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Bernanke Gets Hammered, Tells Truth About US Economy

Tyler Durden's picture





 

Yes, this is from the Onion. But in this surreal, centrally planned by none other than Ben Bernanke reality, the mirror in mirror effect is extremely disturbing.

Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is

SEWARD, NE—Claiming he wasn't afraid to let everyone in attendance know about "the real mess we're in," Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke reportedly got drunk Tuesday and told everyone at Elwood's Corner Tavern about how absolutely fucked the U.S. economy actually is.

Bernanke, who sources confirmed was "totally sloshed," arrived at the drinking establishment at approximately 5:30 p.m., ensconced himself upon a bar stool, and consumed several bottles of Miller High Life and a half-dozen shots of whiskey while loudly proclaiming to any patron who would listen that the economic outlook was "pretty goddamned awful if you want the God's honest truth."

"Look, they don't want anyone except for the Washington, D.C. bigwigs to know how bad shit really is," said Bernanke, slurring his words as he spoke. "Mounting debt exacerbated—and not relieved—by unchecked consumption, spiraling interest rates, and the grim realities of an inevitable worldwide energy crisis are projected to leave our entire economy in the shitter for, like, a generation, man, I'm telling you."

"And hell, as long as we're being honest, I might as well tell you that a truer estimate of the U.S. unemployment rate is actually up around 16 percent, with a 0.7 percent annual rate of economic growth if we're lucky—if we're lucky," continued Bernanke, nearly knocking a full beer over while gesturing with his hands. "Of course, if everybody knew that, it would likely cripple financial markets across the entire fucking globe, even in various emerging economies with self- sustaining growth."

After launching into an extended 45-minute diatribe about shortsighted moves by "those bastards in Congress" that could potentially exacerbate the nation's already deeply troublesome budget imbalance, the Federal Reserve chairman reportedly bought a round of tequila shots for two customers he had just met who were seated on either side of him, announcing, "I love these guys."

Numerous bar patrons slowly nodded in agreement as Bernanke went on to suggest the United States could pass three or four more stimulus packages and "it wouldn't even matter."

"You think that's going to create long-term economic growth, let alone promote job creation?" Bernanke said. "We're way beyond that, my friend. There are no jobs, okay? There's nothing. I think that calls for another drink, don't you?"

While using beer bottles and pretzel sticks in an attempt to explain to the bartender the importance of infusing $650 billion into the bond market, the inebriated Fed chairman nearly fell off his stool and had to be held up by the patron sitting next to him.

Another bargoer confirmed Bernanke stood about 2 inches from her face and sprayed her with saliva, claiming inflation was going to "totally screw" consumer confidence and then asking if he could bum a smoke.

Continue reading here...

 


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Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:38 | Link to Comment Gubbmint Cheese
Gubbmint Cheese's picture

Lol.. Love the onion. Thx TD

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:28 | Link to Comment Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Its true, people tends to tell the truth when they are drunk and have alcohol running in their blood stream. I recommend that before Congress meets that they should go to a bar. This will save us a lot of posturing and lying.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:01 | Link to Comment stopcpdotcom
stopcpdotcom's picture

In vino veritas.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:30 | Link to Comment gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

I'll drink to that!

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:55 | Link to Comment The Peak Oil Poet
The Peak Oil Poet's picture

 

 

come to me oh Irish and do what you do well
i've hunger for your amber ways and with you i would dwell
i've many reasons good and bad with you to share some time
and you have never let me down but that's true of your kind

 

http://thepeakoilpoet.blogspot.com/2011/07/come-to-me-oh-irish.html

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:41 | Link to Comment Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

works with cocain even better just in non slurry double speed speech.
There would be endless discussions however, just as today.
No i did not want to imply anything!

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:43 | Link to Comment EvlTheCat
EvlTheCat's picture

Most alcoholics are immune to the effects of alcohol.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 13:30 | Link to Comment snakeboat
snakeboat's picture

That's assuming they have blood in their veins.   They don't.  I'm betting it's woosie juice.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 13:37 | Link to Comment Tom_333
Tom_333's picture

Would be good if he really did.For him and everyone else.Really cathartic.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:19 | Link to Comment sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Oh come one already!!!!!

Up until a couple of years ago, Bernanke didn't even understand credit derivatives.  He simply doesn't have the necessary intelligence to understand just how screwed up things really are!

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:19 | Link to Comment sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Oh come one already!!!!!

