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As Broke Bankia Runs Out Of Toasters, It Has A Bold Solution: A Spiderman Beach Towel

Tyler Durden's picture


A week ago we tweeted, jokingly, or so we thought, the following:

As it turns out it was no joke. Because instead ot the Generally Accepted Depositor Principles bauble generically handed out to witless investors, what Bankia is now resorting to is... a Spiderman Beach Towel in exchange for a €300 deposit.

The below "incentive" to to "run away with the exclusive towel of Spider-Man" is not google translated. It is CTRL-C/V'ed directly from the official Bankia website. Seriously.

It enters Bankia and it discovers your superpowers


If you have the Cuenta Joven and you want to discover what superpowers have, just have to enter Bankia.

SUPERBE ABLE TO PLAYERO (How to achieve the towel)

If you do not want stay stuck to the sand of the beach, you will have to increase € 300 the balance of your Cuenta Joven in order to be able to run away with the exclusive towel of Spider-Man. That is, when it finishes the month have to have€ 300 more than the previous month.


At the end of the month will watch the total "My First Account " balances and "Cuenta Joven " and we will assign the promotional gift at 20,000 clients with great balance that month. To be clearer, will check the increase of€ 300 these days:

  • 31 May with respect to 30 April 2012
  • 30 June with respect to 31 May 2012
  • 31 July with respect to 30 June 2012

If you corresponds the towel, you will arrive at your usual branch throughout the promotion and them will communicate it to you.


Only will have to have a balance equal to or more than€ 300 in your Cuenta Joven at the close of every promotionalmonth. For every€ 50 of balance that you have in your Cuenta Joven you will give a point to achieve:

  • 1,050 Entrances: 50 for the premiere (pending date) and 1,000 for the film (6 July in cinemas). Balance ?€ 300 on 31 May
  • 12 Consoles PS Vita + game. Balance ?€ 300 on 30 June
  • Trip to New York with hotel in Manhattan 4 people so that invite whom want. Balance ?€ 300 on 31 July

If you have a balance higher than€ 300 in those 3 dates, participated in all prize draws

We will send you for mail numbers of prize draw with which have participated. We will publish on the website the winning numbers of each prize draw and if result awarded person will get in touch with you.

 Recuerda that your Cuenta Joven is free, between other advantages, when belonging to the group "Bankia WITHOUT commissions"

 Valid promotion of 15/05/12 to 31/07/12, inclusive for "My First Account " or "Cuenta Joven "titleholders, that they fulfill all demanded requirements in notarial bases. Limited articles to 20,000 uds/month. Prize draw for balances ?€ 300 to 31/05: 525 double entrances. Date prize draw 12/06/12. Prize draw for balances ?€ 300 to 30/06: 12 PS Vita. Date prize draw 12/07/12. Prize draw for balances ?€ 300 to 31/07: 1 trip to New York. Date prize draw 13/08/12. The prize will be subject to the taxation in force and it will will be assumed by the client in the corresponding PERSONAL INCOME TAX statement. See full conditions of the promotion in the deposited Bases in the presence of a notary and available in Bankia branches and here


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Wed, 05/30/2012 - 11:55 | 2475866 Capitalist
Capitalist's picture

Typical zombie trap. You will have your towel but you will not have your face.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 11:59 | 2475889 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

No way do I deposit anything without an ECB guarantee. 

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:04 | 2475919 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

Biggest WTF moment of the year?

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:09 | 2475946 tocointhephrase
tocointhephrase's picture

Whan all else fails. call in the super heros. Last hope=NO HOPE!

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:17 | 2475980 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

What, a REAL spiderman towel?


Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:19 | 2475999 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Yeah, none of the fake, printed, fiat, towels...

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:24 | 2476041 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Don't they know that Spidey is radioactive and toxic!

