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Deus Ex Alpha Centauri: Buy Euros Now As SETI May Have Discovered Aliens

Tyler Durden's picture




 

It just may turn out that Europe's strategic "plan" of kicking the can down the road indefinitely, or at least until aliens can come down and bail out the global central banking cabal - aka the Deus Ex Alpha Centauri plan - may have worked! In a rather curious announcement, the SETI website of UC Berkeley has announced that it has found signals that "look similar to what we think might be produced from an extraterrestrial technology. They are narrow in frequency, much narrower than would be produced by any known astrophysical phenomena, and they drift in frequency with time, as we would expect because of the doppler effect imposed by the relative motion of the transmitter and the receiving radio telescope." And in the off case that said aliens prove to have an atavism to rude European waiters, at least Paul Krugman will be delighted: after all there is nothing better for the economic voodoo shamans out there than intergallactic warfare. Then again, since Keynesianism appears to be a popular universal delusion, we wouldn't be surprised if it is us who ends up having to bailout them...

From SETI at UC Berkeley:

We've started searching our Kepler SETI observations and our analyses have generated some of our first candidate signals. Each of the signals below is shown in a pair of plots, one from an observation of Kepler Object of Interest (KOI) 817 and one from an observation of KOI-812. During an observation, we alternated between targets to enable us to rule out signals seen coming from two different places in the sky. If we see a signal coming from multiple positions on the sky, like the ones below, it is very likely to be interference. The signals below are undoubtedly examples of terrestrial radio frequency interference (RFI).

What do these plots represent?

These are plots of electromagnetic energy as a function of frequency and time. Brighter colors represent more radio energy at a particular time and frequency. For example, a radio station transmitting at 101.5 MHz would produce a large amount of energy near that frequency.

Why are these signals interesting?

These signals look similar to what we think might be produced from an extraterrestrial technology. They are narrow in frequency, much narrower than would be produced by any known astrophysical phenomena, and they drift in frequency with time, as we would expect because of the doppler effect imposed by the relative motion of the transmitter and the receiving radio telescope.

What's next?

These first results are tests of the algorithms we'll apply to all our observations of Kepler planets. During the coming weeks, we'll be posting more of our results as we process the nearly 50 TB of data we collected in early 2011.

 

 

 

Download all 12 candidate signals in a .pdf file.

 

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Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:50 | 2039854 knukles
knukles's picture

ANother Propagana set-up.  We be the good guys, see?  So how the fuck can they ever tell us not to transit any international waters.

Gulf of Tonkin Redux Plan 9

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:17 | 2039698 JPM Hater001
JPM Hater001's picture

This just out from the President of Iran..."Can we have our guys back?  Please?"

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 12:51 | 2039571 Zola
Zola's picture

Yes! Finally time to launch an interstellar expedition! Count me in

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 12:57 | 2039597 CrockettAlmanac.com
CrockettAlmanac.com's picture

When a SETI meets a yeti coming through the sky...

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:40 | 2039798 Milestones
Milestones's picture

Good take off rhyme.      Milestones

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 12:52 | 2039576 HedgeFun
HedgeFun's picture

Nice post.  Time to create a sister site on research regarding alien life.  ZeroExraterrestrials.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 12:52 | 2039577 HedgeFun
HedgeFun's picture

Nice post.  Time to create a sister site on research regarding alien life.  ZeroExraterrestrials.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 12:56 | 2039596 Voodoo-economist
Voodoo-economist's picture

is there an ETF on that underlying?

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:04 | 2039648 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

3X Bull Armageddon ETF.  Symbol: SOL

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 12:57 | 2039603 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Let's send over a nuke!

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:02 | 2039639 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

But, they may not have any oil.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:29 | 2039757 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

No oil?....

Let's put 200 life bankers in a capsule and fly them over!
Let's pray they survive the trip... With no air and all...

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 12:58 | 2039605 gookempucky
gookempucky's picture

 

These signals look similar to WHAT WE MIGHT THINK be produced from an extraterrestrial technology.

Sounds a lot like the central banks. Definitely a Crox news headline story tonight.

 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:26 | 2040029 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

Way to solve 1 simultaneous equation with a million unknows through imagination.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:02 | 2039628 SilverDOG
SilverDOG's picture

Targeting has begun.

Duck and cover.

(sarc)

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:01 | 2039629 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Martians Bitchez!

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:13 | 2039687 uno
uno's picture

HAARP bitchez

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:01 | 2039631 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

Those charts don't instill much confidence - upper left to....

