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Brian Moynihan Sends Pep-Talk Letter To Employees, Yet Another Morale Crunch Ensues

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Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:16 | 1542587 glenlloyd
glenlloyd's picture

Morale Crunch - a new cereal product, no nutritional value at all.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:28 | 1542640 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

AKA - Please don't sell anymore, at least until I'm out!

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 12:06 | 1542807 spacecadet
spacecadet's picture

Good one

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:17 | 1542596 forexskin
forexskin's picture


"I've got vaseline and I'm willing to share"

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:18 | 1542599 caerus
caerus's picture

p.s. update your resumes...just sayin...

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 12:00 | 1542783 jus_lite_reading
jus_lite_reading's picture


Now this strong company will cut 15% of the work force...

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:19 | 1542601 Debtless
Debtless's picture

BACs going out in a body bag, do da, do da.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:19 | 1542602 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Great job everyone , now lets go foreclose on as many homes as we can today, even though we do not have standing or own a single one of the notes

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:21 | 1542612 baby_BLYTHE
baby_BLYTHE's picture

"We're insolvent, time to feast on more middle-class flesh"

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:22 | 1542619 glenlloyd
glenlloyd's picture

so you're saying it's time to release the BAC zombies?

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:46 | 1542729 baby_BLYTHE
baby_BLYTHE's picture

Yep, time to bring out the dead and remove their heads


Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:36 | 1542650 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

This was a great piece on The Daily Show about how BAC tried to foreclose on a couple that purchased their home with cash and didn't even have a mortgage with BAC...so the couple foreclosed on one of their branches.  No shitting!


The Forecloser


Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:43 | 1542717 chunga
chunga's picture

Another of BAC Foreclosure Mills about to bite the dust? From Sunday's Boston Globe:

Building an empire, one home at a time

Referenced in the front page article are signatures by one of the attorneys at the mill (Harmon Law). The link below is a collection of his signatures and the analysis by a "Court Qualified Document and Handwriting Examiner". After he wrote the analysis, for some odd reason, he saw the light, and ammended his "analysis". Turns out this attorney is a rare individual who signs his name differently quite a bit. Especially on legal documents.

Wonder what happened...lol.

Andrew Harmon Signatures Examined by Handwriting Expert

Here are a few snips from the Globe article:

"John L. O’ Brien, head of the Southern Essex District Registry of Deeds in Salem, said he found five different versions of Andrew Harmon’s signature on foreclosure-related legal documents as part of an investigation into alleged robosigners - information he submitted to Coakley’s office."

"Indeed, the firm’s determination to get the job done can cause emotions to erupt, especially those of desperate homeowners. (It is why Harmon Law’s Newton offices are fortified with security glass.) Because when you peel away the layers of foreclosure paperwork and legalese, Harmon’s business comes down to getting people like Mack out of their homes and doing it as quickly as possible."

Fortified with security glass?!?

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:19 | 1542603 Jean
Jean's picture

Letters like that should be tanamount to stock tampering, is he holding a short position?

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:21 | 1542610 Ancona
Ancona's picture

BRIAN - BRIAN he's our man, if he can't do it NO ONE can!!

What a crock.

Doom on, <sarc> off

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:21 | 1542615 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

this letter should be read to every witness.................right before they execute him

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:21 | 1542616 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Letters like that make me go hmmm....

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:22 | 1542620 Crack-up Boom
Crack-up Boom's picture

I spoke to a local BofA branch management-type yesterday afternoon who had no idea that there were any problems with BofA.  When I relayed the news of the past week, this person was truly surprised (and I don't think believed me).  Talk about sheeple!  This memo will probably jar some employees out of their stupor. 

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:22 | 1542622 Greater Fool
Greater Fool's picture

Well, that was inspiring. It inspires me to want to short BAC.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:22 | 1542623 Critical Path
Critical Path's picture

Denial Bitchez

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:25 | 1542636 j0nx
j0nx's picture

Hope they go because my one credit card is with them and I have used the living shit out of it the past few months to buy staples, guns and ammo. If they fold then no fucking way I am paying it off. They fold and my debt goes up in smoke with them as far as I am concerned. Same for my underwater mortgage if WF goes poof.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:37 | 1542689 snowball777
snowball777's picture

ENABLER  noun:

one that enables another to achieve an end; especially : one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:30 | 1542637 snowball777
snowball777's picture

Hey Moynihan, save one of those bulldozers for your pad, motherfucker!

"We continue to build our fortress balance sheet...."

...out of water and sand.

"Our Tier I Common capital ratio..."

...won't even cover our discovery fees by the time all is said and done.

"We have resolved a large portion of our legacy mortgage issues..."

...and sincerely hope no one looks our "Fuck You Mort Adjustment" plan in the mouth.

"Our customer-focused strategy is working..."

...you can see them right here, in the crosshairs.

Bank of Lynching America Countrywide: too butt-ugly to fuck.


Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:26 | 1542643 bharat
bharat's picture

Lots of layoffs happening at BAC, quietly & unnannounced.  10% or more to be chopped.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:30 | 1542655 monopoly
monopoly's picture

Layoffs, yes, and how he lies to his people. BAC is a walking zombie.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:55 | 1542764 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Layoffs and branch offices closing.  Just hope my safe deposit box is still ok.  It is stuffed with physical gold and Treasuries.  

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 21:50 | 1544941 Real Estate Geek
Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:30 | 1542656 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

We are living in a trillion world. Billion was the past decade...


Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:47 | 1542661 Doyle Hargraves
Doyle Hargraves's picture

HAHAHAHA..."Because we serve one in two households in the U.S."-Translation: We are exposed to a lot of shit!

"...and five of our six major businesses are strong and profitable"-Translation: It takes all we have from the other 5 just to barely be able to tread water from that shit sandwich, cunt tree wide, we might have been ok covering our own incompetence in underwriting mortgages but the addition of those assholes has really fucked us!

They die before the end of the month at most! Good fucking riddance!

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:31 | 1542667 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

40 cents was my target for BAC and I'll stick to it. It would justify the dividend they give of 4 cents a year....


Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:32 | 1542669 wombats
wombats's picture

Sounds like JPMorgan is about to get bigger...and what about the Rothschilds?  Do they have a stake in this outcome?

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:40 | 1542705 snowball777
snowball777's picture

The enemy of my enemy....is just another triangulating asshole.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:51 | 1542751 Long-John-Silver
Long-John-Silver's picture

The enemy of my enemy will stab you in the back the first time you get ahead.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:44 | 1542723 Doyle Hargraves
Doyle Hargraves's picture

The morgue will get the deposits and gs will get merrill lynch, and we will be stuck with the remains (cunt tree wide). I think that is how it will go down.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 12:37 | 1542894 WellingtonDowd
WellingtonDowd's picture

unfortunately I think you're correct in this statement.  Nobody wants the shit sandwich that is Countrywide...altho it would be rather fitting to force it onto GS.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:56 | 1542770 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

My prediction is Goldman gets BAC.  They need the retail outlets to attract some customers.  

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:33 | 1542675 max2205
max2205's picture

Who will get to buy BAC at $1.50 per share...then revise it up to $3.50 at the last minute.... aka Bear Stearns

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:33 | 1542677 Iriestx
Iriestx's picture

Walking people out of BAC left and right today.  Not sure why all the layoffs aren't getting covered, but we're talking thousands of people.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:54 | 1542758 Greater Fool
Greater Fool's picture

You mean over by Bryant Park?

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:42 | 1542709 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I heard this exact same speech when  worked at Wachovia. I actually worked for AG Edwards and we were bought out. I heard this speech from the CEO on Friday. Our stock price was $8.00 a share. We came in on Monday to find out that Citi had purchased the brokerage arm for $1.00 a share. We actually found out from CNBC before we heard it from the CEO. So I give BAC 1 week and they are toast.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 12:00 | 1542785 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

You worked for AG Edwards, then you worked for Wachovia after AG Edwards was taken over, so you must now work for Wells Fargo, after briefly working for Citi for a week.  

Who would want the brokerage arm of BAC, i.e. ML?  Let's think together. 

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 12:53 | 1542926 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Well after Wachovia bought AG Edwards my partners and I started taliking about going independent. We didn't care for Wachovia and their business practices. So after Wells bought Wachovia we left 3 months later. If I were to make a guess about who would get the brokerage arm now I think it would be JP Morgan. I think they are probably in the best position to take it over. If you remember Merrill had a pretty crappy balance sheet. They wil probably unload a lot of that crap onto Countrywide.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 13:02 | 1542964 Johnny Lawrence
Johnny Lawrence's picture

I heard this same exact speech too, only from Merrill.  Friday everything was great.  On Sunday, I saw on the news that we were bought by BofA.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 11:45 | 1542725 gwar5
gwar5's picture

It's almost 510 years to the day Shakespeare's Henry V was published (Aug 14), so it's appropriate for Brian might try to rally the troops with a stirring memo, and re-write from the Bard....

(House lights dim, spotlight on Moynihan)

"We few, we happy few, we band of bankers. For he today that sheds his job with me shall be my accomplice; be never so vile. This day shall gentle a bank run. And gentlemen in BAC now abed, shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their wallets cheap, whiles any speaks that fought with us upon Saint Credit Crunch day."

(Tears and applause, fade out)

--Brian Moynihan, with help from the Bard.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 12:09 | 1542810 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

Once more unto the $20-50 billion breach, dear teammates, once more;
Or close the vault up with our robo-signed deeds.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 12:14 | 1542836 Fed Supporter
Fed Supporter's picture

Love it.

Tue, 08/09/2011 - 22:46 | 1545051 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

"I laughed, I cried!  It's the ultimate feel-good moment of the 21st Century!  Two thumbs up!"  (yuck!) :>(

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