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:28 | 2476058 Coke and Hookers
Coke and Hookers's picture

They should be handing out cyanide capsules.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 15:24 | 2476936 Gief Gold Plox
Gief Gold Plox's picture

To upper management and the marketing morons who thought up this stupid promotion. Oh... and to whoever translated the text to English.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:09 | 2477531 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

I dunno ... the way the Euro is going, the Spiderman towel might end up being worth more in the not so distant future.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:20 | 2477556 sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

When they get desperate enough to throw in a long-vacant condo in Andalucia along with the towel, I may agree to their money-holding terms.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:34 | 2477583 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

Hell, I'll keep €1.000 on deposit if they give me a condo near a nice golf course.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:41 | 2477600 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

 Beach Towlz beachez!

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:43 | 2477604 Freewheelin Franklin
Freewheelin Franklin's picture

When they start handing out bitches and/or blow, I'll consider it...bitchez

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 22:09 | 2478041 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

With a little work you can hang yourself with a Spiderman Beach Towel.  Wonder if they were made in China?

Thu, 05/31/2012 - 01:58 | 2478465 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Hmm, towels can't make toast! :>D

Thu, 05/31/2012 - 02:45 | 2478496 Lux Fiat
Lux Fiat's picture

No need to go to such lethal extremes when a twisted up (preferrably wet) Spidey towel will get the message across quite nicely.  And there will be a lot of them sitting around.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:13 | 2475950 Chaffinch
Chaffinch's picture

You have to pay TAX on the towel?!!

Sorry, I read the small print - I'm a sucker for offers like this...

; )

(Incidentally, for any ZH readers desperate to get their hands on a towel, Kellogs are giving them away with 3 boxes of cornflakes plus £1.20 postage.) In fact, buying a few boxes of cornflakes for when things get bad would be a pretty good idea - better than making a deposit with a bank.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:20 | 2476009 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

They are handing out towels because they know their clients are GONNA TAKE A BATH.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:51 | 2476172 Eugene9876
Eugene9876's picture

Just about wet my pants with this one.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:41 | 2477602 Zaydac
Zaydac's picture

Therefore you need a towel. I happen to know where you can get one....

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 19:34 | 2477716 xtop23
xtop23's picture

Douglas Adams had this nailed years ago.

Aside from the answer to the eternal question being, 42.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 19:55 | 2477744 Bezukhov
Bezukhov's picture

And Spiderman towels, because they are hanging on by a thread.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 19:26 | 2477700 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

Of course you have to pay tax on the towel.  Where the hell have you been living the last 30 years?  You technically have to pay US tax on the difference between the market value of the towel and its discount value, but they haven't figured out how to police this deminimis value for the time being.  Look for 1099's to rear their ugly head for amounts less than $600 yet again in the future.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 20:00 | 2477753 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Saw the same thing..."its free"..."you won"..."lucky you" up.

Imputed "income" to be taxed bitchez.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:18 | 2475989 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

I would not deposit WITH a guarantee.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:00 | 2475897 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Oh, what a tangled web they weave..

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:03 | 2475913 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

Chase is handing out ballpoint pens

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:08 | 2475939 pkea
pkea's picture

at least chase handing out 150$ for a direct deposit still shows that they can print and hand out fiat money to guarantee those derivative positions...

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:18 | 2475986 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Pens are lethal if aimed properly and executed with follow through.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:26 | 2476047 Dumpster Fire
Dumpster Fire's picture

You can't hang yourself with a pen.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:32 | 2477533 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

Love the scene in Grosse Pointe Blank when Martin kills his would-be-assassin by stabbing him in the carotid artery with a promotional pen.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:22 | 2475998 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

Deceivers, stupified through fable, let's make a deal at the dinner table.  Put you on tour, put your record on wax, sign your life on the X.  You exit, x-off, but what you really get:  a box of Newports, and Puma sweats.

-3rd Bass - The Gas Face

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:16 | 2475975 jez
jez's picture

But won't everybody on the beach who sees my towel know that I'm a bloody half-wit?

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:27 | 2476004 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Wed, 05/30/2012 - 14:50 | 2476772 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture


Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:38 | 2477578 sunaJ
sunaJ's picture



La Cucaracha

La Cucaracha

Ya no puede ahorrar...

Porque no tiene,

Porque le falta:

El trabajo para'l bienestar.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:19 | 2476005 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:20 | 2476012 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

What is it? spot the difference...