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:03 | 2039641 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

the signal is a warning to stay away.

and whatever you do, do not stick your face in the small leathery pod looking like things.

it doesn't matter what kind of helmet you have on those damn face huggers can punch through anything...

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:03 | 2039642 What_Me_Worry
What_Me_Worry's picture

They better hope they don't have any resources that the US would like.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:03 | 2039643 kinetik
kinetik's picture

This could be the most important discovery in the history of our species.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:23 | 2040023 SheepleLOVEched...
SheepleLOVEcheddarbaybiscuits's picture

you dumb cunt, the most important discovery in the history of our species will be that YOU CANNOT PRINT YOUR WAY TO GROWTH

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:03 | 2039646 nwskii
nwskii's picture

when these aliens show up im sure they will want to trade tech for the US Dollar, not silly gold or silver

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:05 | 2039656 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

All they really want is a bunch of 1s and 0s in their bank account.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:04 | 2039649 Biggvs
Biggvs's picture

From the article:

During an observation, we alternated between targets to enable us to rule out signals seen coming from two different places in the sky. If we see a signal coming from multiple positions on the sky, like the ones below, it is very likely to be interference. 

 

Aren't they specifically admitting here that the signals are NOT from aliens?

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:58 | 2039697 fuu
fuu's picture

.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 18:55 | 2040943 Maxter
Maxter's picture

exactly!  these signals are interferences from earth.  

important update today on their website:

"Update: Friday, January 6, 2012 After posting the plots below on January 5, it became clear that we had not stated as definitively and absolutely as possible that these signals are interference. We have update the post to make this clear. Sorry for any confusion." 

 

nothing to see here, unfortunatly

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:04 | 2039654 uno
uno's picture

so this is the False Flag, everyone to FEMA camps to get vaccinations

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:08 | 2039662 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

no one could have imagined at the beginning of the 21st century, that across the gulf of space, intelligences vast and unsympathetic regarded our planet with envious eyes.

and slowly but surely drew their plans...against us.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:26 | 2039733 DogSlime
DogSlime's picture

duplicate

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:25 | 2039735 DogSlime
DogSlime's picture

no one could have imagined at the beginning of the 21st century, that across the gulf of space, intelligences vast and unsympathetic regarded our planet with much hilarious amusement.

and slowly but surely pissed themselves as the human race fucked themselves and the planet up beyond redemption.

2012 edition.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:11 | 2039674 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

So now all we have to do is build crafts capable of traveling there by distorting the space-time continumm, then declare war.  SPX 1600 here we come!

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:10 | 2039676 Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

I'll take one of those phased-plasma rifles in the 40 watt range, and a pack of Salem Lights, thank you. 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:12 | 2039684 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

That "take me to your leader" message has everyone baffled and confused.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:56 | 2039878 knukles
knukles's picture

Quote of the year.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:18 | 2039685 LouisDega
LouisDega's picture

This is getting fucking deep. I think i will watch reruns of Sanford and son on Antenna tv to take me back in time to when things made sense

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:13 | 2039689 Odin
Odin's picture

"Take me to your Central Bank Chairman"

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:18 | 2039699 aerial view
aerial view's picture

Dear aliens: please study human pyschopaths to learn exactly how not to run a world and then please transport the rest of us out of this hellhole!

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:19 | 2039998 DollarMenu
DollarMenu's picture

No - take the damn psychopaths out of here.

I like my little space on this planet, and see only improvement sans the psychos.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:19 | 2039704 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

long tripods, death rays and HG Wells

he wrote the alien apocalypse survival manual, even broadcast it on the radio once, might be a good time to check it out...

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:21 | 2039708 maddogs
maddogs's picture

Prettyyyy

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:20 | 2039710 maddogs
maddogs's picture

What do these plots represent?- More funding for SETI?

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:21 | 2039717 Canadian Dirtlump
Canadian Dirtlump's picture

A fake alien invasion is overdue..

PREPARE URANUS

 

my spirit guide tells me they need gold and silver to line the atmosphere or their ailing planet..

 

 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:22 | 2039719 Burr's 2nd Shot
Burr's 2nd Shot's picture

Per NASA, KOI 812.03 looks to be an interesting celestial body.  Much higher gravity than Earth, but 2x the radius.  Equilibrium temperature in the low 80's farenheit, but lots of potential error in that number.

This has got to be bullish for those folks who got smart and bought land in Chile near the Nazca plains.

 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:22 | 2039720 JPM Hater001
JPM Hater001's picture

Everyone knows they dont use radio waves of any sort.  It is all dont with mental telepathy.  And the Beatles...All we need is love.

Check out "Billie Meiers" sometime.  I'm slightly embarrased to admit this but I am fascinated by this stuff...

