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Crazy Pills: Here Comes The Refutation Of The Rumor Of The Conference Of The Bailout Of The Broke... And Consultants

Tyler Durden's picture


Just as we expected earlier, when we suggested that Spain is waiting to see Germany's preliminary response to its (re)newed push for a bailout, Spain has seen the outcome, and does not like it.


And another just brilliant headline:

  • Consultants, IMF to Determine Spain Banks’ Needs

Yup. Consultants:

Crazy Pills:

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Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:19 | 2506689 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

We're having a crisis but we don't really see the need to have a meeting about it.  Completely plausible.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:43 | 2506749 Chaffinch
Chaffinch's picture

The Spanish banks need more towels! Send more towels!

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:50 | 2506763 bingo was his name
bingo was his name's picture

"A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have...

More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have "lost". What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with."


Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:46 | 2506965 Leopold B. Scotch
Leopold B. Scotch's picture

Don't forget your towel!


Anybody wanna get high?

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 11:56 | 2506962 Leopold B. Scotch
Leopold B. Scotch's picture

Spanish banks need a dirty sock...

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:23 | 2506699 quasimodo
quasimodo's picture

Sure, consultants. So how much do these cuntsultants actually get done? Most likely more productive on thier backs or all fours.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:57 | 2506777 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

They'll "do" you plenty...but you'll be the one on all fours (but only until you run out of money).

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:26 | 2506705 gojam
gojam's picture

It's like two teenagers in love on the telephone, neither wants to hang the phone up but neither has anything new to say.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:42 | 2506744 machineh
machineh's picture

"Me consultant! Me horny!"

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:20 | 2506854 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Spain: "No, I owe you more!"

Greece: "No I owe you this much!"

Ireland: "No I owe you the whole world!"

Portugal: "No I owe you more than you know!"

Germany: "No I owe you infinity times a million!"

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:57 | 2506780 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Merkel, I wish I knew how to quit you.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:28 | 2506706 DormRoom
DormRoom's picture

Germany's economy is supported by real collateral.  Why would they want to risk it, by signing off on a pyrmaid of synthetic collateral chains that ultimately lead to very risky assets, and vaporware.


Germany's real economy cannot absorb the EU's shadow economy.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:48 | 2506754 timbo_em
timbo_em's picture

Germany is still in this endeavor because the country is run by some euromantic morons who truly believe that maths and economics can be bent by political decisions.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:58 | 2506783 CClarity
CClarity's picture

I think Germany will leave the Euro.  Best solution for everyone, even though it will still be very disruptive and disliked. Periphery debt can still be in Euro, whether they default or not, less problematic than bringing back Drachma, peseta, lira.  This way the Euro devalues, they can use inflation to make debt easier to service (still very difficult) and Germany brings back the Deutsche Mark which will instantly be a hard currency that is accepted.  Holders of German debt and other German obligations will be delighted to own in DMs.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:25 | 2506708 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

Who the fuck cares what the puppets in charge tell us. They lie, lie, lie, then lie again, lie about previous lies, and then lie again about lying.

Look at what they do, not the lies they tell.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:39 | 2506730 Ethics Gradient
Ethics Gradient's picture


Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:49 | 2506760 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Because I've bought the rights for the made for TV movie. We still need an ending tho...

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:21 | 2506863 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

And they all lived crappily ever after.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:39 | 2506940 Vince Clortho
Vince Clortho's picture

The AlgoBots believe every word they are spoonfed.

I think the Press releases are designed for the bots, not for human consumption.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:26 | 2506710 midgetrannyporn
midgetrannyporn's picture

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." [/princess bride]

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:51 | 2506755 farmjohnny
farmjohnny's picture

Inigo- But, I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top.

MIB- That's VERY comforting, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.
Inigo- I hate waiting. I could give you my word as a Spaniard.
MIB- No good. I've known too many Spaniards. 

Inigo-Isn't there any way you trust me?

MIB-  Nothing comes to mind.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:58 | 2506786 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Bonds backed by the soul of Inigo's father?

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:45 | 2506957 farmjohnny
farmjohnny's picture

Bonds backed by the souls of Inigo's  great, great, great, great grand children.

There fixed it!

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:27 | 2506712 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

LOL!  Only thing rising are equity futures.  They must be smarter than all the commodities, bonds, and key currencies.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:32 | 2506723 sumo
sumo's picture

No doubt the consultants are from Goldman Sachs.

