Bear Market Open Thread

Tyler Durden's picture

Since Zero Hedge updates over the next sevearal few hours will be sparse, please use this opportunity to share your transitory outlooks on current events, life, google trending topics, and pretty much anything else.

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steelhead23's picture

Have you read Kipling's If...  Look, stop gloating.  A good poker player wins the hand quietly and only shows his cards if he must.  Let the fools play, we need counterparties.

francis_sawyer's picture

please use this opportunity to share your transitory outlooks on current events, life, google trending topics, and pretty much anything else...


- Current events suck

- Life sucks (unless you're a banker with coke & Ukranian hookers lined up for the weekend in the Hamptons - in which case - it's just OK)

- google sucks

- trending topics suck (especially those with regards to Martha's Vineyard)


Otherwise... everything else is pretty much fine...





Sudden Debt's picture

No girlfriend or wife that sucks he?.... that sucks...

Uncle Remus's picture

When you want it done right, you hire a pro.

In Fed We Trust's picture

Do like I do.

Post ZH links on your Facebook page.

Why do you think Denver is #2 city for ZH?

CPL's picture

US only stream that shit and allow anonymous

Jendrzejczyk's picture

You can not come back and be normal. I possess new guns and mucho ammo on the off chance you were serious a few weeks ago (thanks, actually having fun whether zombies are headed this way or not).

What's up spanky?

takeaction's picture

Here is a tune for you Bitches.....CRANK IT UP!!!  DUBSTEP BITCH!

Skid Marks's picture


Atonement Dinner


"Winston, come into the dining room, it's time to eat," Julia yelled to her husband.


"In a minute, honey, it's a tie score," he answered.

Actually Winston wasn't very interested in the traditional holiday football game between Detroit and Washington. Ever since the government passed the Civility in Sports Statute of 2017, outlawing tackle football for its "unseemly violence" and the "bad example it sets for the rest of the world", Winston was far less of a football fan than he used to be.


Two-hand touch wasn't nearly as exciting. Yet it wasn't the game that Winston was uninterested in. It was more the thought of eating another Tofu Turkey . Even though it was the best type of Veggie Meat available after the government revised the American Anti-Obesity Act of 2018, adding fowl to the list of federally-forbidden foods, (which already included potatoes, cranberry sauce, and mincemeat pie), it wasn't anything like real turkey.


And ever since the government officially changed the name of "Thanksgiving Day" to "A National Day of Atonement" in 2020, to officially acknowledge the Pilgrims' historically brutal treatment of Native Americans, the holiday had lost a lot of its luster.


Eating in the dining room was also a bit daunting.

The unearthly gleam of government-mandated fluorescent light bulbs made the Tofu Turkey look even weirder than it actually was, and the room was always cold.


Ever since Congress passed the Power Conservation Act of 2016, mandating all thermostats - which were monitored and controlled by the electric company - be kept at 68 degrees, every room on the north side of the house was barely tolerable throughout the entire winter.


Still, it was good getting together with family. Or at least most of the family.


Winston missed his mother, who passed on in October, when she had used up her legal allotment of life-saving medical treatment.


He had had many heated conversations with the Regional Health Consortium, spawned when the private insurance market finally went bankrupt, and everyone was forced into the government health care program. And though he demanded she be kept on her treatment, it was a futile effort.


"The RHC's resources are limited", explained the government  bureaucrat Winston spoke with on the phone. "Your mother received all the benefits to which she was entitled. I'm sorry for your loss."


Ed couldn't make it either. He had forgotten to plug in his electric car last night, the only kind available after the Anti-Fossil Fuel Bill of 2021 outlawed the use of the combustion engines - for everyone but government officials.


The fifty mile round trip was about ten miles too far, and Ed didn't want to spend a frosty night on the road somewhere between here and there.


Thankfully, Winston's brother, John, and his wife were flying in.


Winston made sure that the dining room chairs had extra cushions for the occasion.


No one complained more than John about the pain of sitting down so soon after the government-mandated cavity searches at airports, which severely aggravated his hemorrhoids.


Ever since a terrorist successfully smuggled a cavity bomb onto a jetliner, the TSA told Americans the added "inconvenience" was an "absolute necessity" in order to stay "one step ahead of the terrorists."


