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Bank Of America Stock Back To The "(Not So) Fantastic Fives"

Tyler Durden's picture


As of milliseconds ago, one share of Bank of America stock is now $5.99, a level it has not seen since the apocalypse back in March 2009, and upon penetrating it, a huge volume surge followed as an avalanche of sell orders were activated. However, we are confident this will be temporary. According to largely amusing rumors, Bank of America will follow through with its expropriation procedure and withdraw $5 from longs' brokerage accounts for each share they hold, effectively doubling the market cap in the process. So you see: there is nothing to worry about. Warren: resume your bath, both literal and metaphorical.


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Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:22 | 1733419 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

Overvalued still. Short to oblivion!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:45 | 1733543 Josh Randall
Josh Randall's picture

Lets see - a $5 Footlong at Subway, or BAC stock ?? Hmmmm.....

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:48 | 1733556 SWRichmond
SWRichmond's picture

Both can be had "toasted."



Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:55 | 1733591 spiral_eyes
spiral_eyes's picture

1 stock of BRK.A or 10 burnt out houses in detroit....

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:58 | 1733606 redpill
redpill's picture

Both the sandwich and the stock wind up as a pile of shit in the end.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:29 | 1733737 bigdumbnugly
bigdumbnugly's picture

somebody better start running warren's bathwater...

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:33 | 1733760 Biosci
Biosci's picture

Ordinarily I'm fine with my contributions being anonymous, but I feel obligated to take credit for this drop.  I sold half my BAC puts at the gap down this moring.

You're welcome, everybody.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:38 | 1733772 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

"Warren: resume your bath, both literal and metaphorical."

"oh no you di'int"

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 14:04 | 1733892 Freddie
Freddie's picture

He need sto take a dirt nap after his bath whilst wearing his diaper.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 15:32 | 1734178 CompassionateFascist
CompassionateFascist's picture

Several people in my cab over the weekend complaining about access problems w their BOA accounts. I told them said she's moving her money to a local bank, others thinking about it.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:31 | 1733746 dlmaniac
dlmaniac's picture

No worries. They neither need cash nor care if the share is above 6$ (or soon 5$, 4$, 3$ ... whatever).

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 14:54 | 1734044 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

National Bank of Greece down 16% to all time lows of 0.666

while gold/silver up.


could only mean one thing.....a bank is going down somehere


greek bk underway

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 15:05 | 1734075 franzpick
franzpick's picture

It's only a matter of weeks before most of these banks are selling in the terrible twos: too low to sell more, too high to buy the perpetual call.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:48 | 1733544 spiral_eyes
spiral_eyes's picture

It was a clear black night, a clear white moon
Warren B was on the streets, trying to consume
some BAC, some preferred stock
rollin' in his ride, total oligarch

Just hit the Eastside of the Treasury
on a mission trying to find Mr. Timmy G.
Now your stocks going down, your need a T A R P
getting rich off the taxpayer, cash for free

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:48 | 1733557 redpill
redpill's picture

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:59 | 1733609 BrocilyBeef
BrocilyBeef's picture

Simply Brilliant!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:33 | 1733757 Alienated Serf
Alienated Serf's picture

spiral, Nate Dogg tips his 40 to you, from the afterlife...

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 18:30 | 1734877 LongBalls
LongBalls's picture

It's looking like they can do a stock buy back with every $5 fee on thier own customers! Brilliant!!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:21 | 1733422 johnnymustardseed
johnnymustardseed's picture

Too big to fail, it does not matter

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:25 | 1733446 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture


Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:37 | 1733491 Don Birnam
Don Birnam's picture

The Five Handle ?

Behold the One Handle: Kodak is up 69% today ! Who says that a $ 1.32 share price can't be bullish ? 

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:40 | 1733513 The Limerick King
The Limerick King's picture



Is Bank of America toast?

Or will Buffet have reason to boast?

