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Barkel Press Conference Begins... And Ends

Tyler Durden's picture


The much anticipated press conference between Merkel and Barroso, hence Barkel, in which nothing of any substance will be announced, has begun. Rolling headlines as we get them:

  • BARROSO SAYS EU SHOULD DISCUSS ELEMENTS OF 'BANKING UNION' -> we agree to hold another conference at a future time

And... that's it folks. Proceed to the egress.


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Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:10 | 2492455 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

This was the fucking "secret plan".

All righty.....time to air drop the Depends, then.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:12 | 2492467 achmachat
achmachat's picture

they have to hold these press conferences, even if they have nothing real to say.

Like this they think that nobody can say afterwards that they weren't doing anything when the whole thing has collapsed.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:38 | 2492513 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



Post-apocalypse media & other expectations............................


Meat, The Press.

Deface The Nation.

60 Seconds.

Bad Money.

Der Smeagol.

The Criminal Times.

The Human Food Network.


The Food Wife.


Buildaburger King

Mordor's Europe On $5 Trillion-a-Day.

Strife Magazine.


The Scars and Gripes.

USA Yesterday.

The National Enfrightener.

Guns and Blammo Magazine.


 I'm gonna quit.   This is getting bad.




Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:22 | 2492518 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Germany has been stockpiling nuclear weapons in complete defiance of international law.

Now it has sufaced that Germany has been building and selling submarines with nuclear tips.

Who else have they sold nuclear missiles to?  Isn't it time the rest of europe mans up and stops this madness?

Or is europe once again waiting for uncle sam, mother Rossiya and the rest of the world to save it's ass?

Ain't gonna happen this time.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:28 | 2492564 dumbfounded
dumbfounded's picture

any source for that ?

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:48 | 2492660 HellFish
HellFish's picture

Wrong.  They have publically been selling Dolphin subs to Isreal for some time.  There was a news article posted in the last day or two that Israel is arming them with nuclear cruise missles.  Two different issues.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:22 | 2492522 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

They're trying to avoid a panic.  Trying to give the illusion of control over the situation so that the public doesn't realize exactly how tenuous the situation is.  The behind the scenes moniker is "we must prevent a panic".

Someday they'll write books about all this telling us exactly how bad it is, but don't expect them anytime soon.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:34 | 2492598 kridkrid
kridkrid's picture

Who gets to write the book... who decides that it gets published?  Chances are good that I'll be skeptical.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:46 | 2492644 IndicaTive
IndicaTive's picture

Whoever wins the war.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:12 | 2492760 kridkrid
kridkrid's picture

yup... and the thing is... anyone who wins the war won't report honestly.  And so it goes.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:18 | 2492500 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Give those used EuroDepends to Jamie Dimon:

JP Morgan (JPM) 16,750 September 20 puts bought for USD 0.56-0.58 vs. an open interest of 7153 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

(There I feel much better...) 

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:23 | 2492535 MeanReversion
MeanReversion's picture

That is one hell of a bearish bet.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:25 | 2492547 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

Real depends, not those worthless generics offered from those discount Eurotrash peripheral outlets that aren't able to wrap crap

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:31 | 2492580 MrPalladium
MrPalladium's picture

Looks like a replay of the vote to ratify the U.S. Constitution supported by those good citizens who owned worthless bonds of the Continental Congress to be honored under the new Constitution at 100 cents on the dollar.

And unlike the Articles of Confederation which created a voluntary union, when erstwhile sovereign states became unhappy under the new constitution, the only solution was war, as it will be following political union of Europe.

Look forward to more bloody European wars following political union, with aging native populations capping the resources available to the welfare state to buy peace, and growing racial strife brought on by the costs of third world immigration, while filling out the trifecta will be NATO bombing the shit out of anyone who disputes the delusional dictates of unelected bureaucrats in Brussels.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:11 | 2492458 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Farcebook stock about to soar?

Farcebook about to lower age limit to under 13.  Sociopath child abusers OK Zuckerface's proposal.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:11 | 2492462 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

Zuk is a PedoBear!

