• Steve H. Hanke
    05/04/2016 - 08:00
    Authored by Steve H. Hanke of The Johns Hopkins University. Follow him on Twitter @Steve_Hanke. A few weeks ago, the Monetary Authority of Singapore (MAS) sprang a surprise. It announced that a...

Confused Why Goldman Will Face No Criminal Charges? Here's Why

Tyler Durden's picture


Yesterday, in a brief but informative post, we asked and answered a simple question: "Confused Why So Many Foreign Banks Are Suddenly Being Charged By The US? Here's Why." Naturally, the reference was to such foreign banks as Standard Chartered, Barclays and HSBC (but not UBS and Credit Suisse) which have recently fallen under the US pre-election scapegoating scythe and have found themselves in hot water with US regulators.

Today, on the other hand, we learned courtesy of Goldman's 10-Q, that the US justice department will not press criminal charges against Goldman Sachs. This, despite Senator Carl "Shitty Deal" Levin, in one of the most bombastic kangaroo court spectacles on live TV ever, asking for a criminal investigation after the subcommittee he led spent years looking into Goldman, and in which he said Goldman misled Congress and investors (and according to which billions in fraudulent RMBS misrepresentations are all still only Fabrice Tourre's fault, at that time under 30 years old). And so we pose the same answer, and provide the same anwer, as yesterday, only flipped around: "Confused Why Goldman Will Face No Criminal Charges? Here's Why."

Since we are lazy, we will even reuse the same table. It needs no explanation.

And let that be a lesson to you dear foreign banks: if you want to play, you have to pay. Of course, the returns are more than worth it.

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Thu, 08/09/2012 - 19:56 | 2692584 sunnydays
sunnydays's picture

They are all whores! 

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 19:59 | 2692594 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

please don't besmirch the honest work of whores.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:02 | 2692607 The Monkey
The Monkey's picture

Time to short sell the market.  If you are new to it, it means load up on SPXU and FAZ.  You have to deal with a potential 10% drawdown, but no more.  The bulls can't take it higher and they know it.

This is easy money to anyone that really knows the markets.  The markets have topped out.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:09 | 2692637 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Good one. Dry. +1

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:51 | 2692726 old naughty
old naughty's picture

But, but, Big Pharma has 775 times return...

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 21:00 | 2692747 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

GS=Go(forth and) Sodomize...the Muppets!

OK. They won round One. I say the next round is copper-clad and directed towards you-know-who...This is so Orwellian it boggles the (sane) mind!

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 21:24 | 2692805 lewy14
lewy14's picture

Well, they did just release a Java collections class on github. https://github.com/goldmansachs

Can they be all bad?

[27 nanoseconds later]


Thu, 08/09/2012 - 22:09 | 2692877 BKbroiler
BKbroiler's picture

If political contributions are bad, then why did all these retards support Citizens United?

Fri, 08/10/2012 - 00:01 | 2693107 fourchan
fourchan's picture

the levin brothers are two fucking retards.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:15 | 2692653 Brother Sebastian
Brother Sebastian's picture

Not quite, but we're very close.  Perhaps tomorrow or Monday?

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:25 | 2692674 The Monkey
The Monkey's picture

Here comes the bitchin' ZeroHedge bearish article launch from space.

That's right - the most negative, nasty, set of headlines awaits.

If you need the money, short the market now with FAZ or SPXU, because it's easy.  I hope I didn't pay for a whore.  Go put the extra cash you gain toward charity.  Seriously.  Don't be an ass.


Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:46 | 2692718 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

@ The Monkey

Well maybe, but I got burned REAL BAD by buying FAZ...  Timing...

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 21:18 | 2692787 knukles
knukles's picture

What's timing got to do with it?
You can get front runned by algos any time :).


Thu, 08/09/2012 - 22:26 | 2692910 dolce vita
dolce vita's picture

...the swindle continues until implosion....

Fri, 08/10/2012 - 01:27 | 2693269 The Monkey
The Monkey's picture

You bought early. You only short the market when it can't go much higher. It can't.

Sitting in the market right now is like waiting to lose your ass. Short the market and put yourself on the right side of the trade. If you can't short, buy 30 year treasuries. They have about 15% left in them.

Bears are totally in control here.

