Bank Of America Refutes Idiotic JP Morgan Take Over Rumors

Tyler Durden's picture

And so the uber-idiotic rumor which spread like wildfire among desperate traders yesterday, namely that JPMorgan would acquire Bank of America, is next in the docket to be denied (after taking cheap shots at Henry Blodget):

  • BANK OF AMERICA SAYS JPMORGAN MERGER SPECULATION IS `BASELESS'
  • BANK OF AMERICA DISCUSSES MERGER SPECULATION IN INTERNAL MEMO
  • BOFA REPEATS IT HAS NO NEED TO ISSUE ADDITIONAL COMMON STOCK

Now... If only Bank of America can focus its attention for 5 minutes and answer our questions and all shall be well.

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lolmao500's picture

Lies we can believe in.

oogs66's picture

BofA says we would all get fired and lose our great pay packages and perks, so we are going to ride it out.

Pladizow's picture

Error in Artice Title:

It should read - " BOA idiotcally refutes JPM take over rummor."

FEDbuster's picture

Apple announces "ibank", after buying Bank of America for $2./share.  The purchase was described as "chump change" by Jim Cramer of CNBC's Mad Money.

HelluvaEngineer's picture

Why would you pay for something you're going to get for free?

slaughterer's picture

B OF A SAYS TYLER DURDEN'S QUESTIONS ON POPULAR "NEWS DROP" BLOG "ZERO HEDGE" RAISE ISSUES THAT THE COMPANY CANNOT AT PRESENT DISCUSS IN PUBLIC.

B OF A RECOMMENDS THAT TYLER REFER TO MEREDITH WHITNEY'S ENDORSEMENT OF B OF A ON BLOOMBERG THIS MORNING FOR REASSURANCE ON THE CAPITAL STRUCTURE OF B OF A.

 

IQ 145's picture

BAC leads financial sector upwards!---12;46 byline from Marketwatch. Well, Tyler you fought the market; and the market won.

LetThemEatRand's picture

What is really funny is that the cartoon silver bears predicted this two weeks ago.    I don't always get my investing advice from cartoon bears, but when I do, I prefer the silver bears.

President Palin's picture

Hopelessness and Pocket Change we can believe in.

 

No, you can't.

Irish66's picture

Think tank at the hole

bania's picture

What was The Donald's BAC entry point again?

orca's picture

Donald Trump isn't firing Bank of America Corp.

The real estate titan and reality TV star told CNBC this morning that he bought the Charlotte bank's shares this week amid market turmoil that has especially hammered bank stocks. Trump told CNBC's "Squawk Box" program that even though he's not a stock person he also bought shares in Citigroup, Caterpillar, Intel and Procter & Gamble.

"We'll see what happens," he said.

Read more: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2011/08/11/2519411/bank-of-america-has-...

That was August 11. High/low that day was 7,42/6,96. So let's say he went long at 7.

bania's picture

thanks for the link. and i thought i was the comedic hack.

orca's picture

The interesting thing is that Lord Sugar (some moron in the UK who impersonates the donals in the UK version of the Apprentice) also bought bank shares last week, with e.x.a.c.t.l.y. the same motivation, ie "normally I don't buy shares but in this case I do". He bought Barclays and Lloyds. His entries are deep in the hole, so Trump wins this one for now.

goldm3mb3r's picture

Just a point of order, The apprentice started in Blighty.

That said Sir Alan is a prize plum.

buzzsaw99's picture

I guess nobody told Trump that price moves make "cheap" stocks even cheaper sometimes, especially for bottom feeders.

Nascent_Variable's picture

When you have the extensive bankruptcy filing skills of The Donald, you don't really have to worry about dumping a bad investment.

wisefool's picture

If you build self edifying casinos, putting your brand out there in neon and then declare bankrupcy over and over again, you get to run for president on the campaign slogan "I made my billions honestly, I can get this country going again"

If you are a treasury secretary, and you have no idea what the problem is, you can get a bazooka and use it on the american people, taxing them by devaluing thier currency. And once you fire that bazooka,  you need further airstrikes from bernanke to turn the whole thing into a greenfield so that nobody questions the crony placement of the first shot.

And if you can't figure out how to use turbotax to file your taxes, and at the same time don't have the proper judgement -- considering how high profile and relevant your former, current and future roles in society are -- to pay a 25 year old H&R Block accountant $80 to do your taxes for you .... we will make you the head of the IRS.