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:13 | 2492470 fourchan
fourchan's picture

pedobear is long fb


fb is long pedobear

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:24 | 2492544 THX 1178
THX 1178's picture

“Kekulé dreams the Great Serpent holding its own tail in its mouth, the dreaming Serpent which surrounds the World. But the meanness, the cynicism with which this dream is to be used. The Serpent that announces, "The World is a closed thing, cyclical, resonant, eternally-returning," is to be delivered into a system whose only aim is to violate the Cycle. Taking and not giving back, demanding that "productivity" and "earnings" keep on increasing with time, the System removing from the rest of the World these vast quantities of energy to keep its own tiny desperate fraction showing a profit: and not only most of humanity—most of the World, animal, vegetable, and mineral, is laid waste in the process. The System may or may not understand that it's only buying time. And that time is an artificial resource to begin with, of no value to anyone or anything but the System, which must sooner or later crash to its death, when its addiction to energy has become more than the rest of the World can supply, dragging with it innocent souls all along the chain of life. Living inside the System is like riding across the country in a bus driven by a maniac bent on suicide . . . though he's amiable enough, keeps cracking jokes back through the loudspeaker . . .”

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:16 | 2492491 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Let me know when they buy Hussler.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:22 | 2492520 junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

The stock will be testing 13 as well shortly...

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:23 | 2492537 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

+ mas uno

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:43 | 2492891 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Age limit > stock price

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:11 | 2492459 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture


Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:23 | 2492534 WhyDoesItHurtWh...
WhyDoesItHurtWhen iPee's picture

Merkel Cirkel Jerkel

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:11 | 2492465 EZT
EZT's picture

WTF is a banking union anyway

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:24 | 2492539 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Banking, socialized.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:12 | 2492468 bnbdnb
bnbdnb's picture

We're saved.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:13 | 2492469 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture





    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:13 | 2492476 Ahmeexnal
    Ahmeexnal's picture

    Yes, that's been the plan all along.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:16 | 2492493 SilverTree
    SilverTree's picture

    Please, not another Indiana Jones flick.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:27 | 2492494 hedgeless_horseman
    hedgeless_horseman's picture


  the corners of my mind. 
    Misty watercolor memories,
    of the way we were.


    What's too painful to remember,
    we soon choose to forget.

    The way we were.
    Remember the way we were.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:23 | 2492532 john39
    john39's picture

    German people will get the short end of this, just like in WWII.  convenient scapegoat for the bankers, once again.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:14 | 2492481 fourchan
    fourchan's picture

    thats strong lol^

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:38 | 2492616 JR
    JR's picture

    The use of a swastika to symbolize modern-day Germany is inappropriate, of course, but even more so, it has become a Zionist propaganda weapon. It is exactly the point I made in a post less than an hour ago in the comment section to ZH’s article,The Export-Driven Warmonger: Germany Supplying World, And Israel, With Submarines, where “The Israeli Defence Minister Ehud Barak told Spiegel that Germans should be ‘proud’ that they have secured the existence of the state of Israel ‘for many years.’":

    Tyler, thanks for this article

    And still, there are those who would say that the international bankers do not control the German government.

    And still, there are those who say there are no control wires attaching the German banks to America’s Federal Reserve System.

    And still, there are those who say there is no direct connection between the state of Israel, international bankers and the control of politicians such as Barack Obama and Angela Merkel.

    And still, there are those who say Obama is a Muslim and has been a difficult friend to Israel.

    And still, there are those who when describing the German people and Germany’s influence in the eurozone crisis will use swastikas, Nazi symbolism and references to Hitler and WWII concentration camps when, all the time, it was not the German people who have been the friends of the Zionists but the German bankers in league with the owners of the New York Federal Reserve Bank, namely the Rothschilds and the Rockefellers.

    For those who protest American and German foreign policy as hard-on-Israel, my friends, methinks thou dost protest too much

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:54 | 2492656 hedgeless_horseman
    hedgeless_horseman's picture



    The use of a swastika to symbolize modern-day Germany

    That is an actual map of Nazi German Empire in Europe, May, 1943.  Any confusion with modern-day Germany is entirely your own.

    What's too painful to remember,
    we soon choose to forget.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:58 | 2492694 JR
    JR's picture

    Memories? What is it that you want us to recall?

     Let me answer that for you.

    You want us to remember Germans as warlike, anti-Jewish, the descendants of Adolf Hitler, and the decision makers in this crisis, in spite of the fact that the German banks are completely in control of the economic and political power in the country – rather than the citizens.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:23 | 2492791 hedgeless_horseman
    hedgeless_horseman's picture



    What is it that you want us to recall?