I prefer this version of the story: http://youtu.be/GsJlhV6Vk3s

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:44 | 2039729 LouisDega
LouisDega's picture

Orson  Welles wannabees

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:24 | 2039731 Thorny Xi
Thorny Xi's picture

"The signals below are undoubtedly examples of terrestrial radio frequency interference (RFI)....These signals look similar to what we think might be produced from an extraterrestrial technology."

http://seti.berkeley.edu/kepler-seti-candidate-signals

 

Read slowly ... these are example of what a signal might look like.  They're not extraterrtrial. 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:34 | 2039772 AGuy
AGuy's picture

Good I am not alone in "Carefully Reading" the statement before jumping to wild conclusions.

 

 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:49 | 2039845 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Zerohedge sometimes sounds a lot like Slashdot.

RTFA

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:25 | 2039734 persu
persu's picture

Ask if they are interested in buing UST or any European debt? We need urgently a buyer.

 

Thanks in advance

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:27 | 2039750 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

with our luck and the way things have been going, they'll prob want to land and set up their base camp as a flotilla @ the straights of hormuz

i hope tyler keeps a lookout for a shirley maclain statement.  she invited them, ya know?

 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:06 | 2039936 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

if we're really lucky, they will like to blog

and fight

and they'll be small

maybe tiny unicorns would be nice

just in case they're listening... or already blogging here...

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:37 | 2040075 fuu
fuu's picture

Shazbot.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:30 | 2039758 DarthVaderMentor
DarthVaderMentor's picture

Funding ploy

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:32 | 2039764 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

I wonder if the PTL club is now broadcasting from KOI-812??

 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:34 | 2039774 tpbeta2
tpbeta2's picture

"The signals below are undoubtedly examples of terrestrial radio frequency interference"

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:37 | 2039783 Yes We Can. But...
Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

I smell a vastly expanded tax base.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:38 | 2039789 Freddie Krugerrand
Freddie Krugerrand's picture

If it turns out that there are REAL aliens behind these signals, I wouldn't bet my last five quatloos on the humans!

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:43 | 2039810 TheLooza
TheLooza's picture

awesome that I just went long ALYN. To the fucking moon bitchez....

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:57 | 2039831 Aristarchan
Aristarchan's picture

Deleted post...Bill took care of it.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:47 | 2039832 mick_richfield
mick_richfield's picture

On the SETI website .. in the article that this ZH article is referring to .... the phrase "but all are undoubtedly examples of terrestrial radio frequency interference (RFI)"  would seem to put kind of a damper on the whole "we have detected a signal" idea.

 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:48 | 2039837 Kali
Kali's picture

They are looking for jobs too.  Sorry, UE is about to go up!

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:01 | 2039849 Village Idiot
Village Idiot's picture

"...to serve man."  They're not here to help us... it's a cookbook!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/To_Serve_Man_(The_Twilight_Zone)

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:49 | 2040118 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Then tell them Barry and Holder are Gourmet Cuisine.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:52 | 2039862 TheMerryPrankster
TheMerryPrankster's picture

the great father said "Perhaps we need some outside universal threat... Is not an alien force not among us right now?"

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK-XATA-5gs

and his cousin Roddy Piper has noticed as well:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFo8n3sZFT0

 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:55 | 2039873 Evolutionary Outrage
Evolutionary Outrage's picture

Hey Folks,  Read the fine print. 

"If we see a signal coming from multiple positions on the sky, like the ones below, it is very likely to be interference. The signals below are undoubtedly examples of terrestrial radio frequency interference (RFI)."

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:01 | 2039900 mick_richfield
mick_richfield's picture

You got it all wrong.

If we see a single such signal, it is from an extra-terrestrial starship.

If we see them in multiple locations, that means they have us surrounded.

If we don't see any ... fuck!  That means they're cloaked!

 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:03 | 2039910 knukles
knukles's picture

What black swan?

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:41 | 2040270 rosiescenario
rosiescenario's picture

That's the cover so no one will panic....that line will be modified and then ultimately deleted from future reports....

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 13:59 | 2039893 steve from virginia
steve from virginia's picture

 

You dudes be laughing out of the other side of yr faces when it comes out Keynes is a God on Planet Epsilon.

(They come to Earth looking to borrow some cash ...)

