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Borowitz Does It Again: Introducing PhoneBook

Tyler Durden's picture





 

It just never gets old...

From Andy Borowitz

Introducing the Hot New Social Network, PhoneBook

SILICON VALLEY (The Borowitz Report) – A new social network is about to alter the playing field of the social media world, and it’s called PhoneBook.

According to its creators, who invented the network in their dorm room at Berkeley, PhoneBook is the game-changer that will leave Facebook, Twitter and even the much anticipated Google Buzz in a cloud of dust.

“With PhoneBook, you have a book that has a list of all your friends in the city, plus everyone else who lives there,” says Danny Fruber, one of PhoneBook’s creators.

“When you want to chat with a friend, you look them up in PhoneBook, and find their unique PhoneBook number,” Fruber explains.  “Then you enter that number into your phone and it connects you directly to them.”

Another breakout utility of PhoneBook allows the user to arrange face-to-face meetings with his or her friends at restaurants, bars, and other “places,” as Fruber calls them.

“You will be sitting right across from your friend and seeing them in 3-D,” he said.  “It’s like Skype, only without the headset.”

PhoneBook will enable friends to play many games as well, such as charades, cards, and a game Fruber believes will be a breakout: Farm.

“In Farm, you have an actual farm where you raise real crops and livestock,” he says.  “It’s hard work, but it’s more fun than Mafia, where you actually get killed.”

 


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Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:54 | Link to Comment bdc63
bdc63's picture

let your fingers do the walking ....

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:01 | Link to Comment nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

The only rational IPO valuation for a PhoneBook company is $200 Billion, roughly $100 Billion more than that out of date Face thingy.  When can I buy into this POS?

 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:09 | Link to Comment resurger
resurger's picture

am buying! The creator of this is not a Harvard graduate right?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:11 | Link to Comment redpill
redpill's picture

I hope not.  For maximum street cred in the Silicon Valley you are allowed to attend an Ivy League school but it's essential that you dropped out prior to graduation.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:18 | Link to Comment Paul Atreides
Paul Atreides's picture

I have been beta testing this since I deleted faceplant and I can tell you the GUI is AMAZING not to mention the audio sampling rates and video quality on the face to face feature is superb, it's like your in the same room. A very well thought out and intuitive piece of software.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:21 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I don't know about that. For us old pharts the font is way too small.

Is there a way to resize the PhoneBook up by 200%?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:25 | Link to Comment johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

get it wet

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:28 | Link to Comment Paul Atreides
Paul Atreides's picture

@CD Currently there is not a lot of customization in the font sizes but the platform is open source which allows you to copy and replicate the data into your own custom phonebook application. I have added a feature request (FR#GLASSES) just incase you are unfamiliar with the open source aspect.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:41 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

"I have added a feature request (FR#GLASSES) just incase you are unfamiliar with the open source aspect."

Up till now I've been using ground down Coke™ bottle bottoms to see The PhoneBook. But this morning Mrs. Cog told me that I can purchase an upgrade at any pharmacy counter.

Will wonders never cease?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:54 | Link to Comment Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

There is a third party app for magnification called OWL:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Owl-Lite-Credit-Magnifier/dp/B000COHFP2

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 15:40 | Link to Comment Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

Not only you can tell your friends you "like" them in person, but also how much you hate their guts. Is there anything technology can't do?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 22:23 | Link to Comment Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

how about 'meet up with someone and have a genuine conversation'.

What a sad bunch of fucks society has become...

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:27 | Link to Comment ihedgemyhedges
ihedgemyhedges's picture

That's what my wife said.  Then I asked her "Who are you on the phone with??????"...................

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:27 | Link to Comment salvadordaly
salvadordaly's picture

they do have an app for that, always thinking ahead.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:43 | Link to Comment Bollixed
Bollixed's picture

Yes, I've been using the "2 Inches Taller at the Dinner Table" app for some time now. It actually allows me to have a fighting chance at the gravy boat.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:29 | Link to Comment TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Cog Dis asked:

Is there a way to resize the PhoneBook up by 200%?

That's done with the real virtuality glasses, an add-on accessory.

 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:42 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I prefer my genuine imitation reading glasses. But thanks for the virtual suggestion. :)

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 14:08 | Link to Comment SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

I love that it fits in my pocket.

 

 

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 03:56 | Link to Comment Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

what, your penis and your hand or just your brain...