    Read the book, They Thought They Were Free, written by a Jew, to help you decide if the German people were used, or not. 

    Read the book, The Creature From Jekyll Island, to learn exactly how the banks have been in complete control of the political and economic power in all countries, not just Germany.

    Read the news, everyday, to see that there is no nation currently more warlike than mine, the USA.

    What I want us to recall is that we do not need bigger governments, nor do we even need banks.


    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:29 | 2492844 JR
    JR's picture

    With your ability to add comments to your original post after responses (a device not available to me), I still would like to respond to your addition: What's too painful to remember, we soon choose to forget.

    In my original criticism of your use of the swastika, I suggested it has become modern-day Zionist propaganda. The dominate phrase that Zionists use to keep the events of WWII daily before us is “WE WILL NEVER FORGET.”

    Unfortunately, many critical developments regarding WWII are forgotten and some events are misremembered.

    As to your last post, yes, the international banking cartel, primarily Jewish, has operating control in many countries but this hardly excuses the use of Zionist propaganda to identify the German people.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:46 | 2492643 CatoRenasci
    CatoRenasci's picture

    Deutschland Erwache!

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:29 | 2492837 Wolferl
    Wolferl's picture

    Wow, didn´t know we owned Iceland. But i´m pretty sure we owned Italy and Greece. And parts of Northern Africa.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:13 | 2492472 barliman
    barliman's picture


    Had a thought last night regarding the European turmoil ...

    ... and the behind the scenes demands being made by Germany and the "pressure" being put on Frau Merkel.

    Three words:

    Archduke Angela Assassinated

    ... and we would see real turmoil in Europe ... again.


    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:27 | 2492554 kridkrid
    kridkrid's picture

    There are 1001 Archduke Ferdinand’s running around.  Any one of which will be labeled a black swan... though something happening that starts the chain reaction is, more or less, inevitable.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:46 | 2492902 azzhatter
    azzhatter's picture

    Could someone whack Corzine and see if that starts it? If not it's still a good deed

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 15:21 | 2493028 barliman
    barliman's picture


    I would be real surprised if Mr. Corzine is not infinitely better protected than Angela Merkel ...

    ... Obambi does not NEED Frau Merkel to have a prayer of winning in November.

    He probably has one of our best, armed drones on constant overflight surveillance ...

    ... and it gives Obambi a nice hedge if Corzine's fund raising levels fall off.

    It is ALL about keeping people motivated.


    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:13 | 2492473 PrintingPress
    PrintingPress's picture

    I've been all over these meeting notes and am still unable to locate the egress!

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:18 | 2492501 Dr. Kananga
    Dr. Kananga's picture

    Unfortunately, it's inside that big circus tent over yonder. You have to go in to get out.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:56 | 2492685 Acorn10012
    Acorn10012's picture

    Careful of the Zyklon B cannister!!!

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:14 | 2492475 SemperFord
    SemperFord's picture

    So freaking tired of the "Dinner with Obama ads" Makes me not want to eat dinner anymore, F*CK!!!

    edit: And no I do not nor have I ever clicked on an Obummer site!

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:20 | 2492512 sdmjake
    sdmjake's picture

    Take 2 minutes and go ahead & click on it. then close it. then click on it. then close. Rinse/repeat for two minutes and make the Obama Campaign pay ZH for every click.... 

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:48 | 2492657 slewie the pi-rat
    slewie the pi-rat's picture

    i'll pass, great ass'd lass/laddie

    tyler can blow marcFaber if he needs money;  the trollZ will pay-per-spew

    tyler's weekend posts were xlnt, btw, due to how fuking ripped he was and i don't mean those abs, BiCheZ!

    and if people don't understand what is meant by banking union here, they shoulda been on zH, paying attention over the weekend when marioECB spake of the 4squid-led planners who would lead the EU into abject poverty {while enriching their owners @ (you guessed'er, chester!) the FED}

    ps:  the checks are in the mail...  and they are gonna clear...  angela's goose is cooked and they are just waiting to fork her and her nation, 4evah!

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:02 | 2492710 Acorn10012
    Acorn10012's picture

    Yes, some of the avatars are spectacular.