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:22 | 2476033 BlueCollaredOne
BlueCollaredOne's picture

That game is more fun when Im drunk, and when the pictures are naked girls.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:21 | 2476019 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Guess you had to think twice about posting that!

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:25 | 2476046 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

Is there a LOBO mug option?

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:37 | 2476102 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

They're taking it to a whole new level!!!  Where do I sign up?


Wouldn't John Carter towels be more appropriate?

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 14:40 | 2476719 bloostar
bloostar's picture

Halifax in the UK is giving away 100,000 pounds to three lucky 'winners' every month. I'd still prefer a beach towel however is it me or are banks turning into bingo halls with free prize giveaways? What a sad state of affairs...

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 14:42 | 2476724 bloostar
bloostar's picture

The beach towels are no doubt of Chinese origin, further aiding the downfall of the Spanish economy.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 11:56 | 2475869 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

This proves that even small deposits do matter to these fuckers in the aggregate.  

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:43 | 2476128 Rusticus
Rusticus's picture

... or Bankia accepted beach towels as collateral for a loan to a Spanish beachfront developer.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 11:56 | 2475872 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

Only available to the first 20,

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:00 | 2475898 V in PA
V in PA's picture

I thought they needed closer to 6 billion euro.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:26 | 2476050 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

Maybe they need a little extra for Goirigolzarri's retirement...

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 11:58 | 2475879 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Actually I prefer Super Girl.

Then again......I am a Deviated Pre-vert.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 11:59 | 2475896 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

You mean aside from the Gold fetish?

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:05 | 2475915 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

A man's gotta have a few vices left for Mrs. Cog to clean up. :)

Actually I prefer Silver to Gold. I watch Gold because Gold is the rabbit and Silver is the greyhound. I can't wait til the greyhound begins to close the distance on the rabbit.

And..........we're off.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:07 | 2475935 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

You sound like you had your Wheaties this morning...

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:07 | 2475938 Dagny Taggart
Dagny Taggart's picture

LOL - coincidently, your biggest vice being that you can't stop fixing broken toasters (and computers, and houses and cars...)

BTW Spidey rocks.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 14:35 | 2476695 Bunga Bunga
Wed, 05/30/2012 - 11:57 | 2475880 sockratte
sockratte's picture

why not vice versa? give them a towel and they give you a €300 deposit? ;-)

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 11:58 | 2475888 sockratte
sockratte's picture

at least some assets ;-)

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:14 | 2475964 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

I would prefer to get a big Dogo Argentine dog for my €300 deposit.   

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 15:59 | 2477121 Bag Of Meat
Bag Of Meat's picture

Probably because the towel is worth more than most their assets

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:32 | 2477579 stocktivity
stocktivity's picture

The towel may be worth more before long.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 11:58 | 2475882 DrDinkus
DrDinkus's picture

i laughed....then i cried

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:19 | 2476001 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

Can you eat iTowel...

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:37 | 2476093 Rusticus
Rusticus's picture

NO, but you can cover yourself when the tide goes out.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 11:58 | 2475884 fuu
fuu's picture


Wed, 05/30/2012 - 11:58 | 2475885 nudlee
nudlee's picture

i really dont know whether to cry or laugh

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:04 | 2475922 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Cry until you start laughing, that's what I do. And who is that down-tic troll on here today? A CNBC plant? Cramer assistant?

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:29 | 2476064 nudlee
nudlee's picture

probably the facebook guy from yesterday is still mad at us ;)

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:08 | 2475940 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

 "You're fired"

~ J Jonah Jameson

"Oh right, you're unfired, get back here!"




Wed, 05/30/2012 - 11:59 | 2475891 CcalSD
CcalSD's picture

That's One expensive Beach Towel!

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 11:59 | 2475892 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

OK ZH time to scoop up the trolls and banish them to the front porch.


Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:09 | 2475942 BlueCollaredOne
BlueCollaredOne's picture

I think Ruttrow is the annoying fuck who is junking everyone. 

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:02 | 2475899 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

Maybe Spidee will save Europe?