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 14:38 | Link to Comment Cadavre
Cadavre's picture

old pharts

Glasses? Or, you could carry around a battery powered wide screen TV and port the smart phone display using a USB connection? Hire somebody to read it for you?

Or - invent a snap on smart phone accessory case with a built in magnifier like the ones used by the information ministry in Monty Python's perfectly prescient celluloid prediction of this moment: Brazil.

Android has an app call "Zoom".

Besides: Most old pharts don't do smart phones - ya can't eat `em and they ain't as entertaining as the view out the window and ya can't make money using them. Paid assistants take and make calls for `em.

Anybody here ever research a prospect and then execute a trade on a smart phone? Surprising - most mega corps still use XP!

Read a sci fi novel. A rich guy in it had paint on his hands - in the novel wood was so expensive only the rich could afford it to support their carpentry hobbies. Spotting the "story's" super rich was easy - they were the only ones on the street that did not have a mobil device smashed against their ear.

Back to Phonebook (r): SO WHEN IS THE IPO or is it just another another CIA funded info harvester, like Flopbook (pretty soon our microwave ovens will all be CIA field agent)?

In today's "Nastiest Rock and Roll Tune Ever Category", thanks to link from a neighbor that makes his living producing music: Jeff and Heap's cover of Roll`n and Tumbl`n. (now this sh*t will make you blind).

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 19:49 | Link to Comment AGuy
AGuy's picture

Thats how PhoneBook will make it's billions: Selling Eyeglasses to enlarge small print.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 18:09 | Link to Comment alchemisteve
alchemisteve's picture

"... your in the same room."  Duke Leto would be so proud.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 20:45 | Link to Comment jez
jez's picture

Pah. PhoneBook is old news. I am working on a super-compact wireless hand-held writing device which I have decided to call a "pencil".

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:25 | Link to Comment barliman
barliman's picture

 

Pssst .... my son knows one of these guys and has heard this network will even work when the internet is offline !!!!!!111!!!!!!!

THIS is a TRILLION dollar IPO waiting to happen!

barliman

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:54 | Link to Comment TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

BUYBUYBUY!!!!!!eleven!!!!

 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 15:27 | Link to Comment Cadavre
Cadavre's picture

My cousin's sister's uncle's daughter best friend says she heard it works, not only without the internet, but without the mobil device or the app!

The IPO man is dry-humping overtime, hot and heavy, any and all diversions to help the muggles forget the Flopbook debacle.

Why isn't CNBC named in the Flopbook NASDAQ filing (forgot they just say what there told to say - but still - does the FCC lease CNBC "OUR" bandwidth to enable them as conspirators in a fraud!

Those flopbook plaintiffs must be born hard again dumb and stuoud trailer park droolers to have fallen for that scam - "GEE I COULDN'T DOUBLE UP IN ONE DAY! - I'm gonna sue for bailout cheese!". Right - just like MF Global paid the haircut back NOT! Should anybody have their contact info - please share - An associate has an "Instant Water (just add water!)" franchise opportunity he'd like to speak with them about. (btw- Didn't "Currently Being Butt Bumped Where the Sun Don't Shine by Billy Joe Bob Bubba", Bernie Madoff, found the NASDAQ?

No wonder Zuck's partner crawled into an Israeli Hidy Hole.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:46 | Link to Comment Winston Smith 2009
Winston Smith 2009's picture

Creator - yes, inventor - no.  That was a pair of Harvard twins.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:09 | Link to Comment redpill
redpill's picture

The bail bonds ads are always the best.  Speaking of which, is Alex Hope out of jail yet?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:15 | Link to Comment francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

