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Citi Hires Top Model Contestant To Sell Equity Derivatives
While we await the release of pictures for today's caption contest, namely Merkel and Samaras hugging it out, which incidentally will be today's top news, as the Greek PM enters the lioness' den and begs for more, only to hear Merkel recite Herman Cain's tax plan, here is another picture: it is of "America’s Next Top Model" contestant and MTV anchor Kim Stolz, who was just hired away by Citigroup from BTIG to be a VP in equity-derivative sales, according to Bloomberg’s Donal Griffin. This is a welcome development: with trading volumes at levels last seen in 1998, more and more banks will resort to hiring underemployed supermodels to incite their clients to transact with them (for all the obvious and not so obvious reasons). It also means that said supermodels will soon know all there is to know about delta, gamma, vega and theta. Which naturally sets the stage for Zoolander 2 and the latest and greatest face name: step aside "Blue Steel", enter "The Schwab Baby" - a look describing what happens when that massive short gamma position suddenly blows up in your face. At least the next round of Congressional hearings, when banks scapegoat the next bailout request on supermodels selling VIX, will be somewhat more attractive. Win win for everyone.
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Den of vipers and thieves.
TITS OR BUST
"...Yes Ms. Stolz that's a very impressive resume (ass) you have."
"...And your credentials (breasts) are impeccable..."
Lipstick on pigs bitchez...
geez... desperate move imho...
"This is our CDS package, mostly B- and CD rated, and for a 1000$ extra you could get it anally..."
The worst thing is that she isn't even close to attractive. Citi can't get ANYTHING right.
+1. Way too skinny, the outfits don't even look good on her. Also, the piled-on-top-of-each-other sexual signals (especially they eyes) are a turn off.
Pirates ought to have a bigger chest!
In other news, in order to help improve their image, Goldman Sachs has hired public relations firm The Titté Brothers.
Bloomberg chick just reported that Citi's new hire is a carpet muncher. CLASSIC!!!! Now the guys can just let their imaginations run wild while they consider her "portfolio of work".........
Which Bloomberg chick? The blonde who wears a strap-on?
http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/demotivational-pos...
Dear.....you look a little thin. There are like zero calories in those derivatives.
Here.....have a sandwich.
Just skin and bone
Bearish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She may not be attractive over all, but i do find attractive her fetching open mouth "I'm gonna suck your balls dry" look, which sets my stock buyig genes on fire.
She will be selling:
Backspreads
Frontspreads
Straddles
Naked Puts
With luck, she knows how to put lipstick on a pig
Tits or GTFO!
tell that to her Photoshop guy
It's a dude, Which makes the caption fit:
Caption: " I take it in the Ass, why can't you..."
Perfect Citibank pitch.
Now that's fucking hilarious.
Really, what is it with elites and the "tweaker skank" look???
Brings a whole new meaning to:
"Tie me up; make me write bad checks..."
She looks like a complete evil bitch who is one eyeliner stroke into "that's a man, baby" territory. So, with that, it's my assessment Citi is obviously trying to find their own "Blythe Masters".
Pretty sure she's a freind of Dorothy's.
BTFD, BTFD, BTFD, WHERE DO I BUY!!!!!!!
Interesting outfit....black swan?
more like green dodo
Derivative buy side guy: "No I want to see your OTHER calendar spread!" ;)
Sex sells.
Yeah, worst BJ I ever had was GREAT!
Lorena Bobbit is out and looking for you...
Did you finally make contact between the tip of your tongue and the head of your peepee? =)
U dont have guarantee of that...:)
Wanna earn a Gold Maple the hard way honey?
That thing isn't even worth a silver dime.
If shCiti had just bought some US, German, and UK 10 years last week, they'd be set for the year.
And this smash-trash model relates to derivatives because ... ???????????????????????????????
too easy a question...
because they're both superficial in real value and beauty.
Harlots will now be available to serve you.
That should pick sales up substantially.
"I told you I wouldn't have to marry one of daddy's rich friends to be suckcessful; I'm like totally independent and junk now."
I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!!! BLUE STEEL AND THE SCHWAB BABY ARE THE SAME THING!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wC8y0HoopVE
She doesn't even like men.
That is truly the injustice here.
Yeah, if Citi hired her for her looks, you would think they would have researched that.
When somebody says credit derivatives I get like all goosepimply and horny and stuff.
Thanks Citi...for not hiring me,...u prefer a bitchEZ rather than a professional.
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/525/blast2012financialworld.jpg/
....That Merkel, she's so hot right now.......
she has just said "we want Greece stays with us" ...... very hot as usual.
She already has a girl friend.
Nothing new. Went out in London last summer with some friends from the JPM office, they had a new hot intern (ex-model, she was looking for something "different" and "challenging"!) who was the most viewed person on bloomberg for like 3 months in a row. Can't remember if she had gotten a FT offer or not, but would not surprise me in the least.
Sheesh! She looks more like a candidate to hawk Facebook!
http://articles.businessinsider.com/2010-12-20/wall_street/30069915_1_ge...
That's sad.
It is indeed sad. She apparently tried to retain her soul and her humanity. Wall Street takes people like that and crushes them into a paste.
May peace be upon her.
Hey WB how much do they offer to do the KR? Just curious...
a suicide and no note left? this does not happen often, does it?
Um...like ya... I know math, money and stuff....
Great! You're our new VP.