I guess we'll soon see


So that all stupid fuckers can roast!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 14:20 | 1733948 IQ 145
IQ 145's picture

Thank you, I did; I caught it at $5.70, @1.45pm EDT.  Timeline until Dec. unless stopped out.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:22 | 1733425 tekhneek
tekhneek's picture


Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:38 | 1733500 tekhneek
tekhneek's picture

@11:38 CST - $5.95

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:43 | 1733529 tekhneek
tekhneek's picture

11:43 CST - $5.93

Uh-oh. Once we pass 5.90 it's over...

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:47 | 1733548 BlackingOut
BlackingOut's picture


Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:48 | 1733558 Careless Whisper
Careless Whisper's picture

over? i think they might qualify for the pink sheets, and they won't have to worry about those annoying audited financial statements. not that they really mean much anyway.


Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:51 | 1733570 tekhneek
tekhneek's picture

tons of stops at 5.90.. everyone knew it would flirt with the 6 handle, but < 5.90? that's just unpredictable territory right there...

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:54 | 1733588 monopoly
monopoly's picture

It's been over for a long time. And am I still correct, under $5.00 mutual funds cannot own a stock? I think that is still correct.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:44 | 1733538 s2man
s2man's picture

11:44 CST - $5.91

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:56 | 1733600 Jonas Parker
Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:43 | 1733778 Gief Gold Plox
Gief Gold Plox's picture

@12:39 CST - Just hit $5.62

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:36 | 1733768 redpill
redpill's picture

I hope that crusty old fucker gets pissed and tries to double down.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 14:24 | 1733957 ElvisDog
ElvisDog's picture

I love the fact that the "Sage of Omaha" or whatever the fuck he likes to be called these days by the MSNBC crowd is getting corn-holed on his BAC investment. I would love for Warren to experience a classic Greek tragedy-type scenario.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:22 | 1733427 Jonas Parker
Jonas Parker's picture

Look out for that clifffffff......   SPLAT!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:22 | 1733430 czarangelus
czarangelus's picture

Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:24 | 1733432 Comay Mierda
Comay Mierda's picture

five dolla make yoo holla!



Buffett just sharted

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:23 | 1733433 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Ha...Ha... better close the remaining accounts.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:24 | 1733440 mantrid
mantrid's picture


ever wondered what Google CEO has to say about economy?


Where is the demand going to come today if it’s not from some form of government action?


“The federal government can spend as much money as it wants because we borrow in our own currency,”


Economic growth comes from the private sector with government assistance


All of the economists that I know agree that in a situation where there is a strong possibility of a very long- term recession, or at least a structural growth recession, which many people think we’re in, you need to do something now


Any ideas on which economists he's talking about?


Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:49 | 1733563 Missiondweller
Missiondweller's picture

Here in the Bay Area, they all drink the same kool-Aid. Dissent is not allowed.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 15:14 | 1734104 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

demand will come when overinflate bankster's assets are cheap enough.


Poor and unemployed's net wealth before deflation = $0, after deflation = $0

Rich and never needed a job's net wealth before deflation = $100M, after deflation = $50M


There, wealth gap decreased.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:25 | 1733443 Archimedes
Archimedes's picture

Ha! Suck it Buffet!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:11 | 1733651 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

Old Mr. Buffett

Sat on a tuffet

Eating his curds and way.

Along came a squid

and stuck it's beak in and told Mr. Buffett to suck it.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:25 | 1733444 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

If Uncle Warren liked it at seven he will love it at five. Better buy another 5 billions worth on margin.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:54 | 1733584 tekhneek
tekhneek's picture

please do warren. i'd love to double up on my shorts.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 15:17 | 1734114 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

Buffett's bet wasn't on price but on whether BAC will be bailed out by the government.



Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:25 | 1733445 Fips_OnTheSpot
Fips_OnTheSpot's picture

Internal Chart Error.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:28 | 1733459 Village Smithy
Village Smithy's picture

I am ashamed to admit that QE2 turned me into a weak short. I have been burned so often. My fear is that I am not alone in this weakness, we should not be holding these levels, too much covering, no confidence. In my nightmares I see endless streams of long green candles rising forever upwards.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:00 | 1733614 Smiddywesson
Smiddywesson's picture

It used to take a lifetime to rack up the experiences you've had in a handful of years. 

