Bank Of America Hilarious Denial #2

Tyler Durden's picture

This is just hilarious: According to Bloomberg, Bank of America’s main hesitation was taking Warren Buffett’s money when bank had said it didn’t need capital, CNBC reports without saying where it obtained the information. It adds, the symbolic value of investment worth boost to confidence; "$5b not lot to raise" - also apparently "Terms better than public market." Here is our retort: Bank of America could have told Buffet: "No thank you" and leaked it. Instead it confirmed what Zero Hedge has been saying since October 2010 - that it is absolutely desperate for capital. Also, as to the saying that "terms were better than the public market" - why of course they are - the bank has absolutely no access to the public market. BAC IS LOCKED OUT! But at least we will soon see just how efficient Dodd-Frank's bank insolvency contingency is in real life. Because we have a feeling the brilliant legislation penned by Barney Frank and Countrywide's senator, may fall just a little short...

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eisley79's picture

bancorruptcy bitchez

nope-1004's picture

Tyler, you don't expect a criminal to tell the truth, do you?

The shoe fits the BACrupt.  White-collar-criminals.


spiral_eyes's picture

bank of america not bankrupt?

in related news, steve jobs return to apple to accounce ipad3

gmrpeabody's picture

This all just too funny.

Keep them squirming, Tyler.

OutLookingIn's picture

Open your eyes!

Monday: Buffet talks to Obama.

Tuesday/Wednesday: B of A looks like collapse.

Thursday (early): Buffet announces $5 billion preferred stock deal with B of A.

Thursday: Immediately following Buffet announcement, the White House announces a plan to bail out distressed residential mortgages, of which B of A is loaded with! Jimmy gets to chow down at the tax table, compliments of Obama and whats left of the middle class. Oh, and don't forget, Buffet is hosting a $35k plate fund raiser for Obama in NY.

B of A gets a life line. Buffet gets free tax payer money. Obama rides to the "disteressed" home owners rescue. And the middle class gets presented the bill! Isn't that wonerdful? (sarc off)  

A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000's picture

Ain't free market capitalism cool!

PaperWillBurn's picture

Closing in the red, bitches

GiantWang's picture

I am praying to the stock market gods for that . . . .

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

BAC farce meet BAC reality.

Ouch, that's gonna leave a mark.

hedgeless_horseman's picture

There is no dilution like preferred dilution, especially at a discount to par.

Kayman's picture

Let's see.... Aw Shucks, Uncle Warren bought $5 billion of Goldman, "proving" the Giant Squid didn't need it.

1. $13 billion taxpayer money slipped to the Squid through AIG.

2. Cobbled together access to Fed funds in the tens of $billions for the Squid.

Yeah, sure... everything is peachy at BAC

lolmao500's picture

BAC needs a whole lot more than 5 billion.

Almost Solvent's picture

Maybe, but this should last them through the end of August . . .

lolmao500's picture

Yeah a week... and then what? Obama bails them out?

laomei's picture

welp, time to suck that last client payout out of bac and then close the account for good.   lets see how long that 5b lasts.

UGrev's picture

Is the part where say to the dying man that he's going to be ok just before he fucking dies an agonizing death?

pods's picture

"You can hack it Cowboy."


Miss Expectations's picture

Alternatively, this is the part where the horrifically wounded BAC asks if it is going to die and Uncle Warren says, "not today."

JPM Hater001's picture

If by dying man and aganozing death you mean Buffet when he realizes his left wing ideology of "everyone rich should pitch in MORE" translates into a $5 billion loss and it is his stroke, triggering a massive corinary followed by falling down the lobby escalator at BAC only to crack his head open and watch his own brain ooze out before him....

Then no...This isnt that part.  Or is it?

Missiondweller's picture

When will the equity market wake up! It is 2008 all over again but worse.

Gandalf6900's picture

BAC to the future (for about 20 minutes) then streight BAC to reality


H H Henry P P P Paulson's picture

All the headlines recently have been saying "this is nothing like 2008".

That's why this Sept/Oct will be exactly like 2008.

Boilermaker's picture

reverse reverse psychology! It's a mutha!

doomandbloom's picture

am actually loving the updates of ZH and Banzai on Twitter...hilarious...


that dickhead Roubini...still fighting one listening to him anymore...

cowdiddly's picture

Um, now might be a really good time to ask for your money if you have a BAC acct. Better beat the herd.

Suck it up Munger. LOL 

espirit's picture

Wonder if Buffet knows the feeling to hold sub-prime slime?

Au Natural.

alexwest's picture

wow ,, i guess 5 bln are not what it used to be anymore..

probably  bought couple more days...



