This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

Bernanke Gets Hammered, Tells Truth About US Economy

Tyler Durden's picture


Yes, this is from the Onion. But in this surreal, centrally planned by none other than Ben Bernanke reality, the mirror in mirror effect is extremely disturbing.

Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is

SEWARD, NE—Claiming he wasn't afraid to let everyone in attendance know about "the real mess we're in," Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke reportedly got drunk Tuesday and told everyone at Elwood's Corner Tavern about how absolutely fucked the U.S. economy actually is.

Bernanke, who sources confirmed was "totally sloshed," arrived at the drinking establishment at approximately 5:30 p.m., ensconced himself upon a bar stool, and consumed several bottles of Miller High Life and a half-dozen shots of whiskey while loudly proclaiming to any patron who would listen that the economic outlook was "pretty goddamned awful if you want the God's honest truth."

"Look, they don't want anyone except for the Washington, D.C. bigwigs to know how bad shit really is," said Bernanke, slurring his words as he spoke. "Mounting debt exacerbated—and not relieved—by unchecked consumption, spiraling interest rates, and the grim realities of an inevitable worldwide energy crisis are projected to leave our entire economy in the shitter for, like, a generation, man, I'm telling you."

"And hell, as long as we're being honest, I might as well tell you that a truer estimate of the U.S. unemployment rate is actually up around 16 percent, with a 0.7 percent annual rate of economic growth if we're lucky—if we're lucky," continued Bernanke, nearly knocking a full beer over while gesturing with his hands. "Of course, if everybody knew that, it would likely cripple financial markets across the entire fucking globe, even in various emerging economies with self- sustaining growth."

After launching into an extended 45-minute diatribe about shortsighted moves by "those bastards in Congress" that could potentially exacerbate the nation's already deeply troublesome budget imbalance, the Federal Reserve chairman reportedly bought a round of tequila shots for two customers he had just met who were seated on either side of him, announcing, "I love these guys."

Numerous bar patrons slowly nodded in agreement as Bernanke went on to suggest the United States could pass three or four more stimulus packages and "it wouldn't even matter."

"You think that's going to create long-term economic growth, let alone promote job creation?" Bernanke said. "We're way beyond that, my friend. There are no jobs, okay? There's nothing. I think that calls for another drink, don't you?"

While using beer bottles and pretzel sticks in an attempt to explain to the bartender the importance of infusing $650 billion into the bond market, the inebriated Fed chairman nearly fell off his stool and had to be held up by the patron sitting next to him.

Another bargoer confirmed Bernanke stood about 2 inches from her face and sprayed her with saliva, claiming inflation was going to "totally screw" consumer confidence and then asking if he could bum a smoke.

Continue reading here...


- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:38 | 1520201 Gubbmint Cheese
Gubbmint Cheese's picture

Lol.. Love the onion. Thx TD

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:28 | 1520459 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Its true, people tends to tell the truth when they are drunk and have alcohol running in their blood stream. I recommend that before Congress meets that they should go to a bar. This will save us a lot of posturing and lying.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:01 | 1520607 stopcpdotcom
stopcpdotcom's picture

In vino veritas.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:30 | 1520976 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

I'll drink to that!

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:55 | 1521561 The Peak Oil Poet
The Peak Oil Poet's picture



come to me oh Irish and do what you do well
i've hunger for your amber ways and with you i would dwell
i've many reasons good and bad with you to share some time
and you have never let me down but that's true of your kind

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:41 | 1521011 Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

works with cocain even better just in non slurry double speed speech.
There would be endless discussions however, just as today.
No i did not want to imply anything!

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:43 | 1521015 EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

Most alcoholics are immune to the effects of alcohol.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 13:30 | 1521239 snakeboat
snakeboat's picture

That's assuming they have blood in their veins.   They don't.  I'm betting it's woosie juice.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 13:37 | 1521280 Tom_333
Tom_333's picture

Would be good if he really did.For him and everyone else.Really cathartic.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:19 | 1521469 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Oh come one already!!!!!

Up until a couple of years ago, Bernanke didn't even understand credit derivatives.  He simply doesn't have the necessary intelligence to understand just how screwed up things really are!

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:19 | 1521470 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Oh come one already!!!!!

Up until a couple of years ago, Bernanke didn't even understand credit derivatives.  He simply doesn't have the necessary intelligence to understand just how screwed up things really are!