Up until a couple of years ago, Bernanke didn't even understand credit derivatives.  He simply doesn't have the necessary intelligence to understand just how screwed up things really are!

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 23:36 | Link to Comment davepowers
davepowers's picture

judging from CSpan, i assumed that's what they already do

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:28 | Link to Comment TheMerryPrankster
TheMerryPrankster's picture

I found this picture from the onion to be especially symbolic of our current state of affairs:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-dogs-rock-bottom-same-as-his-peak,...

 

Area dogs rock bottom same as his peak.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:56 | Link to Comment ElvisDog
ElvisDog's picture

I want to live in the Onion World. Every day would be non-stop entertainment.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:15 | Link to Comment KickIce
KickIce's picture

Just move to DC.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:32 | Link to Comment JohnG
JohnG's picture

Onion world requires lots of drugs.  So yeah, DC is the place for that.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:40 | Link to Comment doggings
doggings's picture

hmm, looks like they might have gotten some inspiration from here 

http://red-pill.org/intergalactic-bailout-rescue-global-collapse/

lol ..onion inspired parody inspires onion post, surreal. 

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:39 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

We can only dream of truth telling of this magnitude from the PTB.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:05 | Link to Comment FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Given all the bullshit that the MSM dishes out on a daily basis, couldn't this Onion story be the lead story on the Drudge Report today?  Matt Drudge could wake up a few million readers to the truth by posting one fictional story.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:23 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Sadly I see the Drudge Report as controlled opposition. It is not what it seems to be. Many are not.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:25 | Link to Comment aheady
aheady's picture

Amen to that, CD.

Thu, 08/04/2011 - 01:03 | Link to Comment AndyR
AndyR's picture

Hey CD...

What would you reccomend as an alternative to Drudge?

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:20 | Link to Comment mtomato2
mtomato2's picture

I have found that in the last year or so, The Onion has been the most accurate news source available. 

Because humor is DEEPLY founded in truth.

Or it wouldn't be funny.  Or tragic.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:39 | Link to Comment gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Excellent point.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 20:00 | Link to Comment StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Excerpt from:  http://www.theonion.com/articles/democrats-republicans-celebrate-pitiful...

WASHINGTON—Following Sunday’s pathetic excuse for an agreement on raising the government’s borrowing limit, Democrats and Republicans took time to celebrate the meager, ineffective deal, calling it “a testament to the not-so-great things that can happen in Washington when both parties barely come together and agree to not really accomplish anything.” “It took months of phone calls, negotiations, and meetings, but finally we created a pretty sad version of a framework that, we’re happy to say, none of us is really proud of, and that doesn’t really do much to solve our country’s fiscal problems at all,” said House Speaker John Boehner, who gave a cheerful thumbs up and added that the sorry piece of legislation was expected to pass both houses of Congress with a really pitiful display of bipartisan support. “Once again, Democrats and Republicans have demonstrated why our mangled, fractured, barely functioning democracy is the greatest in the world.”

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 21:37 | Link to Comment knowless
knowless's picture

foreal, satire is at it's most poigniant when the lies are omnipresent.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:39 | Link to Comment bania
bania's picture

Did he start a tab?

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:54 | Link to Comment Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

He's paying with PMs.

The bar won't accept FRNs.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:26 | Link to Comment Jeremy Roenick
Jeremy Roenick's picture

Naa.  That would be too "traditional" to pay with that barbarous relic. 

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:46 | Link to Comment Ryman1075
Ryman1075's picture

Nope, couldn't have paid in PMs.  That would contradict his testimony to RP that Pms aren't money.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:20 | Link to Comment sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Hmmmm, I thought he originally attempted to pay with SDRs????

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:54 | Link to Comment augie
augie's picture

naa its bernanke, he wrote a couple iou's on some napkins and said that would cover it. Of course the bar tender accepted the "note" he's a representative of the Government for crying out loud. They don't call it the "Federal" reserve for nothing!

shesh, gotta spell it out for everyone... 

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:06 | Link to Comment trav7777
trav7777's picture

lol...the government has to go to the same guy for cash to pay its promises.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:11 | Link to Comment citta vritti
citta vritti's picture

FRN = federal reserve napkins

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:00 | Link to Comment buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Buy, buy, miss american pie.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:41 | Link to Comment Version 7
Version 7's picture

Man.. he's so coherent when drunk! What beer is it..?

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:57 | Link to Comment jus_lite_reading
jus_lite_reading's picture

Beer. The Truth Serum.

as TD says, this might be the Onion BUT THERE IS MORE TRUTH IN THIS THAN ANYTHING BEnron SAYS TO THE PUBLIC!!!

