Apple Creates New Job Category: Professional, Like, Line-Waiters

Tyler Durden's picture


Some have argued that iPhone 5 will single-handedly save the world's economy (as we 'discussed' here) and indeed it seems an entire new category of employment has been created thanks to the pathetic desperation of so many needing the new 'old' iPhone. As Bloomberg BusinessWeek reports, among the thousands of people expected to wait for hours outside of Apple's stores today, at least a couple hundred of them will be paid just to stand there. TaskRabbit appears to be the pre-emptive winner in 'arranging' these 'waiting-in-line' deals as one 'queuer' stated "I am a professional line waiter."

Of course, the conspiracist would wonder aloud whether these crowd-fillers and line-waiters are indirectly 'purchased' to create more buzz by the demigod itself. Nevertheless, what an inspiration these Americans are: "I've done other waiting-in-line things. I think it's going to end up being, like, my specialty."

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Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:38 | 2818081 Mongo
Mongo's picture

So, where is the bread line then?

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:38 | 2818082 YuropeanImbecille
YuropeanImbecille's picture

I call bullshit on this article.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:47 | 2818116 knukles
knukles's picture

The New Normal's Full Employment High Self Esteem Job Satisfaction that Takes Place People Back into the Workforce


Fri, 09/21/2012 - 12:01 | 2818182 Manthong
Manthong's picture

So how much in transfer payments does that line of people with nothing better to do take in?.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 12:07 | 2818220 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

and to think all the chinks at Foxconn are jumping off the roof of buildings because they're only getting a few pennies per hour...

What they REALLY need to do is to go into debt to banksters to get a pHD from the University of Phoenix in professional "line waiting" & then they'd be riding the gravy train...

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 12:16 | 2818269 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

Queers not queuers.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 12:19 | 2818278 Matt
Matt's picture

This article is incorrect. People have been professionally waiting in line to generate hype for condominium pre-construction sales for years.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 12:26 | 2818309 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Apple goes to Williamsburg Brooklyn and rounds up a bunch of under-employed, unemployed, trust-funded, wanna-be hipsters for these positions. They are spirited and have all the time in the world. And only a few stops away on the L train to the meatpacking district apple store.

Like, YAH!

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 15:41 | 2819079 Oracle of Kypseli
Oracle of Kypseli's picture

Something wrong with this nosnense, because my local verizon has three in stock and there are no lines. 

Sat, 09/22/2012 - 15:25 | 2820772 mkkby
mkkby's picture

I know 2 people who waited 4+ hours for the store to open. If apple were really smart they'd sell em to the highest bidder. These iDiots will pay anything to impress their friends.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:54 | 2818158 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

I'd call BS on the last 15 years if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 12:08 | 2818237 RSloane
RSloane's picture

I'm with you Dwdollar, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, and heard it with my own ears, the last 15 years would be relegated to bad fiction.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:40 | 2818605 viahj
viahj's picture

hey, at least we've been duly entertained with the hilarity of what the whole world has turned into.  too bad that it all leads to destruction, but we'll go out with a smile.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:44 | 2818624 machineh
machineh's picture

This proves that the Prophet Kurgman (Piss Be Upon Him) was right -- the iphone 5 will turbocharge GDP.

Plus, peeps skippin' work to stand in line will boost employment for others.

If queuers become impatient and smash the windows of the Apple store, GDP cranks even faster! 

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 14:10 | 2818731 gunsmoke011
gunsmoke011's picture

Agree - only 15 years ago I actually thought it was novel and therefore funny at times. Now I just get pissed off because I see now that it is not the acception but the rule that people have become idiots and spend my time waitng for it all to end.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:48 | 2818127 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

When does AAPL pay people to DESTROY their iPhones to stimulate the US economy?  

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 12:15 | 2818260 RSloane
RSloane's picture

I hear Krugman is running through New York City right now with a ball-peen hammer, a knife, and a cutting board.

Sat, 09/22/2012 - 16:08 | 2820810 akak
akak's picture

So Krugmn is now a mohle?


Well, I guess, why not?  If breaking windows adds to GDP, then lopping off foreskins can only add to the nation's prosperity as well.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 12:52 | 2818410 Squid Vicious
Squid Vicious's picture

when is the Task Rabbit IP0? get me in and tell me where I bought it later...

Sat, 09/22/2012 - 15:28 | 2820774 mkkby
mkkby's picture

Uh... what else do you think relatively unchanged new models
are for.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:57 | 2818172 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Exactly.  Going to be a lot of bread lines soon, "SNAP".  Next will be jobs in the security area to guard food and fuel production and delivery.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 12:48 | 2818393 Seer
Seer's picture

"Next will be jobs in the security area to guard food and fuel production and delivery."

The "fuel production" part has been covered for some time now, by the US military...  I sense only a slight alteration in their training is not too far away.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 12:53 | 2818413 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

So, if China want to have the next reserve currency, when do they start training their Army for these roles?