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 23:36 | 1522871 davepowers
davepowers's picture

judging from CSpan, i assumed that's what they already do

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:28 | 1520463 TheMerryPrankster
TheMerryPrankster's picture

I found this picture from the onion to be especially symbolic of our current state of affairs:,...


Area dogs rock bottom same as his peak.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:56 | 1520597 ElvisDog
ElvisDog's picture

I want to live in the Onion World. Every day would be non-stop entertainment.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:15 | 1520739 KickIce
KickIce's picture

Just move to DC.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:32 | 1520804 JohnG
JohnG's picture

Onion world requires lots of drugs.  So yeah, DC is the place for that.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:40 | 1520204 doggings
doggings's picture

hmm, looks like they might have gotten some inspiration from here

lol ..onion inspired parody inspires onion post, surreal. 

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:39 | 1520206 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

We can only dream of truth telling of this magnitude from the PTB.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:05 | 1520339 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Given all the bullshit that the MSM dishes out on a daily basis, couldn't this Onion story be the lead story on the Drudge Report today?  Matt Drudge could wake up a few million readers to the truth by posting one fictional story.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:23 | 1520438 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Sadly I see the Drudge Report as controlled opposition. It is not what it seems to be. Many are not.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:25 | 1520950 aheady
aheady's picture

Amen to that, CD.

Thu, 08/04/2011 - 01:03 | 1522996 AndyR
AndyR's picture

Hey CD...

What would you reccomend as an alternative to Drudge?

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:20 | 1520423 mtomato2
mtomato2's picture

I have found that in the last year or so, The Onion has been the most accurate news source available. 

Because humor is DEEPLY founded in truth.

Or it wouldn't be funny.  Or tragic.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:39 | 1521003 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Excellent point.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 20:00 | 1522399 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Excerpt from:

WASHINGTON—Following Sunday’s pathetic excuse for an agreement on raising the government’s borrowing limit, Democrats and Republicans took time to celebrate the meager, ineffective deal, calling it “a testament to the not-so-great things that can happen in Washington when both parties barely come together and agree to not really accomplish anything.” “It took months of phone calls, negotiations, and meetings, but finally we created a pretty sad version of a framework that, we’re happy to say, none of us is really proud of, and that doesn’t really do much to solve our country’s fiscal problems at all,” said House Speaker John Boehner, who gave a cheerful thumbs up and added that the sorry piece of legislation was expected to pass both houses of Congress with a really pitiful display of bipartisan support. “Once again, Democrats and Republicans have demonstrated why our mangled, fractured, barely functioning democracy is the greatest in the world.”

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 21:37 | 1522613 knowless
knowless's picture

foreal, satire is at it's most poigniant when the lies are omnipresent.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:39 | 1520207 bania
bania's picture

Did he start a tab?

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:54 | 1520275 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

He's paying with PMs.

The bar won't accept FRNs.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:26 | 1520455 Jeremy Roenick
Jeremy Roenick's picture

Naa.  That would be too "traditional" to pay with that barbarous relic. 

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:46 | 1520547 Ryman1075
Ryman1075's picture

Nope, couldn't have paid in PMs.  That would contradict his testimony to RP that Pms aren't money.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:20 | 1521473 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Hmmmm, I thought he originally attempted to pay with SDRs????

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:54 | 1520278 augie
augie's picture

naa its bernanke, he wrote a couple iou's on some napkins and said that would cover it. Of course the bar tender accepted the "note" he's a representative of the Government for crying out loud. They don't call it the "Federal" reserve for nothing!

shesh, gotta spell it out for everyone... 

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:06 | 1520350 trav7777
trav7777's picture

lol...the government has to go to the same guy for cash to pay its promises.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:11 | 1520908 citta vritti
citta vritti's picture

FRN = federal reserve napkins

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:00 | 1520306 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Buy, buy, miss american pie.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:41 | 1520208 Version 7
Version 7's picture

Man.. he's so coherent when drunk! What beer is it..?

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:57 | 1520291 jus_lite_reading
jus_lite_reading's picture

Beer. The Truth Serum.



ME thinks the Onion got hold of a real story about BEnron.... 

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:05 | 1520346 Mr Kurtz
Mr Kurtz's picture

In cervisia veritas

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:15 | 1520395 Josh Randall
Josh Randall's picture

Mad props for the Miller High Life visual

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:40 | 1520831 Lower Class Elite
Lower Class Elite's picture

It is The Champagne of Beers after all.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 20:02 | 1522405 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Ales are way better than pilsners!

