Chuck Norris, Who Cuts Through A Hot Knife With Butter, Refuses To "Stand On The Sidelines For Socialism"

Tyler Durden's picture

While the Clint Eastwood clip was a solid 8 out of 10 on the weirdness chart, it took the man who, as everyone knows, scares all charts away, and who singlehandedly burst the dot-com bubble, to put things in perspective to the evangelical crowd. Because, while Waldo may be hiding from Norris, Norris will no longer hide from what he terms "socialism or something much worse."



Full Transcript:

We are here to talk about a growing concern we all share. If we look to history, our great country and freedom are under attack. We're at a tipping point and, quite possibly, our country as we know it may be lost forever if we don't change the course in which our country is headed.


With our country at a crossroads, Chuck and I have asked ourselves what we can be doing to help support this great country we're blessed to live in and how we can encourage our like-minded American brothers and sisters to unite and let their voices be heard," she said. "It is estimated that in the 2008 election, 30 million evangelical Christians stayed home on voting day and Obama won the election by 10 million votes.


We know you love your family and your freedom as much as Gena and I do, and it is because of that we can no longer sit quietly or stand on the sidelines and watch our country go the way of socialism or something much worse.


As Edmund Burke said, 'All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men and women do nothing.'


Our great president, Ronald Reagan said, 'Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected and handed on for them to do the same.


President Reagan went on to say that 'You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.


Please stand with us, let's unite for God and country. And may God continue to bless the United States of America. See you at the polls.


Now would seem like an opportune moment to refresh the old cadre of 'Chuck Norris' jokes for the New Normal...

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buzzsaw99's picture

god is a republican?

TruthInSunshine's picture

Chuck Norris is not badass enough to wrest control over the Republican (or Democratic) Establishment away from the The Money Masters.

EnglishMajor's picture

Stand on the sidelines for socialism or jump on the bandwagon for fascism.  At least we have a choice, or we can just keep enjoying the best of both worlds, like an ever growing food stamp program that reaps millions in profits for Jamie Dimon.

Ahmeexnal's picture

Chucky and Bride of Chucky seem to be aware of who is behind all this when they mention "one thousand years of darkness" and "socialism or something much worse" (national socialism). Yep, it's the "1000 jahre reich". Series of events unraveling fast. Germany has sent submarines to islamist Egypt. You can bet those subs will be used against american naval fleet in the Persian Gulf.


SeverinSlade's picture

So who is Chuck Norris voting for? Ron Paul?

bigdumbnugly's picture

i don't know.   but if you work in chuck's office you can ask him.    just don't ask for his three hole punch.

TwoShortPlanks's picture

Amerikans; you fuckers are so weird!

Thanks Tyler, I need a fucking shower now.

sablya's picture

It might seem weird to you but Chuck Norris is a Christian and has the rational belief that there is a relation between morality and good government.  Perhaps that idea seems wrong to you but you certainly can't justify your opinion whereas the Christian idea that laws are founded in the nature of God and revealed in terms of the Ten Commandments is a solid foundation for ethics.  Obama knows NOTHING of ethics, of course, and does as he pleases in order to acheive the end he and the other closet fascists so earnestly desire - the subjugation of the human race.

Flakmeister's picture

Do you really believe what you just wrote?

clymer's picture

coming from the guy that supported Newt and Huckabee.

Flakmeister's picture

Beg pardon!?

I always thought of Newt being an ignorant mans idea of what an intelligent man would sound like...

Rylie's picture

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land

Flakmeister's picture

A very inconvienient truth for some.....

You nailed it....

Ahmeexnal's picture

Christ was a socialist ....because he never held a job?

mrjohn's picture

If carpenter doesn't class as a job.

giovanni_f's picture

You and your collegues posting under "Ahmeexnal" are AIPAC clerks. You need a new avatar to spread your propaganda.

F22's picture

What about "give a man a fish and he eats for a day....teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime..."

Socialism seems to be about handing out that you stole from someone else actually.


Oldballplayer's picture

I thought that was one of those idiotic fucking motivation posters, not the New Testament. 

Crisismode's picture

Jesus never


said that.


Ar-Pharazôn's picture



jesus i cant believe what i m reading......................................................


are you serious?

I did it by Occident's picture

I dunno, it seems some of Jesus' parables can be read from a capitalist's viewpoint.  A few come to mind: 

Parable of the talents (i.e. put your capital be it money or talents to work or they will be taken away)

Workers in the vineyard (i.e. the master can pay the workers whatever is agreed to unequally)

Barren fig tree (the barren tree is a bad investment which would be rid of and not kept around to multiply)

Sower of the seeds (Could be seen from a venture capitalist point of view, most seeds won't make it but the few that do will multiply)

Mustard Seed (could be seen how something can grow an idea into a giant)

Wise and Foolish Builders (could be seen that wise investors make good choices and are protected while the fools have their house washed away)

Anyways, I'm sure others could be given a capitalist spin.

sablya's picture

Yeah, of course. A transcendental argument is a philosophical argument form which takes a manifest feature of experience as granted, and determines the necessary presuppositions for that to be the case.