 

ME thinks the Onion got hold of a real story about BEnron.... 

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:05 | Link to Comment Mr Kurtz
Mr Kurtz's picture

In cervisia veritas

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:15 | Link to Comment Josh Randall
Josh Randall's picture

Mad props for the Miller High Life visual

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0iSN3nK61k

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:40 | Link to Comment Lower Class Elite
Lower Class Elite's picture

It is The Champagne of Beers after all.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 20:02 | Link to Comment StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Ales are way better than pilsners!

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:35 | Link to Comment InconvenientCou...
InconvenientCounterParty's picture

In the pic, he's holding a bud regular. The bit about the miller HL was part of the satire.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:56 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I find it very disappointing that The Onion cannot tell the difference between a Bud and Miller bottle. I expect more from my fake news.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 22:42 | Link to Comment Real Estate Geek
Real Estate Geek's picture

True, but I cut em slack because of all the great articles, like:

Strom Thurmond Proposes Transcontinental Railway

Collectable Plate Industry Calls for Tragic Death of Streisand.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome Linked to Bad Parents Who Could Have Done Something

etc.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:41 | Link to Comment Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

There is hope after all! Everyone send Bernanke a case of Johnnie Walker.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:41 | Link to Comment kridkrid
kridkrid's picture

Real News (sometimes): Rolling Stone Magazine, Comedy Central.

Real News in satirical form: The Onion.

Most of the rest of the media: Pure propaganda.

Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:42 | Link to Comment Larry Darrell
Larry Darrell's picture

In other hilarious (and somewhate pre-emptive headlines)

 

From CNBS

Current DateTime: 06:39:52 03 Aug 2011
LinksList Documentid: 19874752
Expiration DateTime: 8/3/2011 6:40:52 AM Made all the more funny as DOW is listed as -6.93 ROFL, headline already changed in the past 2 minutes:
  • Dow Struggles to Hold Gains; Gold Surges
  • New, more accurate headline.

     

     

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:45 | Link to Comment Pool Shark
    Pool Shark's picture

    New headline:

    Screw It; Markets Continue Crash

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:00 | Link to Comment TruthInSunshine
    TruthInSunshine's picture

    Larry Darrell


    Vote up!

    1
    Vote down!

    0

    In other hilarious (and somewhate pre-emptive headlines)

     

    From CNBS

    Current DateTime: 06:39:52 03 Aug 2011
    LinksList Documentid: 19874752
    Expiration DateTime: 8/3/2011 6:40:52 AM

    Made all the more funny as DOW is listed as -6.93 ROFL, headline already changed in the past 2 minutes:

  • Dow Struggles to Hold Gains; Gold Surges
  • New, more accurate headline.

     

    Very astute observation, Brah.

    I've been telling everyone who care to listen and confirm that the lame ass stream proxy media has been changing headlines intraday and even intra-hour, for years now.

    I remember when they were literally changing headlines on retail sales during the Christmas Season of 2010, back in January, in a sad, funny but surreal attempt to make the bad look better - they'd literally change a headline from "Retail Sales Languish as Consumers Fearful About Employment," to "Retailers Report Stronger Than Anticipated Demand from Consumers" within 20 minutes - this was Reuters, AP, all the usual suspects.

    Welcome to the Matrix.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:07 | Link to Comment trav7777
    trav7777's picture

    that is more Minitruth than Matrix

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:23 | Link to Comment TruthInSunshine
    TruthInSunshine's picture

    In the large, tragic context of where we find the central planning 'free markets' and 'free press,' I have to, tragically, agree.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:41 | Link to Comment FEDbuster
    FEDbuster's picture

    At least he's not a "mean drunk" only a "truthful drunk" in this story.  This would have been a great video.

    Hasten the Collapse, OBAMA 2012

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:41 | Link to Comment smlbizman
    smlbizman's picture

    so when did the onion start reporting factual news...i thought they just made shit up for laughs

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:42 | Link to Comment monximus
    monximus's picture

    Bottoms up bitchez.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:43 | Link to Comment Careless Whisper
    Careless Whisper's picture

    Witnesses also confirmed that near the end of the evening, Bernanke put money into the jukebox and selected Dire Straits' "Money For Nothing" to play five times in a row. "This is what it's all about," said Bernanke, who reportedly danced alone in the middle of the dark tavern. "Fucking love this song."

    epic

     


    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:56 | Link to Comment Negro Primero
    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:22 | Link to Comment goldfish1
    goldfish1's picture

    he he he

     

    I imagine him staggering dancing ala tom cruise in tropic thunder.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:43 | Link to Comment Forward History
    Forward History's picture

    Is that the spirit of Ted Kennedy to the left? I see a Christmas special in the works!

