Comic, And Alcohol, Relief As Obama Speaks

Tyler Durden's picture

You know the drill: every time the TOTUS says "pass this bill" => shot, and 5 shots for every instance of "win(ning) the future." And if he actually says "the 1%", you have to finish the entire bottle. May the most cirrhotic man, woman or child win.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
tmosley's picture

Awesome, drinking games before the end of the work day.

All we've got here is absolute ethanol, so I guess that will have to do.

redpill's picture

ABSOLUT ethanol?  That must be a new flavor!


The party line sheeple lackeys behind him make me want to vomit.

gwar5's picture

90 Proof Moonshine. BHO and the Darth Vader bus tour is now in NC.


redpill's picture

It's almost as if they might be WORRIED about someone...

We won't be silenced!

RON PAUL 2012!

walküre's picture

They are ignorning Ron Paul simply because he will not win regardless of whether 55% or 75% of Americans would vote for him.

When he doesn't win and the run-of-the-mill banker lobbyist shill gets elected, the people won't get suspicious.

Imagine Ron Paul coverage 24/7 and massive voter turnout? It would be desastrous for them because they won't declare him winner.

It is written...

Henry Chinaski's picture

I couldn't smoke enough dopium to watch to get into the drinking qualifying rounds.

AldousHuxley's picture

If George Bush put a death bomb on Republicans, Obama was the suicide for the democrats.


Ever wondered how US would break away from 2 party system? Answer seems to be self-destruction.


Welcome Tea Party and Occupy Wall St. New media has let truth out!

dwdollar's picture

What drives people to whoop, screech, and flail their arms like baboons when a "leader" utters something they like to hear (but will never happen)? It's possible I hate my own species.

Ira Thurby-Wright's picture

Hello, my name is Barry and I'm a spend-a-holic. I've been clean for two years. I'm also a pathological liar - don't believe anything I say.

Don Birnam's picture

None of that 12-years-aged-in-the-wood chi-chi -- Brand ? You know what brand ! The cheap stuff: rye. Two quarts. In two brown bags.

NewThor's picture

Meh. It's easier to party with Tyler Durden than I thought.

If you want a REAL drinking game, come to my ranch.

We watch John Woo's 'Hard Boiled' and take a drink everytime someone gets shot.

No one has ever made it through the movie.


And, I hang out with some liver killers....

Howard_Beale's picture

In the meantime, Andy Borowitz has presented us with a letter from Lloyd Blankfein:

Dear Investor:

Up until now, Goldman Sachs has been silent on the subject of the protest movement known as Occupy Wall Street.  That does not mean, however, that it has not been very much on our minds.  As thousands have gathered in Lower Manhattan, passionately expressing their deep discontent with the status quo, we have taken note of these protests.  And we have asked ourselves this question:

How can we make money off them?

The answer is the newly launched Goldman Sachs Global Rage Fund, whose investment objective is to monetize the Occupy Wall Street protests as they spread around the world.  At Goldman, we recognize that the capitalist system as we know it is circling the drain – but there’s plenty of money to be made on the way down.

The Rage Fund will seek out opportunities to invest in products that are poised to benefit from the spreading protests, from police batons and barricades to stun guns and forehead bandages.  Furthermore, as clashes between police and protesters turn ever more violent, we are making significant bets on companies that manufacture replacements for broken windows and overturned cars, as well as the raw materials necessary for the construction and incineration of effigies.

It would be tempting, at a time like this, to say “Let them eat cake.”  But at Goldman, we are actively seeking to corner the market in cake futures.  We project that through our aggressive market manipulation, the price of a piece of cake will quadruple by the end of 2011.

Please contact your Goldman representative for a full prospectus.  As the world descends into a Darwinian free-for-all, the Goldman Sachs Rage Fund is a great way to tell the protesters, “Occupy this.”  We haven’t felt so good about something we’ve sold since our souls.