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:35 | 1520488 InconvenientCou...
InconvenientCounterParty's picture

In the pic, he's holding a bud regular. The bit about the miller HL was part of the satire.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:56 | 1521563 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I find it very disappointing that The Onion cannot tell the difference between a Bud and Miller bottle. I expect more from my fake news.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 22:42 | 1522747 Real Estate Geek
Real Estate Geek's picture

True, but I cut em slack because of all the great articles, like:

Strom Thurmond Proposes Transcontinental Railway

Collectable Plate Industry Calls for Tragic Death of Streisand.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome Linked to Bad Parents Who Could Have Done Something


Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:41 | 1520213 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

There is hope after all! Everyone send Bernanke a case of Johnnie Walker.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:41 | 1520214 kridkrid
kridkrid's picture

Real News (sometimes): Rolling Stone Magazine, Comedy Central.

Real News in satirical form: The Onion.

Most of the rest of the media: Pure propaganda.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:42 | 1520215 Larry Darrell
Larry Darrell's picture

In other hilarious (and somewhate pre-emptive headlines)



Current DateTime: 06:39:52 03 Aug 2011
LinksList Documentid: 19874752
Expiration DateTime: 8/3/2011 6:40:52 AM Made all the more funny as DOW is listed as -6.93 ROFL, headline already changed in the past 2 minutes:
  • Dow Struggles to Hold Gains; Gold Surges
  • New, more accurate headline.



    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:45 | 1520242 Pool Shark
    Pool Shark's picture

    New headline:

    Screw It; Markets Continue Crash

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:00 | 1520303 TruthInSunshine
    TruthInSunshine's picture

    Larry Darrell

    Vote up!

    Vote down!


    In other hilarious (and somewhate pre-emptive headlines)


    From CNBS

    Current DateTime: 06:39:52 03 Aug 2011
    LinksList Documentid: 19874752
    Expiration DateTime: 8/3/2011 6:40:52 AM

    Made all the more funny as DOW is listed as -6.93 ROFL, headline already changed in the past 2 minutes:

  • Dow Struggles to Hold Gains; Gold Surges
  • New, more accurate headline.


    Very astute observation, Brah.

    I've been telling everyone who care to listen and confirm that the lame ass stream proxy media has been changing headlines intraday and even intra-hour, for years now.

    I remember when they were literally changing headlines on retail sales during the Christmas Season of 2010, back in January, in a sad, funny but surreal attempt to make the bad look better - they'd literally change a headline from "Retail Sales Languish as Consumers Fearful About Employment," to "Retailers Report Stronger Than Anticipated Demand from Consumers" within 20 minutes - this was Reuters, AP, all the usual suspects.

    Welcome to the Matrix.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:07 | 1520356 trav7777
    trav7777's picture

    that is more Minitruth than Matrix

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:23 | 1520433 TruthInSunshine
    TruthInSunshine's picture

    In the large, tragic context of where we find the central planning 'free markets' and 'free press,' I have to, tragically, agree.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:41 | 1520219 FEDbuster
    FEDbuster's picture

    At least he's not a "mean drunk" only a "truthful drunk" in this story.  This would have been a great video.

    Hasten the Collapse, OBAMA 2012

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:41 | 1520220 smlbizman
    smlbizman's picture

    so when did the onion start reporting factual news...i thought they just made shit up for laughs

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:42 | 1520227 monximus
    monximus's picture

    Bottoms up bitchez.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:43 | 1520231 Careless Whisper
    Careless Whisper's picture

    Witnesses also confirmed that near the end of the evening, Bernanke put money into the jukebox and selected Dire Straits' "Money For Nothing" to play five times in a row. "This is what it's all about," said Bernanke, who reportedly danced alone in the middle of the dark tavern. "Fucking love this song."



    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:56 | 1520289 Negro Primero
    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:22 | 1520434 goldfish1
    goldfish1's picture

    he he he


    I imagine him staggering dancing ala tom cruise in tropic thunder.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:43 | 1520232 Forward History
    Forward History's picture

    Is that the spirit of Ted Kennedy to the left? I see a Christmas special in the works!

    Ghost of Economy Past: Ted Kennedy

    Ghost of Economy Present: Greek Protestor.

    Ghost of Economy Future: Starvin' Marvin from South Park.

    Your polite suggestions for alternate "ghosts" are quite welcome.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:59 | 1520302 InconvenientCou...
    InconvenientCounterParty's picture

    a gaunt, sad looking man and his wife in their early 60's. Some kind of sign at their feet but the message isn't clear and has spelling errors. Can't quite make it out.