    Ghost of Economy Past: Ted Kennedy

    Ghost of Economy Present: Greek Protestor.

    Ghost of Economy Future: Starvin' Marvin from South Park.

    Your polite suggestions for alternate "ghosts" are quite welcome.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:59 | Link to Comment InconvenientCou...
    InconvenientCounterParty's picture

    a gaunt, sad looking man and his wife in their early 60's. Some kind of sign at their feet but the message isn't clear and has spelling errors. Can't quite make it out.

    A weather beaten tri-fold hat in his hand --turned up. Beckoning the generosity of those walking past.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:57 | Link to Comment DosZap
    DosZap's picture

    Forward History,

    OR, Teddy Kennedy & Chris Dodd SFaced, and raping a waitress..........and get away with it.

    What's the difference,except Bernie, and his Handlers rape all of us, and get by with it.

    Blaming Congress for his employer's policies, is akin to passing the Buck(no pun intended).

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:44 | Link to Comment partimer1
    partimer1's picture

    That's a real shot, nice picture!

     

    Finally we got some truth. 

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:45 | Link to Comment Gringo Viejo
    Gringo Viejo's picture

    Priceless! Nearly shat myself!

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:46 | Link to Comment DaveyJones
    DaveyJones's picture

    Figures a low life would drink a high life

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:03 | Link to Comment the not so migh...
    the not so mighty maximiza's picture

    i think its a budweiser

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:07 | Link to Comment TheMerryPrankster
    TheMerryPrankster's picture

    The photo was taken later in the evening, when Bernanke began stealing drinks from patrons.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:50 | Link to Comment Ryman1075
    Ryman1075's picture

    Right before he passed out, he purged all of those drinks stolen from patrons after discovering that the latest beer had been used as an ashtray for several hours.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 15:17 | Link to Comment Lndmvr
    Lndmvr's picture

    Oh so funny. I rememebr sitting around a cable spool table drinking and the blonde sleaze drinking from the ashtray bottle. He He He. We all laugh and 2 minutes later she does it again!. Wound up in my bed. Jesus, the memories.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:46 | Link to Comment MFL8240
    MFL8240's picture

    All part of Obamas crime circus to blame someone else.  A total set up.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:47 | Link to Comment ihedgemyhedges
    ihedgemyhedges's picture

    That is a Budweiser, not a Miller High Life.  Come on Onion...............

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:08 | Link to Comment TheMerryPrankster
    TheMerryPrankster's picture

    Beer makes you smarter.

    It made Bud wiser.

    very old drinking joke.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:48 | Link to Comment brew
    brew's picture

    epic post...i haven't had a laugh attack like that since my divorce...

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:06 | Link to Comment Terminus C
    Terminus C's picture

    Laughing like this?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7dbOAyl0OU&ob=av2n

    The band's name is particularly fitting in this context.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:48 | Link to Comment jkruffin
    jkruffin's picture

    Time for shorts to get strong here,  SPY is in the NO SUPPORT ZONE,  collapse is imminent.  Instant crash coming........

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:50 | Link to Comment geno-econ
    geno-econ's picture

    In vino veritas

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:54 | Link to Comment White.Star.Line
    White.Star.Line's picture

    No amount of alcohol or drugs will make a man tell the truth when he lives on lies, and believes them to be true.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:55 | Link to Comment Archimedes
    Archimedes's picture

    I went to the University of Wisconsin- Madison where the ONION started. Still brilliant 20 plus years later. There is truth in satire!

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:04 | Link to Comment TheMerryPrankster
    TheMerryPrankster's picture

    The onion is my only addiction.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:25 | Link to Comment Bob
    Bob's picture

    Hell, we've become so immersed in a "reality" of suspended disbelief, a.k.a., lies, that hearing somebody say the truth is emotionally overwhelming.  We release the shock as laughter. 

    "Comedy" is the last remaining refuge of truth. 

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 09:57 | Link to Comment caerus
    caerus's picture

    LOL

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:02 | Link to Comment buzzsaw99
    buzzsaw99's picture

    He talks like an uber-dink even while shit-faced?

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 20:07 | Link to Comment StychoKiller
    StychoKiller's picture

    Foster Brooks would be so proud!