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:31 | 1733464 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

The mutual fund pushers were really sucking Buffet's dick last weekend on AM radio.  They were debating whether he was "the best investor of all time" or just "the best investor of this generation".

I would hope that he becomes penniless, but it wouldn't matter in the broader scheme of things.  Longterm momos would just find another false idol to worship.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:05 | 1733632 Jendrzejczyk
Jendrzejczyk's picture

Ha! Listened to that on the way to the coinshop.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 14:11 | 1733920 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Was this Bob Brinker the Fed lover?

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:31 | 1733469 Mae Kadoodie
Mae Kadoodie's picture

For five bucks at least you can get a foot long at Subway.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:35 | 1733487 CClarity
CClarity's picture

Whoa, for the same amount they plan to charge debit card users per month, we can buy a share of BAC for same.   Hmmmmmm

Not long before break the $5 barrier and then ala Citi, they'll try the reverse stock split, unless Obama again instructs Timmy to break up the big bank.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:38 | 1733497 junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

You have to buy a share of stock to use an ATM

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 14:05 | 1733896 JohnG
JohnG's picture

Not with a BAC credit card.  My managers have been calling me about payment rejections and pissed customers.  Giving away sandwiches to not drive them off forever if they don't have another payment method.  6 stores.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:33 | 1733471 Flounder
Flounder's picture

BAC might be a buy when the 4 cent dividend equals a 4 percent dividend, but only if they can unload most of their rotten vacant houses they own.  I looked at one BAC REO in Brevard county the other day and it was one rotting stinking pile of crap in a decent neighborhood (feel for the neighbors) for which they were asking $30k over county ad valorem assessment.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:04 | 1733628 Smiddywesson
Smiddywesson's picture

That's one reason why there is no way out of this.  The demographics of the nation are such that our aging population doesn't need or want these houses.  There are no jobs for the people who otherwise would have stepped up to the plate as buyers.  Meanwhile, they are a wasting asset and will soon be unsellable. 

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 15:21 | 1734130 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

solution = asset price deflation


but banksters whose gambling leverage depend on asset prices hate deflation



Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:32 | 1733472 PaperWillBurn
PaperWillBurn's picture

Buffets MOPE errr moat is failing.



Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:34 | 1733480 TradingJoe
TradingJoe's picture

5.95 and counting.......?!?!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:34 | 1733481 Timmay
Timmay's picture

I have a mortgage with BAC, what happens if it blows up?

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:38 | 1733496 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

You get to meet Uncle Scam's niece and nephew Fannie and Freddie.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:41 | 1733519 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

just keep fighting them for the fraud in your mortgage and continue to live in YOUR house mortgage free for as long as you and your family would like (although you may not be able to ever sell it)

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:50 | 1733567 Timmay
Timmay's picture

Sure, but I think in the process I can challenge that BAC had Linda Green sign my paperwork. Mortgage was in 2003.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:42 | 1733524 curbyourrisk
curbyourrisk's picture

No you don't....   Do a little reserach.  The mortgage is probably already held by Freddie or Fannie, and it is probably registered int he MERS system.  BAC does not own mortgages, they operates as a mortgage processor.  FUCK them.  They cannot foreclose on you.  THey have already been paid for your note.  Oh, speaking of your note...  Try and find out where it is.....who owns it, and whether eor not you will actually receive it if you pay your note off.  GOOD LUCK WITH THAT...



Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:59 | 1733610 Timmay
Timmay's picture

I also have a second mortgage through Countrywide that was bought by BAC.

How could I tell with any certainty that I will receive my note when it is paid? Would I just take someone's word for it?? 