    Merkel trying to get the best deal she can...great game of chicken on display. Whatever the compromise, I suspect Merkel will get something significant in the deal.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:23 | 2492533 sabra1
    sabra1's picture

    speaking of which, i'm hosting dinner tonite. what goes good with face?

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:35 | 2492605 fuu
    fuu's picture

    Fava beans?

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 17:35 | 2493625 Overfed
    Overfed's picture

    And a nice Chianti.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 22:59 | 2494662 StychoKiller
    StychoKiller's picture

    Finger sandwiches?

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:14 | 2492480 Dr. Kananga
    Dr. Kananga's picture

    Remember the "secret plans" German leadership had up their sleeve to win WWII in 1945?

    Neither do I. But they did talk about it a lot. Everyone knew they had one. They had to have one.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:14 | 2492483 Colonial Intent
    Colonial Intent's picture
    Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the whole world......
    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:28 | 2492563 pods
    pods's picture

    Only bested by the quote about the Camden crack head with a cordless sawzall.


    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:19 | 2492488 Aquiloaster
    Aquiloaster's picture

    Merkel doesn't even need to write new meeting notes; regurgitate the same bullshit again hoping it works better this time.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:23 | 2492536 ThirdWorldDude
    ThirdWorldDude's picture

    We can hope they save on paper and use the same old scripts...

    On a second thought, can anyone bring them a fucking teleprompter?

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:17 | 2492497 Fred Hayek
    Fred Hayek's picture

    Instead of Barkel, how about Moroso in recognition of how all EU countries should feel?

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:18 | 2492503 Miles Kendig
    Miles Kendig's picture

    Until Germany starts talking about its national wealth as European wealth one must question their vision of a fiscally united Europe.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:35 | 2492602 Nobody For President
    Nobody For President's picture

    ...Until Germany starts talking about its national wealth as European wealth... 


    And that is going to happen when? hahahahahahaha

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:39 | 2492611 Miles Kendig
    Miles Kendig's picture

    When Europe is under complete German control....

    Until then Angela will do her best at paying homage to her neighbors generally and the new French president specifically

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:20 | 2492507 slaughterer
    slaughterer's picture

    I guess Eurobulls still have Wednesday and the Super Mario Draghi show to hope for. 

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:20 | 2492508 Joshua_D
    Joshua_D's picture

    Well, I feel much better. When do we get Barkel t-shirts?

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:25 | 2492548 Satan
    Satan's picture

    When you open an account at Bankia.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:20 | 2492510 ebworthen
    ebworthen's picture

    What, is she going to ask Russia to join the EU?

    Fastest "highly anticipated" press-conference in a while; getting harder for her to keep a straight face?

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:20 | 2492511 junkyardjack
    junkyardjack's picture

    She forgot to mention anything about printing or Eurobonds.  I'm sure they will be back on in a few minutes to announce those...


    S&P 500 to test 1250 in 3....2....1....

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:20 | 2492515 blindman
    blindman's picture
    The Real Reason Why Global Markets Are Melting Down
    With global stock markets in turmoil, gold on the move, and panic in Europe, today Michael Pento, of Pento Portfolio Strategies, writes exclusively for King World News to let readers know exactly why markets are melting down. Here is what Pento had to say about the situation: “Most investors and market pundits continue to misdiagnose the reason behind the worldwide economic malaise. The underlying problem isn’t ‘uncertainty’ or any other platitudes Wall Street and politicians like to offer. The truth is that massive sovereign debt defaults (if central banks allow them to be written down honestly) are very deflationary in nature.”

    "The carnage all began when Irish and Southern
    European banks became insolvent due to non-performing real estate assets. Then the sovereigns borrowed so much money, in order to bail out the banks, that their economies have become insolvent. Now banks find themselves insolvent once again … this time because they own the debt of bankrupt countries that were shoved down their throat by the ECB’s LTROs.

    So we now have a situation where insolvent nations are trying to bail out insolvent banks by proposing to borrow more money, which will cause the countries to become even more insolvent. Then, of course, banks are asked to lower their country’s borrowing costs by buying more of the debt issued from insolvent nations. Doesn’t that sound like it will work out well?

    If you can believe it, that is the proposed magic bullet to save Europe. Once it fails, look for the ECB, Fed and BOJ to launch another massive money printing spree. Each and every worsening piece of economic data brings us closer to that eventuality. That is the reason why gold soared $65 per ounce on Friday. Gold is signaling the helicopters are just over the horizon. " ...