When you're haunted by unpayable debt and need it shifted off the books, who ya gonna call?

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:50 | 2506765 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Uncle Sam comes to mind. Karma's a bitch ain't it?

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:32 | 2506725 FunkyOldGeezer
FunkyOldGeezer's picture

I applaud the Spanish government for trying to make the banks culpable, rather than itself and its taxpayers. Of course, that is contrary to international law, as the central bank and government are supposed to have adequate checks in place (legislation) to ensure banks act properly and don't mis-manage money, by wrecklessly gambling with it.

The Germans are playing hardball. What else did anyone really expect them to do? They hadn't forgotton who was on the losing side in 1945 after all and their cold plate of revenge is about to be served...Europe-wide.


Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:02 | 2506799 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

You didn't watch Germany just finish going complete ass-pony for Greece, did you?

Who here doesn't see that if they got punked by Greece, they simply cannot back down from bailing out Spain, regardless of the rhetoric of German politicos who need to save face.

The only thing about to get "served" is DB and its ilk.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:34 | 2506727 LULZBank
LULZBank's picture

Those fuckers already know what they will be doing and in the meetings what they are doign is discussing how to fool the public and make it look like it was really a creative and imaginative solution and how to put a spin on it ...

It being printing money.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:34 | 2506728 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:03 | 2506801 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

This explains so much about their insisting that we move toward an economy based on insect-breeding.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:12 | 2506819 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Just perfect, another foreign banster prepared to pick our pockets.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:34 | 2506729 mrktwtch2
mrktwtch2's picture

spain is broke..next up italy..and when that puppy goes the euro is finished..then a race by germany to see if the can get the dmark up and running before the french bring back the franc..

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:52 | 2506768 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

"Operation Rolling Thunder Mr. President."

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:36 | 2506733 d edwards
d edwards's picture

The strain in Spain makes bankers complain.  : )

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:04 | 2506803 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

The strain in Spain is mainly on the insane.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:40 | 2506743 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

I just got a 419 type email.  The interesting thing was the name in the letter head, Mariano Rajoy.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:51 | 2506766 Joshua_D
Joshua_D's picture

I'm getting the feeling that I'm in the wrong business.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 08:56 | 2506775 LoneStarHog
LoneStarHog's picture

Tyler, it would truly benefit ZeroHedge to get a PENCIL & PAPER - no, you may not use a pen, dry marker, whiteboard, tablet or any other more modern device -  and listen to Pastor Lindsey Williams' interviews, if you really want to know what is happening around the world.  ZeroHedge obviously does not have access TO HIS ELITIST FRIENDS.

Glad to be of assistance... :)

Okay, I will now take my sarcastic ass and go stand in the corner and keep quiet.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:01 | 2506798 Ralph Spoilsport
Ralph Spoilsport's picture

I feel so much better about the oil situation when Pastor Williams is a guest on Coast2Coast. But by then my meds have kicked in.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:06 | 2506808 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Lindsey Williams is a blow-hard nutjob.

And you just failed an IQ test.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:09 | 2506812 LoneStarHog
LoneStarHog's picture

Pastor Williams, why did you give me a down arrow...I said I was being sarcastic. :(

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:12 | 2506820 Ralph Spoilsport
Ralph Spoilsport's picture

I dunno either. I thought your comment was pretty funny.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:15 | 2506839 junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

Its funny how the IMF is a wonderful invention until your country has to accept loans from it.  All the developing countries must be loving this...

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:21 | 2506862 Stax Edwards
Stax Edwards's picture

These consultants are presumably paid hourly, so we fully expect this is going to take a long long time.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 10:09 | 2507041 taniquetil
taniquetil's picture

"The bailout will cost lots and lots"


Where's by $2000 an hour?

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 09:41 | 2506948 crawldaddy
crawldaddy's picture

Germany gets pnked by these countries and banks. Merkel and her puppets get tossed in elections, a new firey populist leader rises up, blaming  bankers for all of germanys problems, and wins control of germany,  What possible could go wrong with this scenerio.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 10:20 | 2507086 Bullish Bear
Bullish Bear's picture

Does Geithner count as a consultant? After all, he was sent there to give a TurboTax seminar.

Fri, 06/08/2012 - 10:22 | 2507102 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

I'm not unemployed,

I'm a Consultant


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