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 14:15 | 1733933 JohnG
JohnG's picture

Send them a request for proof of note/title "marriage" proof under ERISA to the correspondence address on the statement.  They have 60 days to comply.  Go to your county probate court to verify proper registration.  Look it up in the MERS database online.

Template letter here:

Get no results, hire a lawyer.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:43 | 1733527 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

you will owe the money to carl icahn

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:35 | 1733486 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

One day, its going to make a damn fine penny stock.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:39 | 1733505 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

it may still be closer to $10 than ZERO, but ZERO is coming up fast

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:39 | 1733506 Mr_Wonderful
Mr_Wonderful's picture

Buffett should be okay in this mess.

He said he would invest 5 bn in preferred stock, practically bonds. That should yield what 10%?

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:39 | 1733507 curbyourrisk
curbyourrisk's picture

Resume yur bath....   I LOVE ZEROHEDGE...


that is worth the price of admission alone!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:40 | 1733509 digalert
digalert's picture

$5 dollar ATM fee...

$5 dollar stock!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:44 | 1733532 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

in one short year , the scum at BOA will have taken 12 shares of their stock from ever BOA account holder......a bank run on BOA should have already become an olympic sprint by now

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:02 | 1733611 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

You're assuming the typical BOA account holder is rational. Most of them probably don't know what a stock is and I doubt many look at the statement to notice an extra $5 per month surcharge. They won't see the news either. They'll be too busy watching recordings of their favorite sports team.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:41 | 1733515 cabtrom
cabtrom's picture

Warren is such a Fucktard. He should have drowned in his fucking tub!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:41 | 1733516 PaperWillBurn
PaperWillBurn's picture
Top Stories

Economy Up Slightly but Threats Remain, Data Show- AP


same headline for the past 3 years

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:42 | 1733521 Corn1945
Corn1945's picture

I hope it goes to ZERO!


Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:43 | 1733528 Barnaby
Barnaby's picture

"We're B.A.C.. If you give us your money, you must be drunk!"

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:43 | 1733530 FoieGras
FoieGras's picture

Paulson shitting his pants.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:44 | 1733535 cabtrom
cabtrom's picture

I love this site! Pure fucking honesty! It's like a drug.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:47 | 1733547 s2man
s2man's picture

Yeah, I am addicted.  I'll donate soon, Tyler.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 16:55 | 1734566 andybev01
andybev01's picture

Make sure and use your BAC Visa.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:44 | 1733540 chrispycrunch
chrispycrunch's picture

You can't help but notice the poetic justice of a $5 fee and for seeing BAC drop as a $5 stock.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:52 | 1733576 PaperWillBurn
PaperWillBurn's picture

Debit card users to receive 1 share of BAC per month. We care about our customers.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:59 | 1733608 Jonas Parker
Jonas Parker's picture

And the stock is way cheaper than a toaster!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:53 | 1733581 Dingleberry
Dingleberry's picture

Someone check Warren's tub and see if he's still breathing......

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:53 | 1733583 lapedochild
lapedochild's picture

Their website is down. People will be let back in when morale improves and the stock is over $6.00 again

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:54 | 1733585 Thunder Dome
Thunder Dome's picture

When the bankers start buying back their own stock for their personal accounts it will be time to go long financials.  Until then, it's a waiting game to see who survives.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:56 | 1733601 s2man
s2man's picture

The company I work for is down .06, to $2.98.  Last time I saw that, I wondered "Are we going out of business"?  But we're still here, 10 yrs later...

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 15:24 | 1734145 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

Shit hits the fan real fast in a matter of days.


Talk to folks who work for companies who went out of business. Executives put company through dissolution and arranged for liquidation auctions weeks before even telling employees.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 12:57 | 1733603 shazbotz
shazbotz's picture

just cashout any and all bank accounts, let's get the show on the road


Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:01 | 1733604 sbenard
sbenard's picture

Nothing would please me more than to see Warren Buffett take a $5 billion bath. It's not scheudenfreude. It's just poetic justice! Just desserts!