Fri, 08/10/2012 - 06:55 | 2693467 poor fella
poor fella's picture

IF I were wearing a Bull Suit one could pimp pump up a China-full-retard floodgate as the next "world is fine" moment. Good for another 20. EVERYTHING is priced in is good for another 15. QE3 good for 25.. Merkel is good for 30...  ahhh,  fuck it

One can only laugh when computer traded vol is 99.9% and that's when things break BIG TIME

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:09 | 2692636 Vet4RonPaul
Vet4RonPaul's picture

Agreed, whores are much more wholesome than pig men banksters and neocon GOP and Dems.  However, the American public did have a chance to choose an honest man but they went for the neocon chickenhawk bankster-bought RomBamney.  The majority of the EU and US now depend on the local, state, regional, national and multii-national to maintain their weekly tax-payer fix; teachers, cops, fed employees, defense contractors, SSN receipients are all sucking the teat now and they ain't gonna give up their spot without a fight.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:15 | 2692650 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Whores give you a return on your investment.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:20 | 2692664 AssFire
AssFire's picture


Have you talked to mom lately? Hope all is well brother.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:26 | 2692678 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

...and a happy ending, as opposed to the quite opposite you can expect if you let Goldman Sachs "manage" your wealth.

Fri, 08/10/2012 - 01:41 | 2693282 TaxSlave
TaxSlave's picture

Whores don't sell what isn't theirs, they only sell to willing customers, and most of them don't steal.

Fri, 08/10/2012 - 08:39 | 2693617 imaginalis
imaginalis's picture

Whores try to shoot your load
GS try to load your chute

Fri, 08/10/2012 - 08:39 | 2693619 imaginalis
imaginalis's picture

Whores try to shoot your load
GS try to load your chute

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:29 | 2692683 ACP
ACP's picture

Yup, gotta pay the whores...the world's oldest shipping company just filed:


Obviously failed to pay the whores. It's prett much the only was to stay in business nowadays.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 21:50 | 2692848 max2205
max2205's picture

Shocked I say

Fri, 08/10/2012 - 15:22 | 2694998 MonkeeRench
MonkeeRench's picture

...those that do honest short-term rental with voluntary adult negotiation, that is.

#Banksters and their #CorruptElites have permanently sold their souls to perdition and fraud, with no redemption possible for all the irreparable damage they have done, wordwide.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 21:14 | 2692778 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

Whores make an honest buck workin' their arses off....many are extremely attractive......HOW do you compare them with these guys??? 

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 21:22 | 2692797 wombats
wombats's picture

They may be whores, but HOs work hard for their money and they need lov'in too.

Fri, 08/10/2012 - 00:17 | 2693132 combatsnoopy
combatsnoopy's picture

Give the man a gun and he can rob a bank.
Give the man a bank and he can rob the world. 
sorry- here's my feelings about this. IF the GOVERNMENT FAILS JUSTICE and CHOOSES NOT TO SERVE THE PEOPLE, - a A TAX HOLIDAY IS IN ORDER UNTIL THEY FIX THE CORRUPTION AND DECIDE TO SERVE THE PEOPLE OF THIS COUNTRY. If China wants to pay Congress's and the corrupt judge's salaries-then so be it. We don't owe them shit as far as I'm concerned if they're going to continue financing the racketeering in our government with the trade surplus WE gave to them. 

Oh wait, sorry- the Boomers are too passive resistant to solve problems? Should you think exactly how the PR firms tell you? 


Why should we pay them if they work for the lobbyists?  China can foot the bill.  We're dealing with a bad economy, we can't foot the bill of our corrupt government.   

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 19:56 | 2692586 boogerbently
boogerbently's picture

The "Smartest Guys in the Room" are NOT our elected reps. LOL

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:17 | 2692659 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

What are you on about? They all retire rich.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 21:20 | 2692789 ReactionToClose...
ReactionToClosedMinds's picture

Folks have to read this article link in it's entirety .... it is absolutely mindblowing (surprised ZH has not made a full-blown commentary about this stunning revelation) ... yet nary a hint of this in NYTimes, Washington Post or networks.  Am surprised the WSJ did not pick this up.  While I voted last time the other way ... I actually preferred Team O figuring despite Tony Rezko & Chicago, he really might be a breath of fresh air.   This makes Nixon look like a dolt ... and Clinton to be an altarboy with Rubin in his cabinet no less.

