As Broke Bankia Runs Out Of Toasters, It Has A Bold Solution: A Spiderman Beach Towel

Tyler Durden's picture

A week ago we tweeted, jokingly, or so we thought, the following:

As it turns out it was no joke. Because instead ot the Generally Accepted Depositor Principles bauble generically handed out to witless investors, what Bankia is now resorting to is... a Spiderman Beach Towel in exchange for a €300 deposit.

The below "incentive" to to "run away with the exclusive towel of Spider-Man" is not google translated. It is CTRL-C/V'ed directly from the official Bankia website. Seriously.

It enters Bankia and it discovers your superpowers


If you have the Cuenta Joven and you want to discover what superpowers have, just have to enter Bankia.

SUPERBE ABLE TO PLAYERO (How to achieve the towel)

If you do not want stay stuck to the sand of the beach, you will have to increase € 300 the balance of your Cuenta Joven in order to be able to run away with the exclusive towel of Spider-Man. That is, when it finishes the month have to have€ 300 more than the previous month.


At the end of the month will watch the total "My First Account " balances and "Cuenta Joven " and we will assign the promotional gift at 20,000 clients with great balance that month. To be clearer, will check the increase of€ 300 these days:

  • 31 May with respect to 30 April 2012
  • 30 June with respect to 31 May 2012
  • 31 July with respect to 30 June 2012

If you corresponds the towel, you will arrive at your usual branch throughout the promotion and them will communicate it to you.


Only will have to have a balance equal to or more than€ 300 in your Cuenta Joven at the close of every promotionalmonth. For every€ 50 of balance that you have in your Cuenta Joven you will give a point to achieve:

  • 1,050 Entrances: 50 for the premiere (pending date) and 1,000 for the film (6 July in cinemas). Balance ?€ 300 on 31 May
  • 12 Consoles PS Vita + game. Balance ?€ 300 on 30 June
  • Trip to New York with hotel in Manhattan 4 people so that invite whom want. Balance ?€ 300 on 31 July

If you have a balance higher than€ 300 in those 3 dates, participated in all prize draws

We will send you for mail numbers of prize draw with which have participated. We will publish on the website the winning numbers of each prize draw and if result awarded person will get in touch with you.

 Recuerda that your Cuenta Joven is free, between other advantages, when belonging to the group "Bankia WITHOUT commissions"

 Valid promotion of 15/05/12 to 31/07/12, inclusive for "My First Account " or "Cuenta Joven "titleholders, that they fulfill all demanded requirements in notarial bases. Limited articles to 20,000 uds/month. Prize draw for balances ?€ 300 to 31/05: 525 double entrances. Date prize draw 12/06/12. Prize draw for balances ?€ 300 to 30/06: 12 PS Vita. Date prize draw 12/07/12. Prize draw for balances ?€ 300 to 31/07: 1 trip to New York. Date prize draw 13/08/12. The prize will be subject to the taxation in force and it will will be assumed by the client in the corresponding PERSONAL INCOME TAX statement. See full conditions of the promotion in the deposited Bases in the presence of a notary and available in Bankia branches and here

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slaughterer's picture

No way do I deposit anything without an ECB guarantee. 

Pladizow's picture

Biggest WTF moment of the year?

tocointhephrase's picture

Whan all else fails. call in the super heros. Last hope=NO HOPE!

Harlequin001's picture

What, a REAL spiderman towel?


MsCreant's picture

Yeah, none of the fake, printed, fiat, towels...

El Oregonian's picture

Don't they know that Spidey is radioactive and toxic!

Coke and Hookers's picture

They should be handing out cyanide capsules.

Gief Gold Plox's picture

To upper management and the marketing morons who thought up this stupid promotion. Oh... and to whoever translated the text to English.

The Alarmist's picture

I dunno ... the way the Euro is going, the Spiderman towel might end up being worth more in the not so distant future.

sunaJ's picture

When they get desperate enough to throw in a long-vacant condo in Andalucia along with the towel, I may agree to their money-holding terms.

The Alarmist's picture

Hell, I'll keep €1.000 on deposit if they give me a condo near a nice golf course.