So as soon as everybody gets back to break even with the Faceplant fiasco, they get to 'diversify' into this one?

~~~

- Cue the next Nasdaq crash

- Cue the lawyers

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:03 | Link to Comment Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

Valuation of this has to be 20x GOOGLE!

 

http://jamesturkblog.blogspot.ca/

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:04 | Link to Comment derek_vineyard
derek_vineyard's picture

off the topic:  did liesman get fired? 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:10 | Link to Comment UP Forester
UP Forester's picture

Don't worry.  Like genital warts, he'll pop up again, probably muttering incoherently about gold and buy the dip and anal probes and stuff....

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:26 | Link to Comment Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

Scum always rises to the top.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:10 | Link to Comment clones2
clones2's picture

How am I supposed to stalk ex-girlfriends with this "Phonebook"?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:14 | Link to Comment Toxicosis
Toxicosis's picture

I'm sure they'll invent a way.  Stalking never gets old.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:53 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

Vers 1.0 lists EVERY MAN'S EX-GIRLFRIEND AND HER HOME ADDRESS!  The close-your-eyes-and-point randomizer add-on is also included...free!

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 14:09 | Link to Comment Normalcy Bias
Normalcy Bias's picture

HA! That reminds me of the sniper in The Jerk. "Johnson, Navin R... sounds like a typical bastard. "

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 21:02 | Link to Comment jumbo maverick
jumbo maverick's picture

The CANS! He's shooting the cans!

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 21:08 | Link to Comment Jena
Jena's picture

So much to love in that movie!  The cat juggling, the special purpose...

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 04:21 | Link to Comment StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Meh, they only get a restraining order to show how much they luv you! :>D

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:19 | Link to Comment fuu
fuu's picture

You'll have to do it the old fashioned way, on foot.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:48 | Link to Comment Winston Smith 2009
Winston Smith 2009's picture

"off the topic:  did liesman get fired?"

No, he's on vacation and now providing horrible investment advice and market analyisis to his dog, Sucker.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:04 | Link to Comment TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Phonebook is also completely wireless and can be used continuously for months without requiring a battery recharge. In fact, you're more likely to upgrade to a newer version before ever needing to recharge it.

 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:09 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

Free delivery, too!

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:25 | Link to Comment Jay Gould Esq.
Jay Gould Esq.'s picture

Wireless, free delivery -- not to mention wholly "green," as PhoneBook is sourced from 100% recycled/post-consumer content fiber.

An ad revenue-driven pure-play. A placement in this IPO will be a lead pipe cinch to make money.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:23 | Link to Comment fuu
fuu's picture

You can recycle it when you upgade.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 19:18 | Link to Comment Things that go bump
Things that go bump's picture

How retro.  This reminds me of technology I used as a girl.  

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:54 | Link to Comment veyron
veyron's picture

"PhoneBook will enable friends to play many games as well, such as charades, cards, and a game Fruber believes will be a breakout: Farm"

 

If we gave every farmville user a cent of land and a hoe, we'd solve the obesity and unemployment problems 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:00 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

I love to play Farm.  Here is what I won last night...

 

...and it along with some exercise farm does indeed solve the obesity bug associated with other social networking concepts.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:02 | Link to Comment duo
duo's picture

Is that GMO corn?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:06 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

No, but you can try the very popular Drive-Thru or Ready-To-Eat-TV-Dinner social networking concepts to get that. 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:11 | Link to Comment francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

 “In Farm, you have an actual farm where you raise real crops and livestock"

~~~

Yeah, but in this neo-techfucks world, you get to eat your iPhone (how 'cool' is that)...

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:27 | Link to Comment johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

seems to me the game of the moment is 'animal farm'

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 19:20 | Link to Comment Things that go bump
Things that go bump's picture

I hate that game.  I never ge to be the one who is more equal than others.  

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 21:10 | Link to Comment Jena
Jena's picture

Oh, here you do, based on the avatar alone.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:06 | Link to Comment redpill
redpill's picture

Yes, stands for "Got My Own"

 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:06 | Link to Comment drink or die
drink or die's picture

That appears to be raw milk.  A swat team has been dispatched to your location.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:14 | Link to Comment Joshua_D
Joshua_D's picture

Don't worry. I'm sure that milk is only for animal consumption.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:25 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

It is only illegal if we sell it, but then the consequences are indeed quite severe.

Raw milk is dangerous!  Why, it's caused our kids to grow up tall, lean, and strong...and they rarely get sick. 

The government must protect all poor unintelligent dolts that might mistakenly think their kids deserve something better than processed milk from a commercial dairy.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:28 | Link to Comment Joshua_D
Joshua_D's picture

It's not the raw milk that bothers me. It's those dangerous Amish farmers and hippies! They must be stopped! At. All. Costs!

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 14:00 | Link to Comment Lux Fiat
Lux Fiat's picture

Joint ownership of "Bluebonnet" has worked out well (so far) for an aunt and a few friends.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 19:22 | Link to Comment Things that go bump
Things that go bump's picture

Yes, it is all fun and games until someone gets ungulant fever or TB and then it is off to buy pasturizing equipment.  

