 2544623 CreativeDestructor
    CreativeDestructor's picture

    On bond purchases: "Such a move, while legally possible, “is not up for debate” at present, Merkel said today in Berlin."

    Media is just spinning anything in any way. retards.

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