    A weather beaten tri-fold hat in his hand --turned up. Beckoning the generosity of those walking past.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:57 | 1520609 DosZap
    DosZap's picture

    Forward History,

    OR, Teddy Kennedy & Chris Dodd SFaced, and raping a waitress..........and get away with it.

    What's the difference,except Bernie, and his Handlers rape all of us, and get by with it.

    Blaming Congress for his employer's policies, is akin to passing the Buck(no pun intended).

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:44 | 1520233 partimer1
    partimer1's picture

    That's a real shot, nice picture!


    Finally we got some truth. 

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:45 | 1520239 Gringo Viejo
    Gringo Viejo's picture

    Priceless! Nearly shat myself!

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:46 | 1520245 DaveyJones
    DaveyJones's picture

    Figures a low life would drink a high life

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:03 | 1520328 the not so migh...
    the not so mighty maximiza's picture

    i think its a budweiser

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:07 | 1520354 TheMerryPrankster
    TheMerryPrankster's picture

    The photo was taken later in the evening, when Bernanke began stealing drinks from patrons.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:50 | 1520568 Ryman1075
    Ryman1075's picture

    Right before he passed out, he purged all of those drinks stolen from patrons after discovering that the latest beer had been used as an ashtray for several hours.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 15:17 | 1521641 Lndmvr
    Lndmvr's picture

    Oh so funny. I rememebr sitting around a cable spool table drinking and the blonde sleaze drinking from the ashtray bottle. He He He. We all laugh and 2 minutes later she does it again!. Wound up in my bed. Jesus, the memories.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:46 | 1520247 MFL8240
    MFL8240's picture

    All part of Obamas crime circus to blame someone else.  A total set up.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:47 | 1520252 ihedgemyhedges
    ihedgemyhedges's picture

    That is a Budweiser, not a Miller High Life.  Come on Onion...............

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:08 | 1520363 TheMerryPrankster
    TheMerryPrankster's picture

    Beer makes you smarter.

    It made Bud wiser.

    very old drinking joke.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:48 | 1520256 brew
    brew's picture

    epic post...i haven't had a laugh attack like that since my divorce...

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:06 | 1520899 Terminus C
    Terminus C's picture

    Laughing like this?

    The band's name is particularly fitting in this context.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:48 | 1520258 jkruffin
    jkruffin's picture

    Time for shorts to get strong here,  SPY is in the NO SUPPORT ZONE,  collapse is imminent.  Instant crash coming........

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:50 | 1520266 geno-econ
    geno-econ's picture

    In vino veritas

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:54 | 1520282 White.Star.Line
    White.Star.Line's picture

    No amount of alcohol or drugs will make a man tell the truth when he lives on lies, and believes them to be true.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:55 | 1520283 Archimedes
    Archimedes's picture

    I went to the University of Wisconsin- Madison where the ONION started. Still brilliant 20 plus years later. There is truth in satire!

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:04 | 1520320 TheMerryPrankster
    TheMerryPrankster's picture

    The onion is my only addiction.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:25 | 1520447 Bob
    Bob's picture

    Hell, we've become so immersed in a "reality" of suspended disbelief, a.k.a., lies, that hearing somebody say the truth is emotionally overwhelming.  We release the shock as laughter. 

    "Comedy" is the last remaining refuge of truth. 

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:57 | 1520292 caerus
    caerus's picture


    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:02 | 1520313 buzzsaw99
    buzzsaw99's picture

    He talks like an uber-dink even while shit-faced?

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 20:07 | 1522420 StychoKiller
    StychoKiller's picture

    Foster Brooks would be so proud!

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:01 | 1520315 TheMerryPrankster
    TheMerryPrankster's picture

    Miller Highlife - The champagne of bottled beers.

    Nothing is too good for our financial oligarchy.

    He still owes me 5 bucks and a pack of smokes.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:02 | 1520321 TaxSlave
    TaxSlave's picture

    Now yer' talkin'.

    I wanna  buy a round for the house!

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:03 | 1520322 Lazane
    Lazane's picture

    Hey Bernank, don't spray it, say it.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:12 | 1520381 Mineshaft
    Mineshaft's picture

    I call BS on this story.  The Bernank doesn't qualify to be drinking Miller High Life.  The Truck driver of the high life truck would have gone up to him and taken the beer away..... i saw it happen on TV before

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:22 | 1521478 sgt_doom
    sgt_doom's picture

    Good point, Mineshaft......Bernanke's favorite drink is supposed to be Bullshot!

