Berlusconi Blames Stock Market Volatility On Cocaine Abuse By Traders

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Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:24 | 1757333 winter is coming
winter is coming's picture

Fucking crash already. 

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:30 | 1757361 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

Remove the concaine and the market would be crashing today.  Who would buy the market today except for the balls to the wall high on coke crowd?

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:33 | 1757366 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

If you wanna ride, ride the white horse!

I dont like cocaine, I just like the smell of it!

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:39 | 1757391 WonderDawg
WonderDawg's picture

Brother, can you spare a line?

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:49 | 1757437 espirit
espirit's picture

Blame the Cocaine?  Next it will be Ukrainian Hookers, after the weather of course.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 12:00 | 1757513 MisterMousePotato
MisterMousePotato's picture

C'mon. Berlusconi is, at worst, technically a pedophile. Catholic priests are pederasts. Big difference.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 12:12 | 1757766 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

hahaha. I'm really impressed at all this fun..

"Berlusconi Blames Cocaine..."

this fucking retard "the most honorable Senator of the Italian Republic Mr. Carlo Giovanardi" is a right-wing fucktard that got into the cabinet with a sinecure in order to appease the italian hillbillies.

- he is known for all kind of idiotic talk - he just got in a row with IKEA on the "definition of family" (some ad was too gayfriendly for his tastes)

- this still does not justify a headline like "Berlusconi blames Cocaine..." ZH, this is tabloid manners usually connected to Murdoch's goons

- the "warning" might be more serious than you think, most of you ZeroHeads are used to nations protecting private interests, well, think again, Italy has oscillated between Communism and Fascism since it's inception, a "morality crackdown" is quite possible - after all Murdoch has isolated Italy from all kinds of "normal journalistic approaches"...

Oh, I missed the cherry on the top

" ...byproduct of being a hooker-addicted pederast who blew up a country's economy."

Really? So he blew up the economy? By doing what? A nearly-balanced-budget? Tyler, you give an awful lot of credit (or debit) to one PM.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 14:38 | 1758418 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

In all seriousness, to anyone who chooses to do the research, simply look into how many present and past employees of the Federal Reserve System (USA) have had nasal passage replacement operations.

Truly, truly shocking....

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:48 | 1757422 bartek
bartek's picture

It got me thinking how we could easily fix the economy. Simply legalize cocaine so that housing prices can go up again. Then people would use equity withdrawals to buy more cocaine which would make them bid up house prices even higher. With house prices sky high everybody will be so rich that they will get into the top 1% !

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:56 | 1757465 Nascent_Variable
Nascent_Variable's picture

Bank executives would burn through their supply and demand a cocaine bailout from Columbia.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 11:16 | 1757558 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Why not?  Wells Fargo accepted bailout money and other perks while laundering Mexican drug cartel money -

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 11:32 | 1757632 Careless Whisper
Careless Whisper's picture

No, the laundering of the $375 Billion drug money came first. That was 2004-2007. After that stoppped, due to the Wachovia funded 6 ton cocaine DC-9 crash, that's when the bailout occured.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 13:32 | 1758122 Quaderratic Probing
Quaderratic Probing's picture

HFT processor cores to be made of Cocaine replacing Silicon. Super high liquidity then.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:32 | 1757368 Great Unwashed
Great Unwashed's picture

The fact that you and many others are eager for a crash is precisely why it has not occured. Crashes take people off guard.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 13:31 | 1758120 TeresaE
TeresaE's picture

Only some people off guard.  A tireless minority changed the history of our country and 70% of the inhabitants at that time probably didn't see it coming.

The internet is upping the percent that can see what will happen this time.

It is going to happen, when it happens.  Some will "call" the timing correctly - the law of averages.

But really, does it matter?  The only time to preserve what you have left is when you still have it. 

History shows that those thinking they can time the market are usually wrong.

Yesterday (as in years back) was my day to prepare, I quit caring about this corrupted, fraud-ed, HFT market long ago.

And I'll still have what I have, those banking on "gains" will hope to be so lucky.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 11:19 | 1757578 dracos_ghost
dracos_ghost's picture

Market ain't gonna crash. The best trade is to apply logic and do the exact opposite.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 11:33 | 1757634 EvryInternational
EvryInternational's picture

In real terms, it has never stopped crashing since the top in 2000....

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 12:06 | 1757770 Goldenballs
Goldenballs's picture

Cocaine and dodgy living,a million miles away from his life,my arse !!!!!!!!

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 12:27 | 1757852 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

+1 8-ball

-1 Screwball(Berlusconi)

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 13:12 | 1758049 covert
covert's picture

maybe he should be drug tested because of false presumptions?