Flakmeister's picture


You can type stuff like this and you believe what you wrote about O....

You gotta be bipolar...

GoBadgers's picture

I love when people ask the question "do you really believe X Y or Z"?

The answer is of course you stupid fuck, why the hell would I bother mentioning it if I didn't believe it.

A better question is whether you believe what you believe? Projection perhaps?

Flakmeister's picture

I believe there are a lot of narrow minded fools that post complete utter crap at ZH....

Solarman's picture

What does a broad minded fool believe in?

Flakmeister's picture

Sorry, as a rule, those are mutually exclusive... Try again...

Solarman's picture

Really, explain your beliefs.  Is it binary, God/no god?  If no God, then chance?  If chance, what is it to be broadminded?  That shit is happening, and it is happening just because, and what ever is cool with you, is cool with me, except if someone is trying to steal from me (oops, that is a narrowminded concept), or hurt me, (oops, narrow minded again).  I mean, who decides what is narrow or broad, you?  me? a majority?  What if it is the wrong majority?



Flakmeister's picture

I have been posting here for well over 2 years....

You are welcome to review the record....

to learn what I believe...


merizobeach's picture

God or no god, Christianity is absolutely SHIT.

Ar-Pharazôn's picture

like you saying Jesus was a socialist and there is no chanche it is not so?


shut up troll

Jack Burton's picture

I think that was Million Dollar Bonus!

midtowng's picture

There is a relation between morality and good government. It was just has nothing to do with the current state of evangelical christians in the United States.

Solarman's picture

What do you believe?  Chrisitans believe in a power outside of us (whether you believe in it or mock it), it provides a framework of ethical guidelines, that all are familiar with.  For those that don't believe in God, why do you fret over the banksters stealing from you, and the government taking all they can for the 1%.  After all if there is no firm compass, what ever is right in their eyes is fine.  You have no moral authority to judge someone else (no objective basis), their opinion may differ from yours.

Some use the majority determines what is right argument for the above, and that is our compass and I simply say, move to an Islamic country, or to America 150 years ago as a black man, see if the majority has it right.


If the world truly tries to follow God's 10 commandments or Jesus's two, no doubt the world would be a much better place.  Not argueable.



For me, I'll do my best, and when I fail, I'll seek forgiveness.  This is not my final destination.  If I am wrong, I wated two hours a week at church, gave away some money foolishly, some people mocked my beliefs and I lived a pretty decent life.  If I am right, and you are wrong, you are screwed.

blunderdog's picture

      Chrisitans believe in a power outside of us (whether you believe in it or mock it), it provides a framework of ethical guidelines, that all are familiar with.

If the Chrisitans pretend to entertain the notion that there can be a framework of ethical guidelines we're all familiar with that DOESN'T require Jesus, they should be able to get along with virtually everyone.

Some Christians already do this.  Some other guy came up with the idea a bit earlier.

Totentänzerlied's picture

The vast majority is Christian and have it (everything) quite wrong, though it would be quite stupid to blame that solely on their religion.

"If the world truly tries to follow God's 10 commandments or Jesus's two, no doubt the world would be a much better place.  Not argueable." This merely tells me that you have no imagination. Back into the fold, the shepherd is waiting!

Your closing argument is Pascal's wager, it has not gained any credence in the nearly 400 years since he devised it.

One wafer-thin talking point after another.

Zion hört die Wächter singen,
das Herz tut ihr vor Freuden springen!

midtowng's picture

Boy, you got that 100% backwards.

As a Christian, why do you care about who steals from YOU. After all, they will get what is coming to them after they die. You, OTOH, will get pie in the sky when you die.

As for the rest of us, we seek justice while we still live and breath.

mr_T's picture

What does Christian religion have to do with freedom .

Vote none of the above. Obama Romney same thing..
Wake the fk up. Fn neocon delta force BS.

Terp's picture

Just wanted to mention you are one of the biggest idiots commenting on this board.

Get a fucking grip.



Davalicious's picture

>"socialism or something much worse" (national socialism).

What a crock. Socialism is a Jewish invention to further their ethnic interests while pretending to equalise society. National socialism was a white movement to neutralise malign Jewish influence in Germany.

kaiserhoff's picture

Seems food stamps are three times more popular than jobs...