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Berlusconi Blames Stock Market Volatility On Cocaine Abuse By Traders
Just when we thought the most ridiculous thing one could expect from the market was another "all shall be well" rumor from Merkozy (with details pending of course), and the algos naturally falling for it in what is set to be a record low volume session, here comes Italy and shows just how horribly wrong we were. From Bloomberg: "Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi's Undersecretary Carlo Giovanardi said the government will study if it's feasible to conduct drug tests on stock-exchange traders, with the help of the Milan Bourse and the country's market regulator. Giovanardi, who is in charge of family policy and drug prevention, said that the abuse of drugs including cocaine might explain part of recent stock volatility." And there you have it: cut out the Cocaine abuse by traders and all shall be well in the stock market, and retail will be delighted to flood right back in and throw what little money it has left into the grand global ponzi. We are not quite sure what binary stimulant will be used to explain the HFT-driven volatility - after all, and especially on days like today, about 80% of market volume is purely robotic, but we are confident Carlo will figure something out. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you deflect attention from market volatility as a byproduct of being a hooker-addicted pederast who blew up a country's economy.
Carlo's interview for our Italian readers.
h/t Paolo
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Fucking crash already.
Remove the concaine and the market would be crashing today. Who would buy the market today except for the balls to the wall high on coke crowd?
If you wanna ride, ride the white horse!
I dont like cocaine, I just like the smell of it!
Brother, can you spare a line?
Blame the Cocaine? Next it will be Ukrainian Hookers, after the weather of course.
C'mon. Berlusconi is, at worst, technically a pedophile. Catholic priests are pederasts. Big difference.
hahaha. I'm really impressed at all this fun..
"Berlusconi Blames Cocaine..."
this fucking retard "the most honorable Senator of the Italian Republic Mr. Carlo Giovanardi" is a right-wing fucktard that got into the cabinet with a sinecure in order to appease the italian hillbillies.
- he is known for all kind of idiotic talk - he just got in a row with IKEA on the "definition of family" (some ad was too gayfriendly for his tastes)
- this still does not justify a headline like "Berlusconi blames Cocaine..." ZH, this is tabloid manners usually connected to Murdoch's goons
- the "warning" might be more serious than you think, most of you ZeroHeads are used to nations protecting private interests, well, think again, Italy has oscillated between Communism and Fascism since it's inception, a "morality crackdown" is quite possible - after all Murdoch has isolated Italy from all kinds of "normal journalistic approaches"...
Oh, I missed the cherry on the top
" ...byproduct of being a hooker-addicted pederast who blew up a country's economy."
Really? So he blew up the economy? By doing what? A nearly-balanced-budget? Tyler, you give an awful lot of credit (or debit) to one PM.
In all seriousness, to anyone who chooses to do the research, simply look into how many present and past employees of the Federal Reserve System (USA) have had nasal passage replacement operations.
Truly, truly shocking....
It got me thinking how we could easily fix the economy. Simply legalize cocaine so that housing prices can go up again. Then people would use equity withdrawals to buy more cocaine which would make them bid up house prices even higher. With house prices sky high everybody will be so rich that they will get into the top 1% !
Bank executives would burn through their supply and demand a cocaine bailout from Columbia.
Why not? Wells Fargo accepted bailout money and other perks while laundering Mexican drug cartel money - http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2010-06-29/banks-financing-mexico-s-drug-cartels-admitted-in-wells-fargo-s-u-s-deal.html
No, the laundering of the $375 Billion drug money came first. That was 2004-2007. After that stoppped, due to the Wachovia funded 6 ton cocaine DC-9 crash, that's when the bailout occured.
HFT processor cores to be made of Cocaine replacing Silicon. Super high liquidity then.
The fact that you and many others are eager for a crash is precisely why it has not occured. Crashes take people off guard.
Only some people off guard. A tireless minority changed the history of our country and 70% of the inhabitants at that time probably didn't see it coming.
The internet is upping the percent that can see what will happen this time.
It is going to happen, when it happens. Some will "call" the timing correctly - the law of averages.
But really, does it matter? The only time to preserve what you have left is when you still have it.
History shows that those thinking they can time the market are usually wrong.
Yesterday (as in years back) was my day to prepare, I quit caring about this corrupted, fraud-ed, HFT market long ago.
And I'll still have what I have, those banking on "gains" will hope to be so lucky.
Market ain't gonna crash. The best trade is to apply logic and do the exact opposite.
In real terms, it has never stopped crashing since the top in 2000....
Cocaine and dodgy living,a million miles away from his life,my arse !!!!!!!!
+1 8-ball
-1 Screwball(Berlusconi)
maybe he should be drug tested because of false presumptions?
http://expose2.wordpress.com
Gotta wait until next weekend - then SHTF
Bunga, bunga bitchezzz...
Traders....what are you all on DOPE??
jeff spicoli battles mr hand part 2 - YouTube
Truly amazing.... I am so stunned at how ridiculous that statement is
They are as brainless as the HFTs
On the contraty, it's the most reasonable suggestion yet.
I like what this italian guy is saying. Let's bring him over and put him in charge of DHS, test all the people receiving welfare and food stamps. If it shows blow, you don't get no dough, bitchez.
