Chuck Norris, Who Cuts Through A Hot Knife With Butter, Refuses To "Stand On The Sidelines For Socialism"

Tyler Durden's picture


While the Clint Eastwood clip was a solid 8 out of 10 on the weirdness chart, it took the man who, as everyone knows, scares all charts away, and who singlehandedly burst the dot-com bubble, to put things in perspective to the evangelical crowd. Because, while Waldo may be hiding from Norris, Norris will no longer hide from what he terms "socialism or something much worse."



Full Transcript:

We are here to talk about a growing concern we all share. If we look to history, our great country and freedom are under attack. We're at a tipping point and, quite possibly, our country as we know it may be lost forever if we don't change the course in which our country is headed.


With our country at a crossroads, Chuck and I have asked ourselves what we can be doing to help support this great country we're blessed to live in and how we can encourage our like-minded American brothers and sisters to unite and let their voices be heard," she said. "It is estimated that in the 2008 election, 30 million evangelical Christians stayed home on voting day and Obama won the election by 10 million votes.


We know you love your family and your freedom as much as Gena and I do, and it is because of that we can no longer sit quietly or stand on the sidelines and watch our country go the way of socialism or something much worse.


As Edmund Burke said, 'All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men and women do nothing.'


Our great president, Ronald Reagan said, 'Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected and handed on for them to do the same.


President Reagan went on to say that 'You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.


Please stand with us, let's unite for God and country. And may God continue to bless the United States of America. See you at the polls.


Now would seem like an opportune moment to refresh the old cadre of 'Chuck Norris' jokes for the New Normal...

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Tue, 09/04/2012 - 18:20 | 2762140 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

god is a republican?

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 18:22 | 2762156 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

Vote for NOBODY. 

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 18:26 | 2762173 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Chuck Norris is not badass enough to wrest control over the Republican (or Democratic) Establishment away from the The Money Masters.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 18:45 | 2762263 EnglishMajor
EnglishMajor's picture

Stand on the sidelines for socialism or jump on the bandwagon for fascism.  At least we have a choice, or we can just keep enjoying the best of both worlds, like an ever growing food stamp program that reaps millions in profits for Jamie Dimon.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 19:06 | 2762356 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Chucky and Bride of Chucky seem to be aware of who is behind all this when they mention "one thousand years of darkness" and "socialism or something much worse" (national socialism). Yep, it's the "1000 jahre reich". Series of events unraveling fast. Germany has sent submarines to islamist Egypt. You can bet those subs will be used against american naval fleet in the Persian Gulf.


Tue, 09/04/2012 - 19:24 | 2762447 SeverinSlade
SeverinSlade's picture

So who is Chuck Norris voting for? Ron Paul?

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:05 | 2762621 bigdumbnugly
bigdumbnugly's picture

i don't know.   but if you work in chuck's office you can ask him.    just don't ask for his three hole punch.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:38 | 2762750 TwoShortPlanks
TwoShortPlanks's picture

Amerikans; you fuckers are so weird!

Thanks Tyler, I need a fucking shower now.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:47 | 2762785 sablya
sablya's picture

It might seem weird to you but Chuck Norris is a Christian and has the rational belief that there is a relation between morality and good government.  Perhaps that idea seems wrong to you but you certainly can't justify your opinion whereas the Christian idea that laws are founded in the nature of God and revealed in terms of the Ten Commandments is a solid foundation for ethics.  Obama knows NOTHING of ethics, of course, and does as he pleases in order to acheive the end he and the other closet fascists so earnestly desire - the subjugation of the human race.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:51 | 2762795 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Do you really believe what you just wrote?

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:58 | 2762816 clymer
clymer's picture

coming from the guy that supported Newt and Huckabee.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:19 | 2762872 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Beg pardon!?

I always thought of Newt being an ignorant mans idea of what an intelligent man would sound like...

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:51 | 2762967 Rylie
Rylie's picture

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 22:05 | 2762988 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



Chuck, you should actually read Jesus' teachings in the New Testament.  

It is quite clear that Christ was a socialist, and to argue otherwise is just plain foolish.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 22:28 | 2763052 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

A very inconvienient truth for some.....

You nailed it....

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 23:33 | 2763213 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Christ was a socialist ....because he never held a job?

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 02:23 | 2763512 mrjohn
mrjohn's picture

If carpenter doesn't class as a job.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 03:29 | 2763562 giovanni_f
giovanni_f's picture

You and your collegues posting under "Ahmeexnal" are AIPAC clerks. You need a new avatar to spread your propaganda.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 08:28 | 2763934 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture


Tue, 09/04/2012 - 22:37 | 2763073 F22
F22's picture

What about "give a man a fish and he eats for a day....teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime..."

Socialism seems to be about handing out that you stole from someone else actually.


Tue, 09/04/2012 - 22:44 | 2763090 Oldballplayer
Oldballplayer's picture

I thought that was one of those idiotic fucking motivation posters, not the New Testament. 

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 22:50 | 2763102 Crisismode
Crisismode's picture

Jesus never


said that.


Wed, 09/05/2012 - 04:53 | 2763642 Ar-Pharazôn
Ar-Pharazôn's picture



jesus i cant believe what i m reading......................................................


are you serious?