The hits just keep rolling for the USofA


Thu, 08/09/2012 - 19:57 | 2692587 Big Corked Boots
Big Corked Boots's picture

The only way shit can have any value is to compost it. I suggest we convert a jail cell, and let it sit for 20 years or so.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:03 | 2692617 Big Corked Boots
Big Corked Boots's picture

OT, but who's going to the Obama classic? You get to meet some fly roundball stars, and some guy called Barry Soetoro. Dunno what he's there for, though.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:39 | 2692706 JR
JR's picture

Uh oh. In the race to debase and of who loves Israel and Wall Street the most, looks like Mitt is beating out Obama at Goldman. According to Bloomberg today: Goldman Sachs Group employees have changed to red from blue… showering 70 percent of their contributions on Republicans.

To even the score on Axelrod’s political hardball and scandal bating, Wayne Allen Root asks today: What's 'Barry Soetoro' Hiding? Is it his sealed and secret student records?


I am President Obama’s classmate at Columbia University, Class of ’83. I am also one of the most accurate Las Vegas oddsmakers and prognosticators. Accurate enough that I was awarded my own star on the Las Vegas Walk of Stars. And I smell something rotten in Denmark. Obama has a big skeleton in his closet. It’s his college records. Call it “gut instinct” but my gut is almost always right. Obama has a secret hidden at Columbia – and it’s a bad one that threatens to bring down his Presidency. Gut instinct is how I’ve made my living for 29 years since graduating Columbia…

I have the answer for Romney. A challenge that shuts up Obama forever…

If you could unseal Obama’s Columbia University records I believe you’d find that:

A) He rarely ever attended class.
B) His grades were not those typical of what we understand it takes to get into Harvard Law School.
C) He attended Columbia as a foreign exchange student.
D) He never paid for either undergraduate college or Harvard Law School because of foreign aid and scholarships given to a poor foreigner like this kid Barry Soetoro from Indonesia

And lastly, why do his classmates at Columbia not remember Obama? Was he a ghost? Did he never show up at class? My educated guess is that he was too busy smoking pot, attending Marxist meetings, and plotting the destruction of the U.S. economy and the overthrow of capitalism. Don’t laugh. It’s working.

If you think I’m “fishing” then prove me wrong. Open up your records Mr. President. What are you afraid of? ...

Oh and one more thing Mitt. Tell Harry Reid you’ll release all of your tax returns when Harry Reid releases all of his. Inquiring minds want to know how Harry Reid entered the U.S. Senate with no assets and became one of the wealthiest United States Senators.


Thu, 08/09/2012 - 22:06 | 2692872 BKbroiler
BKbroiler's picture

My educated guess is that he was too busy smoking pot, attending Marxist meetings, and plotting the destruction of the U.S. economy and the overthrow of capitalism. Don’t laugh


I'll try.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 19:58 | 2692589 StormShadow
StormShadow's picture

Second verse, same as the first.

This s**t will never end.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:13 | 2692635 Cabreado
Cabreado's picture

Sure it will.

In fact, that's the only thing you can count on.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 19:58 | 2692591 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

let's take up a collection to bribe douchebag schumer to..........

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:03 | 2692614 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

There is complete regulatory capture in the US.  Not just the regulators, but also lawmakers have been captured.  The corruption is complete.

It is suicidal to trade in US markets.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:09 | 2692634 Amish Hacker
Amish Hacker's picture

Agreed. If we were talking about any other country but our own, we wouldn't be so squeamish about calling this what it is: influence peddling. What we have seen so far is a tiny fraction of what will eventually come out. The rot goes deep.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:28 | 2692682 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

This is not just regulatory This should rightly include the justice department. You have admissions of guilt. Criminality is involved here and the justice department is awol because a bribe has been transacted.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:04 | 2692620 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Best piece of shit fiat can buy.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:04 | 2692621 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Why is Time Warner on that list? I thought they had all the goods on everyone. "Someone else has even more of the goods"? WELLLL....

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:05 | 2692624 GS-DickinDaMuppets
GS-DickinDaMuppets's picture

That list shows all the current holders of "GET OUT OF JAIL FREE" cards....  WTF, you expected JUSTICE?? 


...doing GOD's work...GS-DickinDaMuppets

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:08 | 2692631 ACP
ACP's picture

And they're all using MONOPOLY MONEY, no less.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:08 | 2692627 Antifaschistische
Antifaschistische's picture

for the record...none of us were confused why Goldman would face no charges.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:08 | 2692628 same old story
same old story's picture

schumer cares not what you think. He is rolling in the cash living the high life and having a jolly old time.  In fact, he gets a kick out of you realizing how he does it, as he heads off to his beach front weekend gift, knowing there is Fuck all you can do about it.  is he smart?  He thinks so, and it has worked well for him.  For Schumer we are all his bitch, and life is quite a dream

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