Dood, have you SEEN the peeps on the snap?
They are not doing coke that would be an instant death as they are not healthy enough to tolerate the drug.
The gvt SHOULD hand out free coke with the snap cards, within a years time the snap would be dropping like a rock!
hahah
You underestimate the resilience of the peeps, my friend. You can kill a flower, you can't kill a weed.
Way past time for this drug testing.
Since the "markets" are nothing more than a gvt propped sham then it is only natural that the employees should be tested just as gvt employees are tested.
And the gvt pay scale should be imposed.
I would say around a GS-12 wage.
rofl to GS-12 wages... When i left the military i was offered a GS-13 position and was pleased until i saw the salary band and replied
"Fuck that! If i'm gonna be a wage slave, it'll be for more ponzi toilet paper than you're offering!"
Could it be the Singularity?
Some trader hides his stash in the tower of his HFT super-computer and the computer likes it....
Perhaps. I was just going to say the feedback loops are HFT's on crack.
The nice thing about infinity, I guess, is that it happens all at once.
Too much buona festa di "tooti ?"
http://www.rightpundits.com/wp-content/photos/Silvio_Berlusconi_11.jpg
Bond traders been tooting on the job for years!
I'm Doctor Rockso, the Rock and Roll Trader! I do COCAINE!
Sniff, sniff.
Admit it! You feel much better now, don't you? ;)
Sure am, brother! About to buy some EUR calls.
/sarc
excuse me, but shouldn't we being giving them more cocaine?
Berlusconi wants all the traders to spend their money on underage prostitutes so they are too busy to sell.
Gotta keep his (street level) economy above water.
Are they going to test the politicians too ?
Nothing will be left for politicians. Berlusconi is only suggesting traders to switch from cocaine to heroine, there's a supply glut in Afghanistan.
I don't know, he may be on to something. This market only makes sense to people that are high on hopium.
When the hopium runs out, they'll turn to despairium, which is what I'm selling.
I hate to tell him, but it's not the traders that are buzzed up - it's the buyers. No one in his right mind would be a buyer, so it must be someone living in never never land.
What's a Pederast, Walter?
Shut the Fuck up Donny!
Bunga Bunga!
Maybe the robots are snorting in the server room!
7 days until Black Monday II
I need a fix....
"Hello, Kettle? This is The Pot. You're BLACK!"
So are we going to be up 1,000 points before the day is over? The robots have gone crazy. Maybe they are on drugs.
I laughed so hard, I got short of breath and now I feel high
Coke without hookers?
this is possibly the most ludacris claim ever made
Cocaine Algos...
Maybe Berlusconi's nonsensical, erratic, and disastrous "leadership" can be chalked up to "pussy fever", and an antidote can be admistered, prior to the total collapse...
I'd be very surprised if Berlusconi tested negative to cocaine.
Or syphilis, gonorrhea, or HPV either, for that matter.
Too much Red Bull, Monster Energy, Rockstar, etc.
LOL......
Too many 19-year old traders getting horsewhipped into a frenzy by ex-playboy models turned into floor supervisors.
"If its going up, buy it!"
"If its going down, sell it!"
todays rally can only be explained if we look at the Dollar index....down 1.2% now....inspite of the Spain and other downgrades ...and Dexia stock Plunge ...markets are up...so all that matters is the value of the funding entity
Even with stock markets gone gonzo up, its a wash.
Just Say No !
This should be bullish for the dollar. All those $100 tubes wear out after a while.
Hey isn't this the 10th? I thought anonymous was supposed to wipe the NYSE off the internet? Well, where are they?
I posted a link LAST Monday proving it was fake.
I wonder if this cocaine comes from the Mexican drug cartels? The cartels that the DEA/BATF exchange guns and USD's with. The USD drug money that's laundered by JPM. That cocaine?
ok...now I've heard it all.
I think he's right and I think that everyone that works for a global bank should undergo random drug testing.
I think everyone who works for government should undergo random drug testing.
There, fixed it ferya!
You including legal drugs?
Half the people I know are walking around legally stoned on multiple pills. Most are paid for by the damn government.
The irony of this thinking.
Legalize, standardize, control and tax the shit out of it.
Or continue piling on un-payable mandates and wonder why the world is burning around you as the police state jumps into high gear, while ignoring the subsidized, and no less dangerous, pharmaceuticals laying waste to people.
Unbelievable how blind we choose to be.
Choose nature over manmade chemicals. Starve the beast(s) of government.
I'm pretty sure governments are the leading cause of death all-time.
wow here it is only Monday and we already have our retard of the week award locked in...
he is also now in the running for the yearly prize with this one.
unfortunately he has a lot of competition, there are literally hundreds of candidates
the list is long but distinguished...
The week is still young. I'm bullish on higher retard before Saturday.
Guys, the stock market is only a money printing index now. And we got Lots of new money coming online very soon to bail out the govs that bailed out the banks
Well said.
Way too simple for most though. Many will think they are rich as their dollar plummets and stocks (initially) go up.
Fiat on.
