Carol Bartz' Farewell Letter

Tyler Durden's picture

The title, the body, and the post script, says it all...

I’ve Just Been Fired

To all,

I am very sad to tell you that I’ve just been fired over the phone by Yahoo’s Chairman of the Board. It has been my pleasure to work with all of you and I wish you only the best going forward.


Sent from my iPad

h/t Mashable

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Ahmeexnal's picture

Another food stamps recipient.

cbxer55's picture

You sure can drink Yoohoo though!  ;-)

NuckingFuts's picture

Yoohoo + vodka = white trash Russian

Long-John-Silver's picture

I just tried it. Not bad, not bad at all! It was so good I got trashed.

spiral_eyes's picture

She should have ploughed her Fortune 500 salary into gold, bitchez. I wonder if she did... 

AldousHuxley's picture

$45 million for just laying off bunch of employees to float the stock in the short term is a good gig even if not paid in gold.


When the stock jumps up after a CEO is fired tell you about her job performance. These parasitic posers are well represented in the C-suite.


oogs66's picture

damn, i tried vodka with milk and cocoa, spit it out, and went back to straight vodka! 

caerus's picture

you make a hell of a caucasian jakie...

FEDbuster's picture

I'll stick to oat sodas or sometimes just a Sioux City sarsaparilla.

eureka's picture

Jill Barad, Carly Fiorine, Carol Bartz - and many more (non mentioned none forgotten).

Is the "old boys' network" a "man's world" - or - are these women too focused on posing and marketing, and not enough on strategizing and executing financial leverage schemes for their corporate boards?

e1618978's picture

If you mean Carly Fiorina, she wasn't fired because she was a woman, she was fired for the same reasons that she made the "worst CEOs of all time" list.  Same with Meg Whitman - didn't make the list, but deserved to probably.

New_Meat's picture

If I were a piglette, well, I'd take their "packages" (in all respects) and b smilin' - Ned.

greyghost's picture

speaking of these about holding an election and these to nimrods don't show. still waiting for their campaigns to start.

knukles's picture

And Sally Krawcheck.  Don't forget Sally.  Let's stay up to date here.  And even then it's not the first time for Sally, so she's got at least one up on Carol.  And she's fresh out the door, too!  Two in One Day!Jeessh.

macholatte's picture


Do you really care?



She's also getting stock options for 5,000,000 shares and an equity grant of $18 million of stock,



MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

But, but -- the CEO fired her ON THE PHONE!  How tacky! 

CEO is probably wearing WHITE after LABOR DAY too!  Sheesh. ;)

knukles's picture

With pinstriped wool socks and Berkinstocks.

(humming, thinking about calling accountant and broker in the morning)

Fiat2Zero's picture

I like how she didn't change the default "sent from my iPad (yes, I am a douchebag)".

Classic.  Good advice - don't let your gramma near the puter if'n ya want it to work right.  And especially don't put her in charge of a tech company.

NumberNone's picture

Wouldn't it be funny if this got posted...

Hi Carol,

I'm sorry but my line was full of static when we spoke and I was just saying that you've been fired up since you got here and me and rest of the board agree on this.  Hopefully this didn't cause any confusion on your part. It is our pleasure to work with you and expect only the best going forward.   


Sent from my BlackBerry

CompassionateFascist's picture

I do my own gardening. That way, the gardener cannot be fired. But he can go on strike.

janus's picture


You're FIRED!!!

warm regards,



keep a' diggin, cp. and deeper still...keep a' diggin!, cp. till the soil starts to spill back in, keep a diggin, cp. and deeper still...  fascists!, dig deep-deep-deep...and deeper still!

keep a' diggin, cp. and deeper still (keep goin' you'll get the beat -- i stole it from the Heavenly's a top forty hit up there!)

and, behold, janus did lift up his face; and there an angel did sing; and the sound was as a trumpet's blast!

plan on keepin that username long, cp?

all is forgiven when i don't see the symbol for mass murder, nor the words that overscore it (your username, in case you're too dim to follow).

i missed your rebuttal yesterday, cp!



