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Carol Bartz' Farewell Letter

Tyler Durden's picture




 

The title, the body, and the post script, says it all...

I’ve Just Been Fired


To all,

I am very sad to tell you that I’ve just been fired over the phone by Yahoo’s Chairman of the Board. It has been my pleasure to work with all of you and I wish you only the best going forward.

Carol

Sent from my iPad

h/t Mashable

 

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Tue, 09/06/2011 - 19:49 | 1640090 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Another food stamps recipient.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:13 | 1640173 LasVegasDave
LasVegasDave's picture

you cant eat a Yahoo

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:18 | 1640194 cbxer55
cbxer55's picture

You sure can drink Yoohoo though!  ;-)

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:15 | 1640380 NuckingFuts
NuckingFuts's picture

Yoohoo + vodka = white trash Russian

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:22 | 1640596 Long-John-Silver
Long-John-Silver's picture

I just tried it. Not bad, not bad at all! It was so good I got trashed.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:41 | 1640652 spiral_eyes
spiral_eyes's picture

She should have ploughed her Fortune 500 salary into gold, bitchez. I wonder if she did...

http://azizonomics.com/2011/09/06/america-priced-in-gold/ 

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 03:06 | 1641177 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

$45 million for just laying off bunch of employees to float the stock in the short term is a good gig even if not paid in gold.

 

When the stock jumps up after a CEO is fired tell you about her job performance. These parasitic posers are well represented in the C-suite.

 

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:50 | 1640673 oogs66
oogs66's picture

damn, i tried vodka with milk and cocoa, spit it out, and went back to straight vodka! 

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:35 | 1640637 Shirley Wilfahrt
Shirley Wilfahrt's picture

Yoohammer

 

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 23:06 | 1640683 caerus
caerus's picture

you make a hell of a caucasian jakie...

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 23:32 | 1640743 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

I'll stick to oat sodas or sometimes just a Sioux City sarsaparilla.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:19 | 1640198 eureka
eureka's picture

Jill Barad, Carly Fiorine, Carol Bartz - and many more (non mentioned none forgotten).

Is the "old boys' network" a "man's world" - or - are these women too focused on posing and marketing, and not enough on strategizing and executing financial leverage schemes for their corporate boards?

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:29 | 1640235 e1618978
e1618978's picture

If you mean Carly Fiorina, she wasn't fired because she was a woman, she was fired for the same reasons that she made the "worst CEOs of all time" list.  Same with Meg Whitman - didn't make the list, but deserved to probably.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:45 | 1640292 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

If I were a piglette, well, I'd take their "packages" (in all respects) and b smilin' - Ned.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:06 | 1640536 greyghost
greyghost's picture

speaking of these two....talk about holding an election and these to nimrods don't show. still waiting for their campaigns to start.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:11 | 1640371 knukles
knukles's picture

And Sally Krawcheck.  Don't forget Sally.  Let's stay up to date here.  And even then it's not the first time for Sally, so she's got at least one up on Carol.  And she's fresh out the door, too!  Two in One Day!Jeessh.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:50 | 1640293 macholatte
macholatte's picture

 

Do you really care?

 

 

She's also getting stock options for 5,000,000 shares and an equity grant of $18 million of stock,

http://www.businessinsider.com/2009/1/carol-bartzs-pay-1-million-salary-2-million-bonus-yhoo#ixzz1XDt90YeR

 

 

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:56 | 1640329 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

But, but -- the CEO fired her ON THE PHONE!  How tacky! 

CEO is probably wearing WHITE after LABOR DAY too!  Sheesh. ;)

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:13 | 1640377 knukles
knukles's picture

With pinstriped wool socks and Berkinstocks.

(humming, thinking about calling accountant and broker in the morning)

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:45 | 1640462 Fiat2Zero
Fiat2Zero's picture

I like how she didn't change the default "sent from my iPad (yes, I am a douchebag)".

Classic.  Good advice - don't let your gramma near the puter if'n ya want it to work right.  And especially don't put her in charge of a tech company.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 00:08 | 1640825 NumberNone
NumberNone's picture

Wouldn't it be funny if this got posted...

Hi Carol,

I'm sorry but my line was full of static when we spoke and I was just saying that you've been fired up since you got here and me and rest of the board agree on this.  Hopefully this didn't cause any confusion on your part. It is our pleasure to work with you and expect only the best going forward.   