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:01 | Link to Comment TheMerryPrankster
    TheMerryPrankster's picture

    Miller Highlife - The champagne of bottled beers.

    Nothing is too good for our financial oligarchy.

    He still owes me 5 bucks and a pack of smokes.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:02 | Link to Comment TaxSlave
    TaxSlave's picture

    Now yer' talkin'.

    I wanna  buy a round for the house!

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:03 | Link to Comment Lazane
    Lazane's picture

    Hey Bernank, don't spray it, say it.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:12 | Link to Comment Mineshaft
    Mineshaft's picture

    I call BS on this story.  The Bernank doesn't qualify to be drinking Miller High Life.  The Truck driver of the high life truck would have gone up to him and taken the beer away..... i saw it happen on TV before

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:22 | Link to Comment sgt_doom
    sgt_doom's picture

    Good point, Mineshaft......Bernanke's favorite drink is supposed to be Bullshot!

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:14 | Link to Comment Trifecta Man
    Trifecta Man's picture

    If he ever really did say those things, I still would not believe him.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:15 | Link to Comment Woodyg
    Woodyg's picture

    I hate to tell you that I told you so but the Dirty Fucking Hippies were right!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKEZoY-TMG4&feature=youtube_gdata_player

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:22 | Link to Comment moonstears
    moonstears's picture

    I was sitting outside a "Dough Boys" at the Virginia Beach oceanfront, last night with the wife, having some hot wings and Blue Moon. Wings were great, hotter than expected, but unfortunately the service sucked...anywayyy, some guy walks by with wife and 2 boys in their early teens and I asked the wife if she had her phone/camera. "Why" she asks. I said "That guy walking by looks like Ben Bernanke, I'd like to ask him for a pic!" She looked at me, like, "Who the hell is Ben Bernanke??". True story. Couldn't have been him though as he was obviously pouring his guts out, elsewhere, as per onion.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:35 | Link to Comment baby_BLYTHE
    baby_BLYTHE's picture

    "Look", exclaimed the FED Chairman, "It is pretty f*cking obvious the Federal Reserve isn't an independent body".

    "WE can do anything we want and there isn't a thing that can be done to stop us". Ben takes a swig of his beer and then loudly slams down his bottle...

    "It's the Rothschild, Warburg and Morgan dynasty that we serve and protect, you losers made the biggest mistake ever letting us control your money supply for the past one-hundred years!!! muwhahahahah". The bartender then asks Ben for his car keys, Ben t stuck out his tongue, let out a hiss and thn skipped out the door.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:30 | Link to Comment mudduck
    mudduck's picture

    Ben slams down a shot of tequila, followed by a long pull on his beer, his head slumps forward like his spine liquified. Suddenly he bolts upright in his chair and screams "WHY!!!?" "After all I've done fer em, the basserds are gonna have Jar-jar Binks play me in the movie."

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:28 | Link to Comment CrashisOptimistic
    CrashisOptimistic's picture

    Yeah, all this means that they have painted good ole Benny as just one of the common man.  He's just a good guy, you see, not one of the filthy scum that did this.

    The riots will start soon.  In the US of A, riots have scoped rifles.  They will be coming for him.  And others.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:33 | Link to Comment TheMerryPrankster
    TheMerryPrankster's picture

    Bernanke is the Joker in the latest deck of New Depression trading cards.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:37 | Link to Comment Miss Expectations
    Miss Expectations's picture

    Once a Chairsatan, always a Chairsatan.

     

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:37 | Link to Comment chinaboy
    chinaboy's picture

    Thanks TD for leading us to the news. it confirms what regular zerohedge readers already know. I think Chinese leaders may find this news useful. Then may be they also already know. All they need is a Bernanke moment to tell the truth with the help of some good old beer. 

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:49 | Link to Comment Kingbingo
    Kingbingo's picture

    Fake obviously. He does not care. 

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:52 | Link to Comment glenlloyd
    glenlloyd's picture

    That's hilarious

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:56 | Link to Comment Goldenballs
    Goldenballs's picture

    Seeing as no one trusts or believes anyone in authority,he could tell the whole and complete truth including scandal and political blackmail and no one would believe him at all.

     

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:56 | Link to Comment the grateful un...
    the grateful unemployed's picture

    This is obviously real, because that guy sitting next to him is comedian Ron White. the redneck comic who does his routine with a glass of scotch and a cigar. (He tells the best drinking stories)

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:56 | Link to Comment Goldenballs
    Goldenballs's picture

    Seeing as no one trusts or believes anyone in authority,he could tell the whole and complete truth including scandal and political blackmail and no one would believe him at all.

