"Better Than Expectations" - Asteroid To Miss Earth

Tyler Durden's picture

Surely, some algo, somewhere will ramp the futures by at least 1-2 points on this headline. In other news, anyone sufficiently brain dead after today's market action is welcome to watch the following soothing live clip of the asteroid's passage, which confirms that Bruce Willis' asteroid busting services will not be needed.

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juslen's picture

Damn, a strike would have meant stimulus! Krugman will have to pray for an Alien invasion.

Divided States of America's picture


Good news: Asteroid to miss Earth

Bad news: Asteroid to collide with Moon and knock the Moon into the Earth

eureka's picture

Oh Fuck - I thought it would hit Wall Street.

Now we have to do it ourselves.

Oh wait - it's 2012 - i.e. God-On next year!

Wonder what punitive mayhem He has up His sleeve for His monetary "servants"...

CPL's picture

impact in t minus fifteen minutes.

fuu's picture

It may have atomic gold on it. A near impact will potentially involve some of those gold ions entering the atmosphere. Hence the afternoon dip as this new supply was priced in with the appropriate leverage.

sqz's picture

I wonder if this is what Hugh Hendry met by needing a meteor to hit the earth to get the kind of deflationary event that could push gold prices higher. Does this count as a correct call?

Nothing like an Extinction Level Event for your portfolio!

TruthInSunshine's picture



***Breaking News***



Asteroid narrowly misses planet earth. The Bernank, however, squarely hits uranus. And uranus. And uranus. And so forth.

Trichet to accounce he will implement The Bernank uranus plan for citizens of the EU as soon as he's given the green light.



***This Has Been Breaking News***

NewThor's picture

Now that I've got your attention,

I'd like to point out a few things.

A) Comet Elenin. It had a 6000 to 15000 year orbit that was vertical to all other known comets. The sun shot a coronal mass ejection at it that tore it to dust. I've got a funny feeling if you track back it's plane you'll find our solar system colliding with another, so more stuff to come into our system from this plane, go  to the end of this plane and you'll probably find our Binary companion to the Sun.

B) Solar flares have been going crazy. Sunspot 1339 which is new, is massive. The Sun is acting up and we REALLY understand how it works less than 1%. It is still a great mystery.

C) All the outer planets in our solar system have been undergoing radical changes.

Economics and Celestial Physics and Alchemy = 2012


Grab a joint, a good woman, a bottle of whiskey,

lay a blanket and spend a few hours watching the stars.

The universe is Awesome.

i-dog's picture

"C) All the outer planets in our solar system have been undergoing radical changes."

What 'radical' changes? ... and over what time period?

Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

I think the most interesting thing I heard about ELE was that it was only the first to come (said a former NASA scientist).  He said, "ELE is a time capsle, and whatever follows is what the capsle was suppossed to tell us about."I don't know much about space, but I do know that the heavens have been very active lately.  The earth too, for that matter.  I am not sure, but something seems to be afoot.

Hephasteus's picture

Strange things are afoot at the elliptic K.

CPL's picture

You can check the other camera locations here   http://www.lemonparty.org

??'s picture

that was evil particularly for those who open in a work environment or who are trying to convince their girlfriend that they are straight, of course the best is those who have webhistory enabled so when junior  checks out dad's surfing habits or the misses

SilverIsKing's picture

I'm sitting on a train and a pic of a bunch of old gay men sucking each other off pops up on my iPad.

Next stop, Homoville!!!

Chingalay's picture

Fn Hilarious..........I just sent the link to my shrink.

spinone's picture

Fuck you I was eating dinner.

mr. mirbach's picture

there is nothing less flattering than seeing Congressmen servicing a Bankster...

Oliver Klozoff's picture

Suddenly everything makes sense now.....

thatthingcanfly's picture

I'm gonna need therapy to get over that one.

gorillaonyourback's picture

no need to show your home made porn pictures, ugh

323's picture

I would suggest a disclaimer or removing that link


idea_hamster's picture

Dude, don't go all "warning label" -- everyone gets lemon'd once.  Now you know.


Spastica Rex's picture

Rick Astley!

Oh , no - not again! LOL!

God, people are clever!

323's picture

yeah, and goatse'd and one cupped, I guess.

f16hoser's picture

Asteroid was gonna hit Wall Street then decided there was no money in it! Decided to come back in a couple of light years.

jeff montanye's picture

when the markets have more honest regulation, maybe 123.000 miles from now.

slyhill's picture

My God! I will be filthy rich on my MoonStrikesEarth CDS!!!!!


Efffiiiiinnnnn YEEEEAAAAAAA!!!!


oh wait...

TwelfthVulture's picture

It's too bad MF Global was your counterparty.

Snidley Whipsnae's picture

Sidereal time is not money...

monoloco's picture

Good news, should be good for an asteroid rally tomorrow.

Blano's picture

Those bugs really need to work on their aim.

Zola's picture

CONfidence has been restored !

tallen's picture

This is bad news, imagine the rebuild and epic-keynesianism that an asteroid strike could start.

+We should launch Jamie Dimon, Blankfein, Moynihan and all the other white collar crooks on a one way trip to this asteroid then nuke it. 

TuesdayBen's picture

No, don't nuke it. I want video of the look on their faces as they observe this beautiful planet shrinking into the distance along with all their stupid ill-gotten oh-my-god-I-wasted-my-life gains

Nage42's picture

Someone has read  Brutal Orbits.


The Big Ching-aso's picture



What do you call a hemorrhoid on an Eskimo?




What do you call an asteroid on Wall Street?


A good start.

Snidley Whipsnae's picture

We will never know how many close encounters dinosaurs had with astroids before THE ONE slammed into the earth...

Although the theory that dino extinction was caused by an astroid strike is not believed by all scientists... Big Hit Day couldn't have been a good day for the dinos.

Worse than Ben getting before a camera tomorrow and saying "Uh... Ya know that gold that used to belong to the US...? Uh... We can't find it..."

Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture




Carlyle Groupie's picture

"What do you call an asteroid on Wall Street? A good start."


I wonder if the CIA & Mossad got some good intel from the 2005-YU55 fagbook page?

/bin/bash> kill -l -s mossadCIA_scum & sleep 1

I just can't get my machine to operate properly..... Any hints from the spaze monkey's?

StychoKiller's picture

'& sleep 1" wasn't really necessary. :>D

slaughterer's picture

Bullish!  Willis not needed!

agent default's picture

No that's bearish.  Asteroid to hit moon, crash moon into the earth, earth orbit to destabilize and drift toward the sun.  That's bullish.  Worth at least 200 points on the S&P

GeezerGeek's picture

Crash moon into earth? I thought it was 'gold to the moon', not the other way around.

LawsofPhysics's picture

Well, finally some good news on ZH.  See, it ain't so bad.  Is evreybody in?  Good, all your assets is belong to us.

spdrdr's picture

All your asset are belong to us!

Until I started reading ZH, I thought that assets were young, female donkeys......