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 12:31 | 2818313 Atlantis Consigliore
Atlantis Consigliore's picture

Bankrupt Chicago and Illinois wants FED bailout; LOL hold yourself suckers. 1% city wide income tax next year. in the bag

I yi hi phone cult of unemployed College Educated No Future Sheeple for I phones.

This is unconsionable,  there are $ 1 trillion in student loans by students waiting in lines;

we demand these phones;  i want a cash for my i4 phone clunker for free phone;

if i want it , i need it, if i need it its my right, and if i dont get it for free Ill strike or Ill sue you!!!

Sheeple,    print another I PHone Trillion....


thank you,  another 1 family in Illnois per hour moving out,  Bankrupt Chicago and Illinois.


Fri, 09/21/2012 - 16:53 | 2819276 stocktivity
stocktivity's picture

I think ZH mis-quoted the line employee. It should have been quoted....."Like, you-know...I've done, like, other waiting - in - line thingies you know. I think, like, it's going to end up being, my spedal ...errr thingy.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 17:27 | 2819347 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

Apple illiminates the need for breadlines.

All of the professional line-waiters will be subtracted from the BLS headline number in the next revision.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:39 | 2818084 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

The iP5 has a fifth row of people waiting to buy it.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:45 | 2818629 machineh
machineh's picture

They used to call it a 'fifth column' ...

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:39 | 2818085 Cdad
Cdad's picture

<Cdad gouging eyes out>

I'm hearing that the new iPhone5 will also debut a new app called iRiots [now that Spain is considering handing over sovereignty to EU bankers]. 

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:39 | 2818086 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

I wonder how they will manage to increase their productivity over time?

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:44 | 2818103 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

By doubling their size

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:52 | 2818088 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

Looking for work.

I'll wait in lines for others $15/hour.

I'll also wave at family departures and cry at the funerals for a close family member of the deceased $20/hour

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 12:02 | 2818201 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

In 6 hours time, you'd be able to cash out your paycheck, walk across the street & buy a Samsung Galaxy...

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:23 | 2818537 wandstrasse
wandstrasse's picture

I think about employing somebody who replies to my posts '..hey wandstrasse, your jokes are so good... it is so thought-provoking and smart what you are saying..' and the like. ah... could have a second account and reply myself... no, I want it NOW.. new account takes too much time..

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:42 | 2818619 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

EXCELLENT POST!!! Wandstrasse, you manage to eloquently express the desires of multitudes and penetrate their inermost desires, while arousing their curiosity, but maintaining the superb humor quality in your posts. We can't help but ask for more (I expect my $10 in cash, no cheques or cards)

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:49 | 2818638 wandstrasse
wandstrasse's picture

Just put it in an envelope and sent it to you... thanks. Next time please do not talk about the cost in public. Regarding everything else, I am very satisfied, thanks again.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:51 | 2818651 Sig Sauer
Sig Sauer's picture

$10 in fiat?  have you learned NOTHING in your time here?

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:58 | 2818671 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

They are still convertible to real money.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:41 | 2818089 spanish inquisition
spanish inquisition's picture

Some quick napkin charting and ....

So for every 5 jobs we ship overseas, we create 1 part time temporary professional job in the US. Sweet!

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:56 | 2818168 RSloane
RSloane's picture

Not only that, the one part time temporary professional job costs about 200K$ Sweet indeed!

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:07 | 2818477 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

And you need a friggin MBA to get dat shit.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 13:08 | 2818478 Seer
Seer's picture

Most of the "shipped jobs" are lost to robots.  US companies restructure their manufacturing when they relocated overseas, they update their lines, which tends to incorporate MORE robotics/automation.  More robotics/automation = less human workers.  Folks overseas don't complain because they are getting NEW (rather than a reduction of) jobs.

(the article is wrong, however, that outsourcing isn't costing US jobs [refer to my reason], but automation IS replacing jobs)

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:42 | 2818094 ffart
ffart's picture

***newsflash from zerohedge*** people will do anything for money ***newflash***

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:42 | 2818097 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

So the USA is finally not Uganda,more like the old Soviet USSR.

Brings back unfond memories of my visits to that benighted empire.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:50 | 2818113 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

We live in a fucked up country with misplaced priorities that's for sure. Waiting in line for an extra row of icons....idiots.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 12:00 | 2818195 RSloane
RSloane's picture

Just think of it as enriching the lives of Chinese workers.

Sat, 09/22/2012 - 15:40 | 2820788 mkkby
mkkby's picture

I'm sure you're not really that obtuse. They're waiting in line to impress their friends. Just as sad.

Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:52 | 2818115 Muppet Pimp
Muppet Pimp's picture

The people downing this idea are free market haters.  What is wrong with two willing parties arranging an agreement that is mutually beneficial (and tax free)?  The free market at work with some help from technology.

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