They need some sort of super hero.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:00 | 2475900 homersimpson
homersimpson's picture

If they had a Spider-Pig towel, I'd deposit my.. um.. those 300 um... C's with the equal sign in it.. whatever that is.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:02 | 2475905 Caggge
Caggge's picture

In stylish banker's a paper beach towel.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:02 | 2475910 jo6pac
jo6pac's picture

I loved the good old days when the bankster gave out toasters and that pretty much says it all for the failed banking system

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:04 | 2475921 Byte Me
Byte Me's picture

Hope their Spanish copy is better...

..This raises funds and stops a B-R how exactly?

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:05 | 2475925 czarangelus
czarangelus's picture

Tyler's level of prescience is entering The Onion territory. When you can't make up a joke more absurd than the rabbit the Cabal pulls out of a hat...

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:06 | 2475927 katchum
katchum's picture

Can't Spanish people write proper English?

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:06 | 2475930 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

The towel will be worth more than the money soon enough.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 13:32 | 2476395 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

It's not worth much.  That towel is a counterfeit made by a Chinese company using cotton soaked in toxic chemicals.


Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:07 | 2475933 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

Keep your dirty stinking filthy hands off of my Cuenta Joven

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:07 | 2475936 BlueCollaredOne
BlueCollaredOne's picture

I've learned to trust the Tyler's, and a lot of times now I don't bother checking the source for their posts. I've lurked long enough to know that I don't have to.  That being said this was one of those times where I really couldn't believe that this was true. 

Only thing that comes to mind is

Fuck me...


Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:15 | 2475970 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Even funnier, I ran the Spanish version of the page through google translate to see if that's what they did, but no, someone seemingly wrote this by hand (or used a different translator), 

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:09 | 2475941 FranSix
FranSix's picture

The Spidermans wind up in management, while the Masters Of The Universe wind up at a commercial trading desk.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:52 | 2476177 Crack-up Boom
Crack-up Boom's picture

Yeah, but just wait until the Avengers show up en masse. 

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:10 | 2475953 Byte Me
Byte Me's picture

I love it when the bank throws in the towel

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 14:04 | 2476539 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

Damn, I wish I'd said that first...

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:56 | 2477638 Zaydac
Zaydac's picture

Possibly the best one-liner ever on ZH.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:13 | 2475957 gamera9
gamera9's picture

Bullish for Disney and the ultimately the Dow.. Bernanke is a genius

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:12 | 2475958 gamera9
gamera9's picture

Bullish for Disney and the ultimately the Dow.. Bernanke is a genius

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:13 | 2475959 SmoothCoolSmoke
SmoothCoolSmoke's picture

The EU cammode is full............ yet still no big, f'n, flush anywhere.  When is Dow -500, Dax -300 day, etc  going to finally show.  Me thinks NEVER!

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:15 | 2475966 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

You'd think a Bank Guarantee would be more effective than a beach towel.


Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:17 | 2475977 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I'd like a Goldmember towel please.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:19 | 2475995 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

All your Goldmember towels are belong to us.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:29 | 2476062 BlueCollaredOne
BlueCollaredOne's picture

Slightly offtopic, but the Dick towel would be pretty funny as well.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 19:28 | 2477705 janus
janus's picture


btw, it was a fellow zhealot who recommended 'sunny in...'; and, now that i have cable, i'd like to pass along a big thank you (whomsoever you may be).  funniest new show on the tube.  devito strikes again!

but, fuck a bunch of dick towels....the kitten mitten will compel depositers like brains for a zombie.



Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:26 | 2475983 Village Smithy
Village Smithy's picture

I'd prefer a free rifle. But seriously if they need about $24 billion to shore up their balance sheet at $375 per deposit per towel they'll need to give out 64 million towels. Do they have space to store them all?