We give Keynes a hard time here, but these guys understand it perfectly. I think the disconnect citizens have is honest. If as an individual you lived your life in the exact same way these guys did -- in both the spirit and letter of Keynsian law -- you'd be in prison.

vote for Ron Paul in 2012.

tekhneek's picture

CRASH AND BURN BITCHES!

UTICA CLUB XX PURE's picture

I NEVER HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN: [ J P MORGAN ]

Newsboy's picture

Who else can take over BAC and survive?

sudzee's picture

Marriage vows yesterday all but thrown under a bus today. BoA is now naked.

Johnny Yuma's picture

I find it hilarious that they feel compelled to answer all these rumors. It must have hit a soar spot for them. I do recall similar responses from Lehman and Bear.

Dr. Richard Head's picture

That is what I was thinking.  This deal is as good as done.  The only question is when the deal is signed.

Placerville's picture

So, that means we've got about two months before the BAC implosion?

October....sounds about right!

Darth Silver's picture

nothing to see here.  please move along. 

seriously, move along!

hugovanderbubble's picture

Grenade in da hole...

citta vritti's picture

nothing's confirmed until it's denied?

Oh regional Indian's picture

nice handle CV. Lot's of vritti making news on the boards, eh?

I would like to refute all rumors of yesterday's earthquake. Yes, the leaning tower of DC is an optical illusion.

Rumors are news and news moves HFTs and HFTs move markets.

So simple? 

Vivek

http://aadivaahan.wordpress.com/2011/08/24/precursor-03-bottom-falling-out-still-still-and-a-gander/

slewie the pi-rat's picture

anyone going to above link will never find anything there except facts

go ahead!  see what i mean!  the swami w/ the big salami is a truly amazing self-propmoting mechanical apparatus, but where o where is his touch-hole buddy, falakpenis?

citta vritti's picture

ORI -

thanks; glad someone's awake out there :-)

slewie the pi-rat's picture

if zH's go to swami salami's site to  see if c_v "posts" there, too, sweep for harmful cookie-relaying "marketing ware" bots which ORI may have downloaded to your computer while you were there, ok? 

altho, if he sees this, he will, for sure, switch it off for a while

trust me

Oh regional Indian's picture

Now that is a low Slewie. I understand that you are mad, drunk, drugged, medicated, have really poor self-esteem, are mad...whatever. 

But this shit?

eep for harmful cookie-relaying "marketing ware" bots which ORI may have downloaded to your computer while you were there, ok? 

 

You have no idea what you've invited on yourself.

Vivek

carbonmutant's picture

Well, nobody's signed anything yet...

Oh regional Indian's picture

nice handle CV. Lot's of vritti making news on the boards, eh?

I would like to refute all rumors of yesterday's earthquake. Yes, the leaning tower of DC is an optical illusion.

Rumors are news and news moves HFTs and HFTs move markets.

So simple? 

Vivek

http://aadivaahan.wordpress.com/2011/08/24/precursor-03-bottom-falling-out-still-still-and-a-gander/

slewie the pi-rat's picture

this woulda been even better and more "cosmic" if our resident leader in self-promotional advertiZing on zH had left the adverti-Zing off the secong one!

or(i):  if he'd noticed what he'd put up here for other to marvel at during the last 15+++ minutes

gigeze787's picture

CNBC: Cramer hinting Carlos Slim might buy a stake in BAC..."even though they (BAC) don't think they need" a capital injection. Stock is up 8.4% as of 1112ET...

Translation: BAC is desperate and broke, but PPT/NYFRB are using Cramer to negotiate in public to prevent a bank run...the real word on a equity stake is out on the street... but they are still haggling about the price with Slim (or whoever).

flacorps's picture

It would make sense for Slim to get some more influence at BofA, which is under boycott pressure to terminate its outreach to illegal immigrants. I'm sure Slim has ways of making money on remittances, etc. that might be hampered if our illegals have trouble doing anything with pay that comes is a form other than cash.

falak pema's picture

Zombie and Uber-zombie at the vampire's ball. Where is Sharon... and the fearless vampire killers?

slewie the pi-rat's picture

found him!  right where he belongs!  what a great post, too!

carbonmutant's picture

You mean they're actually having meetings with JPM about this???

I know they're in discussion with banking consortiums in China but collateral is an issue...

Dr. Richard Head's picture

Collateral?  They don't need no stinking collateral. Primary dealers only need to look at one side of the ledger.  The other side has unicorns and fairies prancing about a field of skittle trees.  Taste my rainbow.