The Cost Of The Best Senate Banking Committee JP Morgan Can Buy: $877,798 In Bribes

Tyler Durden's picture

In about an hour's time, Jamie Dimon will sit down before the Senate Banking Committee and prove, once again, not only who is smarter and calls the shots in the great Wall Street-D.C. soap opera, but that when it comes to purchasing a room full of senators (not to mention the script for today's "hearing"), JP Morgan is always at the top. Because as the following table compiled using OpenSecrets data, it cost JP Morgan just under $1 million, or $877,798.00 to be precise in lifetime campaign contributions, to buy itself precisely one Senate Banking Committee. And where it gets really fun is that between the Chairman, Tim Johnson (D - SD), and the ranking member Richard Shelby (R - AL), JP Morgan has been the top and second biggest campaign contributor, respectively. Also, 9 (at least) of the total 22 members of the committee have received some form of bribe from JPM over the years.

One wonders: will the shrillness and idiocy of the questions by the Senators be proportional to how much money JPM has given them over the years? If so, expect Schumer to have the most crony muppet line of questioning we have ever seen him take.

Now sit back, grab a popcorn, and watch as the bribees pretend to interrogate their paymaster.

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TrainWreck1's picture

Those aren't bribes. Those be economic friending.

i.e. JPM Likes Congress


Papasmurf's picture

That's the problem with Facebook.  There is no thumbs down button.

Ned Zeppelin's picture


Look at Schumer's haul.  Ridiculous.

Henry Chinaski's picture

From a buisiness perspective, lobbying has the highest ROI of any investment.  The people are being sold out for chump change.

Papasmurf's picture

There's that hope and change thingy again.

AcidRastaHead's picture

Why didn't they all just get together at the local strip joint (first lap dance on JPM) and forego all the pretense.

GMadScientist's picture

I prefer to think of Dick Shelby as the Honorable Senator from Tokyo Prefecture.

Wakanda's picture

He probably even glows in the dark.

junkyardjack's picture

I believe the American justice system will work this case out fairly....

sudzee's picture

Coincidence should not be perceived as bribery.

ArrestBobRubin's picture

Shocker. As I said in a comment yesterday, these monkey-ass bankster whoreboys (e.g. Your Elected Representatives) will be addressing their true Paymaster today.

Grilling ones Boss can be very tricky.

LMAOLORI's picture

and people thought he was angry this time around with obama lol JPMorgan Employees Join Goldman Sachs Among Top Obama Donors

comob's picture

"Watch as the bribees pretend to interrogate their paymaster"

Thank you zero hedge - great chart and an absolutely honest appraisal of the upcoming dumb show that we taxpayers are paying for all the way around - the interrogators who's elections are financed by those they pretend to regulate but who's paycheck and obscene benefits come directly out of the taxpayers pockets and Mr. Dimon who gambled with taxpayer dollars in a no lose proposition - the gains were all his and the losses are all the taxpayers - it's nearly laugh but it's really a cry!


Bob's picture

It's the Reality TV show called American Democracy, with occassional cameo appearances by its corporate sponsors . . . who just happen to own the network itself. 

It's an elaborate yet slapstick circle jerk. 

fuu's picture

"slapstick circle jerk"


youngman's picture

This will be a joke...the Bankers cant say anything...the regulators know nothing..and the Senators know

Cursive's picture

David Vitter (my senator) may have been caught in a hooker scandal, but he's been rock solid on TARP and bankster matters.  Keep it up, David.  I'll be watching closely.

docj's picture

That's some pretty awesome ROI for Jamie-boy, there.

Reminds me of something I used to say so long ago that I've long-ago grown tired of saying it - if politicians didn't have Billions (back when Billions meant something) of other peoples' money to throw around then people wouldn't be willing to spend thousands (back when thousands meant something) of their own money trying to influence them.

eddiebe's picture

Who votes for a guy named Mike Crapo?

monopoly's picture

A complete waste of time. Just allows those on the panel to beat their chests. They do not even know what kind of trades they did or how to execute them.

Interesting fact: In the 1950s and 60s banks held almost 90% of their assets in Treasuries. They took in deposits, loaned out money to those worthy, were trusted, safe and conservative. They paid dividends, investors were comfortable, and their stocks were solid. Now, they hold only "6%" in treasuries. We all know the rest of the story. What a pathetic group they have all become. They have destroyed our system as we knew it....and do not even give a shit. And they are all free. 