A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000's picture

Fired over the phone?


You keep it classy Yahoo!

serndipity's picture

Carol Bartz will be receiving a $10.4M serverence package on her way out the door.

Time to shave and find a job?

caerus's picture

"sent from my ipad"

Ahmeexnal's picture

To y'all:

blah blah blah

sent from my pr0nPad

snakeboat's picture

It's hard to get pron on mine, damn steve jobbies and his engineered shite!

--Freedom--'s picture

That line makes it art.

NotApplicable's picture

It certainly justifies her firing from an internet co. She probably leaves the tags on mattresses too.

nonclaim's picture

Sent from my xx is the new Do not remove this tag under penalty of law.

edwardscpa's picture

I don't think you're supposed to remove those. 

Incubus's picture

Ceci n'est pas une ipad.

drswhaley's picture

If the message got through, she is not using the yahoo mail client.

edwardscpa's picture

"sent from my TouchPad" would have been much funnier.

Firing a CEO over the phone - that's stone cold man.  Bring your own tissues.

Rodent Freikorps's picture

Anyone who uses, "going forward" should be fired.


WonderDawg's picture

"At the end of the day" is my favorite. It's the cool thing to say in a business setting.

unununium's picture

Net net, I'll talk to you off-line.

Cheesy Bastard's picture

+1 wonder. Long cut and paste to follow. Apologies in advance.

Courtesy Ol' Remus:


You're about to be lied to when they say-

a hand up
a new study shows
a poll by the highly respected
a positive step
are speaking out
at-risk communities
best practices
broader implications
commonsense solutions
comprehensive reform
cycle of poverty
cycle of violence
demand action
disparate impact
diverse backgrounds
economically disadvantaged
emerging consensus
fair share
fiscal stimulus
fully funded
give back
giving voice to
greater diversity
growing support for
have issues
high capacity magazine
history shows
in denial
inclusive environment
investment in the future
linked to
making a difference
making bad choices
most vulnerable
mounting opposition to
non-partisan, non-profit
not value neutral
off our streets
on some level
oppressed minorities
our nation's children
people of color
positive outcome
public/private partnership
raising awareness
reaching out
reaffirm our commitment to
redouble our efforts
root cause
sends a message
shared values
social justice
solidarity with
speaking truth to power
statistics show
the American People
the bigger issue is
the failed ...
the larger question is
the more important question is
the reality is
the struggle for
too many
too often
touched by
underserved populations
undocumented immigrant
vibrant community
voicing concern
working families

knukles's picture

Other assorted antanne wigglers....

conspiracy theory
whistle blower
listen, motherfucker
You have got to be shitting me
no fucking way
It's not polite to make fun of the handicapped.
That was your wife, boss?
Everything your mother told you is true
But I only screwed her the one time
valued skullfuck of a client
I thought she was a guy, er... uh... lemme explain
lemme expalin
-------, we need to talk
I know where you live
I promise I won't do it again
Not in your life time
We're being serious
We're not being serious about you
As serious as a fucking heart attack
It's not loaded
I wouldn't do that
About 2 beers

Sokhmate's picture

I object to "listen motherfucker" the rest are fine

Shirley Wilfahrt's picture

" might feel some pressure...."

knukles's picture

Now that is serious funny.

knukles's picture

OMG! You've opened up a whole new universe for me...
Depends on what I want to wear in the morning
I never inhaled
I never had sex with that womal

Depends on what the meaning of is, is

Mena?  They have an airport?

getplaning's picture

I'm only going to park here for a minute.

I promise I won't ________________.

Gully Foyle's picture

Cheesy Bastard

Uh Dude, let me shorten that for you.

One of the best Bobby Goren quotes " All people lie all the time".

Fuck of a lot simpler to remember.