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:07 | Link to Comment AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

hh, Is that real home grown food? And a dinner table where people have face to face interaction? Gee, that is so retro. You should charge admission. 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:17 | Link to Comment Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

We will all get there soon, because there will be fewer meals.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:41 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

Is that real home grown food? And a dinner table where people have face to face interaction? Gee, that is so retro.

We even give thanks to God before every meal.  Crazy, huh?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:56 | Link to Comment Wannabee
Wannabee's picture

Plus 1 for giving thanks.
Quick question: knives go on the right or left? I always forget....

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 14:04 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Fork(s) on left, knives and spoon on right

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 22:29 | Link to Comment Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

and the iPod goes...

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 14:03 | Link to Comment Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

I don't think Lord Blankfiend is listed in PhoneBook.  Oh, wait, you mean his "boss."

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 14:02 | Link to Comment Coke and Hookers
Coke and Hookers's picture

Home grown, raw milk, real food, thanks to God - seems to me you are flirting with domestic terrorism.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:07 | Link to Comment WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

I'm envious!

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:18 | Link to Comment Dingleberry
Dingleberry's picture

Got any spare leftovers? 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:21 | Link to Comment fuu
fuu's picture

Yay freezer camp!

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:22 | Link to Comment Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

It's funny how many gardens I see popping up around town. People who had nice yards are now planting gardens.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:26 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Count Mrs. Cog and I in that rising tide of grass converters. :)

It's a Miracle (Grow).

Actually it's all Mrs. Cog's doing. I just hang around and beg for radishes.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:27 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

It makes me very happy to hear that, CD.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:33 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Mrs. Cog has my number. Every time she wants me to expand the garden instead of promising me nookie she just promises me another row of radishes.

When you get old you get easy. :)

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:44 | Link to Comment TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

If you grow squash, plant your radishes around them, as they can keep your squash from being decimated by stem borers.

 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:50 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Mrs. Cog. Did you see this?

More radishes Mrs. Cog.

Please?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 21:50 | Link to Comment Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

What do you use if you're planting bankers?

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 09:53 | Link to Comment tonyw
tonyw's picture

squash because they will attract stem borers whatever they might be, but i am visualising some flesh eating grub:-)

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:32 | Link to Comment francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

You can learn a lot from Michele Obama...

She's gotten so good at it that she's learned how to actually harvest okra crops grown in the White House garden, put them into little fancy jars, & wrap them in Tiffany boxes to give to the wives of foreign dignitaries, during the exact time that she's vacationing in the Alhambra, Spain...

That's some advanced gardening skills there...

Part II is where she teaches you how to turn the okra into french fries & serve 'em for school lunches!

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:31 | Link to Comment fuu
fuu's picture

You are too modest, you build things with studs as well.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:41 | Link to Comment TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Cog Dis said:

Count Mrs. Cog and I in that rising tide of grass converters. :)

I only garden out of sheer laziness. Every raised bed that goes in means less lawn to mow, and walking into the back yard is easier and quicker than going to the grocery store.

I'm feeling pretty lazy today, so I'll be doing some more planting this afternoon.

Just another example of the old saying, "hard work eventually pays off sometimes, but laziness always pays off now."

 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 14:11 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I thought I was gonna win in the grass cutting department when Mrs. Cog demanded asked me to put in the garden. But between the raised beds and the ten thousand pots I now spend hours and hours on the string trimmer. (playful lie)

Now she wants a patio block walk way down to the garden so she doesn't get her painted beautiful toe nails wet when she tends to the garden in the morning. (Grumble grumble) (another playful lie)

Yes dear. I'm coming. Just shooting the shit on ZH. (truth)

:>)

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:50 | Link to Comment Winston Smith 2009
Winston Smith 2009's picture

Are you eating your horse?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:57 | Link to Comment hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

Naaaaayyyy.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:55 | Link to Comment bankruptcylawyer
bankruptcylawyer's picture

nice dishes. nice. 

 

but MILK!?!?@?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?WFWUT!?!?!?!??!

who drinks milks with dinner? i mean , cheese on your steak ok i get that. miiiiiiiik!!?!?!?!?!?!

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 16:31 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

DinnerBook! It's what's for er, dinner! 