Bob's picture

And rich.  In charge.

mayhem_korner's picture



Are the "R" and "D" designations supposed to mean something? 

Vince Clortho's picture

I believe it is a vestigial appendage, like the tail bone.

monopoly's picture

Well, I guess the entire TV day will be focused on nothing. That is J Dimon. That is all they will talk about and it means nothing, will solve nothing and will change nothing. TV off, my music on, news feeds working and ZH at the top of my screens. 

Doubleguns's picture

I am sure if someone drilled down far enough JPM did not miss contributions to any of the 22 members. Some are just off balance sheet or in "other" accounts for friends and family. Remember the job Michele Obama had at the hospital while BO was a senator.


I am sure no one was missed.

Vince Clortho's picture

or GS and MS took care of the other committee members.

Shylockracy's picture

JP Morgan has a broad and diversified portfolio; its investments include not only banking committees but also prime ministers, presidents and judges.

Protester interrupts Leveson inquiry to accuse Tony Blair of war crimes

Vince Clortho's picture

13 members of the Committee received no bribes?

This is an outrage!

Narcolepzzzzzz's picture

Or 13 members of the Committee just haven't declared their bribes.

youngman's picture

I bet they are having one of their staff call JPM right now for a request......

Atlantis Consigliore's picture

Please sir,  please?   May we short some more, (DICKENS)  BAD EXPECTATIONS  LOL


BTW;   wheres the MF global money, stolen, and when will you return it?


Please sir,  may we have some more?  please sir;  when you  double down again on the CDS shorts to $ 200 Billion  and hope  they print.....


we're in the $ 5 Billion to $ 10 Billion range now bank loss;  if Eu collapses we can go to a $ 20 Billion overnight.....loss, overnight;


lets Hedge LOL  short some some more  mortgage back securities... LOL    


we cant get out, of the postion, might as well short another $ 100 Billion naked short, CDS's   Spain and Italy cant go under....CANT BE!!!!

mudduck's picture

Oh, and by the way, the 50 trillion in swaps that were not mentioned at all that we have on our "other" book are hedges.

Vince Clortho's picture

America, this is your leadership.

Milton Waddams's picture


Or is it Farcism?

In either event, bring in the muppets!

DUNTHAT's picture




LeisureSmith's picture

If you are not compromised you don't get to play with the big boys. I'm sure JPMs got a packed archive containig video and pics of cocks in mouths, crossdressing, drug use and all manner of honeytrappings..All ready at a moments notice should one of their callboys sprout a consience..The ballet of dicks, pussys and assholes.

Platinum_Investor's picture

What a great piece of news.  I love this site!

ThisIsBob's picture

How sophisticated this nation has become!

In Virginia, to get elected to the House of Burgesses in the 1700's, it was only necessary for a canidate to show up at the polling place with a barrel of hard cider.

F. Bastiat's picture

Don't forget the $808,799 contributed to the Hawaiian Allended during the 2008 cycle.

newworldorder's picture

Bribery aside, you all seem to forget that Senators get to look at what's behind the banking curtain. What they see must be scaring the sh*t out of them. Giving the banksters what they want and saving the country from torches and pitchforks is a win - win for everyone."Campaign contibutions" are the icing on the cake. Works for them.

mikesswimn's picture

I think I'd find this a lot less offensive if our senators didn't come so cheaply.  I mean, really?  You can buy all the influence you'd ever need in the senate for under $900k?  That's a bargain.  I'm surprised these banks even look at the DIJA or the S&P500 anymore, you can get north of 10,000% returns on political contributions alone.

9% of the US Senate - $877,798

9% of Facebook's Outstanding Shares - $5,325,390,000

Which one will give you a better return?

Papasmurf's picture

The real payments come in the way of insider information. 

ItsDanger's picture

You guys had a good article on the ROI of government lobbying efforts.  And now this, $877K?, is that all it takes these days?  Why are these politicians so cheap?  Paging Scott Boras  . . .

Neo1's picture

You Can’t Handle The Truth-This Is All You Need To Know: The Republic vs THE CORPORATION   CONgress are the board of directors

tony bonn's picture

satan's own may be crowing now about his massive blizzard job on the congressshits and muppetcasters on financial media, but his bank is orders of magnitude larger than fukushima.....jpm is at the epicenter of the interest rate swap towering inferno.....this fucktard will be more despised than bernie madoff when the radiation starts glowing.....