Roy

Sent from my BlackBerry


Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:17 | 1640582 jcmjr
jcmjr's picture

46,000,001

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 23:19 | 1640714 CompassionateFascist
CompassionateFascist's picture

I do my own gardening. That way, the gardener cannot be fired. But he can go on strike.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 01:33 | 1641021 janus
janus's picture

CompassionateFascist,

You're FIRED!!!

warm regards,

Jehovah

 

keep a' diggin, cp. and deeper still...keep a' diggin!, cp. till the soil starts to spill back in, keep a diggin, cp. and deeper still...  fascists!, dig deep-deep-deep...and deeper still!

keep a' diggin, cp. and deeper still (keep goin' you'll get the beat -- i stole it from the Heavenly Realm...it's a top forty hit up there!)

and, behold, janus did lift up his face; and there an angel did sing; and the sound was as a trumpet's blast!

plan on keepin that username long, cp?

all is forgiven when i don't see the symbol for mass murder, nor the words that overscore it (your username, in case you're too dim to follow).

i missed your rebuttal yesterday, cp!

always,

janus

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 03:51 | 1641212 A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000's picture

Fired over the phone?

 

You keep it classy Yahoo!

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 10:24 | 1641979 serndipity
serndipity's picture

Carol Bartz will be receiving a $10.4M serverence package on her way out the door.

Time to shave and find a job?

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 19:50 | 1640094 caerus
caerus's picture

"sent from my ipad"

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:19 | 1640101 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

To y'all:

blah blah blah

sent from my pr0nPad

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 23:28 | 1640733 snakeboat
snakeboat's picture

It's hard to get pron on mine, damn steve jobbies and his engineered shite!

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 19:52 | 1640108 --Freedom--
--Freedom--'s picture

That line makes it art.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:02 | 1640345 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

It certainly justifies her firing from an internet co. She probably leaves the tags on mattresses too.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:07 | 1640540 nonclaim
nonclaim's picture

Sent from my xx is the new Do not remove this tag under penalty of law.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 23:35 | 1640748 edwardscpa
edwardscpa's picture

I don't think you're supposed to remove those. 

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 09:26 | 1641726 Incubus
Incubus's picture

Ceci n'est pas une ipad.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:33 | 1640629 drswhaley
drswhaley's picture

If the message got through, she is not using the yahoo mail client.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 23:34 | 1640745 edwardscpa
edwardscpa's picture

"sent from my TouchPad" would have been much funnier.

Firing a CEO over the phone - that's stone cold man.  Bring your own tissues.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 19:50 | 1640095 climacus
climacus's picture

Good riddance

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 19:51 | 1640096 Rodent Freikorps
Rodent Freikorps's picture

Anyone who uses, "going forward" should be fired.

 

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 19:52 | 1640106 Drag Racer
Drag Racer's picture

+1 trillion insider speak

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:28 | 1640230 WonderDawg
WonderDawg's picture

"At the end of the day" is my favorite. It's the cool thing to say in a business setting.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:53 | 1640319 unununium
unununium's picture

Net net, I'll talk to you off-line.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:05 | 1640359 Cheesy Bastard
Cheesy Bastard's picture

+1 wonder. Long cut and paste to follow. Apologies in advance.

Courtesy Ol' Remus:

http://woodpilereport.com/

Regime-speak

You're about to be lied to when they say-

a hand up
a new study shows
a poll by the highly respected
a positive step
are speaking out
arguably
arsenal
at-risk communities
best practices
broader implications
commonsense solutions
comprehensive reform
cycle of poverty
cycle of violence
demand action
denier
disenfranchised
disparate impact
disproportionately
diverse backgrounds
divisive
economically disadvantaged
emerging consensus
empower
enhance
fair share
fiscal stimulus
fully funded
give back
giving voice to
greater diversity
growing support for
hater
have issues
high capacity magazine
history shows
in denial
inappropriate
inclusive environment
insensitivity
investment in the future
linked to
making a difference
making bad choices
marginalized
most vulnerable
mounting opposition to
multicultural
non-blaming
nonjudgmental
non-partisan, non-profit
not value neutral
off our streets
on some level
oppressed minorities
our nation's children
outreach
people of color
positive outcome
progressive
public/private partnership
raising awareness
reaching out
reaffirm our commitment to
redouble our efforts
root cause
sends a message
shared values
social justice
solidarity with
speaking truth to power
stakeholders
statistics show
sustainability
the American People
the bigger issue is
the failed ...
the larger question is
the more important question is
the reality is
the struggle for
too many
too often
touched by
underserved populations
undocumented immigrant
vibrant community
voicing concern
working families

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:28 | 1640421 knukles
knukles's picture

Other assorted antanne wigglers....

conspiracy theory
whistle blower
listen, motherfucker
God-Sent-Me-Here-to-Straighten-This-Shit-Out
No
You have got to be shitting me
no fucking way
It's not polite to make fun of the handicapped.
That was your wife, boss?
Everything your mother told you is true
But I only screwed her the one time
valued skullfuck of a client
I thought she was a guy, er... uh... lemme explain
lemme expalin
WTF?
-------, we need to talk
I know where you live
I promise I won't do it again
Not in your life time
We're being serious
We're not being serious about you
As serious as a fucking heart attack
It's not loaded
I wouldn't do that
About 2 beers

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:03 | 1640529 Sokhmate
Sokhmate's picture

I object to "listen motherfucker" the rest are fine

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:06 | 1640539 Shirley Wilfahrt
Shirley Wilfahrt's picture

"Relax....you might feel some pressure...."

