This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

Bank Of America Is Restructuring Its Retail Bank Division - Full Memo

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Any internal memo that is distributed on the last day of the week, and intercepted by American Banker at 5pm on a Friday, must surely be a portent of many good news for the bank which recently added a few trillion in derivative "assets" to match its OpCo deposit pool "liability". We can only hope that as a result of the restructuring, the company's retail banking website will no longer mysteriously crash following announcements of gratuitous debit card fees. Then again, any BofA announcement that has the following sentence in it, "remember, we have the best franchise, capabilities, and customer base in the industry" confirms that the level of mass delusion is unfixable, and that the website will most certainly be the first to go once the bank's $1 trillion in deposits realize they are the first line of defense to just a few extra trillion in derivative contracts.

Message from David Darnell, Co-Chief Operating Officer

Today I am announcing additional changes to Consumer and Small Business Banking and Home Loans, and how we serve our customers. These changes are consistent with our goals to streamline our company, make us more efficient and effective, and align to our customer-centered strategy. The changes also better position us in continuing to accelerate our strategy while implementing ideas from phase one of New BAC.

It is critical to deliver a seamless experience to the Retail, Preferred and Small Business customers across all products and services. Central to that effort is integrating the Home Loans and Consumer and Small Business Banking organizations. As you have heard many times, no customer thinks of us as individual business units. They rightly think of us as Bank of America. Our strategy has not changed:

Customer teams will define what our customers want and need.

Products teams will build the right product solutions to meet those needs.

Distribution and service teams will deliver to our customers, providing the ability for them to choose how and when they want to bank with us.

As we focus on the critical day-to-day activities of running our organization, we also need to make sure the New BAC ideas are executed across the entire organization while managing risk, maintaining business continuity and optimizing our business model. Remember, we have the best franchise, capabilities, and customer base in the industry.

To drive out the strategy of the combined organization I have asked the following leaders to take on these roles reporting to me effective immediately:

Katy Knox will lead the newly combined Retail Banking and Distribution organization which serves 42 million retail households and provides end-to-end delivery through banking centers, online & mobile and ATM/VTM.

Dean Athanasia leads the Preferred and Small Business Banking organization which serves 8 million preferred households and 4 million small business clients and will now include home loans sales. The Client Development Group and Small Business will combine to provide end-to-end accountability for our Small Business customers.

Susan Faulkner continues to lead Consumer and Small Business Products with the addition of home loans products, secured credit underwriting, fulfillment and quality control.

Tim Huval will assume responsibility for consumer Service & Operations consolidating all of the call centers, fraud, claims, and customer experience functions from Consumer and Small Business Banking & Home Loans.

Laurie Readhead will assume responsibility for Consumer Market and Distribution Optimization focusing on driving out the New BAC ideas across the consumer organization while managing announced divestitures.

Walter Elcock will assume accountability for consumer Business Controls and Readiness Management including oversight across consumer for vendor management, operational controls and issue management, business continuity, associate & community impacts related to New BAC and California / Northwest conversion.

Barbara Desoer will continue supporting the Home Loans transition and the integration with Consumer and Small Business Banking.

Collectively, these leaders are responsible for making it easier for our customers and clients to do business with Bank of America, to empower our employees to deliver for our customers and for our businesses to achieve strong financial results.

Other organizational moves that continue to align our capabilities across the enterprise:

Josh Adler and the Secondary Marketing team from Home Loans will now report into Walter Muller (Chief Investment Officer) within the Chief Financial Officer Group.

Tom Halloran and the Preferred and Small Business Banking Solutions team will now align to Andy Sieg (Global Wealth & Retirement Solutions) within Global Wealth & Investment Management.