Thu, 09/06/2012 - 17:15 | 2769495 I did it by Occident
I did it by Occident's picture

I dunno, it seems some of Jesus' parables can be read from a capitalist's viewpoint.  A few come to mind: 

Parable of the talents (i.e. put your capital be it money or talents to work or they will be taken away)

Workers in the vineyard (i.e. the master can pay the workers whatever is agreed to unequally)

Barren fig tree (the barren tree is a bad investment which would be rid of and not kept around to multiply)

Sower of the seeds (Could be seen from a venture capitalist point of view, most seeds won't make it but the few that do will multiply)

Mustard Seed (could be seen how something can grow an idea into a giant)

Wise and Foolish Builders (could be seen that wise investors make good choices and are protected while the fools have their house washed away)

Anyways, I'm sure others could be given a capitalist spin.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:06 | 2762835 sablya
sablya's picture

Yeah, of course. A transcendental argument is a philosophical argument form which takes a manifest feature of experience as granted, and determines the necessary presuppositions for that to be the case.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:21 | 2762878 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture


You can type stuff like this and you believe what you wrote about O....

You gotta be bipolar...

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:09 | 2762839 GoBadgers
GoBadgers's picture

I love when people ask the question "do you really believe X Y or Z"?

The answer is of course you stupid fuck, why the hell would I bother mentioning it if I didn't believe it.

A better question is whether you believe what you believe? Projection perhaps?

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:21 | 2762885 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

I believe there are a lot of narrow minded fools that post complete utter crap at ZH....

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:32 | 2762922 Solarman
Solarman's picture

What does a broad minded fool believe in?

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:35 | 2762932 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Sorry, as a rule, those are mutually exclusive... Try again...

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:43 | 2762956 Solarman
Solarman's picture

Really, explain your beliefs.  Is it binary, God/no god?  If no God, then chance?  If chance, what is it to be broadminded?  That shit is happening, and it is happening just because, and what ever is cool with you, is cool with me, except if someone is trying to steal from me (oops, that is a narrowminded concept), or hurt me, (oops, narrow minded again).  I mean, who decides what is narrow or broad, you?  me? a majority?  What if it is the wrong majority?



Tue, 09/04/2012 - 22:56 | 2762981 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

I have been posting here for well over 2 years....

You are welcome to review the record....

to learn what I believe...


Tue, 09/04/2012 - 23:19 | 2763163 Nikao7
Nikao7's picture

Now that would a complete waste of time

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 23:40 | 2763236 merizobeach
merizobeach's picture

God or no god, Christianity is absolutely SHIT.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 04:55 | 2763644 Ar-Pharazôn
Ar-Pharazôn's picture

like you saying Jesus was a socialist and there is no chanche it is not so?


shut up troll

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:12 | 2762841 GoBadgers
GoBadgers's picture

Oops, doubled up son.


Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:49 | 2762964 Jack Burton
Jack Burton's picture

I think that was Million Dollar Bonus!

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 22:00 | 2762991 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Jack Burton nails it again.


Tue, 09/04/2012 - 23:37 | 2763224 taketheredpill
taketheredpill's picture


Wed, 09/05/2012 - 07:48 | 2763841 midtowng
midtowng's picture

There is a relation between morality and good government. It was just has nothing to do with the current state of evangelical christians in the United States.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:22 | 2762888 Solarman
Solarman's picture

What do you believe?  Chrisitans believe in a power outside of us (whether you believe in it or mock it), it provides a framework of ethical guidelines, that all are familiar with.  For those that don't believe in God, why do you fret over the banksters stealing from you, and the government taking all they can for the 1%.  After all if there is no firm compass, what ever is right in their eyes is fine.  You have no moral authority to judge someone else (no objective basis), their opinion may differ from yours.

Some use the majority determines what is right argument for the above, and that is our compass and I simply say, move to an Islamic country, or to America 150 years ago as a black man, see if the majority has it right.


If the world truly tries to follow God's 10 commandments or Jesus's two, no doubt the world would be a much better place.  Not argueable.



For me, I'll do my best, and when I fail, I'll seek forgiveness.  This is not my final destination.  If I am wrong, I wated two hours a week at church, gave away some money foolishly, some people mocked my beliefs and I lived a pretty decent life.  If I am right, and you are wrong, you are screwed.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:54 | 2762980 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

      Chrisitans believe in a power outside of us (whether you believe in it or mock it), it provides a framework of ethical guidelines, that all are familiar with.

If the Chrisitans pretend to entertain the notion that there can be a framework of ethical guidelines we're all familiar with that DOESN'T require Jesus, they should be able to get along with virtually everyone.

Some Christians already do this.  Some other guy came up with the idea a bit earlier.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 22:42 | 2763083 Totentänzerlied
Totentänzerlied's picture

The vast majority is Christian and have it (everything) quite wrong, though it would be quite stupid to blame that solely on their religion.

"If the world truly tries to follow God's 10 commandments or Jesus's two, no doubt the world would be a much better place.  Not argueable." This merely tells me that you have no imagination. Back into the fold, the shepherd is waiting!

Your closing argument is Pascal's wager, it has not gained any credence in the nearly 400 years since he devised it.

One wafer-thin talking point after another.

Zion hört die Wächter singen,
das Herz tut ihr vor Freuden springen!

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 07:51 | 2763848 midtowng
midtowng's picture

Boy, you got that 100% backwards.

As a Christian, why do you care about who steals from YOU. After all, they will get what is coming to them after they die. You, OTOH, will get pie in the sky when you die.

As for the rest of us, we seek justice while we still live and breath.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 13:45 | 2765074 mr_T
mr_T's picture

What does Christian religion have to do with freedom .

Vote none of the above. Obama Romney same thing..
Wake the fk up. Fn neocon delta force BS.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 03:22 | 2763553 Terp
Terp's picture

Just wanted to mention you are one of the biggest idiots commenting on this board.

Get a fucking grip.



Wed, 09/05/2012 - 07:06 | 2763752 Davalicious
Davalicious's picture

>"socialism or something much worse" (national socialism).

What a crock. Socialism is a Jewish invention to further their ethnic interests while pretending to equalise society. National socialism was a white movement to neutralise malign Jewish influence in Germany.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 19:07 | 2762375 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Seems food stamps are three times more popular than jobs...







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