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:09 | 1640548 knukles
knukles's picture

LOL
Now that is serious funny.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 00:45 | 1640906 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

I feel your pain.

 

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 03:15 | 1641191 knukles
knukles's picture

OMG! You've opened up a whole new universe for me...
Depends on what I want to wear in the morning
I never inhaled
I never had sex with that womal

Depends on what the meaning of is, is

Mena?  They have an airport?

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 00:54 | 1640924 getplaning
getplaning's picture

I'm only going to park here for a minute.

I promise I won't ________________.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:57 | 1640505 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

Cheesy Bastard

Uh Dude, let me shorten that for you.

One of the best Bobby Goren quotes " All people lie all the time".

Fuck of a lot simpler to remember.


Wed, 09/07/2011 - 00:22 | 1640849 Milestones
Milestones's picture

Wow! A full line cliche list. Time to cut and paste.      Milestones

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 04:11 | 1641229 vato poco
vato poco's picture

You forgot "Hope" and "Change" and "The Working man's Friend". Fixed that for ya.

 

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 07:56 | 1641494 Dyler Turden II Esq
Dyler Turden II Esq's picture

I see. So, it seems, ANY reference to the glaring realities of class and its still more-glaring fallout is considered a lie, or prefatory to a lie.  That's rich.  Gosh, if TPTB paid me the biggest bucks imaginable, I could not come up with better than that.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:16 | 1640575 Sathington Willougby
Sathington Willougby's picture

"Going forward"

you can

"reach out to them" about this, "taking the lead" on this one of course.

 

HR Talk done fried my corporate brain.  HR think fried the political - corporate world.

 

I'm a human fly

I spell F L Y

I say buzz buzz buzz

and it's just becuz

I'm a human fly

and I don't know why

I got ninety six tears

in ninety six eyes

I got a garbage brain

it's drivin me insane

and I don't like the ride

so push that pesticide

cuz baby I don't care

cuz baby I don't scare

I'm a reborn maggot

usin germ warfare

buzz

ride tonight

I say buzz

rocket ride

say buzz

and I don't know

I just don't know why

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 03:53 | 1641213 A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000's picture

I was always a "the next exciting phase of my life" man myself

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 19:56 | 1640122 flacon
flacon's picture

She's building "synergy" with her now former coworkers.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:16 | 1640184 tekhneek
tekhneek's picture

The next CEO will probably be much better at establishing convergence and cohesion within our core structure. He/She will probably operate at a high-level and make sure to give 110% to the company going forward.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:47 | 1640296 tickhound
tickhound's picture

I love the next CEO. 

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:46 | 1640467 Fiat2Zero
Fiat2Zero's picture

The revolving door for C-level execs that is Yahoo.  It's training for something else, no doubt.  Nothing too serious.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 12:12 | 1642395 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

It's nothing more than a meet and greet for the we give you cash and collect email information and pretend to do something else to attract the people into giving you the information. You will know them by their 17x stock growths in 5 years.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:02 | 1640348 Tunga
Tunga's picture

Transitorily speaking of course.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:17 | 1640393 jez
jez's picture

 

. . . and be able to hit the ground running.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:54 | 1640490 tekhneek
tekhneek's picture

". . . and be able to hit the ground running while maintaining our core values."

Fixed it for you.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 01:16 | 1640976 Rodent Freikorps
Rodent Freikorps's picture

You have to wonder if all the bureaucrats have the same copy of Memos for Dummies.

 

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 03:56 | 1641216 A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000's picture

These are our values.

 

Learn them.

Live them.

 

Now I gotta go fuck my secretary. If my wife calls tell her I'm in a meeting.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:30 | 1640426 Van Halen
Van Halen's picture

That was priceless! And after reading it I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:46 | 1640466 razorthin
razorthin's picture

with a portfolio of key initiatives.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 23:22 | 1640712 akak
akak's picture

The next CEO will probably be much better at establishing convergence and cohesion within our core structure. He/She will probably operate at a high-level and make sure to give 110% to the company going forward.