The leadership team would like to announce the following leaders in their organizations:

Reporting to Katy Knox in Retail Banking and Distribution:
Curtis Anderson - Banking Center Channel Central Region, Anderson was most recently the GCB Central Region Credit Products executive
Ann Balthis - Sales & Service Planning and Execution
Anjali Besley - Banking Center Channel Southeast Region
Kevin Dolan - Banking Center Channel Northeast Region
David Owen - Online & Mobile, ATM / VTM
Dena Roten - Retail Operations, Capacity & Controls
Andy Rowe - Retail Banking Strategy & Solutions
Barry Simmons - Banking Center Channel West Region

Reporting to Dean Athanasia in Preferred and Small Business Banking:
Jill Calabrese Bain - Strategy, Planning & Enterprise Solutions
Robb Hilson - Small Business & Client Development Group
Aron Levine - Preferred Business Sales, Levine was most recently a New BAC Catalyst for Global Wealth & Investment Management
Alok Prasad - Merrill Edge
Matt Vernon - Home Loans Sales

Reporting to Susan Faulkner in Consumer and Small Business Products:
Mark Brucker - Secured Credit, Underwriting & Fulfillment, Quality Control
Joe Claricurzio - Unsecured Collections & Recovery and Financial Protection Services
Titi Cole - Retail Products
Rob Habgood - Unsecured Credit & Underwriting
Mary Kanaga - Home Loans Business Enablement and Supplier Management
Bob Kelly - Business Controls & Integration, Kelly was most recently CSBB Operational Risk and Governance Executive for CSBB Risk
Lynn Kuttruff - Small Business Products
Chip Rossi - Preferred Products
TBD - Product Operations & Card Network Management

Reporting to Tim Huval in Service & Operations:
Mike Adornetto - US Customer Service Contact Centers, Adornetto was most recently a New BAC Catalyst from Global Technology & Operations
Jennifer Ehresman - Global Service Management, offshore delivery
Allen Jones - Consumer Customer Experience
Randall King - Contact Center and Service Operations
Terry Schappert - Claims
Bob Shiflet - Fraud
Mark Ulmer - Home Loans Post Closing and Centralized Services
Sandy Wood - Home Loans Closing Services

Reporting to Laurie Readhead in Consumer Market and Distribution Optimization:
Rob Aulebach - Market Optimization
Joe Helweg - Cost Optimization
Tom Williams - Correspondent Lending
TBD - Non-Core Portfolio Assets

Walter Elcock will announce his organization at a later time.

This leadership team will work together to continue building out the rest of the organization over the coming months.

 

- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:46 | 1798714 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

they will be the best organized bankrupt bank in the country bitchez!

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:11 | 1798799 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

Yeah, that is "holy fuck" level of convoluted.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:28 | 1798869 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

Did the VP Linda Green get transferred?

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:34 | 1798882 iDealMeat
iDealMeat's picture

Yes..  To the FED.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 20:49 | 1799220 Cleve Meater
Cleve Meater's picture

I get dibs on reporting to Laurie Redhead...

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 00:57 | 1799572 Fish Gone Bad
Fish Gone Bad's picture

I think I can streamline these jobs some more.

Terry Schappert - Claims
Bob Shiflet - Fraud

Put those two jobs together and make it Fraud claims. 

 

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 05:01 | 1799671 gojam
gojam's picture

"Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third"

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 01:55 | 1799598 anonnn
anonnn's picture

The convoluted organization table must flow from Lewis and Moynihan, no? The New BAC is cobbled together from insane particles. Its legacy will  be a case-study in business psychosis at a funny farm turned into a spin-bin for quack bankers.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:20 | 1798841 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

"TBD - Non-Core Portfolio Assets"

If this isn't a red flag alert, I don't know what is lol.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:25 | 1798860 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

assistant manager of temporary assets. lulz

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 21:29 | 1799289 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

There depositors are in for a very very rude awakening.  Like Bank of America would have done that without the okay of somebody in the govt. is BS.  You don't even hear a whisper from congress about it or the president, just the FDIC and a few others.  This was done and allowed to happen and a few agencies where told to make a big stink out of it.  The govt. must have been told that if we didn't get these derivatives off of our books and into a backed book with the govt., they would default and start a chain reaction of insured derivative owners running to get their money.