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:14 | 1520389 Trifecta Man
    Trifecta Man's picture

    If he ever really did say those things, I still would not believe him.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:15 | 1520396 Woodyg
    Woodyg's picture

    I hate to tell you that I told you so but the Dirty Fucking Hippies were right!

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:22 | 1520430 moonstears
    moonstears's picture

    I was sitting outside a "Dough Boys" at the Virginia Beach oceanfront, last night with the wife, having some hot wings and Blue Moon. Wings were great, hotter than expected, but unfortunately the service sucked...anywayyy, some guy walks by with wife and 2 boys in their early teens and I asked the wife if she had her phone/camera. "Why" she asks. I said "That guy walking by looks like Ben Bernanke, I'd like to ask him for a pic!" She looked at me, like, "Who the hell is Ben Bernanke??". True story. Couldn't have been him though as he was obviously pouring his guts out, elsewhere, as per onion.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:35 | 1520457 baby_BLYTHE
    baby_BLYTHE's picture

    "Look", exclaimed the FED Chairman, "It is pretty f*cking obvious the Federal Reserve isn't an independent body".

    "WE can do anything we want and there isn't a thing that can be done to stop us". Ben takes a swig of his beer and then loudly slams down his bottle...

    "It's the Rothschild, Warburg and Morgan dynasty that we serve and protect, you losers made the biggest mistake ever letting us control your money supply for the past one-hundred years!!! muwhahahahah". The bartender then asks Ben for his car keys, Ben t stuck out his tongue, let out a hiss and thn skipped out the door.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:30 | 1520797 mudduck
    mudduck's picture

    Ben slams down a shot of tequila, followed by a long pull on his beer, his head slumps forward like his spine liquified. Suddenly he bolts upright in his chair and screams "WHY!!!?" "After all I've done fer em, the basserds are gonna have Jar-jar Binks play me in the movie."

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:28 | 1520458 CrashisOptimistic
    CrashisOptimistic's picture

    Yeah, all this means that they have painted good ole Benny as just one of the common man.  He's just a good guy, you see, not one of the filthy scum that did this.

    The riots will start soon.  In the US of A, riots have scoped rifles.  They will be coming for him.  And others.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:33 | 1520478 TheMerryPrankster
    TheMerryPrankster's picture

    Bernanke is the Joker in the latest deck of New Depression trading cards.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:37 | 1520483 Miss Expectations
    Miss Expectations's picture

    Once a Chairsatan, always a Chairsatan.


    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:37 | 1520497 chinaboy
    chinaboy's picture

    Thanks TD for leading us to the news. it confirms what regular zerohedge readers already know. I think Chinese leaders may find this news useful. Then may be they also already know. All they need is a Bernanke moment to tell the truth with the help of some good old beer. 

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:49 | 1520562 Kingbingo
    Kingbingo's picture

    Fake obviously. He does not care. 

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:52 | 1520575 glenlloyd
    glenlloyd's picture

    That's hilarious

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:56 | 1520598 Goldenballs
    Goldenballs's picture

    Seeing as no one trusts or believes anyone in authority,he could tell the whole and complete truth including scandal and political blackmail and no one would believe him at all.


    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:56 | 1520599 the grateful un...
    the grateful unemployed's picture

    This is obviously real, because that guy sitting next to him is comedian Ron White. the redneck comic who does his routine with a glass of scotch and a cigar. (He tells the best drinking stories)

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:56 | 1520600 Goldenballs
    Goldenballs's picture

    Seeing as no one trusts or believes anyone in authority,he could tell the whole and complete truth including scandal and political blackmail and no one would believe him at all.


    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:58 | 1520611 AmCockerSpaniel
    AmCockerSpaniel's picture

    There was always something I liked about Bernanke. Now I know what it is. He hates being a part of this. Way down the Jew has a good heart. We got to see the real man off stage. Now the basters will probable kill him, and he knows it. Now; I must pray for him, and his family.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:06 | 1520669 Fix It Again Timmy
    Fix It Again Timmy's picture

    Humpty Dumpty is in charge and is calling the shots, move over Bernanke...