But if B of A goes under, there's a part of me at the gut level that knows that Obamao won't let his buddy's investment go down the tubes. He'll use OUR money -- again -- to bail out Buffett (he got $4 billion from the AIG bailout, after all), just like he bailed out the auto unions. We'll get stuck holding the bag -- AGAIN!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:01 | 1733621 Timmay
Timmay's picture

Keep Liberal base or Keep Warren Buffet. Interesting decision to make Obama....


Bank bailout would be highly unpopular right now, especially GIVEN that Warren Buffet played such a prominent role. Class warfare in full effect.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 14:29 | 1733978 ElvisDog
ElvisDog's picture

Obama is pretty clueless when it comes to political instincts, but if he bails out B of A again he is done in 2012. It wouldn't be the liberals he would lose, it would be the independents and he would lose 90% of them. B of A has become the poster boy for the "bad bank" in the U.S.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:01 | 1733616 stateside
stateside's picture

Word on the street is that the bath jets were clogged this morning so Warren called Barney Frank over to generate some bubbles.


Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:02 | 1733623 adr
adr's picture

Bank of Ass called my dad in a panic the other day because he was one day late on his motorhome payment. I told my dad to screw-em and stop paying altogether. I told him they panicked because they probably thought he knew something like they don't have any paperwork for your loan. Or since he is probably one of the last people actually paying them, if he goes they go.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:05 | 1733631 Ruffcut
Ruffcut's picture

Buffy is probabbly gone short on his Bag of Ass, already.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:09 | 1733635 virgilcaine
virgilcaine's picture

Tyler check out AMR ..going down in flames- American Airlines.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:10 | 1733648 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

Haha...  Flying with one engine on fire...

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:25 | 1733711 Cow
Cow's picture

13:08 EDT AMR Corp. trading resumes after circuit breaker halt

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:06 | 1733637 s2man
s2man's picture

$5.84 and falling, falling, falling...

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:08 | 1733644 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture


Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:07 | 1733641 fyrebird
fyrebird's picture

"Hey mista five dollah I love you long time"

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:39 | 1733777 Jonas Parker
Jonas Parker's picture

Five Dollars? ALL NIGHT? Kiss you? I don't even know you?

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:17 | 1733676 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

New listing - Craig’s List Omaha:

One bathtub. Collectors Item. Once used by the second wealthiest man on the planet. Has curious scratches on the inside wall that seem to spell out “I [little heart shape symbol] BQuick”. Caution, tub may be cursed or haunted. Previous owner claims high correlation between bathing in it and financial losses.

Price: $5 or one share of BAC stock, whichever is higher.



Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:23 | 1733712 Rover
Rover's picture

GM just dropped through $20 as well.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:34 | 1733762 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

and its the Fantastic Four.(TM)..dont inflate our comic heroes!!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:37 | 1733771 Ryman1075
Ryman1075's picture

5.71 and sinking...

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 13:49 | 1733821 optimator
optimator's picture

Buffet is taking a bath today.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 14:11 | 1733921 famousamos
famousamos's picture

I'd rather have two mercury dimes.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 14:36 | 1734000 SILVERGEDDON

Omaha boy sucks bankers cock, said it seemed as hard as a rock, problem was it smelled like hell, and now he'es not feeling well. Eating someone's shit on a stick, makes you puke, fairly quick! Time to retreat to the Omaha tub, for a good Benny bux rub-a-dub, dub, dub!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 15:54 | 1734270 DogRockets
DogRockets's picture

Thank you, Asshole of Omaha, for giving me another chance a few weeks ago to load up on more cheap puts!!!

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 18:48 | 1734923 cbxer55
cbxer55's picture

Sitting at $5.53 currently.  ;-)


Mon, 10/03/2011 - 19:31 | 1735071 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

Just a matter of time, just a matter of time.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 23:30 | 1735846 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

I guess riots are a chink in the old full faith and credit armor.

Wed, 10/12/2011 - 14:37 | 1766625 karmete
karmete's picture

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