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 12:18 | 1799984 Dre4dwolf
Dre4dwolf's picture

 

Just like the titanic, they aren't gona stop the music till the ship is 10 feet under.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:47 | 1798716 homersimpson
homersimpson's picture

So who's in charge the Consumer Fees and Customer Revenue Optimization department?

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:49 | 1798727 No One
No One's picture

"Customer teams will define what our customers want and need."

 

Yes Bank of America, tell me what I want and need. I fully trust you and your "customer teams". I can bring the vaseline too.

 

Somebody stop this ride, I want to get off!

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:09 | 1798791 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

I saw that too. I closed out my account about a month ago. Wish I could participate in Bank Transfer Day and close out my account AGAIN. Rat bastards.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:21 | 1798842 Missiondweller
Missiondweller's picture

Me too. My wife & I opened accts with a credit union. They were busy that day. When my wife needed to go there again today she said the place was "buzzing" with people opening accts.

Mass exodus from BAC

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:56 | 1799114 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

There's this from the Charlotte Observer

Fury at banks sends windfall to credit unions Read more: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2011/10/19/2704140/fury-at-banks-sends-windfall-to.html#storylink=misearch#ixzz1bSoIqAVG
Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:44 | 1798909 iDealMeat
iDealMeat's picture

It would be best to do it before then. I bet BAC will close that Saturday Nov 5th..

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:05 | 1798963 Kiwi Pete
Kiwi Pete's picture

Hey, why don't you open a new account with them. Then you can close it out again so you don't miss out!

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 22:37 | 1799415 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Awesome idea!

Hi BoA, I changed my mind and I like you again. Please go through the trouble of opening a new account for me. Actually open three. I have three stacks of $1 bills worth $100 each, and they all need to go in separate accounts. Thanks! Now I've changed my mind - close 'em.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 15:39 | 1800314 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Oooooh!  We have a bunch of pesos and other coins/bills from around the world, some of the countries don't exist anymore.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:35 | 1799050 upWising
upWising's picture

Customers want and need to see Bank of America executive "teams" using toasters while they are in the bathtub.  Start with the Cyclops of Omaha.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:49 | 1798728 LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

You can easily tell when someone hasn't really gotten past first grade when they start mocking people's names.

....but I just can't help it!

Dean Euthanasia? Good luck getting a loan?

Susan Faker? Interacts with MERS?  Good title there?

Walter Elcock?  Not touching this one, even at this distance!

Laurie Readhead?  help me out. Buzz? Akak?  LH?  WB7?

(from Dr. Strangelove: "Bat Guano, is that really your name?")

Dewey, Cheatum and Howe!

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:03 | 1798768 Wannabee
Wannabee's picture

@LeB

Don't overlook Titi Cole !

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:40 | 1798898 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Nice, but we can do better.  How about Titi N. Ringer?

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 20:09 | 1799141 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Katy Knox = Katy Knockers
Susan Faulkner = Susan Fucker or Susan Fuck Her
Barbara Desoer = Barbara Do Her
Ann Balthis = Ann Ball This
Titi Cole = Titty Ho
Lynn Kuttruff = Lynn Cuntsrough
Walter Elcock = Spanish to English Translation - Water The Cock

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 14:24 | 1800216 MobBarley
MobBarley's picture

You'd be fun to work with. :)

 

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:22 | 1798848 Troll Magnet
Troll Magnet's picture

Where's Linda Green?  Did she get fired?  Or promoted perhaps?

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:30 | 1798875 UP Forester
UP Forester's picture

"Sandy Wood"  will be pumping out Home Loan pleasure....

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 23:21 | 1799476 Darth..Putter
Darth..Putter's picture

Dean Euthanasia?

Is he in the insurance biz?

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:50 | 1798732 PaperBear
PaperBear's picture

Get your money out of Bank of America.

Oh wait, police officers do not allow customers into branches who want to close their account.

Your money is not your money any more.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:51 | 1798735 LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

bank run:: pre-emptive strike.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:25 | 1798856 Troll Magnet
Troll Magnet's picture

Online banking, dude.  Just open an account at another bank or CU and then transfer your balance.  Or do what I did and buy lots of PMs and deplete your account.  Then, go to your BoA branch and tell them you have no money in your account and that you want to close it.  

