• Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.
  • Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.

"Better Than Expectations" - Asteroid To Miss Earth

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Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:05 | 1858671 juslen
juslen's picture

Damn, a strike would have meant stimulus! Krugman will have to pray for an Alien invasion.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:07 | 1858681 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Update:

Good news: Asteroid to miss Earth

Bad news: Asteroid to collide with Moon and knock the Moon into the Earth

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:11 | 1858697 eureka
eureka's picture

Oh Fuck - I thought it would hit Wall Street.

Now we have to do it ourselves.

Oh wait - it's 2012 - i.e. God-On next year!

Wonder what punitive mayhem He has up His sleeve for His monetary "servants"...

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:21 | 1858735 CPL
CPL's picture

impact in t minus fifteen minutes.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:22 | 1858741 TheMerryPrankster
Tue, 11/08/2011 - 20:20 | 1858905 fuu
fuu's picture

It may have atomic gold on it. A near impact will potentially involve some of those gold ions entering the atmosphere. Hence the afternoon dip as this new supply was priced in with the appropriate leverage.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 21:26 | 1859083 sqz
sqz's picture

I wonder if this is what Hugh Hendry met by needing a meteor to hit the earth to get the kind of deflationary event that could push gold prices higher. Does this count as a correct call?

Nothing like an Extinction Level Event for your portfolio!

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 03:42 | 1859834 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

 

 

***Breaking News***

 

 

Asteroid narrowly misses planet earth. The Bernank, however, squarely hits uranus. And uranus. And uranus. And so forth.

Trichet to accounce he will implement The Bernank uranus plan for citizens of the EU as soon as he's given the green light.

 

 

***This Has Been Breaking News***

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 22:09 | 1859251 NewThor
NewThor's picture

Now that I've got your attention,

I'd like to point out a few things.

A) Comet Elenin. It had a 6000 to 15000 year orbit that was vertical to all other known comets. The sun shot a coronal mass ejection at it that tore it to dust. I've got a funny feeling if you track back it's plane you'll find our solar system colliding with another, so more stuff to come into our system from this plane, go  to the end of this plane and you'll probably find our Binary companion to the Sun.

B) Solar flares have been going crazy. Sunspot 1339 which is new, is massive. The Sun is acting up and we REALLY understand how it works less than 1%. It is still a great mystery.

C) All the outer planets in our solar system have been undergoing radical changes.

Economics and Celestial Physics and Alchemy = 2012

GAME ON BITCHEZ!

Grab a joint, a good woman, a bottle of whiskey,

lay a blanket and spend a few hours watching the stars.

The universe is Awesome.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 22:56 | 1859414 i-dog
i-dog's picture

"C) All the outer planets in our solar system have been undergoing radical changes."

What 'radical' changes? ... and over what time period?

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 03:15 | 1859803 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

I think the most interesting thing I heard about ELE was that it was only the first to come (said a former NASA scientist).  He said, "ELE is a time capsle, and whatever follows is what the capsle was suppossed to tell us about."I don't know much about space, but I do know that the heavens have been very active lately.  The earth too, for that matter.  I am not sure, but something seems to be afoot.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 12:28 | 1861123 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

Strange things are afoot at the elliptic K.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:23 | 1858743 CPL
CPL's picture

You can check the other camera locations here   http://www.lemonparty.org

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:25 | 1858751 CPL
CPL's picture

lol

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:45 | 1858819 ??
??'s picture

that was evil particularly for those who open in a work environment or who are trying to convince their girlfriend that they are straight, of course the best is those who have webhistory enabled so when junior  checks out dad's surfing habits or the misses

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 23:10 | 1859450 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

I'm sitting on a train and a pic of a bunch of old gay men sucking each other off pops up on my iPad.

Next stop, Homoville!!!

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 20:10 | 1858886 Chingalay
Chingalay's picture

Fn Hilarious..........I just sent the link to my shrink.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:39 | 1858789 spinone
spinone's picture

Fuck you I was eating dinner.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 20:09 | 1858881 mr. mirbach
mr. mirbach's picture

there is nothing less flattering than seeing Congressmen servicing a Bankster...

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 20:48 | 1858994 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Which one was pelosi?

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 22:17 | 1859281 Oliver Klozoff
Oliver Klozoff's picture

Suddenly everything makes sense now.....