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:25 | 2492517 Dr. Engali
    Dr. Engali's picture




    What was it Hitler said before he invaded Russia? We need more elbow room?

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:29 | 2492569 djsmps
    djsmps's picture


    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:46 | 2492645 walküre
    walküre's picture


    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:22 | 2492523 ArrestBobRubin
    ArrestBobRubin's picture

    Barosso's Twin Pillars of True Globalist Genius

    -"global warming"

    -"banking union"

    Can't we please release The Cannibal and give him Mr. B's scent?


    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:47 | 2492907 azzhatter
    azzhatter's picture

    Barosso and Farage in a cage match

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:26 | 2492531 skepticCarl
    skepticCarl's picture

    Since it is the Banksters' best interests to keep the Euopean banking system working, I expect that they will find a way to cobble some sort of bank union.  It will be complex, opaque, nearly unregulated, and naturally, be backstopped by the tax payers in the Eurozone.  They will even find a way to end-run Germany's objections to Eurobonds, if it suits their purposes.  I have complete faith in Banksters.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:26 | 2492553 bbq on whitehou...
    bbq on whitehouse lawn's picture

    Eurobonds will have an "opt-out" feature. Germany will be the only one able to opt out everyone else will be forced to swallow the bonds.

    This fits with the kick the can to stupid land and allows for the euro to be saved. Yay.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:28 | 2492561 Gigantor
    Gigantor's picture

    The EU is about 12 months behind the times and each of these "meetings to discuss future possibilities" do nothing but confirm that.

    The problem is to much debt, to many insolvent banks, to much spending.


    No plan put forward does anything to else even one of the above problems. Not even close.


    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:30 | 2492575 NEOSERF
    NEOSERF's picture

    You know things are coming unglued again when the word "summit" starts getting thrown around again which basically means...please don't crash the market while we try to throw you some essentially worthless headlines about throwing good money after bad.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:36 | 2492609 williambanzai7
    williambanzai7's picture

    And so life imitates Fido, have a EURO Biscuit...

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:44 | 2492639 walküre
    walküre's picture

    They know they're fucked. The BIG one is coming.

    Germany is surrounded by armies of bankers and European politicians that want BLOOD from every German man, woman and child.

    Let the BLOODLETTING commence - AGAIN.

    Germany has ONE CHANCE. That chance is to PULL OUT of all treaties with the UK, US, Zion FIAT cabal and form an axis with Russia and China.

    Thanks for playing everyone. Come back when you can afford to buy the Mercedes, BMW and Audi with REAL money.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:55 | 2492679 Centurion9.41
    Centurion9.41's picture

    Ahhhh yes, go historical with the Jew/German angle and ignore the reality & fact that Germany effectively gave Israel subs capable of throwing nukes from a place Arab states & terrorist organizations will NEVER be able to touch....

    The historical significance of "nazi" Germany being the provider to Israel of the ONLY untouchable nuke delivery system known to man, is lost on the "genius" of candy-@ss 99%ers who think their prowess on X-Box translates to their anarchist libertarian fantasies.

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:50 | 2492667 markar
    markar's picture


    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:14 | 2492774 No Euros please...
    No Euros please we're British's picture

    But, but you're forgetting the "secret" EU meeting. You know the one where Merkel agrees to everything and everything gets fixed and everyone sits around smoking hopium and lives happily ever after. The one the European markets have rumoured for this week, or sometime soon(ish).

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:15 | 2492781 Problem Is
    Problem Is's picture



    Merkel: Classic Euro-Amway...

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:49 | 2492913 azzhatter
    azzhatter's picture

    she is comparing Barosso's schlong to Sarko- we need more

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:45 | 2492889 ArrestBobRubin
    ArrestBobRubin's picture


    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:44 | 2492892 ivana
    ivana's picture

    Uuuuuuuuuuugh !

    Full scale tyranny coming to EU citizens ... banksters will offer Merkel something she (and German bankster group) cannot refuse and than ... by by by democracy and normal living

    Mon, 06/04/2012 - 15:31 | 2493069 TheTwoJohns
    TheTwoJohns's picture

    Standing on the verge of cliff
    Embracing longtime horizon

    I jump off and fly
    In the Southeast direction

    Having my favorite red shorts on
    Having red parachute

    Ready to hit the air

    Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!