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:32 | 1799038 Dave Thomas
Dave Thomas's picture

Better yet, zero out your account and leave it so it can accrue ANALysis and miscellany fees. That way they can put those on their P&L statement. Guffaw!

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:51 | 1799100 Freewheelin Franklin
Freewheelin Franklin's picture

I closed a PNC account 2 years ago and I still get emails every month saying my statement is ready to view.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 20:20 | 1799165 holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

Online transfers work wonders. One never has to step foot in the place. And then close the account by a Dear John letter, preferably through the online system.

Curiously, can you just withdraw all your money and leave the account open with zero balance?

It'd be like a zombie bank account. How fitting: a zombie bank with zombie bank accounts.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 23:14 | 1799465 DollarMenu
DollarMenu's picture

If you incur and leave unpaid fees for violating minimum balance rules,

could they reduce limits or raise interest rates on any credit cards you may hold with them?

Maybe the fees just accrue until non-payment reaches felony status?

They are twisted, sick, and perverse.

A clean. complete closure might be the best action.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:51 | 1798734 Mark123
Mark123's picture

Just like government....when in doubt reorganize!

 

I'll bet BoA will rock from now on.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:02 | 1798764 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

here is my BAC reorganization plan, put that coffee DOWN!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-AXTx4PcKI&feature=related

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:49 | 1799091 FinalCollapse
FinalCollapse's picture

I wouldn't be so gentle with SOBs.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:57 | 1798751 Wannabee
Wannabee's picture

All these firms should just buy communication templates from someone on the web and dispose of their communications/marketing dept. Thereby insert favorite key word(s) here:

focus, align, strategy, going forward, synergy, drive efficiency, realize, drive, blah blah blah blah blah blah

Please pass the barf bag.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:58 | 1798752 PaperBear
PaperBear's picture

Just go bankrupt already.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:14 | 1798816 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

People aren't bankrupt till the banks tell them they are.

Banks aren't bankrupt till the people tell them they are.

Since the introduction of the fed the banks haven't had to admit bankruptcy until ALL of them were bankrupt.

The cops are just there to keep people from telling them they are bankrupt.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 17:59 | 1798757 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

looks like a solid team

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:01 | 1798760 Stack Trace
Stack Trace's picture

Crying crocodile tears for those poor bankers... This guy is a slime:
http://www.americanbanker.com/bankthink/occupy-wall-street-deadbeats-104...

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 23:25 | 1799482 Canaduh
Canaduh's picture

Should I expect anything else from a guy named Neil Weinberg?

Damn goys should know their place.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:02 | 1798766 catch edge ghost
catch edge ghost's picture

This thing is begging for one of those pretty word clouds.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:06 | 1798779 Elooie
Elooie's picture

deckchairs... on the titanic.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:06 | 1798781 Stack Trace
Stack Trace's picture

Switched my business accounts to a local credit union from another credit union.I was told that my previous credit union was losing so much money on business loan defaults they started charging large monthly fees to start pushing out their business clients. This was from the mouth of a banker.

Anyway, at the new credit union we were told about the wave of new customers fleeing BofA. In fact we had to wait one hour to meet with a banker to open our new account because of the packed waiting room.

Bullish...credit unions.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:09 | 1798788 Threeggg
Threeggg's picture

Moving "EVERYTHING" to a credit union tomorrow. They are soooo.......Busy I had to make an appointment.

 

Imagine that !@

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:09 | 1798792 Audit the beaver
Audit the beaver's picture

These changes are consistent with our goals to streamline our company, make us more efficient and effective, and align to our customer-centered strategy.

Question is, which customers: the small depositor that has their meager earnings direct deposited on biweekly basis and uses the account to pay rising bills -OR- the ML customer receiving investment income sitting in the Hamptons?


Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:16 | 1798823 kito
kito's picture

Who reports to ben bernanke? Don't see it on the memo

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:18 | 1798832 Missiondweller
Missiondweller's picture

"remember, we have the best franchise, capabilities, and customer base in the industry"

 

This is a tell. Something is very wrong and they are trying to rally the troops.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:27 | 1799023 Rainman
Rainman's picture

....it's called bucking up the temporary survivors as they watch their colleagues walk the plank.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 22:29 | 1799395 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

It's sodomy when you have a colostomy bag....

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:20 | 1798837 somethingelse
somethingelse's picture

Rearranging chairs on the deck of the Titanic to distract from the inevitable...

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:26 | 1798854 HungrySeagull
HungrySeagull's picture

Been in a CU for years.

 

Especially when my old FDIC bank advertised to lease it's second floor office space for income. (And could not give me even 400 measly dollars in any denomination US Dollars anywhere in the branch.)

 

They like to pound mounds of bullshit in the form of announcements to dazzle and make heads spin in dizzyness from all the changes happening faster than the average person can make decisions to react proactively.

 

One of my gun stores use BOA for buying and selling though. Had to hold my nose walking that toxic check into the CU.

 

They took it... but made it clear they did NOT want it.

 

Where I am, it is experiencing a flood of fresh meat... er... customers. So the CU has broken out into a land of sunshine and plenty.

 

I hope to grab the low hanging fruit while the unwashed masses are fighting each other outside for a parking spot.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:30 | 1798877 El Gordo
El Gordo's picture

Advice to the new manager:

 

First, blame prior management.  Secondly, reorganize.  Thirdly, update resume.

 

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:54 | 1798937 dcb
dcb's picture

man this company is so full of crrap, stealing is the nirm there and encouraged. if Barak had some balls he wwould have his justice dept go after some of the people who adopted some of these policies they paid fines for. how nobody ends up in jail.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 18:56 | 1798945 grunk
grunk's picture

Blame Gadhafi. What's he gonna do?

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:05 | 1798965 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

"Our strategy has not changed."

They intended to do this shit?

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 20:03 | 1799124 Wannabee
Wannabee's picture

How many clowns with 5-6-7 figure incomes were involved and how many ppt slides were created to roll this out? Gives new meaning to the term "value add", and I don't mean in a positive way.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:06 | 1798970 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

"remember, we have the best franchise, capabilities, and customer base in the industry"

this is what buffett likes to hear in the tub! 

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:42 | 1799072 Johnny Yuma
Johnny Yuma's picture

They did the same BS announcements in 2008. They then let go thousands of their employees. This time seems like the last orders of a conquered army that is about to get either slaughtered or surrender... 

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:47 | 1799085 Freewheelin Franklin
Freewheelin Franklin's picture

I'm assuming these people still have their resumes posted on monster? 

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 19:55 | 1799109 itstippy
itstippy's picture

A bold plan, the result of laser-like focus.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 20:11 | 1799145 holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

Ummm, so how does this change the fact that they slammed their retail business unit with the liability for $53T in derivatives?

Sheesh.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 23:28 | 1799491 Darth..Putter
Darth..Putter's picture

You're ruining the trick!

Look at this hand.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 21:06 | 1799247 bankonzhongguo
bankonzhongguo's picture

This krew really shit all over one of the better global brands.

How exactly does one defile the words "Bank" and "America" so people do not just not want to do business with you, but actually hate you?  Well at least they still have "of" to hang their hats on.

I took me 5 full days to take my BAC money out in the form of cash from that demented rat nest.  The "run" on the local branch was so bad when they announced the $5 debit fee, that the next business day "somebody" cut the power to the whole city block for an entire day just to cool things out.  There is no such thing as coincidence.

I could not sleep at night knowing my money was sitting in that bank.  After I moved it (not to a CU either) I am sleeping like a baby.