It's not because she looks good that she cannot be as stupid as the other traders/bankers. You always see beautiful women as smart and caring, but some of them are also plain dumb and capable of working for a criminal organization like Citi.
At least they are not worried about being taken seriously.
What is funny is that while one thinks the Wall Street fraud comedy has topped, these bastards always find an even higher level
But who cares if it once more fails as long as Helicopter Ben stands ready
Only pitiful !!
I wonder what she thinks of the term "LEVERAGE"? As in, perhaps you can LEVERAGE yourself over this for me, just for a minute....yeah....just like that....keep LEVERAGING yourself....again....yeah...just like that....
She probably knows ZERO about the stuff she would be selling so this is just a multitude of law suits waiting to happen.
Agreed PaperBear...this is fukking pathetic as i am confident there are many intelligent women that would be qualified.....oh...wait a minute....it is not about economics....ok...she is qualified. /sarc
Of course she knows nothing of the industry that will now employ her. She worked for MTV. Which bascially means she is one chromosome away from crawling. On the surface though its a smooth transition.
I know they have a million VP's over there at shitti. But really?
I think you'll find that knowing nothing is a usually a prerequisite.
Pvt. Joe Bowers: Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, y'know?
Frito: I don't really think we have time for a handjob, Joe.
[/idiocracy]
Someone give that chic a cheeseburger.
Another Click Pic Chick
She looks good for a short trerm pop but not as a long term investment.
Most women that hot are soul-sucking vampires.
She'll fit right in. A perfect hire.
Maybe an international relations major will do better than all the quants? Or, maybe it's all going to hell in a hand basket anyway and we should simply just drink more...
Should save on drinks at client meetings as it should take less booze to get the beer goggles on with that one. End result is the same, clients will wake up on the floor of a motel room, half naked and their wallet cleaned out.
The Wall St Vixen index is looking up:
http://www.zerohedge.com/contributed/2012-08-11/empire-state-vixen-index...
I hope I get a toaster when I open my new account with her.....because I really want to put my slice of bread in it.....
NICE!Hmmm... Nope. Too skinny.
Next!
When you slide it in you can hear the bones crack.
She is a lesbian, so good luck with that.
I'm also a lesbian because I prefer women. I just happen to have a big cock (how big is it?)... My schwang is so big it has it's own zip code. My balls have to call long distance to talk to the head. I had to get fat because when you have a tool like mine I had to put a shed over it.
Sorry, I lost my train of thought... where were we??? Oh yeah... time to start drinking... again.
If they really wanted to bust sales they should have hired a porn star.
wake me when they hire miss venezuela to sell oil futures..
imagine how pissed associates must have been who have slaved away for 3 years looking to get to VP! ha
"GIMME HEAD TIL IM DEAD!"
(In reference to the classic shirt 'booger' wore in Revenge of the Nerds)
Don't interfere! She's just trying to work like Kathleen Turner in The Man With Two Brains. (Just the first 1:50 of clip)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rW4Ih4AhIfI
So the banks which are based on a corrupt model are now using a corrupt model to sell their shit, priceless.
I just hope my retirment fund manager isn't turned on by the idea of having an eight inch high heel rammed up his ass.
Welcome to the New World Whore-der, where we pay shallow women to seduce shallow men into buying garbage.
She is a hot, gay x-model. Basically every overgrown insecure frat boys wet dream.
Not a bad hire by Citi. She will drive sales.
This could be the first time I have ever agreed with Lizzy360.
Looks like Timmy G in drag.
A particularly fine example of the long-established principle that derivatives saleswomen are not chosen for their math skills.
She's a graduate of the Sharon Stone School of Sales...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exhhNw-k7vQ&feature=related
Buy her junk and she will giggle yours.
That makes me bullish.
Skin and bone! Totally sexless!!
"...a VP in equity-derivative sales"
The title of "VP" in banks and other financial institutions is a joke these days. There are so many employees with the title of "VP" these days that it has become absurd.
Hilarious thread - As much as you nerds think this woman isn't attractive, none of you internet geeks would kick this woman out of bed.
Jesus Christ... we re hitting rock bottom of decency and intelligence... when one who have tought banks would try to reverse course since 2008...
She will make them a lot of monie. Muppets don't understand product, they just understand presentation.
man all I see is bones, grizzle with a lot of eyeliner. Don't they teach models how to smile anymore? It shows that Citi doesn't know how to put lipstick on a pig, but it does know how to put eyeliner on one.
Someone hurry and get that woman some meat and fat to put on her bones because all I see is a walking zombie that needs to be double tapped to make sure she stays down.
End of Line
+1 I guess they think sullen is sexy.
A young Meridith Whitney ;)
I'd walk by her on the street and not give her a second look.
Whether YOU think she s hot or not is completely irrelevant to this topic..... obviously some professionals do otherwise she would nt be a model...
Immasciated BIAATCH !
There's nowhere else to turn now that Abercrombie's underwear model retail plan proved underwhelming. Will she be selling equity swaps in her underwear, by any chance?
That s more the kind of question that this brings FranSix..
Instead of bringing clients to the strip bars they now bring the strippers to the clients !!! much more compliant ehh ! clever banks, they re learning the lessons
I give you, the late great Bill Hicks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDW_Hj2K0wo
Have to wonder how many and where her piercings are..........
Looks like her tits have been rehypothecated....BiTcHeZ