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:08 | 1520691 rsnoble
    rsnoble's picture

    US market stays down today=finished. I'm already in short.  Could be early but I have a feeling any bounce will be shortlived and feel free to short anyone of them.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:16 | 1520742 Jovil
    Jovil's picture

    George Carlin's words 4 years ago are truer today


    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:24 | 1520776 Silver Brass Lead
    Silver Brass Lead's picture

    Must be a gay bar, I'm sure that's Barney Frank he's talking to there in the picture.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:28 | 1520793 Lmo Mutton
    Lmo Mutton's picture

    Disappoint this is.  No vid.  Humor that would be.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:41 | 1520837 JuicedGamma
    JuicedGamma's picture

    Rotfl, the shot of barney frank is classic.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:43 | 1520846 JP McManus
    JP McManus's picture

    100% Win.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:16 | 1520921 gerryscat
    gerryscat's picture

    Not impressed, can't believe people actually read The Onion. Just look at the news, make fun of it. Wow that was hard.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:24 | 1520949 Captain Kink
    Captain Kink's picture

    Champagne of Beers and Whiskey shots...?  I would have figured him for Pernod and Orange or some such.  At least he (ficticiously) drinks like a man.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:29 | 1520972 Lednbrass
    Lednbrass's picture

    Its a bit dated from the days that our debt was a mere 10 Trillion, but I still think this may be the governments last plan to deal with debt before the wheels come off.,14356/


    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:56 | 1521073 Highrev
    Highrev's picture

    Do you chumps really believe this is true? The pic looks a bit Williambanzai7ed . .  .

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 13:10 | 1521140 jomama
    jomama's picture


    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 13:36 | 1521276 hannah
    hannah's picture

    funny how we all think this is funny...when in reality, last night bernanke, paulson, geitner, obama, and several bank ceo's were all sitting around smoking cuban cigars and laughing how they had f^cked the american tax payer so hard they cant even stand up straight...i heard they all laughed so hard they spilled their $100k bottle of cognac...god it must have been a fun time.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 13:59 | 1521392 Gold Man-Sacks
    Gold Man-Sacks's picture

    Yeah, that about sums it up.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:22 | 1521479 hungarianboy
    hungarianboy's picture

    Pic is Photoshop.

    Story, I simply can't believe.

    Especially not because they sum up things exactly with the numbers. How would ANYBODY in the world keep all things he said in his mind???? I call this BS but funny :-)

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:57 | 1521574 doggings
    doggings's picture

    this is either reasonable quality 'misinterpretation' trolling (7/10 because I had to answer you) or you should have checked out the Onion before answering. 

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 15:37 | 1521708 PulauHantu29
    PulauHantu29's picture

    First, the Bad News:

    "More than $2 trillion was erased from the value of global equities in the past week, and Treasury yields set new lows for the year, amid concern the economic recovery is faltering. Service industries expanded in July at the slowest pace since February 2010 as orders and employment cooled, data from the Institute for Supply Management showed. Equities pared losses today amid speculation the Federal Reserve will provide more monetary stimulus to spur growth."


    Now for the Good News:

    Obama's Economic Advisor sees No Recession


    See, it ain't all bad.


    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 16:03 | 1521801 stant
    stant's picture

    badghad bob of the central banks, banzi biatchez

    Wed, 09/14/2011 - 04:40 | 1667342 chinawholesaler
    chinawholesaler's picture

    Consumer Electronics
    Wholesale Raincoat

    Men Beauty Care
    Wholesale Compass
    Consumer Electronics

    Wholesale Scissors
    Wholesale Clap Hands
    Wholesale Radio

    Wholesale Calculator
    China Wholesale
    Wholesale lable

    Entertainment Supplies
    Wholesale Tag
    Wholesale First Aid Kit

    Wholesale Cards
    Wholesale Glasses
    Wholesale Bookmark

    Silicone Products
    Wholesale USB Products
    Wholesale Cup

    Wholesale Banner
    Advertising Material
    Stuffed Animals

    Wholesale Vase
    Wholesale Ashtray
    Muslim Products

    Silicone Products
    Pet Supplies
    Wholesale Suppliers

    Wholesale Calendar
    Wholesale Playing Card
    Promotional Gifts

    Wholesale Glove
    Audio Video Equipment
    Wholesale Compressed Products

    Wholesale Kitchenware
    Health Care Products
    Wholesale Stapler

    Wholesale Whistle
    Crystal Gifts
    Wholesale Playing Card

    Wholesale Racks
    Reflective Safety Vest
    Patient Care Products

    Inflatable Products

    Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!