Boilermaker's picture

I'd love to know if Warren took out a 0% no-recourse (naturally) loan from Uncle Ben to buy $5B worth of senior, preferred, and 6% dividend shares.

spartan117's picture

Bank of America has FOUR office towers in Pasadena (Corner of Lake and Colorado) that are all mostly empty.  A few of these were taken over from Countrywide.  Good luck finding tenants for those properties. 

centerline's picture

A few years before the financial crisis, I used to point out how all the major towers had bank names on them... and how it was pretty clear we are screwed at some point.  I had no idea at that time the depth of those waters.  Nonetheless, the writing was on the wall for all to see.  Every skyline shouted out "who's your daddy, bitches."

pods's picture

I actually tell that to people.  In every city the largest and most opulent buildings are invariably banks.  That should tell you where all the money goes.


Almost Solvent's picture

Here in Rochester (NY) it's the KODAK building.


Not exactly a bank, but just as fucked and mostly empty.


There is talk about moving the local community college into the unused portions of the building. Still has a ( now unused) cafeteria to serve upwards of a thousand people at a time.

pods's picture

Feel sorry for Rochester, and Buffalo.  Grew up in around Bingo.  Empty IBM buildings galore in Endicott.

Genny Red Eyes I miss.

Whenever we head back to upstate it is sad how bad it has gotten.  People in Bingo seem like they had the life sucked out of them.  Which, when I hear about property taxes, etc, seemed pretty valid.

Still miss the smallmouth and muskie fishing though.


sid farkas's picture

Ha, grew up north of Syracuse, hard to imagine it used to be a nice place. Allied Chemical, Carrier, Crucible Steel, ... all gone.



StychoKiller's picture

Ya wanna make money in Las Vegas?  BUY a casino!

centerline's picture

I hope ZH has a contingency plan in place.  Poking the 900 lb gorilla is at some point going to get some serious attention.  Bravo ZH.  Rock on.  The truth is a bitch, isn't she?

TruthInSunshine's picture




Truth is the cleaner.

Earl of Chiswick's picture

funny, Tom Brown had the exact same talking points (symbolic) on  Bloomberg this AM 

as BAC approaches Uncle Warren't strike price

Argonaught's picture

"Uncle Warren't"...typo or pun?  ;)

tawdzilla's picture

i smell blood in the water

lieutenantjohnchard's picture

and there are those who will mock, deride, laugh at, scorn and ridicule those of us who have said nyet to the paper parlor games in favor of the real mccoy - gold and silver.

hat tip to all brave souls who insist on playing the paper games. you've more guts than a skydiver.

goldm3mb3r's picture

I second that. However I am forced to play the paper game with my pension that i will have no access to for 20 years. Have is all in Au and Ag ETFs and PM mining stocks - I wonder if I will see any of it?

Jim in MN's picture

If BAC is really going down the toilet, this little footsy play from Warren is already gone...pfft...into the hole. 

Look for the deficit ceiling to be reached and BAC to really fail in the fated month of October. 

What do you bet Warren has his cocktail napkin with 'IOU 100+50 % --Tim and Ben' jammed into his jacket pocket at Jackson Hole even as we sit n spin about all of this....

LynRobison's picture

Now is probably not a good time to own bank stocks. Owning shares of a gold/silver depository in a state such as Minnesota, Utah, Virginia, North Carolina, Idaho, etc., would be much better. (

PaperWillBurn's picture

Why take on counter party risk? Get physical.

JW n FL's picture

Countdown with Keith Olbermann 08-19-2011 2 - S.E.C. No Evil, with Matt Taibbi


No Worries! The S.E.C. is watching Bank of America VERY CLOSELY!!


JW n FL's picture

<----------- Law Enforcement is a Fucking JOKE! in this Country!!

<----------- Law Enforcement is NOT! controled by Government Lobby Whores and is doing a GREAT! Job!!


We have more F.B.I. / S.E.C. / add other three letter group of idiots who are bought and Paid for Lobby Whore Lacky's!!!

than there are members of the same groups investigating Wall Street!

we need a better Lobby for ZeroHedge!

ok.. Tyler lets pass the hat so that we can BRIBE.. Oops, I mean Lobby the S.E.C. to look the other way in any and everything we do here!

HEY! F.B.I.!! YOU! ARE!! A!!! FUCKING!!!! JOKE!!!!!

Vote with a Bullets!! Help take America back from the Lobby Whores who OWN Law Enforcement!!

James Workman

@JWnFL Palm Beach, FL / Spanish Cay



Corporations Own the Lobby!


The Lobby Owns the Government!


Law Enforcement works for the Duly Elected Lobby Whores!


We the People = Screwed!!/JWnFL