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:18 | 2475992 valley chick
valley chick's picture

heck with spiderman ....I would like a zerohedge icon on my towel.  ;-)

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:34 | 2477584 cbxer55
cbxer55's picture

They ain't got no towel, but they got a thong ;-)

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 20:58 | 2477867 Cathartes Aura
Cathartes Aura's picture

given the demographics here, not a pretty thought.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 23:59 | 2478331 cbxer55
cbxer55's picture

There are some of the female persuasion that haunt this joint. Otherwise why would they sell a thong for women? Smart women they be too.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:19 | 2475997 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

This is fucking awesome - only 300 EUR for a spiderman beach towel!  And it should totally fix Bankia's solvency issues.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:19 | 2476002 ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture

Shoulda been the Black Widow model

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:21 | 2476013 Overfed
Overfed's picture

I like the real good ol' days when banks in the US would give you a hunting rifle ( in today's climate an AR-15 or AK-47 might be a better choice) when you opened a $2500 money market account. Gone forever, I fear. :-(

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:26 | 2476051 BlueCollaredOne
BlueCollaredOne's picture

Wow, times have changed.

Nowadays you're lucky if you don't have to pay "service fees" every month for the bank, even though they are just going to loan out your money for 10x its worth. Thank you fractional reserve.

Don't you just love the banking system??

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:28 | 2476060 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Not to be too anal but you mispelled a term. "Fractional reserve" should read "Fictional."

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 14:58 | 2476815 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

You need to upgrade your universal translator.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:23 | 2476037 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Cartons of individual packages of Tide would be a better idea. It is commonly used as currency from Venice, CA to London.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:27 | 2476055 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

Now show us how Spidey climbs the debt tower.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 15:00 | 2476820 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

I'm guessing there's no happy ending...

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:30 | 2476066 junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

I fear depositors have another idea for Spiderman when they come into a Spanish Bank

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:41 | 2476118 CreativeDestructor
CreativeDestructor's picture

This Zucherbergs

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:46 | 2476139 Dull Which
Dull Which's picture

This is a brilliant idea

The Germans are always first with their towels on the prime beach locations in Spain.


Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:54 | 2476188 NorthPole
NorthPole's picture

It's quite clear to me. Just hand over 300 euros and you will run away with the towel of Spider-Man. What's the big deal?

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 13:05 | 2476203 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

that's not a spideman towel, even in spain

this is zH!  i'm looking to get one like at kohl's for $10-$15 and see this?  i want the spidey towel, but haven't had the balls to steal it, yet

i have 2 spidey tumblers and 2 captainAmerica and they're marvelTM with the characters on the box 2O1O sets;  $5.99/set at Ross.  i have the receipt and i'll never open the boxes!  the povenance is amazing b/c i bought them after taking msZ to the plane back to baltimore!  then we spent 8 months nuking each other long-distance till i finally finished her0ff

i just got them out and looked at them!  they might get dusty if i leave them out... i'm gonna buy the towel;  i need a new towel anyhow,  for the coast...  and to put these boxes on next time i get them out...

the banksters have fiat fuking spiderman towels, too

even slewie can't make this shit up.  these towels aren't evenReal!  Flee!  Flee!

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 12:57 | 2476209 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Satire meets reality.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 14:10 | 2476561 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

Satire loses.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 14:42 | 2476725 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Must have said "Stop" or gone limp.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 13:01 | 2476236 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

If you're gonna get soaked, you may as well have a towel.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 13:01 | 2476240 americanspirit
americanspirit's picture

Next promo item - a full frontal Angela Merkel towel with this little vinyl-lined hole about 2/3 of the way down (but you have to turn the towel over to get the full effect.)

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 15:09 | 2476866 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

Or ZH logo engraved on Glock slide-cover plates.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:37 | 2477591 cbxer55
cbxer55's picture

Make it Kimber, and I'll take one!

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 13:03 | 2476248 Cupid Stunt
Cupid Stunt's picture

Could be worse, a Bernankeman beach towel.

Now that would scare the kids.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 14:54 | 2476301 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

that's it!

we have a winner!

instead of minting the $1Trillion coin, and monetizing it, make 5 bernanke towels with different "designs" (wB7 gets to do one) and put them in the smithsonian;  have them made thru the USMint, and monetize them

no debt!  just towels!  we can do this!

if, when the $5Tril is gonzo, these shitheads haven't stopped indebting us (if $1 Tril/ year isn't enuf to satiate them), they must all surrender and accept the death penalty, no questions asked

or, we can negotiate another 5-year plan for our comrade banksters, comrade BiCheZ!  win-win!

now let's get those towels ready for the first unCTRL+P

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 13:03 | 2476252 Johnk
Johnk's picture

The Bank should do a cross-promotion with South Park

Alternatively, you could take every towel in Spain, lay them end to end, and cover the entire 116 square miles of Omaha, Nebraska.