Freewheelin Franklin's picture

When they start handing out bitches and/or blow, I'll consider it...bitchez

FEDbuster's picture

With a little work you can hang yourself with a Spiderman Beach Towel.  Wonder if they were made in China?

StychoKiller's picture

Hmm, towels can't make toast! :>D

Lux Fiat's picture

No need to go to such lethal extremes when a twisted up (preferrably wet) Spidey towel will get the message across quite nicely.  And there will be a lot of them sitting around.

Chaffinch's picture

You have to pay TAX on the towel?!!

Sorry, I read the small print - I'm a sucker for offers like this...

; )

(Incidentally, for any ZH readers desperate to get their hands on a towel, Kellogs are giving them away with 3 boxes of cornflakes plus £1.20 postage.) In fact, buying a few boxes of cornflakes for when things get bad would be a pretty good idea - better than making a deposit with a bank.

MsCreant's picture

They are handing out towels because they know their clients are GONNA TAKE A BATH.

Eugene9876's picture

Just about wet my pants with this one.

Zaydac's picture

Therefore you need a towel. I happen to know where you can get one....

xtop23's picture

Douglas Adams had this nailed years ago.

Aside from the answer to the eternal question being, 42.

Bezukhov's picture

And Spiderman towels, because they are hanging on by a thread.

The Alarmist's picture

Of course you have to pay tax on the towel.  Where the hell have you been living the last 30 years?  You technically have to pay US tax on the difference between the market value of the towel and its discount value, but they haven't figured out how to police this deminimis value for the time being.  Look for 1099's to rear their ugly head for amounts less than $600 yet again in the future.

nmewn's picture

Saw the same thing..."its free"..."you won"..."lucky you" up.

Imputed "income" to be taxed bitchez.

MsCreant's picture

I would not deposit WITH a guarantee.

Manthong's picture

Oh, what a tangled web they weave..

Xibalba's picture

Chase is handing out ballpoint pens

pkea's picture

at least chase handing out 150$ for a direct deposit still shows that they can print and hand out fiat money to guarantee those derivative positions...

The Gooch's picture

Pens are lethal if aimed properly and executed with follow through.

Dumpster Fire's picture

You can't hang yourself with a pen.

The Alarmist's picture

Love the scene in Grosse Pointe Blank when Martin kills his would-be-assassin by stabbing him in the carotid artery with a promotional pen.

Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

Deceivers, stupified through fable, let's make a deal at the dinner table.  Put you on tour, put your record on wax, sign your life on the X.  You exit, x-off, but what you really get:  a box of Newports, and Puma sweats.

-3rd Bass - The Gas Face

jez's picture

But won't everybody on the beach who sees my towel know that I'm a bloody half-wit?

sunaJ's picture



La Cucaracha

La Cucaracha

Ya no puede ahorrar...

Porque no tiene,

Porque le falta:

El trabajo para'l bienestar.

Harlequin001's picture

What is it? spot the difference...

BlueCollaredOne's picture

That game is more fun when Im drunk, and when the pictures are naked girls.

MsCreant's picture

Guess you had to think twice about posting that!

Gully Foyle's picture

Is there a LOBO mug option?

eclectic syncretist's picture

They're taking it to a whole new level!!!  Where do I sign up?


Wouldn't John Carter towels be more appropriate?

bloostar's picture

Halifax in the UK is giving away 100,000 pounds to three lucky 'winners' every month. I'd still prefer a beach towel however is it me or are banks turning into bingo halls with free prize giveaways? What a sad state of affairs...

bloostar's picture

The beach towels are no doubt of Chinese origin, further aiding the downfall of the Spanish economy.

LetThemEatRand's picture

This proves that even small deposits do matter to these fuckers in the aggregate.  

Rusticus's picture

... or Bankia accepted beach towels as collateral for a loan to a Spanish beachfront developer.

carbonmutant's picture

Only available to the first 20,

V in PA's picture

I thought they needed closer to 6 billion euro.

carbonmutant's picture

Maybe they need a little extra for Goirigolzarri's retirement...

Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Actually I prefer Super Girl.

Then again......I am a Deviated Pre-vert.