Lloyd Blankfein

Chairman, Goldman Sachs

NewThor's picture

I believe the actual Llyod Blankenfiend quote is....


tickhound's picture

LOL!!  "But at Goldman,..."


karzai_luver's picture

uhm 999 brother 999!


raise CAIN on these hippy scum!!!


tickhound's picture

COMPLY with the PAIN, and VOTE for CAIN!?!

"Thank you sir, may I have another!?"


palmereldritch's picture

Yeah...but frankly I fail to see Goldman's apparent (but stealthy!) shorting angle on this prospectus...

Bob Sacamano's picture

I thought most on this site were looking to capitalize personally on the growing economic crisis -- "making money of the way down" like the GS fund noted above.   It is unclear why one wouldn't try to make money no matter the environment.  I guess we could all do nothing but occupy space.

Howard_Beale's picture

You thought wrong. Many of us are not here to profit but to share insight, information, feelings, thoughts, and humor. There's sharks in them there waters. Sometimes not playing in the wading pool or the sandbox is better than trying to make a buck.

Bob Sacamano's picture

Which is why I said "most" and presumably why you said "many."  Instead you attack the author ("you thought wrong") instead of the logic of the thought. 

Trying to avoid loss ("not playing,"  avoiding "sharks") by being on the sidelines is financially motivated behavior, just like making a profit.  

Phil Free's picture

Especially when one has seen the neighborhood cats ... "playing" in the sandbox.  [Cough]

YHC-FTSE's picture



Almost missed this gem! Brilliant.

iDealMeat's picture

Blue shirt boy in the bottom left is the Deer in the Head (Stage) Lights..

blink dude..  jesus..

Use of Weapons's picture

The traditional UK version is 'Withnail & I".


Chose 'I', and you'll still not make it through - the insane ones choose Withnail, and often falter on the lighter fluid.

fajensen's picture

Is that the one where the hero pisses himself to put out a fire in his trousers while standing on a ledge with a baby on each arm - while being shot at??

SaveTheGreenback's picture

"Dey tuk ar jerbs!"


"Derka derrrr"

CClarity's picture

Who is TOTUS?  Not Prez.  Teetotaller?  Tyrant?

vegas's picture

TOTUS = Teleprompter of the United States

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

If you play the POTUS drinking game with bong hits instead of booze, he's also known as Ol' Rope Burner.


Translational Lift's picture

Look at and listen to this MFer.....he's running scared..... pandering to the lowest common denominator.....all the money in the world won't help this guy!!

andybev01's picture

How convenient because it appears that the lowest common denominator is sitting right behind him.

New_Meat's picture

Rotor-head ;-)

"all the money in the world won't help this guy!!"

ta'int the money, its what the money buys in ...

- Ned

{and really, some of my BEST FRIENDS are rotor-heads ;-) }

yipcarl's picture

LMAO!!!!  Puppet Boy!   

Gubbmint Cheese's picture

never thought I'd long for Dubya...

AldousHuxley's picture

why are you longing? we have dubya in the whitehouse....he just has little bit of a tan.

d00daa's picture

who the fuck is this pandering, ass licking hillbilly??

GottaBKiddn's picture

How Corny. He left out the part about "a chicken in every pot".

Mike2756's picture

Will he be questioned by this guy?

Ruffcut's picture

Ok, I'm in. I'll bite. I'll drink to a fart if that makes you happy.

d00daa's picture

i don't see bawney fwank in the house, you're out of luck.

Ruffcut's picture

ANy fart across the globe will do, to get me sippin' and some brew. I didn't mean a pussy fart, AKA barney burp. Gawd NO.

krispkritter's picture

Well the popcorn is gone so I guess I can just use the bag to throw up in...

Conrad Murray's picture

That kid in the blue shirt had too many acids. He better hope the waterhead behind him isn't hungry.

andybev01's picture

No kidding. I don't think I've seen him blink so far.

DavosSherman's picture

What a fucking douchebag clown.  Pathetic fake southern accent.

g's picture

I thought perhaps I detected a southern accent as well, what a farce this guy is.