     

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 10:58 | Link to Comment AmCockerSpaniel
    AmCockerSpaniel's picture

    There was always something I liked about Bernanke. Now I know what it is. He hates being a part of this. Way down the Jew has a good heart. We got to see the real man off stage. Now the basters will probable kill him, and he knows it. Now; I must pray for him, and his family.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:06 | Link to Comment Fix It Again Timmy
    Fix It Again Timmy's picture

    Humpty Dumpty is in charge and is calling the shots, move over Bernanke...

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:08 | Link to Comment rsnoble
    rsnoble's picture

    US market stays down today=finished. I'm already in short.  Could be early but I have a feeling any bounce will be shortlived and feel free to short anyone of them.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:16 | Link to Comment Jovil
    Jovil's picture

    George Carlin's words 4 years ago are truer today

     

    http://lonerangersilver.wordpress.com/2011/08/02/george-carlin-they-dont...

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:24 | Link to Comment Silver Brass Lead
    Silver Brass Lead's picture

    Must be a gay bar, I'm sure that's Barney Frank he's talking to there in the picture.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:28 | Link to Comment Lmo Mutton
    Lmo Mutton's picture

    Disappoint this is.  No vid.  Humor that would be.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:41 | Link to Comment JuicedGamma
    JuicedGamma's picture

    Rotfl, the shot of barney frank is classic.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 11:43 | Link to Comment JP McManus
    JP McManus's picture

    100% Win.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:16 | Link to Comment gerryscat
    gerryscat's picture

    Not impressed, can't believe people actually read The Onion. Just look at the news, make fun of it. Wow that was hard.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:24 | Link to Comment Captain Kink
    Captain Kink's picture

    Champagne of Beers and Whiskey shots...?  I would have figured him for Pernod and Orange or some such.  At least he (ficticiously) drinks like a man.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:29 | Link to Comment Lednbrass
    Lednbrass's picture

    Its a bit dated from the days that our debt was a mere 10 Trillion, but I still think this may be the governments last plan to deal with debt before the wheels come off.

    http://www.theonion.com/video/us-government-stages-fake-coup-to-wipe-out-nationa,14356/

     

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 12:56 | Link to Comment Highrev
    Highrev's picture

    Do you chumps really believe this is true? The pic looks a bit Williambanzai7ed . .  .

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 13:10 | Link to Comment jomama
    jomama's picture

    lmao.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 13:36 | Link to Comment hannah
    hannah's picture

    funny how we all think this is funny...when in reality, last night bernanke, paulson, geitner, obama, and several bank ceo's were all sitting around smoking cuban cigars and laughing how they had f^cked the american tax payer so hard they cant even stand up straight...i heard they all laughed so hard they spilled their $100k bottle of cognac...god it must have been a fun time.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 13:59 | Link to Comment Gold Man-Sacks
    Gold Man-Sacks's picture

    Yeah, that about sums it up.

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:22 | Link to Comment hungarianboy
    hungarianboy's picture

    Pic is Photoshop.

    Story, I simply can't believe.

    Especially not because they sum up things exactly with the numbers. How would ANYBODY in the world keep all things he said in his mind???? I call this BS but funny :-)

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 14:57 | Link to Comment doggings
    doggings's picture

    this is either reasonable quality 'misinterpretation' trolling (7/10 because I had to answer you) or you should have checked out the Onion before answering. 

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 15:37 | Link to Comment PulauHantu29
    PulauHantu29's picture

    First, the Bad News:

    "More than $2 trillion was erased from the value of global equities in the past week, and Treasury yields set new lows for the year, amid concern the economic recovery is faltering. Service industries expanded in July at the slowest pace since February 2010 as orders and employment cooled, data from the Institute for Supply Management showed. Equities pared losses today amid speculation the Federal Reserve will provide more monetary stimulus to spur growth."

    http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-08-03/asian-stocks-oil-slump-on-conce...

    *****************************************

    Now for the Good News:

    Obama's Economic Advisor sees No Recession

    ***************************************

    See, it ain't all bad.

     

    Wed, 08/03/2011 - 16:03 | Link to Comment stant
    stant's picture

    badghad bob of the central banks, banzi biatchez

    Wed, 09/14/2011 - 04:40 | Link to Comment chinawholesaler
    chinawholesaler's picture

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