Not only that, but their proactive and actionable advice, as well as their strong skills in team-leading, enhanced interemployee communication, interdepartmental cooperation and multilevel skillset sharing, will successfully lead to multiple synergistic win-win outcomes which will favorably position the company to face the current challenging business climate.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:44 | 1640286 riley martini
riley martini's picture

Actually they did a negative but honest  piece on the fascist of Omaha Warren Buffet last week. I knew something was up . Henry Blodget did the piece I bet he is fired too . At least they can join the human race.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:57 | 1640332 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Going forward, the use of "going forward" is permanently banned from use...

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 19:51 | 1640097 Ironmaan
Ironmaan's picture

She can sit around and do nothing for 99 weeks.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:06 | 1640153 Landrew
Landrew's picture

F you rich prick! Sit around fuck you man. Try working for a living asshole! People don't sit around when they lose their jobs! That is what you trust fund babies think! Working people know it's a struggle to find work! I am tired of rich assholes thinking we workers are a dime a dozen. Fuck you man!

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:14 | 1640180 Killer the Buzzard
Killer the Buzzard's picture

Lighten up bro... it'll be the Red Hour soon.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:17 | 1640392 Bullionaire
Bullionaire's picture

Holy shit that was good.

 

"FESTIVAL!  FESTIVAL!

 

 

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:43 | 1640658 phyuckyiu
phyuckyiu's picture

Burning Man just ended, I think he is homeless atm. Isn't there an afterburn party in the city for you Wooks?

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:18 | 1640193 LasVegasDave
LasVegasDave's picture

there is no such thing as unemployment.

Unemployed people "chose"  not to take less desireable jobs.

Who wouldnt pay someone a dollar to wash their car, or five dollars, or $20 to clean out their garage.

The problem with the chronically unemployed is they are too proud (or lazy) to take on this kind of work, preferring to wait around for govt. or some rich guy to offer them the kind of job they want. 

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:33 | 1640246 scratch_and_sniff
scratch_and_sniff's picture

Exactly, i offered a friend of mines ex-husband a job of cleaning my yard & cutting the grass, i was willing to pay him £5 for like 30mins work and he told me to "fuck off". Thats gratitude for you, he used to make a lot of money and his reasoning is that he paid over 20k tax a year for 30 years so he is entitled to a free ride!! So now he wont lift a finger for 30 minutes work, thats £1 every six minutes, and he’s only 57!!!

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:38 | 1640273 Rick Masters
Rick Masters's picture

So he wouldn't take enough money to get a happy meal from your generosity of letting him clean out your garage. You and people like you are one day going to be swinging. And how do you know what his reasoning is...he tolf you to fuck off. So many off you want the apocolypse and most of you are going to have your guns taken right off yuo when it comes. it aint going to be one against you in some wild west shoot out...it will be 20 and you will swing.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:41 | 1640283 Rodent Freikorps
Rodent Freikorps's picture

Caltrops.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:03 | 1640351 Rockfish
Rockfish's picture

Ouch! OOOOOOUCH! ouchouchouch........#@>!>#$>$ouch.   BANG

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:02 | 1640525 Carmagnole
Carmagnole's picture

you've got nail

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:26 | 1640609 Rodent Freikorps
Rodent Freikorps's picture

I toss em out early so they have a fine patina of rust to drive deep into the flesh.

If one were truly mean, there are many things that could be applied to the tips.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 00:51 | 1640917 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Excrement on the tips, like the VC did on their booby traps.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:47 | 1640295 LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

Was Dick, I mean Rick, Masters baiting Scratch and Sniff?

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:38 | 1640444 Rick Masters
Rick Masters's picture

So im the dick for putting scratch assed where he belongs...on the ground picking up his teeth. Fuck all you who junked me. Anyone who really believes 7.50...the exchange rate for punds to the dollar...so yes it id happy meal...is an asshole and belongs on the ground with him. why dont you go protest at a welfare offcie or something sctach...put your money where your mouth is...and where your teeth would be once someone smacks your punk ass

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:38 | 1640445 Rick Masters
Rick Masters's picture

So im the dick for putting scratch assed where he belongs...on the ground picking up his teeth. Fuck all you who junked me. Anyone who really believes 7.50...the exchange rate for punds to the dollar...so yes it id happy meal...is an asshole and belongs on the ground with him. why dont you go protest at a welfare offcie or something sctach...put your money where your mouth is...and where your teeth would be once someone smacks your punk ass

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:00 | 1640520 Floordawg
Floordawg's picture

+32 teeth!

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:30 | 1640621 LasVegasDave
LasVegasDave's picture

Whats wrong with cleaning out a garage?

If you are so fucking irreplaceable, why dont you go out and start your own company?