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 20:44 | 1858985 thatthingcanfly
thatthingcanfly's picture

I'm gonna need therapy to get over that one.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 20:51 | 1858999 gorillaonyourback
gorillaonyourback's picture

no need to show your home made porn pictures, ugh

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:26 | 1858754 323
323's picture

I would suggest a disclaimer or removing that link

FWIW

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:46 | 1858822 idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture

Dude, don't go all "warning label" -- everyone gets lemon'd once.  Now you know.

http://failbook.failblog.org/2010/05/03/funny-facebook-fails-grandma-got-trolled/

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:53 | 1858840 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Rick Astley!

Oh , no - not again! LOL!

God, people are clever!

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 20:04 | 1858863 323
323's picture

yeah, and goatse'd and one cupped, I guess.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 20:30 | 1858946 f16hoser
f16hoser's picture

Asteroid was gonna hit Wall Street then decided there was no money in it! Decided to come back in a couple of light years.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 05:48 | 1859913 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

when the markets have more honest regulation, maybe 123.000 miles from now.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 20:05 | 1858868 slyhill
slyhill's picture

My God! I will be filthy rich on my MoonStrikesEarth CDS!!!!!

 

Efffiiiiinnnnn YEEEEAAAAAAA!!!!

 

oh wait...

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 20:11 | 1858887 TwelfthVulture
TwelfthVulture's picture

It's too bad MF Global was your counterparty.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 07:21 | 1859995 RemiG2010
RemiG2010's picture

@Divided States ...

+1 Good one!

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:43 | 1858809 Snidley Whipsnae
Snidley Whipsnae's picture

Sidereal time is not money...

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 20:47 | 1858990 monoloco
monoloco's picture

Good news, should be good for an asteroid rally tomorrow.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 22:03 | 1859226 Blano
Blano's picture

Those bugs really need to work on their aim.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:05 | 1858672 Zola
Zola's picture

CONfidence has been restored !

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:20 | 1858676 tallen
tallen's picture

This is bad news, imagine the rebuild and epic-keynesianism that an asteroid strike could start.

+We should launch Jamie Dimon, Blankfein, Moynihan and all the other white collar crooks on a one way trip to this asteroid then nuke it. 

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 21:35 | 1859118 TuesdayBen
TuesdayBen's picture

No, don't nuke it. I want video of the look on their faces as they observe this beautiful planet shrinking into the distance along with all their stupid ill-gotten oh-my-god-I-wasted-my-life gains

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 22:31 | 1859341 Nage42
Nage42's picture

Someone has read  Brutal Orbits.

 

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:08 | 1858682 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

 

 

What do you call a hemorrhoid on an Eskimo?

 

Polaroid.

 

What do you call an asteroid on Wall Street?

 

A good start.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:40 | 1858794 CPL
CPL's picture

saved.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:49 | 1858827 Snidley Whipsnae
Snidley Whipsnae's picture

We will never know how many close encounters dinosaurs had with astroids before THE ONE slammed into the earth...

Although the theory that dino extinction was caused by an astroid strike is not believed by all scientists... Big Hit Day couldn't have been a good day for the dinos.

Worse than Ben getting before a camera tomorrow and saying "Uh... Ya know that gold that used to belong to the US...? Uh... We can't find it..."

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 03:22 | 1859812 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Ironic?

Dinos....then...man....

Hmmmm.....

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 20:54 | 1858997 Carlyle Groupie
Carlyle Groupie's picture

"What do you call an asteroid on Wall Street? A good start."

Heyhoooooo!

I wonder if the CIA & Mossad got some good intel from the 2005-YU55 fagbook page?

/bin/bash> kill -l -s mossadCIA_scum & sleep 1

I just can't get my machine to operate properly..... Any hints from the spaze monkey's?

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 21:09 | 1863992 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

'& sleep 1" wasn't really necessary. :>D

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:07 | 1858683 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Bullish!  Willis not needed!

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:28 | 1858762 agent default
agent default's picture

No that's bearish.  Asteroid to hit moon, crash moon into the earth, earth orbit to destabilize and drift toward the sun.  That's bullish.  Worth at least 200 points on the S&P

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 20:51 | 1859000 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Crash moon into earth? I thought it was 'gold to the moon', not the other way around.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:09 | 1858691 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Well, finally some good news on ZH.  See, it ain't so bad.  Is evreybody in?  Good, all your assets is belong to us.

Tue, 11/08/2011 - 19:40 | 1858800 spdrdr
spdrdr's picture

All your asset are belong to us!

Until I started reading ZH, I thought that assets were young, female donkeys......

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!