 

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 21:21 | 1799275 americanspirit
americanspirit's picture

If you have any older person in your family who has money in BofA who may not be following this, do whatever you can to GET THEM OUT. If anyone you care for has any CDs in BofA, try to get them to get out whatever the penalty they have to pay. If you are on the Board on a non-profit with any finds in BofA, get your organization out NOW. Obviuosly if you are a depositor with any funds on BofA, get there first thing Monday and withdraw everything. If you have any account with BofA that receives direct deposits, like Social Security, open an account with a local bank or credit union on Monday and call Social Security and make the change immediately. If BofA is a trustee of any funds for you or any member of your family, call your lawyer this weekend and have them change the trustee on that account immediately on Mmonday morning. This is a dead man walking. Do not let anyone you care about be used to keep them alive for even a few days more. If you wait longer than the coming week, all those funds will disappear and you, your family, your organization will never see them again. Guaranteed. BofA officers should all be under RICO indictment - but Eric Holder is far more involved in covering his ass for selling guns to terrorists than in issuing RICO indictments on his friends at BofA. You have to take care of yourself and your family on this one, and you better do it NOW.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 22:34 | 1799407 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

Bad news bro, I wager that BoA get's credit unions shut down, or rolled into for profits. How dare people hold a resource in common! TPTB will crush the credit unions by regulation, just watch. There is always another DNA (dick in the ass) fee just around the corner

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 15:51 | 1800326 pavman
pavman's picture

The CU I joined a couple years ago when mine closed all its branches in my state recently changed its name and its director and has started adding fees for things that were free before (like bank checks, temp checks, etc).

Not good.  I don't like when a credit union thinks more like a bank, fee-wise.  Fortunately, when I actually had to do some other business there, they didn't charge me, so as long as they don't charge me, I won't take my money to another credit union.

But I'm sure you're right...I'm sure they're being targetted by the banks via barney fa fa fa frank regulation; however, the nice thing is most are insured by NCUA, not by FDIC.  So the gubment can kiss their collective (no pun intended) @$$3$!  Ironically, NCUA is an 'independent' federal agency.  Woot!  Screw you big banks!  Worst comes to worst I stop using cash and start using gold to hold my savings.  Would have been better off if I had done that since aught-two instead of putting it in an acct.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 21:33 | 1799299 El Gordo
El Gordo's picture

The whole is not equal to the sum of its parts.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 21:48 | 1799319 Eally Ucked
Eally Ucked's picture

 

“These changes are consistent with our goals to streamline our company” means be prepared to get on unemployment benefits.

 

“The changes also better position us in continuing to accelerate our strategy while implementing ideas from phase one of New BAC.” Phase One - what the fuck is this and what are the next phases? Two, Three and so on.

 

“It is critical to deliver a seamless experience to the Retail, Preferred and Small Business customers across all products and services” who are those preferred customers, obviously they are not retail and small business?

 

“They rightly think of us as Bank of America. Our strategy has not changed:Customer teams will define what our customers want and need.” That’s why they introduced all those fees, customers (probably preferred ones) demanded them.

“we also need to make sure the New BAC ideas are executed across the entire organization” what are those New BAC ideas, anybody knows?

 

“To drive out the strategy of the combined organization” – combined organization? Combined with who or what?

 

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 22:35 | 1799409 Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

They combined to screw america! It's the DP, with JPM bringing around the ATM. The withdraw fee is a mouth of shitty dick.....

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 23:37 | 1799504 Darth..Putter
Darth..Putter's picture

Phase one?  We couldn't tell you about phase one.  It would have ruined the brilliance of phase two.

 

“we also need to make sure the New BAC ideas are executed across the entire organization

If we told you it would ruin the surprize of phases 3,4 and 5.

 

“To drive out the strategy of the combined organization

There will be no tolerance of dissencion in the ranks.

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 23:17 | 1799469 Mister Minsk
Mister Minsk's picture

BAC's Coitus Interruptus is in full swing...

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 23:26 | 1799487 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

BAC UNCUT

"remember, we have the best franchise, capabilities, and customer base in the industry"

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 23:27 | 1799490 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

Yeah right - cubicle swapping, it will cure all ills...

Fri, 10/21/2011 - 23:29 | 1799492 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

No wait! Topless Tellers - that'll bring 'em in!

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 00:03 | 1799534 El Gordo
El Gordo's picture

That new $5 fee will sure keep them away from the titless tellers.