Winston's own body had grown accustomed to such probing ever since the government expanded their scope to just about anywhere a crowd gathered, via Anti-Profiling Act of 2017. That law made it a crime to single out any group or individual for "unequal scrutiny," even when probable cause was involved. Thus, cavity searches at malls, train stations, bus depots, etc., etc., had become almost routine.



The Supreme Court is reviewing the statute, but most Americans expect a Court composed of six progressives and three conservatives to leave the law intact.


"A living Constitution is extremely flexible", said the Court's eldest member, Elena Kagan. " Europe has had laws like this one for years. We should learn from their example", she added.


Winston's thoughts turned to his own children.

He got along fairly well with his 12-year-old daughter, Brittany, mostly because she ignored him.

Winston had long ago surrendered to the idea that she could text anyone at any time, even during Atonement Dinner.


Their only real confrontation had occurred when he limited her to 50,000 texts a month, explaining that was all he could afford.


She whined for a week, but got over it.


His 16-year-old son, Jason, was another matter altogether. Perhaps it was the constant bombarding he got in public school that global warming, the bird flu, terrorism, or any of a number of other calamities were "just around the corner", but Jason had developed a kind of nihilistic attitude that ranged between simmering surliness and outright hostility.


It didn't help that Jason had reported his father to the police for smoking a cigarette in the house, an act made criminal by the Smoking Control Statute of 2018, which outlawed smoking anywhere within 500 feet of another human being.


Winston paid the $5,000 fine, which might have been considered excessive before the American dollar became virtually worthless as a result of QE13.


The latest round of quantitative easing the federal government initiated was, once again, to "spur economic growth."


This time, they promised to push unemployment below its years-long rate of 18%, but Winston was not particularly hopeful.


Yet the family had a lot for which to be thankful, Winston thought, before remembering it was a Day of Atonement.


At least, he had his memories.


He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized his children would never know what life was like in the Good Old Days, long before government promises to make life "fair for everyone" realized their full potential.


Winston, like so many of his fellow Americans, never realized how much things could change when they didn't happen all at once, but little by little, so people could get used to them.


He wondered what might have happened if the public had stood up while there was still time, maybe back around 2011, when all the real nonsense began.


"Maybe we wouldn't be where we are today if we'd just said 'enough is enough' when we had the chance," he thought.


Maybe so, Winston. Maybe so. . . .


Sophist Economicus's picture

Awesome indeed!  And, uhm, the story wasn't bad either

Cheesy Bastard's picture

True, but she just agreed to marry Jesse James.

moonstears's picture

Great story but "This time, they promised...unemployment below 58%...Winston was not particularly hopeful." 


tom a taxpayer's picture

Skid Marks - Great! Hilarious, insightful, nutritious nuggets. I'm Giving Thanks to you!

SMG's picture

That was really good. Thanks!

Clown Short's picture

Bravo!  Now where's my upticks?

DaveyJones's picture

"for everyone but government officials"  :]

chalcedonite's picture

I donated just now and came here to post   You beat me to it - Thanks!

I also posted a "Proud Supporter of Ron Paul" on my site:

R3volution through education!

RSloane's picture

Its gonna be a huge one!

camoes's picture


SolidSnake961's picture


Cassandra Syndrome's picture


chunga's picture

Sniff my shorts bitchez!

Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Buy some puts on SLM, bitchez!

Arkadaba's picture

+ like - John Prine is awesome

chunga's picture

Iris ain't bad either! The voice of an Angel. Open threads are fun. Drinking beer sifting through my latest sack of "junk". For some reason I set 1929 coins

Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Ben Harper and Emily Kokal sing that song better than I have ever heard it.

Rothbardian in Cleveland's picture

LEAD Bitchez!!!

You all are simply just hangin' on to my gold 'til I need it.

Caveman93's picture

Just had my 2 ounces of gold delivered today. Brother just bought 300 ounces more silver today...just another day in paradise.

Montecarlo's picture

Good for you guys.  My Brother and I have been working to add wharehouse space to fill up when we're trading metals for stuff people will be dumping soon.  A Barn in Indiana and Hanger in Texas...  diversify!


drink or die's picture

I sold all my silver and bought HPQ last week on Robotraders advice.