Oh yeah, because you arent that smart.

so take a job cleaning out a stable.  Or start a software company

I really dont give a shit.  But if your fallback is violence, either join the military or face a wall of buckshot and slugs when you come to take my stuff.

here's a toast to culling the angry, unproductive halfwits from the gene pool 

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 01:49 | 1641061 Rick Masters
Rick Masters's picture

I never said to just take people's stuff...I said if there were some financial armegeddon that a lot of people who think just because they have a gun they will be ok are having a failure of imagination...a failure to imagine it wont be one person that breaks into houses it will be mobs...i DONT want that...mainly I was saying 5 pounds (or 7.50) to mow a lawn is insulting and most people especially those who had good jobs find the idea of a handout insulting...if he said i'd pay you 50 pounds to redo my basement that would be an offer. Oh, and no one is irreleplacable and just starting a business doesnt make you smart. There's smart, there's intelligent and there is wise and there is creative. On this board, intelligent equaled Cheeky Bastard or Trav, Robo is smart (unlike a lot people I think he has a lot to offer and prob does pretty good for himself), wiise equals CD and creative do I even need to say Banzai. Also, I dont believe there is a gene for violence...it is us all to some extent so culling wouldnt help plus it reeks of Nazi eugenics operations. You'd think by reading this site you would know that one can't just get a job anymore...a lot of you really need to wake up to the fact that the unemployment rate is high not cause of laziness but because of structual problems and to sit and blame the unlucky and spit on them is divisive and just what TPTB want so they can continue their theft.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 01:49 | 1641062 Rick Masters
Rick Masters's picture

I never said to just take people's stuff...I said if there were some financial armegeddon that a lot of people who think just because they have a gun they will be ok are having a failure of imagination...a failure to imagine it wont be one person that breaks into houses it will be mobs...i DONT want that...mainly I was saying 5 pounds (or 7.50) to mow a lawn is insulting and most people especially those who had good jobs find the idea of a handout insulting...if he said i'd pay you 50 pounds to redo my basement that would be an offer. Oh, and no one is irreleplacable and just starting a business doesnt make you smart. There's smart, there's intelligent and there is wise and there is creative. On this board, intelligent equaled Cheeky Bastard or Trav, Robo is smart (unlike a lot people I think he has a lot to offer and prob does pretty good for himself), wiise equals CD and creative do I even need to say Banzai. Also, I dont believe there is a gene for violence...it is us all to some extent so culling wouldnt help plus it reeks of Nazi eugenics operations. You'd think by reading this site you would know that one can't just get a job anymore...a lot of you really need to wake up to the fact that the unemployment rate is high not cause of laziness but because of structual problems and to sit and blame the unlucky and spit on them is divisive and just what TPTB want so they can continue their theft.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 01:49 | 1641063 Rick Masters
Rick Masters's picture

I never said to just take people's stuff...I said if there were some financial armegeddon that a lot of people who think just because they have a gun they will be ok are having a failure of imagination...a failure to imagine it wont be one person that breaks into houses it will be mobs...i DONT want that...mainly I was saying 5 pounds (or 7.50) to mow a lawn is insulting and most people especially those who had good jobs find the idea of a handout insulting...if he said i'd pay you 50 pounds to redo my basement that would be an offer. Oh, and no one is irreleplacable and just starting a business doesnt make you smart. There's smart, there's intelligent and there is wise and there is creative. On this board, intelligent equaled Cheeky Bastard or Trav, Robo is smart (unlike a lot people I think he has a lot to offer and prob does pretty good for himself), wiise equals CD and creative do I even need to say Banzai. Also, I dont believe there is a gene for violence...it is us all to some extent so culling wouldnt help plus it reeks of Nazi eugenics operations. You'd think by reading this site you would know that one can't just get a job anymore...a lot of you really need to wake up to the fact that the unemployment rate is high not cause of laziness but because of structual problems and to sit and blame the unlucky and spit on them is divisive and just what TPTB want so they can continue their theft.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 00:31 | 1640875 Milestones
Milestones's picture

You've been in T-Ride too long Mr. masters.      Milestones

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 01:51 | 1641068 Rick Masters
Rick Masters's picture

The heavy metal band? T-ride?

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:48 | 1640302 stacking12321
stacking12321's picture

before you go riding off on your high horse rick, it's in pounds not dollars

so instead of a happy meal at mcdonalds it's more like a bender at the local wimpy's, that makes it more classier.