 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:55 | Link to Comment Confused
Confused's picture

Ugh. Weren't Americans about innovation at some point?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:05 | Link to Comment Doubleguns
Doubleguns's picture

Yep, soon we will add yellow pages to the phone book.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:55 | Link to Comment ghengis86
ghengis86's picture

Where do I sign up to buy into the upcoming IPO???!?!?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:55 | Link to Comment Ellesmere
Ellesmere's picture

Charades....what's that?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:01 | Link to Comment FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

It's a game that our elected officials have perfected.........

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 15:56 | Link to Comment DosZap
DosZap's picture

Charades....what's that?

What we are living.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:55 | Link to Comment Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

hahaha

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:56 | Link to Comment hustler etiquette
hustler etiquette's picture

Now that's class

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:56 | Link to Comment insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and think that PhoneBook is either already trademarked or not trademarkable.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:01 | Link to Comment bdc63
bdc63's picture

oh my ...

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:57 | Link to Comment Sisyphus
Sisyphus's picture

Breaking news
Facebook unfriends Facebook to friend Phonebook

On a telephonic interview, Facebook founder said:
"Whoaaa!!! Duuuuddee!!! That's so cool."

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:06 | Link to Comment resurger
resurger's picture

i deactivated my 2008 account today for good, deleted all my photos, albums ..(although they are still on the CIA servers)

 

 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 16:55 | Link to Comment Jason_1sandal
Jason_1sandal's picture

You can actually delete your account forever. It's about 5 clicks into the help section. You are given 2 weeks to reinstate your account with everything intact. After that you are gone for good (cia may still have account info though). After I did it I got no more ads on ZH !! and about 2/3 less spam in my email YAY !!!!! :>)

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:58 | Link to Comment resurger
resurger's picture

yup! that's the new shit ...

5 Soaps

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:58 | Link to Comment El Viejo
El Viejo's picture

Is it Friday already??

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:03 | Link to Comment john39
john39's picture

depends on whether you are employed.  if not, every day is friday.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:59 | Link to Comment fireangelmaverick
fireangelmaverick's picture

In related news Morgan Stanley agreed to raise $50 Billion for a 10 % stake in the PHONEBOOK company valuing them at $500 billion.

"Apple which actually makes a small % of all phones on the market has a capitalization of close $500 billion. But Apple phones are useless without actual numbers to call. I mean seriously "Who u gonna call?... ". said their chief research analyst.

 

 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:37 | Link to Comment Karl von Bahnhof
Karl von Bahnhof's picture

Newsflash.
Facebook inc. (FB) announced today long awaited mobile solution. In reaction to current market trends we are redy to provide our users with a printed copy of all their postings... CEO said on friday.

"This is extremely smart move, giving current and especially future shareholders extreme advantage in rapidly growing social business" analysts from M-organ stanley said.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:58 | Link to Comment john milton
john milton's picture

have you not played anry birds..?? loaded up more than billion, so must worth more than ...????

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:00 | Link to Comment Mercury
Mercury's picture

This is fantastic!

I can talk to girls with my mouth again!

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:59 | Link to Comment ZeroPower
ZeroPower's picture

Uh...Is there an app for that?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:59 | Link to Comment FLUSA.com
FLUSA.com's picture

When is the IPO?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 12:59 | Link to Comment Mudja
Mudja's picture

I heard Yellow Pages is thinking about an acquisition ;-)

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:27 | Link to Comment cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Yellow Pages

Such an unfortunate name.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:00 | Link to Comment postafoa02
postafoa02's picture

it won't work without electricity for your brain

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:50 | Link to Comment Winston Smith 2009
Winston Smith 2009's picture

What is "brain"?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:00 | Link to Comment I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

dumb

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:07 | Link to Comment HoofHearted
HoofHearted's picture

Yes you are, but we won't hold that against you....too much.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:11 | Link to Comment I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

Fuck, you people are easily amused.  

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:17 | Link to Comment resurger
resurger's picture

nice orange, in which cell you are in? I would like to visit

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:20 | Link to Comment TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

I am a Man I am Forty said:

Fuck, you people are easily amused.

You mean you're not even trying?

 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 17:50 | Link to Comment TWSceptic
TWSceptic's picture

Seems that you are easily depressed. I feel sorry for you man.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:01 | Link to Comment Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

I'm awe in and can't wait for the IPO.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:02 | Link to Comment azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Soon we will have FuckBook or PornBook- all the people you would like to do on a site you can share with all your friends

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:27 | Link to Comment francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

No shit...