Oh I dig man, I dig...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fJvR9vf7MA
Josh...thx. I needed a laugh. Too fucking talented this guy!
Skiing the slopes early this year
Berlusconi "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the woman."
The new trifecta: Silvio, Merkel, Sarkozy.
What a 3-headed hydra/chimera into the homestretch !!
... to finally meet at the finish line the IMF Medusa (Christine Lagarde).
The credit markets will freeze up and turn to stone...
Before October 23rd...13 days away for numerologist analysis.
Bitches and blow, bitchez
Damn, I forgot. He's the one with the bitches.
I knew there was a good fundamental reason for the volatility. I just knew it. Now, it all makes sense.
https://www.bitchesandblowdownonthetradingfloor.com/howlowcanitgo/
jus' kiddin on the link, not on the concept.
Wouldn't be surprised - it's a hell of a drug.
well it must be true...i saw it on the Turds- blythe ruppert monkey video that the morgue does do coke and hookers.
well when you have a roulette wheel of excuses for why the keynesian world is ending...it gotta come up coke and hookers some time
Sounds a bit like Gaddafi blaming the actions of the Rebels on hallusogenics.
Hallucinogens in the kid's Ovaltine.
More Ovaltine please!
The whole war was pure camp.
Just another worthless motherfucker talking his book.
An all-time classic:
http://www.economicpolicyjournal.com/2011/10/berlusconi-over-top-sexual-...
Berlusconi says Merkle has an unfuckable fat ass. Rally on. This bailout is going to fall through. Honestly, this is madness.
Well, she kinda is. Unless you're on cocaine.
Obama has trillion-dollar stimulus about to come online, the Fed is still doing POMOs and QE lite, now the ECB is going to need trillions. And soon enough so will China, maybe Brazil.
Maybe those traders are on to something: "Coke: I't the real thing"
Obama ... stimulus... about to come online. Is that with or without teleprompter (i.e. fluffer) ?
Scenario similar to Caligula.
Welcome to Italy:
" Hi, come on in! Drugs to the right, hookers to the left. "
I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me.
Ever heard of what the doctor of the Kennedy family was giving to them?
As most politician at that time... I need a fix.
It boogles my mind that any physician would want to be the exclusive doctor for anyone famous. Either just lazy, greedy or starstruck. The only time you ever hear about one is when they are getting arrested or on trial. Count me out.
What a bigga mistake-a to make-a! Heil Berlusconi!
White Lines .........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtwT492YDvg&feature=related
Is the problem of volotile insane mobster media tycoon politicians to fuck underage hookers also due to cocaine? I'm all for fixing that first.
Silvio Berlusconi and Carlo Giovanardi have been snorting too many crushed viagra tablets.......what douchebags!
If you have an intact parasympathetic nervous system without erectile dysfunction Viagra won't help that much. Maybe some skin flushing and a headache perhaps.
Everything would be alright if they just spiced up the root with a couple ludes,
Methinks Silvio & Carlos should be tested for Vampire Blood.
I have this mental picture of Geoff Peterson . . . .
White punks on dope.
When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.
Jesus Christ !!! the more it goes and the less I seem to understand how a nation of free willing people could elect a guy like this to lead them !!! Utterly unbelievable... "in democracy we trust".
Watch out my friend, we are just the guinea pigs: if it works, it will spread...
Ah to be young and high on the fresh pure cocaine in Venezuela.
It was so fresh u could smell either acetone or aviation fuel, one of the two ways the powder was precipitated. Ten bucks a gram. Actually u couldnt smell the acetone, but the absence of the fuel smell meant you had the superior product.
I would try to let it evaporate further before use, it was that fresh and pure, but there was always a subtle, very slight, yellowish glint from the aviation fuel.
And to have a hot chic with you, divine!
As an Italian, one really doesn't know where to hide anymore... How sad this is: would it be possible for the honest among us to seek political asylum? I mean anywhere... Lybia will do as good as any other place but bunga binga land...
But will they pay one day... To this man and his like, the politicians who speak about drug prevention but refuse tu undergo a drug test themselves "drug problem" means "too little and at too high a price".
He should know.
Can't get it up without an eight ball and a handful of Viagra.
That is what money buys you folks.
Well, their rivers are full of cocaine:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4746787.stm
Crack. Its not just for breakfast any more.
Rynak, who is in charge of bullshittology, says that excessive crack abuse may explain the "spaced out" worldview of politicians as well as central bankers.
Geez Rynak, I thought it was secret lobotomies and swift injections of massive amounts of lobbying cash.
Long live the machine!
Berlusconi preaching ethics? Don't tell me he does not partake in the booger sugar when he's out playing grab ass.
Probably too busy mainlining Viagra.
"ok...now I've heard it all."
Don't be presumptuous. The year is not over yet.
Giovanardi, who is in charge of family policy and drug prevention, said that the abuse of drugs including cocaine might explain part of recent stock volatility."
Certainly a ploy.
But:
One mans opinion, does not speak for Mr Berlusconi and others.
THink about it: this man, this Mr. Giovanardi, is one of the more presentable components of Berlusconi's government... imagine the others...
I'm Rick James bitchez!