Wed, 05/30/2012 - 19:30 | 2477707 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

Actually, one of the funnier scenes in Mallorca (one of the Spanish Ballaeric Islands in the Med) is when German tourists try to "reserve" lounge chairs around the pool by hanging their towels over the chairs while they go about doing other things ... the other big tourist population are the Brits, who basically come along and toss aside the towels so they can lounge around the pool.  This is the modern re-enactment of WWII.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 13:17 | 2476322 Morphine Drip
Morphine Drip's picture

...and they were hung from the light poles with spiderman beachtowels, their innards hanging out for all the world to see.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 13:50 | 2476468 Fifthwave
Fifthwave's picture

LMFAO. Best post (and commentary) for the year.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 14:11 | 2476574 drswhaley
drswhaley's picture

Better than a Biderman towel.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 14:12 | 2476579 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

It is feeling like Friday afternoon here - good work ZHers!

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 14:38 | 2476708 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

So I get a towel as collateral for a EUR300 deposit. That's weird.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 15:02 | 2476829 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

The towel's been rehypothicated. So, no, not really.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:14 | 2477540 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

So the towel gets passed around among the 20,000 lucky recipients?  Gee, did that last guy just floss himself?

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 15:15 | 2476891 XXL66
XXL66's picture

At Dexia you could win up to 1kg gold ! They had gold foil everywhere, doors, ATM's. I have never found out who actually won it, they probably gave the winner Dexia stocks instead.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:30 | 2477575 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

Ferro-Tungsten is going for about $55 per pound, so for about $130 or so (depending on the concentration of W in that sample) they can talk you out of how much of your money?


Wed, 05/30/2012 - 15:40 | 2477026 pissing_excellence
pissing_excellence's picture

Every day something baffingly stupider than the last, learn something new every day. zh is gilliamesque for high finance. Actually sometimes better than tits,..... sometimes.


Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:13 | 2477538 Morrotzo
Morrotzo's picture

Shit, ain't even a Spiderman towel. You see Spiderman on that motherfucker? I don't. Man, austerity kicking in even with the superhero towels.



Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:14 | 2477541 ironymonger
ironymonger's picture

You won't be laughing when the Vogons show up...

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:17 | 2477547 urbanelf
urbanelf's picture

With great power comes great responsibility.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:31 | 2477576 janus
janus's picture

come on, Tyler...i could believe this if it weren't true.

for the less credulous, here's footage of the most current ECB effort to provide 'liquidity'.

bottoms up!


Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:39 | 2477596 The Proletariat
The Proletariat's picture


Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:45 | 2477606 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

I was sunning myself on my new promotional beach towel, enjoying a tuna salad sandwich and dreaming of Eurobonds when on the local radio station, JOYZ2AI-FM, 80.7FM on the dial, a tune began to play

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:44 | 2477607 MiguelitoRaton
MiguelitoRaton's picture

Is Bankia a sperm bank? Then the towel makes sense...

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 18:49 | 2477615 Go Tribe
Go Tribe's picture

That's more than I ever got from my bank. At least Spanish banks are finally coming to grips with their problems compared to US banks. We'll see if JPM is handing out towels when its derivatives and silver all crash.

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 19:38 | 2477723 mammoth mo
mammoth mo's picture

Deposit 300 Euros or 378 dollars and recieve this Spiderman towel.

Sir that was Monday.

Sorry deposit 300 Euros or 375 dollars and ....

That was Tuesday sir.

Okay 300 euros or 372 dollars  ........

This morning sir

300 Euros or 369 dollars?

I don't think it will hold sir.


Look we really don't want any Euro's - what you got?

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 19:42 | 2477728 BlackholeDivestment
BlackholeDivestment's picture the pimps are selling an entire generation of Christine Ladisregard children for the S&P 666 Spider, add the 300 Debt Note price of ...throwing in the towel. How charming, 

Wed, 05/30/2012 - 19:51 | 2477729 Yen Cross
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