 

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:06 | 2039927 NooooB
NooooB's picture

ZH has gone full retard.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:09 | 2039957 Village Idiot
Village Idiot's picture

del

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:13 | 2039974 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

WARNING WARNING WARNING

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:16 | 2040197 Yes We Can. But...
Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

Timmah isn't aware that holding the fraudulently executed Form 1040 behind the back cannot fool the bot.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 16:45 | 2040489 akak
akak's picture

I began to suspect that "Lost in Space" was not an entirely serious sci-fi series when they introduced the space Vikings ..... and the space hippies ..... and Mr. Sumdish from the Intergalactic Department Store ..... and when Dr. Smith was turned into a giant carrot ..... and when the traveling space circus paid the Robinsons a visit ..... and when .............

Sat, 01/07/2012 - 13:11 | 2042204 jackinrichmond
jackinrichmond's picture

is that one of those HFT robots ?

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:17 | 2039990 Alex Kintner
Alex Kintner's picture

Don't be Troubled. It's just radio waves from Tribbles.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:21 | 2040013 blu
blu's picture

Seems the Euro bailout scheme count is now up to Plan 9 from Outer Space.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:45 | 2040100 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

Death Star radio

comes in great on clear nights...

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:47 | 2040109 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Oh, Lord, please send your aliens to pick up Barry Soetoro and all his Red Queen friends..........

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 14:59 | 2040154 HileTroy
HileTroy's picture

The Truch is out there Bit Cheze!!


MILLER
There ain't no difference between a flying saucer and a time machine. People get so hung up on specifics they miss out on seeing the whole thing. Take South America for example. [In] South America, thousands of people go missing every year. Nobody knows where they go, they just, like, disappear. But if you think about it for a minute, you realize something. There had to be a time when there was no people, right? Well where did all these people come from, huh? I'll tell you where. The future. And where did all these people disappear to? [Otto: The past?] That's right! And how did they get there?  Flying saucers. Which are really..? Yeah,..... you got it, time machines. I think a lot about this kind of stuff. Repo Man (1984)
Fri, 01/06/2012 - 16:34 | 2040448 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

Space aliens don't do drugs!

BRAINWAVES!

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:01 | 2040161 gmak
gmak's picture

The web-site itself says that these are interference patterns but that they LOOK LIKE what SEIT algorithms are looking for. This is noise. It is a publicity stunt. sheesh.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:37 | 2040254 rosiescenario
rosiescenario's picture

"They are narrow in frequency, much narrower than would be produced by any known astrophysical phenomena, and they drift in frequency with time..."

 

Obviously these are the remnants coming to us from a long dead planet...they appear to be caused by HFT's gone amok.

 

Turn the charts accompanying the article on their side and it is clear.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 15:50 | 2040296 SilverFish
SilverFish's picture

Dont worry about the economy.

 

 

We're all gonna be made into batteries by our new extraterrestrial overlords anyway, so you might as well run up the credit cards and do all the hookers and blow you can get your hands on.

 

 

Nice knowin' y'all.

 

 

Peace.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 16:30 | 2040331 non_anon
non_anon's picture

ha ha, SETI has been deemed dead, they are just justifying their "existence" to keep funds from "drying" up

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 16:42 | 2040488 daily bread
daily bread's picture

I could just as well put up a website, with pictures of the first 6 (?7 ?N) Chairmen of the Federal Reserve, and the declaration "If grand-theft larceny is reported in Manhattan borough, these are examples of the faces you would see in the lineup at the police station."  Please donate.

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 20:01 | 2041112 BlackholeDivestment
BlackholeDivestment's picture

Attention!

                  Krugmaaaaan...

                                           Krugmaaaan...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3Xj_SFqPw8

Sat, 01/07/2012 - 03:04 | 2041752 Quantum Nucleonics
Quantum Nucleonics's picture

We are the Central Bankers.  You will be impoverished. We will add your gold and silver stockpiles to our own.  Lower your firewall and surrender your freedom.  Resistance is futile.

Sat, 01/07/2012 - 09:20 | 2041901 Chestire
Chestire's picture

Apparently people do not know how to interpret what's written - these are but test signs, that is, how to distinguish human-generated signals bounced from other astro bodies or captured directly from source from those generated from other planet sources.

The signals below are undoubtedly examples of terrestrial radio frequency interference (RFI).

These first results are tests of the algorithms we'll apply to all our observations of Kepler planets. 

So these are samples of 

what we think might be produced from an extraterrestrial technology.

It definitely proves the Austrian School of Economics closer to what is Economic allocation of resources in modern society.


Mon, 01/09/2012 - 13:58 | 2047055 mantrid
mantrid's picture

how close a breakthrough they get

every time cuts and layoffs are imminent.

 

when bankrupt universities start getting closed, a shocking flood of "discoveries" will suddenly hit the news. unbelivable what global deleveraging does to global science advances.

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