 

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:57 | 1640334 scratch_and_sniff
scratch_and_sniff's picture

In fact, he could have bought 1 bag of potatoes, pasta, beans, milk, cheap mince and possibly a sweet or two. That would have fed him for a week. It would have been totally irresponsible for him to even think of visiting Wimpy, thats a crazy idea...its junk anyway.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:15 | 1640384 Floordawg
Floordawg's picture

Your quite lucky the man only told you to "fuck off" and didn't bury a shovel in your thick bourgeois skull. Now FUCK OFF again Fuck-O!

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:22 | 1640404 scratch_and_sniff
scratch_and_sniff's picture

but that is the funny thing, he wouldn’t even of had to pick up a shovel...it was only a few leaves and grass. I would have gave him the correct tools for the job, and £5 on completion of the task(if done sufficiently well).

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:14 | 1640566 Shirley Wilfahrt
Shirley Wilfahrt's picture

LOL

I know what I would do to your fucking lawn...

As a complete prick I'm sure you would understand....

 

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:36 | 1640642 Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

Urinate FUCK ME I'M A FUCKHEAD and cover it with grass-kill

 

Get your 5 spot and outtie before the shit appears like reappearing ink

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:38 | 1640644 LasVegasDave
LasVegasDave's picture

a cross eyed, flatulent, ugly, black woman will go far, I'm sure.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 23:49 | 1640776 Shirley Wilfahrt
Shirley Wilfahrt's picture

I'll kick your frat boy ass you pasty fuck....

:)

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:18 | 1640584 pods
pods's picture

Gotta agree with Rick on this one, your pompous ass will be doing the boiled hemp dance with that attitude.

Of course you are trolling, but your pomposity shines through.

pods

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 23:59 | 1640783 pods
pods's picture

A nice comeback!  Not very often that someone gets a rise out of me like that.

Do you practice catch and release?

pods

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:03 | 1640356 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

a bender at the local wimpy's

Will they allow you to defer payment until Tuesday for a hamburger today?  I would gladly take a deal like that.

 

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:40 | 1640447 knukles
knukles's picture

Show off... Just 'cause you were laid off from Goldman Sachs....

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:37 | 1640643 Rodent Freikorps
Rodent Freikorps's picture

I've been thrown out of way better places than that.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:03 | 1640352 scratch_and_sniff
scratch_and_sniff's picture

I know what his reasoning is because his wife told me, she comes to stay with me sometimes - she had to hide in my kitchen when i offered him the work because she knows what he is like. (when he left and i returned to the kitchen i found her helping herself to my freshly baked buns, fed one to her dog too, i wasnt too happy about that either)

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:34 | 1640434 Rick Masters
Rick Masters's picture

you're a troll. this didnt happen you fucking made it up. whose paying you anyway? Or do you the banksters bidding all on your own fuckface.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:58 | 1640510 Rodent Freikorps
Rodent Freikorps's picture

How's that hook taste?

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 23:00 | 1640689 Jasper M
Jasper M's picture

Not tryin to offend anybody, but I think this is germane.

1) I, and at least two generations before me, worked hard, in hard conditions. Because of that, I was able to retire at 46. And Yes, I DO enjoy "sitting around" (not working), and assume most would.

2) When the partially disabled lady next store kept begging me for resources (couldn't afford STAMPS!), I offered her $10 to wash my car. SHE Did It! And did a darn fine job. Apparently had a little detailing experience. Very conscientious. 

   Now, she keeps bothering me, but it's for Work, not begging.I will count that as improvement. 

If that makes me a prick, arrogant, whatever, I guess I'll wear that. But I don't understand vilifying those who give others on opportunity for a little profit, from a little work. I've donee such work, and been glad to have it. 

Most potential employers don't Need a given bit of work done - otherwise, it would be done already.We Choose to delegate something we Could do ourselves, giving someone a (small) opportunity.  

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 23:24 | 1640729 scratch_and_sniff
scratch_and_sniff's picture

Good for you man. Done my fair share of odd jobs to get through uni, would have done anything, security, bar work, warehouse...it was either that or live on a shoestring. Sometimes people forget where we came actually from, i know a few car-washing franchises where they take home a lot more than $10 , no shortage of people willing to do it too. Fair play to the old girl, and yourself.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 23:52 | 1640782 Rodent Freikorps
Rodent Freikorps's picture

After working for Clinton, I got a job giving head to buffalo, at a nickle a herd, until I got my self respect back.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:16 | 1640574 goldfish1
goldfish1's picture

i found her helping herself to my freshly baked buns, fed one to her dog too, i wasnt too happy about that either

I hope she took money out of your wallet and fed that to her dog too.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 04:00 | 1641219 A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000's picture

True story.

 

Back in the old days of the 87 crash I know a guy who got a blow job off a crack whore in some park in the Bronx for a dollar.