Mon, 10/10/2011 - 18:21 | 1759257 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

Gotta wait until next weekend - then SHTF

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:25 | 1757336 Paralympic Equity
Paralympic Equity's picture

Bunga, bunga bitchezzz...

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:26 | 1757337 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Traders....what are you all on DOPE??

jeff spicoli battles mr hand part 2 - YouTube

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:26 | 1757338 Racer
Racer's picture

Truly amazing.... I am so stunned at how ridiculous that statement is

They are as brainless as the HFTs

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:45 | 1757424 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

On the contraty, it's the most reasonable suggestion yet.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 11:05 | 1757495 jekyll island
jekyll island's picture

I like what this italian guy is saying.  Let's bring him over and put him in charge of DHS, test all the people receiving welfare and food stamps.  If it shows blow, you don't get no dough, bitchez.  

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 11:23 | 1757596 karzai_luver
karzai_luver's picture

Dood, have you SEEN the peeps on the snap?


They are not doing coke that would be an instant death as they are not healthy enough to tolerate the drug.


The gvt SHOULD hand out free coke with the snap cards, within a years time the snap would be dropping like a rock!




Mon, 10/10/2011 - 13:21 | 1758075 jekyll island
jekyll island's picture

You underestimate the resilience of the peeps, my friend.  You can kill a flower, you can't kill a weed.  

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 11:16 | 1757566 karzai_luver
karzai_luver's picture

Way past time for this drug testing.


Since the "markets" are nothing more than a gvt propped sham then it is only natural that the employees should be tested just as gvt employees are tested.


And the gvt pay scale should be imposed.


I would say around a GS-12 wage.



Mon, 10/10/2011 - 11:55 | 1757716 Dreadker
Dreadker's picture

rofl to GS-12 wages... When i left the military i was offered a GS-13 position and was pleased until i saw the salary band and replied

"Fuck that!  If i'm gonna be a wage slave, it'll be for more ponzi toilet paper than you're offering!"

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:48 | 1757433 Eeyores Enigma
Eeyores Enigma's picture

Could it be the Singularity?


Some trader hides his stash in the tower of his HFT super-computer and the computer likes it....

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 12:00 | 1757744 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Perhaps. I was just going to say the feedback loops are HFT's on crack.

The nice thing about infinity, I guess, is that it happens all at once.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:26 | 1757339 Don Birnam
Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:27 | 1757341 Zonker
Zonker's picture

Bond traders been tooting on the job for years!

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:27 | 1757342 tmosley
tmosley's picture

I'm Doctor Rockso, the Rock and Roll Trader!  I do COCAINE!

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:27 | 1757343 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

Sniff, sniff.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:30 | 1757359 RemiG2010
RemiG2010's picture

Admit it! You feel much better now, don't you? ;)

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:35 | 1757378 Edward Fiatski
Edward Fiatski's picture

Sure am, brother! About to buy some EUR calls.


Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:27 | 1757344 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

excuse me, but shouldn't we being giving them more cocaine?

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:39 | 1757380 Raynja
Raynja's picture

Berlusconi wants all the traders to spend their money on underage prostitutes so they are too busy to sell.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 11:12 | 1757524 HardlyZero
HardlyZero's picture

Gotta keep his (street level) economy above water.

Are they going to test the politicians too ?

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:50 | 1757443 BorisTheBlade
BorisTheBlade's picture

Nothing will be left for politicians. Berlusconi is only suggesting traders to switch from cocaine to heroine, there's a supply glut in Afghanistan.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:28 | 1757345 SeverinSlade
SeverinSlade's picture

I don't know, he may be on to something.  This market only makes sense to people that are high on hopium.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:44 | 1757410 WonderDawg
WonderDawg's picture

When the hopium runs out, they'll turn to despairium, which is what I'm selling.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:28 | 1757346 El Gordo
El Gordo's picture

I hate to tell him, but it's not the traders that are buzzed up - it's the buyers.  No one in his right mind would be a buyer, so it must be someone living in never never land.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:28 | 1757348 GolfHatesMe
GolfHatesMe's picture

What's a Pederast, Walter?

Shut the Fuck up Donny!

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:28 | 1757349 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

Bunga Bunga!

Maybe the robots are snorting in the server room!

7 days until Black Monday II

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:28 | 1757350 Scipionz
Scipionz's picture

I need a fix....

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:28 | 1757352 vato poco
vato poco's picture

"Hello, Kettle? This is The Pot. You're BLACK!"

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:34 | 1757357 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

So are we going to be up 1,000 points before the day is over? The robots have gone crazy. Maybe they are on drugs.

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