"Better Than Expectations" - Asteroid To Miss Earth

Tyler Durden's picture

Surely, some algo, somewhere will ramp the futures by at least 1-2 points on this headline. In other news, anyone sufficiently brain dead after today's market action is welcome to watch the following soothing live clip of the asteroid's passage, which confirms that Bruce Willis' asteroid busting services will not be needed.

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Overflow-admin's picture

All your (money) base are belong to us (federal reserve)

StychoKiller's picture


What happen?
Somebody set up us the bomb!
We get signal:
Gentlemen, all your base are belong to us
you are on the way to destruction
what you say!
Give cones change the machine!
You have no chance to survive make your time
take off every sig!
Link a fast ether lord fucking net ascending
for great justice.


bbq on whitehouse lawn's picture

How much will the Earths gravity effect it and will it make another pass?


OutLookingIn's picture

The next pass by earth on the round trip is due in 2029. Another close orbit encounter. If not that one then the next one after that is 2047 - could KABOOM!


fuu's picture

Hot Fudge Sundae falls on a Tuesday.

TheMerryPrankster's picture

I think you're thinking of another asteroid. according to wikipedia the next approach in 2029 is by Venus- unless your writing to us from Venus in which case, what are the winters like there?:

On 19 January 19 2029, 2005 YU55 will pass about 0.0023 AU (340,000 km; 210,000 mi) from Venus.[13] The close approach to Venus in 2029 will determine how close the asteroid will pass the Earth in 2041.[5] The uncertainties in the post-2029 trajectory will cause the asteroid to pass somewhere between 0.002 AU (300,000 km; 190,000 mi) and 0.3 AU from the Earth in 2041.[5] Radar astrometry in November 2011 should clarify the Earth encounter situation in 2041 and beyond.[5] As of 7 November 2011 (2011 -11-07)[update], the nominal solution shows 2005 YU55 passing 0.1 AU (15,000,000 km; 9,300,000 mi) from the Earth on 12 November 2041.

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

bbq on whitehouse lawn asked:

How much will the Earths gravity effect it and will it make another pass?

1) The force of gravity is the product of the mass of the Earth, the mass of the asteroid, and the universal gravitational constant, all divided by the square of the distance between them.


2) Yes, if it thinks that the Earth was flirting with it.


youngman's picture

Well whoever thru it can play for the Rockies....they have alot of bad Pitchers

gmrpeabody's picture

But..., it's the thin air, isn't it?

Dr. Engali's picture

Too bad we didn't know about this sooner. We could have quickly build a space craft ( hell it works in the movies) and launched all the bankers up there. Let the asteroid carry the assholes to some other netherworld.

The Swedish Chef's picture

I´ve heard that the cost for putting one kilo (2.2 lbs) in to orbit around the Earth is $22,500. Why would we squander that kind of cash on bankers when rope is so cheap?

Dr. Engali's picture

True very true but when you look at the wealth they plunder any investment is worth the price.

FeralSerf's picture

Why DO we squander much more than that kind of cash on bankers when rope is so cheap?

Eireann go Brach's picture

Larry Summers fat arse is big enough to fill in any hole caused by a massive asteroid hitting earth!

chindit13's picture

Larry Summers already hit the Earth sometime in the mid 1950's, and his "fat arse" has done more damage than the entire asteroid belt could do.

The Count's picture

Confucius says: Where there is one, there are more....!

Get ready for the big one. Of course that will be really bullish for stocks. 


wolverhine's picture

We got spared for one more day. Now it's good time for a finger licking stimulus. Or war maybe

Lord Welligton's picture

So what are we talking here?

Does the asteroid not have a Teleprompter?


No speech writer?

LasVegasDave's picture

Asteroid repulsed by rapaciousness of the Jews?

sabra1's picture

wouldn't it have been great to transport every politician, oldigark, and the HFT robots onto said ASSteroid, and wave goodbye! if only, sigh!!!

zorba THE GREEK's picture

I have had it with this crazy planet. I'm hopping aboard this roid and riding this baby

to wherever it's headed. Can't be any worse than this dump of a planet.

UP Forester's picture

It already passed?  Damn, I guess this purple snuggie and spiked kool-aid are going to be Christmas gifts for someone....

chunga's picture

Which slimey politician will step up to the podium first and take all the credit?

nmewn's picture

The ahhh...eeerrr...uuummm...guy.

GeezerGeek's picture

If it had hit the moon or the earth I am certain that TOTUS would have blamed it on Bush.

Unprepared's picture

According to Berloscuni's Facebook page status:

"Mi darà le dimissioni dopo l'asteroide colpisce la terra"


TBTF banks levered 50:1 that roid was gonna hit earth. 

mynhair's picture

Poor Martians.  They picked the wrong taxi.

Guess they are booted off the Amazing Race.


I've covering my roid shorts after hours. Should have been hedged with Euro CDS.

YesWeKahn's picture

It was shooting toward Iran.

mynhair's picture

Shirley you meant Greece.


Pa Pa Pa, PaPa Ran,

Oh Paparan, take my hand....



Clayton Bigsby's picture

That's not an asteroid.  That's our debt

The Deleuzian's picture

Tyler....Don't even get me started!!!!


Asteroids was one of my favorite Atari games in the 80's.  I didn't know they put out a 4S version.

junkyardjack's picture

It would have been bullish if it hit the middle east

squexx's picture

Landing smack dab in the middle of Tel Aviv would be even better.

caerus's picture

does this mean i have to break up the cult?

bill1102inf's picture

Does that asteroid have it own fiat???? Maybe it could bail out the entire world while it flies by with payments not due until it comes back