 

Dude, a dollar! Even accounting for the rampant inflation caused by the Fed's devaluing of the dollar, that's still pretty cheap.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:45 | 1640289 Odin McHaggis
Odin McHaggis's picture

He should have punched you in the face and told you, "clean that up bitch"

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:54 | 1640323 Tapeworm
Tapeworm's picture

 A Pound was .2354 Troy ounces of gold, usually referred to as a "sovereign". In modern wonder days of now a sov is 276.59 GBP, or a loss of 99.64%. No wonder the guy is reticent.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:00 | 1640342 Max Hunter
Max Hunter's picture

So now he wont lift a finger for 30 minutes work, thats £1 every six minutes, and he’s only 57!!!

Are you serious?.. You fucking prick.. I would have told you to fuck off too.. And now I hope you lose your job.. self rightous asshole..

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:04 | 1640533 Bicycle Repairman
Bicycle Repairman's picture

Your offer of £5 might be welcome by someone who was indigent.  If he's further up Maslow's triangle, it probably didn't do much him.  I occasionally perform manual labor, but I do it for free.  That way I get my exercise and keep my dignity.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 23:44 | 1640766 edwardscpa
edwardscpa's picture

Exactly.  A homeless man who gets 5 pounds would likely be pleased.  A man who made 100K/yr and lost his job doesn't give a fuck about 5 pounds.  He's still going to lose everything he owns.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 01:58 | 1641077 Rick Masters
Rick Masters's picture

That was my point Ed...It seems from his story that the man made five pounds a minute at some point and it is insulting to offer that to him and WTF was scratch doing with dude's wife? Call me old-fashioned but you shouldnt be rubbing an unemployment man's rubbarb. But I doubt scratch goes around offering people who need five pounds jobs or anyone else...id be intersted to know scratch why would you offer a job that should be done by a kid to a grown man for a pittance?

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:12 | 1640559 goldfish1
goldfish1's picture

fukk u and ur £5

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 06:10 | 1641341 AnAnonymous
AnAnonymous's picture

a job of cleaning my yard & cutting the grass, i was willing to pay him £5 for like 30mins work

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

30 mins work? cutting the grass? With what? Maybe more like 3hours work.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:33 | 1640261 Boop
Boop's picture

Putz.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:49 | 1640474 LiquidIce
LiquidIce's picture

Right!! Everyone should go to school, get a BA/BS or MBA, and hope for $8 an hour and food stamps.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 15:56 | 1643388 Incubus
Incubus's picture

The problem with civilizations is that eventually everyone's ego grows too much.  It's not so much an issue of a breakdown of rules, or systems: it is the breakdown of people--the unsustainable growth of ego.

Both of you are causes for "the end."

 

In "Utopia," we'd respect people for "the content of their character"--not what job they happen to be working in.  Work != Identity; Work != Me; Work != You; Work != anything of what any of us are.

All of you parade around this blog that uses the Fight Club Mantra, but none of you even care to understand any of it, anyway.

Fools always get caught up on the first layer of everything.  Sometimes I just want to fucking beat all of you with a "tough love" baseball bat.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:26 | 1640222 Smiddywesson
Smiddywesson's picture

I am truly sorry for my fellow ZH comments.  There is a lot going on right now, and it is easy to appear insensitive to the plight of more than 20% of our people as they struggle to survive with inadequate employment.  Mixed in with that to cloud the waters, there are literally millions that are cheating the system, being cheated by the system, drawing off pensions decades after the money they put in is gone, and people who all their lives, worked as hard as they could, only to end up dependent upon food stamps.  The system is going down, and it is a boiling cauldren of people feeding off the system and the system feeding off of people.

Please accept my appologies.  I didn't want it to come to this.  Anything we say can appear insensitive to the victims, but the cost of open discussion of this cluster fuck is risking offending people who did absolutely nothing to bring this about.  You can't discuss the end of the world as we know it without stepping on people's toes.      

 

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:30 | 1640243 WonderDawg
WonderDawg's picture

Well said, Smiddy.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 08:19 | 1641535 Dyler Turden II Esq
Dyler Turden II Esq's picture

VERY well said, and something that needs to be said, repeatedly, as this crisis unfolds.  Worth saving.  And I might add that Smiddy's comments are often in the very good to excellent range, unlike mine.  Kudos to Smiddy.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 16:04 | 1643412 Incubus
Incubus's picture

I think you just won the award for worst handle on this blog.

 

jfc...what were you thinking when you made that up?  I want to understand your state of mind--I'm sure some hallucinogens were playing a factor?

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:46 | 1640294 Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby's picture

+10

Damn Smiddy you are wise man!

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:57 | 1640335 stacking12321
stacking12321's picture

Dear Everyone,


I'm sorry, I can't write to

each of you individually, but

our family counselor said

it was important to get

this letter out to everyone

as quickly as possible.