Enough of these sophmoric creations... What I want to know is who the fuck is working on the virtual reality 'have sex with a supermodel' device...

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:51 | Link to Comment Winston Smith 2009
Winston Smith 2009's picture

Working... on it... right... now...

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 21:55 | Link to Comment Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

First model, resembling Rosie O'Donnell will be out in June.  It will have a faceplant thumbs up button.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:03 | Link to Comment stoverny
stoverny's picture

what will they think of next

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:03 | Link to Comment thebigmozey
thebigmozey's picture

  Wow - is this a publicly traded company?

  They got stock I can buy.

  What a unique concept - why didn't some one think of this before.

  This is going to be a blockbuster!

  (Yes, sarcaasm intended)

  Cheers

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:07 | Link to Comment Karl von Bahnhof
Karl von Bahnhof's picture

No one, I say no one can see this coming

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:04 | Link to Comment Doubleguns
Doubleguns's picture

Reminds me of the girl that got a wind up watch. It doesn't need batteries. She said what will they thing of next.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:06 | Link to Comment walküre
walküre's picture

Then this from Morgan Stanley

Morgan Stanley: If Clients Overpaid For Facebook Shares, They Will Get An Adjustment

ROFML

The horror, the injustice! Investors overpaid for a stock! MS is done. They've lost all credibility. You can't play this rigged game and pretend you're doing the right thing. That's like the crook who has a weekly confession to get absolution from his crimes.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:12 | Link to Comment WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Or fooking for virginity.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:16 | Link to Comment junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

Local couple Matt and Wendy Ratliff told reporters Tuesday that they have been steadily building up a nest egg of debt to make sure that they always had something tucked away to owe banks and creditors no matter what the future held...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/couple-has-nest-egg-of-debt-to-make-sure-theyve-go,28277/

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:28 | Link to Comment Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

WTF? If you're stupid enough to put a bid in on the piece of shit then you get what you deserve. I'll tell you what MS can I open an options account? And everytime my trade goes south can you adjust my account to make me whole? Anybody who participates in this mad house is an idiot.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:41 | Link to Comment walküre
walküre's picture

FB IPO is going full circle with an inquisition by the US Senate.

MS must have burned the wrong guys on this one.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:47 | Link to Comment eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

Re:

Morgan Stanley: If Clients Overpaid For Facebook Shares, They Will Get An Adjustment

 

Translation: Good luck getting the Justice Dept., SEC, or FBI to come up with any charges that are going to stick (since the lawmakers are our puppets), and even if there is a judgement against us, rest assured that we'll only be required to return pennies on the dollar of what we stold.  Don't you know how the game works yet??!!!!

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 14:23 | Link to Comment Badabing
Badabing's picture

not unless Morgan Stanley jammed the SEC with FB

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:06 | Link to Comment UTICA CLUB XX PURE
UTICA CLUB XX PURE's picture

The milk...

It looks funny...

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:23 | Link to Comment Big Corked Boots
Big Corked Boots's picture

Not as funny as Utica Club.

Although, someone used PhoneBook to invite me over for Genesee Cream Ale. I may have to unfriend them.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:08 | Link to Comment Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

I'm so glad  Ididn't have a mouth full of beer when I started reading this.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:08 | Link to Comment New England Patriot
New England Patriot's picture

Reality has the best graphics, UI.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:09 | Link to Comment hidingfromhelis
hidingfromhelis's picture

Whoa!  This thing sounds way too real.  It's going to be a threat to someone.  

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:09 | Link to Comment FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

This is bullish! BTFD.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:10 | Link to Comment skepticCarl
skepticCarl's picture

This kind of social interaction will be problematical for post boomers.  For instance, how does one lol?  Does one have to exhale forcefully and sporadically through one's vocal chords to make an audible sound?  How does one express emotions properly, without emoticons?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:23 | Link to Comment TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

.

How does one express emotions properly, without emoticons?

It involves display of the genitals or buttocks.

 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:25 | Link to Comment cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

What are these "genitals" of which you speak?

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:49 | Link to Comment TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

They're those things for which the internet was invented.

 

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:13 | Link to Comment blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

I don't see how you're going to make money on this one. 

I already get a competitor's version of this for free on my doorstep every once in awhile.

Wed, 05/23/2012 - 13:15 | Link to Comment junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

You don't need revenue to be a public company.  Go back to sleep Rip Van Winkle, the 50s have passed.  Where can I invest in this?...

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