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 00:50 | 1799566 UP Forester
UP Forester's picture

It's not a fee, it's a cover charge!

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 08:22 | 1799755 goldinpenguin
goldinpenguin's picture

I can't imagine why anyone would keep an account with BAC, they've zoomed past Citi in the race to the bottom.

 

 Bank of America charges customers $8.95 in any month that they use a teller to make a deposit or withdrawal.

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 08:45 | 1799768 RiverRoad
RiverRoad's picture

Bank of America is the new Wa Mu........

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 09:19 | 1799797 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture

Can we just skip ahead to the question to the White House, "How much did you know about BOA's insolvency, and when did you know it?"

It's like having a time machine. We can just ask the questions now, without even having to see the collapse at all.

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 09:22 | 1799798 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture

Wait, wait, I've got it. This is even better. How about we secretly allow BOA to sell guns to Mexican gangs. The Second Amendment will be impugned so we can disarm Americans, BOA will make some actual profits, and we can connect the Mexican gangs to Iran. So we get to start another war.

Holder can just furrow his brow with that faux "look of concern." It will be awesome.

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 14:35 | 1800229 MobBarley
MobBarley's picture

It is critical to deliver a seamless experience to the Retail, Preferred and Small Business customers across all products and services therefore, from now on, customer representives shall now wear Leopard print Spandex pants at all times.

 

http://s5.thisnext.com/media/largest_dimension/F57255E7.jpg

 

 

There will be no deviation from this dress code or immediate disciplinary action will be taken.

 

 

 

Sat, 10/22/2011 - 15:25 | 1800290 pavman
pavman's picture

I stopped using BoA years agro when I realized they were just legalized crooks.

Not only did I accidentally use a BoA credit card and wrack up a $35 fee/interest payment for a $15 charge (which I had forgotten to pay because I never use the dam card), but they wouldn't reverse it (even tho I had a bank account with them as well w/ about $5k in it at the time (hey, it was the only bank close to my new place)).  When they didn't reduce/reverse the charges, I promptly paid and closed my acct.  Then I closed my bank acct.  I've never had a credit card company that refused to either wave the charges/fees or reduce them to a reasonable amount on such a small charge.  Ever.

It turns out, they were also involved w/ Refco and the theft of about $17k I had in my Forex trading acct.  I got some of it back, but I'm still receiving checks every year for a meager sum of unsecured creditor funds.  What a joke.  That's when I discovered the equity market is all frucked up and that the SEC is a bunch of clueless neanderthals who have no interest in protecting the public from fraud.  (They allowed Refco to go public about 1 - 3 months before they went bankrupt...).  I also stopped Forex until I found a place w/ FDIC insurance (Citi now offers it, but I'm skeptical that Citi will be able to stay alive long enough to keep my funds from having to go through the FDIC process).

Anyway, since BoA was the bank transacting all of the funny business w/ Refco and the Russian Mafia (and money laundering in the caymans, no less), I've since held to the view that BoA is basically a group of crooks and advise everyone I know to stay far away from them if they can.  I've also stopped banking w/ banks and have used credit unions for the most part since the late 90s (although, that was before all of these shenanigans).

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 01:11 | 1801301 Grand Supercycle
Grand Supercycle's picture

SP500 weekly chart shows megaphone wedge and looks bullish.

Market consensus became clearer on Friday so back to the original bullish analysis and SP500 weekly chart reverts to bullish/neutral.

More info:
http://stockmarket618.wordpress.com

Tue, 12/27/2011 - 04:51 | 2012838 hamza123
hamza123's picture

Webnomics Technologies is a asp web development and outsourcing company providing affordable design and development services. Now a new project of Virtual IT launched as a Virtual IT ....(Forex Trading ) Webnomics technologies has their expertise in Forex Market and travel industry which provide most latest Forex Trading, Forex Broker and updates. Webnomics Technologies also have travel services for the one Cheap Trip Booking booking. Webnomics technologies has a software development department to provide Modern Software | Best Travel Deals | Travel Insurance | web development

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!