It's sad that we have to

send a message like this.

We realize that almost all

of you who gave money to

Little Jay gave it in good

faith, but please, DO NOT

loan Jay Junior any

more money.




Jay Junior wasn't trying to

take advantage of anyone.

He just wanted to be certain

that he was getting enough

foods from the Meat Group.

The meat that can be returned,

will be. The meat that has

already gone bad, Jay Junior

will pay for out of his own

pocket. All of your money

will be returned.

Sincerely,
Viv

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:59 | 1640339 Meridian
Meridian's picture

Yeah for gods sake nothing could be worse than appearing to be insensitive, I shudder at the thought.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 07:37 | 1641450 gwar5
gwar5's picture

When we read and comment at ZH we are all commenting on the unbelievably Fukked up economic situation, even the 'articulate' and scared Landrew. We all found ZH seeking the truth, even if it hurts. Any pain should be welcomed, it confirms you're still alive and you still care. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 10:40 | 1642038 g
g's picture

Agreed Smiddy. Anyways this is supposed to be 'fight club' so why all the sensitivity exhibited at times? ZH is supposed to be the place to mix it up and talk it out.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:48 | 1640287 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

I’ve Just Been Fired

To all,

I am very sad to tell you that I’ve just been fired over the phone by the Manager here at GameStop. It has been an embarassment to fail at something so many others have done successfully and I wish I had studied more in school so I might be employable going forward.

Landrew

Sent from my mother's iPad

 


Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:48 | 1640469 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

try drinking and driving if "lightening up" doesn't work. you'll fit in just fine after that.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:55 | 1640495 zorbathefreak
zorbathefreak's picture

Smoke another, brah!

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:59 | 1640512 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

Landrew

Yo Dude, being a working man myself I know damn well that many of us actually sit around and enjoy collecting free money. Who the fuck doesn't?


Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:03 | 1640527 Gordon Freeman
Gordon Freeman's picture

Yeah, fuck you! fuck you! fuck you, man, and fuck you, fuck you, fuuuuck youuuu!!!

See? I can do it, too!

Fuck you!

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 16:06 | 1643422 Incubus
Incubus's picture

Fuck is the greatest word ever. 

 

If I ran a nation, I'd name it "Fuck."

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 22:33 | 1640632 SokPOTUS
SokPOTUS's picture

You forgot the sarcasm tag.

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 06:11 | 1641343 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Sheesh!  Guess the peace of Landrew is NOT with you today!

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 07:10 | 1641393 gwar5
gwar5's picture

Didn't anybody tell you that your Master's in French Literature was a waste of time?

 

 

 

 

 

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 10:49 | 1642059 g
g's picture

Just like in any environment there are those that do and those that do not. Sure there are plenty of people that sit on their ass getting unemployment checks and will only look for a job when it runs out. Then there are those who fervently look for jobs the entire time they are on unemployment. And then there are those that are to proud to take a job at a lesser wage than they made previously. They will justify that using many means, their education, status, etc. Fuck a job is a job, I bagged groceries once at 24, and ran into people I knew all the time. But I was working and working hard, supporting myself. These values are dying man, everyone feels entitled, that is one of the core breakdowns in our society. So in the end most people will do the same thing, milk it for all they can, heck its all going down anyways, is the all pervasive thought. So why not sit on your ass and collect unemployment. Well I would say if people had self respect, pride, and dignity they would be willing to work most any job so they could be self supporting. My hat is off to anyone who makes the best of these times, to those that actually can not find a job, to anyone experiencing hard times. I think Ron Paul said it best, you are entitled to you liberty...... and that does mean sitting on your ass, but do not ask me to pay for it. But whatever I digress big time here...

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 11:28 | 1642207 tip e. canoe
tip e. canoe's picture

"These values are dying man, everyone feels entitled, that is one of the core breakdowns in our society. "

well said, thought appropriate to pull out so as not lost.

re: liberty entitlements : maybe more like they are entitled to ask (why should they be forced to stop?), AND, likewise, you should be entitled to say "I prefer not to." if you so choose?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-9tAqdd_4Y

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 19:51 | 1640099 Tim Knight from...
Tim Knight from Slope of Hope's picture

And how many tens of millions was she paid to run this company into the ground? Nice work if you can get it.

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 19:55 | 1640118 Diablo
Diablo's picture

she sucked but not as bad as jerry yang, who turned down $33/share from msft.

 

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 20:32 | 1640251 caerus
caerus's picture

yeah that was dumb

Tue, 09/06/2011 - 21:31 | 1640428 Bobbyrib
Bobbyrib's picture

You beat me to it.

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